


Act Two

by cocoa_chihoko



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: 1970s, AU, Angst, Anime, Backstory, Ballet, F/M, Japan, Lilia x Yakov, Liliakov, Love Story, Moscow, Russia, Saint Petersburg, Swan Lake - Freeform, Yakov Feltsman - Freeform, Yakov Lilia, YakovWeek2021, Young Victor Nikiforov, Young Viktor Nikiforov, competitions, figure skating, figure skating competitions, flasback, lilia baranovskaya - Freeform, recital, st petersburg, yakov x lilia, younger yakov and lilia, yuri!!! on ice - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-16
Updated: 2020-11-10
Packaged: 2021-02-28 21:48:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 24
Words: 111,429
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23164273
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cocoa_chihoko/pseuds/cocoa_chihoko
Summary: Yakov Feltsman attends an unforgettable ballet recital of the iconic "Swan Lake" while visiting his parents in his hometown of Moscow, Russia. Unfortunately, some ballerinas are fragile enough to break in a mere second, stealing their life.
Relationships: Lilia Baranovskaya/Yakov Feltsman
Comments: 30
Kudos: 5





	1. Disclaimer

**_Hello readers and welcome to my story. First and foremost before we begin, I would like to give a few disclaimers!_ **

  
_1\. I do not own anything related to this. Yuri!!! On Ice, it's characters, nothing. I am simply writing a story I made up for my own and your pleasure._

_2\. Some sensitive topics may be presented in chapters. If you are uncomfortable, please keep that in mind. Strong language may also be included. This is a mature read. Read at your own risk._

  
_3\. Nothing in this story will be 110% accurate. I realize that nothing will be perfect and I hope you know that too. I do not speak fluent Russian so anything included in any foreign language won't be 100% accurate but hopefully close! Please understand that!_

  
_4\. Some things may be slightly different or may be slightly off, inaccurate. Purpose will be for this story to make a little more sense and accurate for my writing and what I envision. Example will be the Russian diminutives, (nicknames, as you might call them). My research is limited which means I will have to rely on my own creativity._

  
_5\. I do not know much about ballet or figure skating but I know the very basics. Again, I am researching to the best of my ability, please forgive any minor mistakes. I'm trying my best._

  
_6\. I am not a professional writer nor aspire or claim to be one. My writing skills are limited to the knowledge and little experience I have._

_7\. Genders/sexualities will not be a "dramatic" topic in this au just like in the anime. Love is love!_

_8\. This story is just for fun! For me to write and explore my creative brain. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I am writing it!_

  
_9\. On top of that, please understand updates may be slow. I am putting in a lot of hours and effort into doing as much research as I can to make this as accurate as possible. I hope you can respect that._

  
_10\. Do not comment negativity towards others. I will monitor what is being put up and I will not let any cyber bullying happen. Please respect others and their opinions. Controversial comments will be a no-no as well, please and thank you~_

  
**_Those are it so far, if I have anything else, I will add them here. Please enjoy this read and respect others in the comments! Again, negativity will not be tolerated._ **   
**_Thank you for clicking my story! See you in future chapters!_**


	2. Prologue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yakov Feltsman is invited to a ballet recital at the Bolshoi Theater while visiting his parents.  
> A young Prima Ballerina in the ballet struggles to trust her partner who has been replaced by an understudy at the last-minute.

19.03.74 Лебеди́ное Óзеро ЦЕНА

Начало 1500 руб.

В 17:00 Партнёр

Театральная пл., 1 Москва Россия 125009

**ВХОДНОЙ ВХОДНОЙ**

**БИЛЕТ БИЛЕТ**

Партер

Ряд 7 Место 12

**ВХОДНОЙ ВХОДНОЙ**

**БИЛЕТ БИЛЕТ**

The Feltsman family settles down in their black ZIL 114, clicking the seatbelts locked. "Ready?" Mr. Feltsman looks over to his wife who sat in the front passenger seat. She turns her chin up, nodding her head. "Yes, yes. I do not want to be late." Mr. Feltsman returns his focus to the front, inserting the vehicle's keys into the ignition before turning the engine on. Their only son sat on the backseat bench, leaning into the firm leather cushion behind him. "Oh, Yasha I am so glad you could join us. You're going to _love_ the ballet." His mother chimes, looking over the seat to her son.

  
"Well, I'm happy you invited me." The tall man responds, looking out the back window as his father drives them to the City Center of Moscow. "I'm ecstatic that you came to visit, Yasha." His mother smiles sweetly in the rear-view mirror. Yakov glances up to meet her slowly aging reflection, smiling back with his thin blush tinted lips. He has something to tell his mother. The news he has to share was the whole reason for his last-minute visit home. Yakov had been living in Saint Petersburg for the past eleven years due to his professional skating career.

  
_His skating career._

  
The man is already approaching his thirties, becoming well past the prime age for a professional skater. He knows he is getting too old to be competing in the seniors any longer. His father was already aware. They had previously spoken on the phone earlier in the week. Now it was his mother he had to inform about his retirement. It is not going to be easy. Yakov has only been home for a few hours and within them, he would exchange glances with his father, silently asking when the right time was. His father would just barely shake his head from side to side, wanting him to wait. Not on the night she's been looking forward to for the past three months.

  
The ballets were her favorite. She would always have to fake the surprised expression every time her husband bought her tickets. His mother was a retired ballerina. Back in her day, she wasn't as big and known as the ballerinas of this generation. Since she used to dance, she decided on coaching younger students how to dance the graceful beauty she knew so fluently. It was as easy as breathing in oxygen.

  
Yakov did look up to his mother for that. The fact that she didn't let go of something she adored so dearly for more than half of her life. Yakov plans to do the same. His mother may be devastated to see him leave such a beautiful and frustrating sport but he would pass his knowledge down to the younger skaters and become a coach. The ride was silent other than an old cassette playing in the car stereo. Most likely Alla Bayanova from his best guess. His parents were on the wealthy side, living only a few miles outside of the city. Traveling wasn't a big deal for them, especially for the ballets.

  
Once the trio arrives at the Bolshoi Theater, Yakov's father drops him and his mother off near the front before going to park the car. Yakov then escorts his mother into the large building, linking arms with her. "Oh... I've missed this place dearly." His mother smiles, embracing the familiar decorated scenery along the antique walls and ceiling. Yakov takes it in as well, intrigued by the grand white staircases. "Oh, Yasha you're going to love the show. I just know it. The theater is so breathtaking." His mother hums, leading him towards a check-in desk.

  
Yakov's father eventually makes it inside the theater, meeting them outside one of the entrances to the theater. "Fascinating, I know." He nods to his son, his mustache lifting as he smiles. The Feltsman family makes their way through the entrance, searching for their row and seats. Yakov is in awe by the vaulted ceilings and many, _many_ , rows of seats. Most of them were already occupied but still more than half were empty, waiting for their guest of the evening. The show is to start in the next thirty minutes.

  
Once the family finds their section, they sit down to quietly talk while they await the recital. "Remind me, which show are we attending?" Yakov leans over to ask his mother who sat in between him and her husband. " _Swan Lake_. Only the most classic ballet." Her coral red lipstick begins to crack at the center of her lips from all the smiling she had done in the amount of time since applying it. The orchestra was filing into the pit, sitting down and testing the strings and keys of their instruments.

  
Backstage, the dancers are getting their final touch-ups of hair and makeup as well as costumes. It is always so lively before a show, especially in the last hour. A dark brunette woman, cast as the role of Odette, is sitting in front of a large horizontal mirror as a makeup artist works on her. The young green-eyed beauty stares at her reflection as the artist gently lines her freshly moisturized lips with a punch colored lipstick. Her eyes were done in a smokey coffee and white, blended beautifully towards her temples. Her lashes drying with mascara and a double-lined pencil wing on her top and lower lid.

  
The young woman's hair was recently pulled back in a tight ballerina bun, styled lower to her neck. A white feathery headpiece wrapped around her brunette hair, open in the back with a small crown pinned to the top. She is almost ready for her debut as Odette. The woman, who is newly recognized as Prima ballerina, got the leading role for the show. The older makeup artist takes a step back, checking her work from a distance. " _Perfect_."

  
Voices and many footsteps sound from the stage area. It is almost time for the show to begin. The lanky woman portraying Odette rises from her collapsible chair, stepping into a dressing room to finish getting ready. Whilst a costume designer assists in fastening the many buttons along her spine, word starts going around that Prince Siegfried had left. Odette turns her chin up, glancing over her shoulder as her dresser adjusts the skirt balancing on her hips. "Prince Siegfried is gone?" The brunette murmurs to mostly herself.

  
The woman behind her straightens up, pushing her thin golden framed glasses back to the top of her bridge. "I don't have a clue, dear. His understudy must be taking over then." She spoke with a thick Southern Russian accent, resembling that of her mother's.

  
_An understudy._

  
She had never thoroughly rehearsed with the understudy besides once or twice. Those practices were never perfected for a time like this because the Prince never missed a single show for the years he's been dancing. Of course, this would be the luck of the woman for her first show as the lead. "You're ready, _Odette_."

  
The audience settles in their seats, the theater already packed full with monotone patrons. All dressed so elegantly. Women in the balconies are seen draped with midi dresses, pantyhose, and large cashmere coats for the nippy air in this early spring weather. The husbands attend their wives with simple black suits, white button-ups, thick black ties, and their finest dress shoes.

  
The lights dim the large accommodation, shadows pouring down on the white, garnet, and gold themed theater. Yakov's mother scoots further back into her plush seat, eyes glued to the stage after placing her dainty pearl-colored frames atop her nose. Yakov's father does the same, resting a hand over her's as it lay on the narrow armrest. The younger of the two had been longing for a relationship like theirs. Someone he could give the luxury of taking to the ballets as his father would.

  
At last, the orchestra begins to play, excitement rushing through Yakov's mother as she listens to the familiar tune. Yakov turns his focus to the stage as well, the audience awaiting the curtain to draw. Once the first song ends and another one begins, the curtains pull back to reveal seven men on the stage.

  
_**Act one.** _

  
They all wore identical blush red and white costumes. They circle and separate when suddenly a man dressed in all white comes leaping out from the stage's right corner. Yakov's heart speeds up as he observes the man and his height with three Jetés. Yakov is very intrigued and studying the different kinds of jumps this danseur is performing. Prince Siegfried dances across the stage like he is walking across clouds. His feet soft and barely touching the floor as he leaps and spins.

  
Yakov narrates what he's observing in his figure skating terminology, not having a clue of ballet. With a retired ballerina as a mother, you would think the man would know a little more than the name of the sport. The court jester dances his way out, wearing red and black tights layered with a matching costume. Many women line the perimeters of the stage, dancing along with the two men. The Prince's birthday is what they are celebrating. He is to marry a woman and search for a candidate by the end of the night.

  
Odette stands backstage, waiting for her act and scene. She is apprehensive about Prince Siegfried more so than the actual recital itself. It did not take her long to find out the reason why Prince Siegfried needed his understudy for tonight's show. During this morning's rehearsal, he showed up hungover and got too sick before he even practiced with Odette. It is safe to say that most of the other dancers who were aware were also quite nervous about the stake of the recital. Hopefully, the Prince's understudy will be good enough to dance with Odette as they had already been doing so for years.

  
The show went on and the Prince was doing well so far. Fortunately, he's kept up with his routine. Odette began to get more nervous the closer her scene approached. How will she step out on stage for her first lead _with_ a partner whom she's hardly gotten to know? A dance partner isn't just someone you twirl and sync with. It is an intimate relationship between two bodies moving in one unison. Each step is married, connecting through the soul. Without intimacy, it is obvious to spot the flaws and miscommunication.

  
Odette is a stranger to love and romantic relationships. The only relationship she ever knew was with her dance partner. The relationship between dance partners requires constant method, harmony, and focus. Without them, the relationship will crumble, resulting in a messy sequence. To keep her mind focused on other things besides ridiculous consequences with the Prince, Odette quietly performs parts of her routine in a small lonely room. " ***** Один, два, три..." Odette chants under her breath, watching her shadow glide through the room.

  
She does not require a mirror to know how she performs. Odette's been dancing since she was a little girl, about the age of three to be more exact. Ballet is her entire life, her entire soul. Without ballet, she would be nothing but a speck of barely existing. The young woman's body moves like leaves gliding along the surface of a pond, twirling and tapping effortlessly. Odette is absent in reality, eyes sealed to the cold world. "Один..." "Два..." "Три..."

  
"Odette, your scene is coming up shortly, please make sure you're ready." A stage crew member taps on the doorframe to the room she is accompanying. Odette snaps out of her thoughts, stumbling over her feet as she lands from a Sauté. "Wh-...? Oh, yes, right, thank you for reminding me." Odette nods her head once regaining balance. "I will be out in a moment." The member leaves the room and Odette looks down to her white pointe slippers. "I have come this far as a ballerina, I can make it through this recital. It's just one night. After this performance, I can make it through the other shows." She encourages herself, leaving the dim grey room.

  
Odette soon meets bright lights, squinting and covering her green eyes from the harsh orb. "Odette, you have two minutes before you are on stage." "Odette, let me adjust your costume." "Odette, you have flyaway hair! Let me fix it before you're on!" "Odette, I should give you one last touch up before you're on stage."

  
_Odette, Odette, Odette._

  
Prince Siegfried wanders the stage, searching for _something_ he did not have. What could it be? A dark figure is seen following closely behind him like a shadow. The light switches, Odette appearing to the left side of the stage. She slowly comes out, revealing her whole body to the audience. The applause she receives takes away some of the built-up tension she made for herself before stepping out.

  
The Prince approaches her from behind once she makes it towards center stage. His curiosity getting the better of him, coming closer with each step. His left arm extends out, reaching for the mysterious swan. He approaches her right side, slightly startling Odette for a moment before she runs off in the other direction. The curious Prince follows the white feathery woman, the duo circling each other. Prince Siegfried finally catches up to Odette, gently grabbing ahold of her delicate pale wrists with his hands. The two lock eyes, staring into each others. He brings her arms up before letting go, stepping away.

  
Prince Siegfried captures her right hand in his, pulling her back to him. Odette circles the stranger, lifting into the air from the waist. Odette is then spun in five revolutions before being set back down again. The two share a close moment before Odette suddenly disappears back into the depths of darkness. The shadowy figure from before returns, mocking the Prince from a distance. Finally, the shadow gets right up behind Prince Siegfried, controlling his movements from thereon.

  
Yakov is captivated by the show, his baby blue eyes glued to the stage as many more swans make their way out, curving in a large “S.” His father takes note of how intrigued his son is. He looks like his mother watching the ballet unfold. Quiet, attentive, and fascinated. Yakov may have a brute exterior but he is just a softy like his father. Yakov silently enjoys little things that may be surprising to other men. That was just the way he grew up and was raised. His mother always made sure he did what made him happy, like figure skating. His father supported the idea, not wanting to force anything upon their child. All they asked for in return was a grandchild to spoil.

  
Yakov hadn't brought home any women for his parents to meet since he first graduated from school. Everyone thought she'd be the one but in the end, she had other plans in life that would not correlate with that of his own. Yakov contemplated if he was ready to propose to her or not. They dated for about eight and a half months before going separate ways. He luckily expressed his concerns about the future with not only her but his mother. His mother was the one to give him advice, leading to the right decision to make. Had he not broken things off with this woman years ago, they'd be sitting here together at the ballet with a child or two. Or it could have turned out where he would be here with the children and not her. She was more of the distant type and although Yakov didn't mind her not always being there for him, it would negatively impact their future had they stayed a couple.

  
Yakov is fine being a bachelor for his age. The idea of rushing into a marriage he wasn't particularly satisfied with sounded like a turn off in the long run. His parents were just lucky enough to love each other so much in the little time they dated, exactly five months. Yakov didn't understand how they did it but that was another thing he respected about them. He wanted something different. To meet a woman by chance, fall in love by chance, let everything fall into place itself. If the day came where they both felt so strongly about the other, he would marry her.

  
How long is he willing to wait? Even he does not know that himself. Yakov is a laidback person, in no hurry to throw himself out into the dating pool. A lot of women in his city are only wanting children as soon as they meet a man. Yakov wants all of the emotional parts that come with a relationship. Conversations, learning little things about the other that don’t necessarily have any significance for themselves. It is those parts he wants to dive deep into before committing his life to someone he wants the same from in return. Right now, his life is figure skating although that is coming to an end very soon. After that, his next focus would be settling down and coaching as a career.

The Prince lifts Odette into the air, the woman reaching high as they cross the grand stage. He then sets her back down, the two locking gazes. Odette and Prince Siegfried share a mere intimate moment before she's vanishing once more, leaving the Prince alone. Yakov craves a relationship like the Prince and Swan did. How they move together in sync, effortlessly.

  
_**Act Two.** _

  
The curtain draws once again, revealing the palace ballroom. The Prince and his mother, the Queen, are together when suddenly the shadow who's been following Prince Siegfried appears. Baron von Rothbart en avants with a black swan to his right.

  
_Odile, the evil sorcerer's daughter._

  
The Prince chases after the black swan, getting thrown off as the dark man jumps between them. He eventually makes it to the familiar face, pulling her close. Baron takes the stage, leaping high into the air along with the dramatic music. Prince Siegfried and the black swan are then reunited on the stage, twirling and leaping across the floor, close to one another. The Prince is falling in love with the imposter of Odette. He promises to marry Odile. A light flashes outside to show the real Odette who is behind a glass window, attempting to warn the Prince that the woman he is dancing with is not her.

  
Odile is relieved the Prince is flawlessly performing his sequences, not so nervous anymore about the lifts. They are all executed exact, no worry after the first lift. Odile is proud to say she will come out of her first show as a leading role with no mistakes. As a Prima Ballerina, zero errors are key. Always staying in rhythm and not missing any cues. It sounds difficult but after many hours and painful rehearsals that left bruises on her feet, _it felt like breathing._

  
Odette returns to her dark Swan Lake alone. However the other swans are accompanying her. The Prince is not seen. It's not long before von Rothbart returns, making the other swans scatter. The Prince has come to apologize for promising to marry someone else. The swans are bent over in three circles. Prince Siegfried lifts them up and they leave. He gets to the final circle towards the back, spotting Odette in the middle, laying down. He makes his way to the fallen swan, lifting her slowly to carry to the front of the stage. Odette is upset with the Prince, fleeing with the white and black swans that separated them.

  
The shadowy owl of von Rothbart returns behind the Prince. The Prince falls to the ground and before Baron can make his way to him, Odette gets in between them, guarding the Prince as he gets back up. Odette stands her ground in front of the Prince, not allowing Baron to come closer. Baron is then on a rock, seen falling to the ground. The Prince and Odette are safe with each other and the fellow swans. The two ending their routine as the audience applaud, golden curtains closing. They are to then return to the stage to bow before the audience, all smiles from the fantastic show.

  
_That is how the show is to end._

  
Odile is on a high with her fast-paced sequence, running off pure stamina by now. The long show getting the best of her and the Prince. The Prince has been apart of the show for nearly three-fourths of it. It is he who carries the performance on his back. There are still forty minutes left of the recital. She has no idea how the Prince can last so long, or herself. The last thing Odile can recall is being lifted by the Prince and over his head. "Один..." Odile counts under her breath as the Prince lifts her once, "Дв-"

  
_Twice._

  
The Prince is traveling across the stage when suddenly he trips over the point of his slipper on the second lift. His arms lose their strength as he attempts to catch himself whilst holding Odile above him. Odile's weight falls, sending the two crashing on the stage. Gasps are heard throughout the theater, the orchestra stuttering their instruments but still playing.

  
_The show must go on.  
  
_

The Prince quickly recovers, lifting Odile up to her feet but she winces, limbs trembling like a leaf in the autumn, about to break from its branch. "Odile." "Odile." "Odile." The Prince knows she is not okay once she slumps back down, doing everything she can to refrain from showing the pain she is in. The Prince had fallen on top of her, already in a vulnerable aerial position moments prior. Odile knew she heard a snap somewhere. She doesn’t know where though. She is scared to move. The fall, the rush of adrenaline, the gasps of horror from the crowd. It is replaying in her mind on a loop.

Her stuttering heartbeat clogs her hearing, not noticing the Prince had rushed away from her. She ruined the show. She ruined the recital. She ruined her chances of being a successful Prima Ballerina. Odile let the coldness of the stage floor numb the side of her face. The pain itself also numbing, wherever it was. It all collides with itself. She can not feel anything anymore. Eventually, the fallen black swan is lifted from the numbing cold, the stage going dark before turning blindingly bright.

  
Yakov and his mother sit in shock, eyes finally peeling away once the gold curtains shut, hiding the disaster happening behind it. Yakov turns to face his mother, wondering the same thing as her. " _What happened?_ " They both question. The director makes an appearance after a few minutes of leaving the audience in mystery. The man adorned in a full black tux and matching bow speaks into a microphone with a thick accent. "Ladies and gentlemen, I am sorry for the abrupt pause. We will continue the show momentarily. Thank you for your patience."

  
"Never in all my years of attending ballet recitals have I seen something so catastrophic go down." Yakov's mother mutters to her husband who doesn’t quite understand. Yakov sits back in his seat, replaying the accident himself. The fall made him cringe, recalling memories of witnessing similar incidents happen at skating competitions. His peers and even himself have taken rough falls during performances and practice. It always left an impression on Yakov. Like he went through the spill himself and not the actual victim.

  
Twenty or so minutes have gone by, the curtains reveal the stage in the same place it was left off. Another woman in the place of Odile has taken over for her role. It is obvious this is not the real Odile. It is Odile's understudy. This Odile isn’t as fluent as the real one. Her movements do not sync with the Prince's. Their relationship is not going to last. Seeing it play before him, Yakov knows this was how his relationship unfolded and everyone around him watched it. They knew it was going downhill. Never before had Yakov seen something so similar to his situation. It is relieving to know he made the right decision. He would not be successful with an understudy.

  
_Yakov craves a performance with the correct partner._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * "One, two, three..."


	3. I

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It has been two and a half years since Yakov visited his hometown of Mosow. He is now a retired competitive skater and works as a coach for young skaters at his rink. Yakov's parents have made a surprise visit and stay with their son for a few days. Before one of his training sessions, he runs into a familiar face.

Yakov is currently at the ice rink where he used to spend many hours training for competitions. The dirty blonde haired man had been retired for two and a half years now and currently coaches five figure skaters. Yakov knew he'd find success in this new coaching lifestyle. It will still take getting used to, of course. The skaters are in their early teens, all wanting to become the greatest. Yakov is a tough coach on them. Not in a negative way, but a more realistic one. He isn't going to sugarcoat his skaters and disappoint them. Yakov learned to skate the hard way and that's what brought him to be a successful competitor.

"Kira-Demyaneva, outside-edge. You will never land a triple-lutz if you don't deepen your edge." Yakov shouts from across the rink to his youngest skater. "Sorry, Coach Yakov-Ivanovich!" Kira apologizes, stroking back to her starting point. Yakov observes the young female, her technique needs improvement but overall, Yakov sees potential in her. She reminds him of himself when he was that age.

_Determined._

"Outside-three-turn," Yakov guides his student through the sequence, eyes stuck on her skates and arms. "Arms up, leg extended, outside-edge..." Kira follows his instructions, reaching back with her right leg. Yakov knew she could do it. She's been struggling with the triple for a few sessions now, it was only a matter of time until she stuck the landing. "Snap your arms together as soon as you take off." Kira strikes the ice with her right toe-pick, launching herself into the air. " (1) ***** Один, два, три-" Yakov counts her rotations, almost fearful for the outcome.

Kira _just_ lands on her right outside-edge, wobbling and catching herself. The jump was under-rotated but she had finally landed her first triple lutz. Yakov can hardly believe his eyes, his face showing the surprise he felt. " (2) ***** Молодец, Kira-Demyaneva!" Yakov exclaims, gliding over to his student. "D-Did I do it right?" Kira looks up at her coach, hands on her knees while she catches her breath. "Yes, but it was under-rotated which we will need to work on. You need to build up strength for your jumps, reaching more height. Then you will land a triple-lutz flawlessly every time." Yakov already switches to his lecture side of coaching. Kira sighs and nods, listening to her coach in the end.

"Let me try it again! This time I'll gain more momentum! Swear!" Kira begs, bouncing up on her toe-picks. "No. No more jumps for today. We are ending on a good note. Why don't you work on your edges some more? The deeper, the better." Yakov shakes his head, already gliding away to assist his other students. "But-... fine." Kira grumbles, speeding off to the opposite corner to work on forward power pulls. "How are the camel spins?" Yakov hockey stops in front of his two male students. "Um..." Alek looks over at his fraternal twin brother, Dominik. Yakov crosses his arms, eyeing the two boys. They are always goofing off and never training like they should be doing.

"Good! I got ten rotations!" Dominik grins, clasping his hands together behind his back. "All right, then why don't you show me?" Yakov smiles back at the boys. He knew they were lying. This is not his first rodeo with them. "Oh- right now?" Alek purses his lips, glancing at the ice. "Yes, right now. We are here, are we not?" Yakov confirms, stepping back and presenting the rink with his left hand. Dominik gives his brother a side-eye before gliding out, Mohawk, backward crossover, leading with his left foot and lifting his right leg behind him.

" (3) ***** Один, два, три, четыре, пять, шесть, семь-" Yakov counts Dominik's rotations, sighing when he loses his balance and falls to the ice. "It was ice! There's a chip in it and my toe-pick caught it!" The young brunette quickly excuses himself, getting up from the wet ice. "Dominik-Maksovich, there are no chips in the ice. They are over by Kira-Demyaneva from jumping. You've been stuck on seven rotations since you learned the spin. Now I want you to work on spirals to help your balance and not mess around with your brother." Coach Yakov says sternly, spinning around to look at Alek. "That goes for you too. I already know you can't complete ten full rotations. Now get to work." Yakov skates off to check in on the other two skaters.

Yakov helps his oldest skater, Mischa, with axels. The fifteen-year-old is strapped in a harness and ready to go. Yakov holds the long pole, guiding her through as they glide along the white ice. "Don't hesitate or else you'll pop your jump. Give it your all. We don't tolerate no motivation." The coach reminds her. Mischa nods, looking over her right shoulder, right skate above her left ankle.

_Focus._

Mischa brings her arms back, left leg following before swinging her arms and kicking her left leg up. She springs into the air while Yakov lifts the pole as she rotates three times. The final half rotation pops, sending Mischa to the ice. Yakov sighs and helps his student up, beginning his lecture. "Mischa-Umbertovna... you did not put in your full attention. I saw you lose track of mind on the last rotation." "I'm sorry, Coach Yakov-Ivanovich." Mischa looks up at the older man. "I know, I just... got nervous that I would fail. And I did." She admits. Yakov nods and walks her through the triple axel, even demonstrating another technique to help her.

Before Yakov even pulls out of his landing pose, a voice from across the rink followed by clapping attracts his focus. " _Bravo, Yasha_." A familiar octave rings, entering from the large doors. Yakov's attention shifts towards the echoing voice, meeting his mother's face. "Mama?" He mumbles under his breath, stunned to see his mother in Saint Petersburg. "Bravo." She repeats, making it to the half wall of the rink. Yakov looks back at Mischa, patting her shoulder. "I'll be right back. Practice that technique on a single until it becomes fluent to you."

Mischa nods and continues her practice while Yakov skates to the other side of the rink, stopping in front of his mother. "What are you doing way up here? Is papa with you?" Yakov leans against the white and red wall. His mother smiles and lays a hand on his arm. "Yes. He's just at the front desk talking to some of the other coaches. We wanted to stop by and see how your coaching is going." Yakov grins and looks back over at his students. "Well, we're getting somewhere. The boys over there are always causing trouble but one look from me and they listen. The girls are wonderful. Slowly but surely, they're getting stronger." Yakov nods, meeting his mother's gaze again. The older woman smiles brightly, happy to know her son is doing well in this new path of life and becoming successful at it too.

"Do you think you'll be coaching private lessons for skaters going to compete?" She asks, watching Mischa flawlessly land single-axels. Kira is still working on her edges, each stroke deeper than the last. The boys... well they are skating and not messing around this time. "I hope so. Maybe one of my current students will be competing this season." Yakov watches his final student Yaletha work on a short routine she made herself. "What is she learning?" His mother points to her, curious. "Yaletha-Levovna? She's a special skater." Yakov nods. "Care to elaborate?" His mother looks at him. "Well, she's deaf, so we work on simple things together. Today she wanted to do footwork and spins." Yakov's mother nods, listening as she observes. "How do you communicate then?" "Her mother stays for every practice and interprets for us. She's over there, actually." He points to a short blonde woman watching from one of the benches off of the rink.

"Ah." His mother purses her lips. "Is she a good figure skater?" Yakov watches Yaletha push into a one-foot spin, pulling her right leg forward and squatting into a sit-spin. "I would say so, yes. She's only thirteen and has been skating for a few years now." Yakov explains. His mother loves to listen to Yakov talk about skating, especially his students. He would often call home and when asked about his day, he would only talk about his students and how excited he is for them.

"That's good to hear. I am very proud of you, Yasha." His mother hums. "Thank you. I appreciate that, mama. I should get back to my students now. How long are you staying in St. Petersburg?" Yakov asks, adjusting his pullover. "Only a few days. Then, we'll be out of your hair again." She chuckles softly. Yakov grins and waves to his mother, checking up on his students again. Yakov's father, Ivan, joins his wife in the frigid rink. The two take a seat in the stands, fascinated as they examine their son and his coaching. He looks happy being able to pass his knowledge to the younger skaters. They weren't always able to accompany Yakov to his international competitions but made up for it by watching it on the television no matter what the time difference was. They were, and still are proud of their son and his passion.

The late afternoon arrives and Yakov waves farewell to his students. Yakov wants to have as much time as he can with his students. An hour or two twice a week won't cut it for their benefit so they train for at least three and a half hours with a forty-five-minute break three times a week. Before Yakov can open his car door, someone runs up from behind and hugs him tightly. Yakov pauses and looks down, seeing Yaletha. "Oh- what are you doing?" Yakov raises one of his eyebrows, ruffling her blonde hair. Her mother comes chasing after the girl, apologizing to Yakov. "I'm so sorry... she just ran off without telling me!" Yakov waves her off, not minding. "It's all right, just caught me off guard." Yaletha looks up at Yakov and smiles brightly. She lets go of him to sign, " (4) ***** Большое спасибо." Yakov looks up at her mother for clarification. "Thank you, a lot." Her mother grins, holding her hand out for her daughter. Yakov takes a breath and nods. " (5) ***** Пожалуйста." His parents meet him at his car, loading their luggage into the trunk before entering.

Yakov returns to his small flat in Saint Petersburg with his parents. He does not mind them staying over without notice, he misses them. Yakov flicks on the light switch to the living room, carrying their luggage in. "Thank you, Yasha. I do feel bad for barging in on you." His father apologizes for the tenth time. "It's all right, papa, don't worry about it. You can stay in my room if you like." Yakov carries their bags to his bedroom. "Oh, don't worry about us, we can stay on your pullout couch." Yakov sets their bags down and shakes his head. "No, take the bed, please. The pullout couch is not that comfortable and you need good rest after the long travel." Yakov insists, setting their bags down in his bedroom. His mother shrugs and follows her son to the bedroom.

After settling in, Yakov and his mother fix a nice dinner, a pot of traditional Solyanka. The small family sits around the petite wooden table, digging into the soup. "Just like I remember. Very delicious, mama." Yakov sighs, lifting another spoonful to his lips to blow cool. "Aw, Yasha, you are too sweet." His mother smiles brightly. "You still remember having this when you were young, hm?" Yakov nods, reminiscing. Yakov's father glances up and grins at their son. "Then you must remember the time you were _helping_ your mother prepare it. You stuck tree leaves in the soup when we weren't looking." Yakov's cheeks gradually turn rose-pink, remembering when that took place. "Oh, yes, I do remember." He laughs quietly.

The family finishes their home-cooked meal, picking up the table afterward and rinsing the dishes. "Thank you for dinner, mama. I haven't had a meal that good in a long time." Yakov smiles at his mother. "You are welcome, my Yasha." She grins, pinching his cheek. Yakov chuckles and puts his hand over the spot she pinched. " (6) ***** Золотце, he's not a child anymore." His father cackles. His mother just rolls her eyes, not wanting to admit her husband is right, which _is_ often. Yakov is always going to be her baby no matter how old he is.

Once the dishes are cleaned and resting on the drying-rack, everyone gets ready to go to bed. The parents lay down in Yakov's bedroom and fall asleep. Yakov himself pulls out the fold-up bed from his couch, setting it up for the night with extra sheets, blankets, and a pillow. Before laying down, he checks on his parents and gently shuts the bedroom door. By the time he lays down on the couch and is staring at the ceiling, the feeling of loneliness returns. Yakov has been feeling empty and alone since he left competitive figure skating. Now that he isn't training himself for hours every day, there is nothing for him to focus on. Since his mind is no longer distracted by current things, he can worry about his future, which he necessarily did not fancy.

_Yakov craves a partner to forbid his loneliness._

Yakov is not getting any younger and the youth clock is ticking before he will be old and covered in wrinkles. He wants to run into a woman in the streets, fall in love, and make her the happiest being in the world. It's what any woman deserves. Yakov wants to spoil a lucky gal and make sure she's comforted in a cozy home. Yakov is envious of his parents' relationship because he wants the same for himself. It may not be exact but something close enough would satisfy him. His father is a good example of someone who takes care of his wife. Yakov's mother has recently been falling ill more often than not. It worries Yakov but he knows his father is the right man to keep her company and take care of her.

Yakov would never admit it to anyone else, let alone himself but most of his nights consisted of silence. Silent tears, silent fears, and silent pleas. It seems ridiculous to the young man however it is all too real. Too close for his comfort. The idea of getting old and not yet married terrifies him. Yakov is not good at accepting failure. He is terrible at putting himself out there. "Am I unlovable?" He often asks. All he can do was silently hope his troubles will disappear soon. His parents would occasionally drop hints of awaiting a young woman for him to marry as well as grandchildren. Of course, he does not want his parents to wait much longer. Unfortunately, this stuff was not as easy as it used to be. Some nights he would wonder if he _was_ supposed to be with the woman he brought home years ago. Maybe it was a _mistake_ to let her go based on their differences.

_Yakov is good at blaming himself._

Yakov did not want this to be another night ending with silent tears. His parents are visiting which is not a common occasion. He should be happy and in the moment, letting his fears go while he has a distraction. The distraction will not last long though, that is also on his mind. The only way to succeed will be to explore other worlds outside of his little bubble, meet new kinds of people. He is bored of the ones he sees every day. The women of Saint Petersburg are all the same, pregnancy hungry. Yakov is not mentally ready to care for a child at this point in his life. He wants to care and focus on one person at a time before he can commit to two.

His old school friends have already settled down within the years since graduating, starting families and growing businesses. His closest friend is seven years into a marriage with three children. Yakov on the other hand hasn't been on a date since '71 and that was during competition season with a foreign lady. If Yakov knows one thing for sure, he's too much for a foreigner to handle. A fellow Russian would be more his speed, someone he can relate to. Someone with a sense of familiarity and home. A woman like his mother is what he is searching for. Someone _strong_ , not afraid to speak her mind. A woman who can recognize her strength, beauty, and intelligence. Yakov does not necessarily have a _physical_ type he is drawn to, he is attracted to women who do not rely on a man to constantly make them feel good about themselves. Independent ones are _very_ much his type. Although he does love complimenting partners and making them secure, and feel good, nothing is more attractive than confidence. His mother is the person to go to for a boost of it.

Dating in this period is not easy, especially finding a girl. It seems to be the women are either married, not interested, or gold-diggers. Finding someone genuine is not a task you can complete in a day. Whenever Yakov sees a woman out in town that could fit, he always thinks back to the ballet recital he attended with his parents a few years back. Yakov still desperately wants a relationship like the Prince and Odette have. Although the Prince messed up and promised marriage to another woman by mistake, Odette still _forgave_ him. The two jumped in the lake after to seal their love for each other. To him, it meant that someone you truly love will fight beyond any limit. It gives him hope for the future. It is about the only thing that does anymore.

Yakov eventually reaches slumber, the worrying got to be too much and ultimately exhausting him more then he already is. Throughout the night, Yakov continues to wake up, rolling around to find a comfortable spot. Sleeping is hard when a million thoughts are racing all at once. Yakov considered getting a dog or other kind of pet to cure his loneliness but as a coach, it will require him to travel and be out of the house more frequently. The poor animal will be with a caretaker more than Yakov himself, so the idea was scrapped immediately. A co-worker at his rink sometimes offers to take Yakov out for a drink, however, Yakov usually declines, saying he needs to watch his figure and get up early. Both are true yet he does not see a point in bar-hopping and feeling more miserable about himself.

The morning sun slowly makes it's way into the sky, breaking past the horizon with cream and peach hues. The morning is a bit cloudy, reflecting the mood Yakov is put in after the long unforgiving night. The poor man had barely gotten three hours of sleep and has another session with his students later this morning. Yakov's parents are up and shuffling around the miniature kitchen, brewing coffee and cooking eggs and toast. The fresh scent wakes him up from his tired state, rising to get ready for the day ahead oh him. " (7) ***** Доброе утро, Yasha. Did you sleep okay?" His mother glances over, rinsing her hands under the faucet from cracking eggs into a skillet. "Yeah, I slept fine." Yakov nods, stretching out his sore back. Skating is going to be difficult today and possibly for the rest of his parents' visit. "You don't look like it. Sit down, I'm making us all breakfast." His mother picks up a spatula, flipping an egg over.

"Don't worry about me, mama, let me make breakfast since you made dinner last night." Yakov strides into the kitchenette, pulling out a second skillet to grill some bread. "Are you sure? We're invading on you and I feel bad..." Yakov shakes his head, ushering her to sit at the table with his father. "The boy insists on cooking us breakfast. Why don't we indulge on the free service?" His father grins, peeking over the top of the news paper he is reading with a mug of black coffee. His mother sighs, leaning back in the wooden chair. "I suppose so. I will be packing you a snack to take to the rink though." She turns around to face her son. Yakov only laughs with a shake of his head, serving his parents the eggs and toast once finished.

Yakov steps out of the shower, wrapping a towel around his hips to shave his face before drying off. His hair requires a trim, just about reaching his shoulders by now. Perhaps his mother can help since she always insists on doing his hair for him. Yakov will always be her baby it seems. The man hardly realizes he's nicked himself with the small white razor, too lost in his thoughts. " (8) ***** Пиздец!" Yakov curses, dropping the razor in the sink. He's no doubt a sensitive type of man. "Yasha, watch your language now, dear." He hears his mother's voice call from the living room. Yakov sighs through his nose, looking up at his foggy reflection in the mirror. "Watch your language, Yasha." He mutters to himself, rinsing off the small cut to his face as well as the razor blades. He finishes getting dressed and comes out of the bathroom to leave for the rink.

"You sure you don't want to ride with me?" Yakov asks, running a hand through his damp hair. "We're fine, Yasha. We can catch a cab and meet you for lunch later on. Go on ahead of us." His father waves his son off. Yakov nods and slips into his shoes, grabbing his keys and skate bag, heading out the door to go to his car. Yakov sits down and starts the engine, not thrilled to hear the engine click. "Just my luck." He grumbles, trying again. To no avail, the car's battery has died overnight. "Guess we're taking the bus today." Yakov exits the vehicle with his belongings, beginning the short walk to the bus stop. Fortunately, it's a block down the street from his building. Along the way, Yakov decides to stop in a corner store to purchase cigars for him and his father later.

On his way out, he tucks the small paper bag into his skate one. As soon as he returns his gaze forward, his shoulder bumps into someone. "Sorry, excuse me." Yakov is quick to apologize, meeting green eyes. "No, don't worry about it. I was in the way, excuse me." The young female dismisses the older man, stepping inside the small shop without another word. Yakov stands still in his tracks, letting the door swing close while he ponders. He could have sworn he's seen this woman before.

_But where?_

Yakov comes back to his senses, realizing he has a job to do and rushes off to the bus stop before he's fired for being late. Yakov experiences déjà-vu, not able to shake off the feeling. Where was she from? School? A competitor? A fellow coach at his rink? Yakov has to list through all the people he walks by in a regular day while he awaits the city bus. After a few minutes of waiting, the transit bus arrives and Yakov steps on, paying the appropriate fee before settling down towards the middle rows. Yakov watches out the window as the bus heads in the direction towards the rink, occasionally stopping along the way for dropping off and picking up. This gives him time to think about the woman he ran into at the convenience store. "Was that Daria-Petyaeva? No... she moved a long time ago." The man quietly talks to himself. The bus is not full just yet, everyone else is sitting in the front anyway. "I just don't know... she seems so _familiar_." This is the kind of feeling Yakov wants with a partner. Something that feels so comforting and known to him but also _unknown_. To a degree he can not figure out.

The bus eventually arrives at Yakov's stop, the man rises from his seat and exits to walk to the (9) ***** Спортивный Клуб Чемпионов ice rink. Luckily, only one of his students is there before him. Mischa is lacing up her skates, waving to Yakov when he enters the large building. "Morning Coach Yakov-Ivanovich." Yakov smiles and waves back to his student, answering with a hello as well. His other students start showing up and they get to practice. The students all warm up by gliding around the rink, occasionally switching from forward to backward. "Backward-inside-three-turn now power pulls!" Yakov instructs from the center of the rink, slowly spinning around as he keeps his watch on the students. Yakov got lucky enough to schedule his training sessions during a time when no other classes are in for a majority of it. Yakov's were early in the morning and no other classes start until closer to noon during the week.

Throughout the session, Yakov is only half there, quite hypocritical of what he is always telling his skaters. His mind is racing, just trying to figure out _who_ the woman was. Maybe she is just a lady who reminds him of someone else. Still, the urge is very strong and now he will never see her again even to get a better look at her to finally get the lightbulb. "Coach Yakov-Ivanovich, can I go to the restroom?" Alek asks his coach, gaining his attention. "Oh- yes, sure. Just be quick." Yakov nods, embarrassed for not being attentive during practice. "Thank you!" Alek speeds off to the ice's exit. Yakov sighs and glides over to assist Yaletha while she works on a triple-flip, double-loop combination.

The end of Yakov's training session arrives yet again and he's off to meet his parents for lunch in the city. The three catch up about their day, savoring the freshly brewed coffee they ordered. Yakov and his father obtain a lighter and smoke their cigars on the patio of the casual restaurant they are dining at. "Have you seen any ballets as of recently?" Yakov asks his mother while they wait for their lunch to make it to the table. "Yes, I have. Your father took me to see Giselle. It was wonderful." She smiles, reminiscing. "We should take you to another ballet the next time you visit home." She suggests, his father nodding. "I will do whatever makes you happy, mama. I did, in fact, enjoy Swan Lake." Yakov answers, taking a puff from his cigar. "Whatever happened to that ballerina? The one who played Odette, was that her name?" Yakov asks, looking between his parents. "Even we don't know. Nothing was mentioned in the papers after that. Sort of like a mystery I suppose." His father replies, leaning back into his wicker chair.

_Almost like it never happened._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1 * "One, two, three"  
> 2 * "Well done"  
> 3 * "One, two, three, four, five, six, seven"  
> 4 * "Thank you so much"  
> 5 * "You are welcome"  
> 6 * "Darling"  
> 7 * "Damn it"  
> 8 * "Good morning"  
> 9 * Champions Sports Club


	4. II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yakov desperately searches for the familiar woman he ran into at the store days prior. He finally brings up his struggles and feelings of loneliness to his parents to gain some clarity on his life before they leave town.

"Oh, Yasha! You did so well! I am so proud of you, (1) ***** мое солнышко!" Yakov's mother exclaimed and wrapped her arms around her son. "Mama, you don't have to hug me so tight!" Yakov laughed then gently hugged his mother back. "I'm sorry, Yasha, I'm just happy for you... I know you'll win gold." She smiled up at the younger man. Yakov's father approached the two to pat his son on the back. "Good job out there, my boy. You make a father proud." He grinned. Yakov thanked his parents and waved afterward to join his coach in the kiss and cry.

Yakov settled on the white bench alongside his coach, Grigory-Ruslanovich. "Representing Moscow, the score for Yakov Feltsman..." Yakov looked up, hands clasped together as he waited for his final score. "122.53. The total score is 234.86, putting Feltsman in second place." The score was not what Yakov wanted but he smiled anyway, glad to make it to the podium in the end. "Congratulations, Yasha. I'm proud of you." His coach put an arm around his shoulder. "Thank you, Coach Grigory." Yakov nodded, still feeling disappointed he had missed gold again.

The two got up and returned to their seats along with the young man's parents. "Sorry I'm not bringing home a gold medal, mama." Yakov apologized to his mother the second he saw her again. " _Yasha_ , do not worry about what place you end up in. As long as you do your best and are happy. That is all that matters." Yakov nodded to his mother, thankful to have her here. "Thank you, mama." He whispered. His senior debut did not go the way he anticipated but that only meant he would come back next season even stronger. There's no giving up now.

_Skating is like breathing to him._

It's late in the evening and Yakov is driving himself through town, watching the pale yellow beams from the street lamps pass by. Yakov and his father were able to get his battery replaced and working again. His parents still in town for another night until they leave tomorrow afternoon. The young man gently presses the brake as he approaches a red light, listening to the engine hum as he waits for green. It has only been a day since he came across the young woman in the convenience store. The quick interaction plays in his mind every waking moment of the day. Nothing is ringing a bell, frustrating him beyond the norm. Yakov was searching through his yearbooks after returning home from lunch.

_Absolutely nothing. No one resembled the woman._

The light switches green, the car in front of him accelerating. Yakov follows behind, distancing himself. A few turns here and a few more turns there, the man winds up in a small parking lot between two short buildings in the outskirts of town. The long man climbs out of the little car, shutting the door and locking. He wanders around the corner and enters the run-down looking building, waving to a man in a separate room. "Yasha, you're the first to arrive. Come in, settle down." The brunette grins, standing up. "How are you?" Yakov asks as he takes a seat on one of the foldable metal chairs. "All right. The others should be here shortly. We can do a quick warmup while we wait?" Yakov agrees and the two men go through the Russian alphabet in sign language.

_The movement is fluent to his body._

Other classmates arrive within the next five minutes and the short evening class officially begins. Yakov's been attending a beginner's sign language course for the past three weeks every Tuesday. Their homework is always practicing in front of a mirror and even using it while they talk in general. Yakov took up the class to obtain proper communication with his student Yaletha. The man felt bad not being able to understand her on his own. Let alone the young girl herself. She can read lips but only to a certain degree. She's been deaf for almost her entire life, losing it by the time she turned four. Yakov also felt guilty for her mother. Having to take time off work to accompany her to practice for many hours a week just to transcribe for the duo.

_Yakov craves genuine communication._

The class, only an hour and a half long, ends for the week. Before leaving, the class always says farewell in the newly learned skill. Yakov is excited for the day he can use this to his advantage and surprise his student by being able to talk to her himself, not through someone else. Yakov's last relationship was the same way. It was always like playing a game of telephone. Never knowing what the other truly felt. Yakov felt like he was walking on eggshells with the woman. For a man with many feelings, he never had the right understanding for the emotions this woman portrayed. She was the definition of confusion. Yakov wants to be fluent in any language to understand a woman. Body language, emotional language, everything to fluently understand. No language is as complicated as women. You can spend years studying a woman and still barely understand. Some women are an open book, the others are sealed and kept to themselves.

_Mysterious._

Yakov sits back down in his off white Trabant 601, closing the door after him. He clicks his seatbelt into place, starting the engine. Yakov sits in place for a few minutes, staring at the headlights' reflection hitting the building in front of him. "Why am I so drawn to her?" He asks no one, glancing to himself in the rear-view mirror. Yakov's tired. He's so tired of chasing things he can not reach. Things he can not have. The man sighs, dropping his face into his dry hands. The days are slowly turning colder and shorter, October arriving sooner than it seems. When Yakov's hands fall back to the seat, his right hits a piece of crumbled paper. The curious man picks it up, unraveling to examine.

(2) ***** _Бананы_  
 _Хлеб_  
 _Сыр_  
 _Яйца_  
 _Молоко_  
 _Вода_  
 _Индейка_

Yakov stuffs the grocery list into his pocket, pressing the brake to switch gears. "I guess a late night trip to the market won't hurt." He mumbles, backing out of the parking space and heading off to the closest market. A part of Yakov wants to drop by the same convenience store he saw the familiar woman at. The logical side of his mind said why on Earth would she be there again? Seeing the exact person twice at the same location in a big city is not common. With his luck, she could be visiting from a neighboring country.

_No, she is definitely Russian._

"I can't remember her voice... but she sounded like she's from Moscow as well by her accent." Yakov mutters, swiftly checking over his left shoulder before switching lanes. Yakov parallel parks in front of a twenty-four-hour market to pick up the few items from the list. He takes his hat off once entering, nodding to the single clerk tending the counter. Seems that the only people shopping at this hour are lonesome folks. Yakov included. Two other people are wandering the shallow aisles, quietly keeping to themselves as they place items in their baskets. Yakov files through, grabbing the first of anything on his list and a few things he can think of for breakfast. Once completed, Yakov makes his way to the front counter and sets his basket down to pull his items out for the cash clerk.

" (3) ***** Добрый вечер." Yakov nods to the older man working. "Добрый вечер." The man responds, typing in the items to a small cash register. Yakov pulls out his wallet, looking around the counter's display case. Newspapers, candy bars, cigarettes, and many other things. While browsing, a newspaper’s header catches Yakov's attention.

_Ballet coming to Saint Petersburg._

Yakov takes the newspaper and skims through it, deciding to add it to his transaction. His mother is going to love it. Especially Yakov but he won't admit it. "₽700, sir." The older man finishes bagging the groceries, setting the newspaper in the brown paper bag. Yakov fishes through his wallet, handing out the cash. He takes his bag and leaves, waving bye to the clerk on his way out. The evening air is brisk and nipping at his pale skin. Winter will be soon and figure skating competitions will be starting any minute now. Yakov misses the thrill of packing his bags and taking off to a new city for a competition.

_Yakov loves the winter because it numbs out the pain he feels for himself._

The blue-eyed Russian makes his journey home in silence. He never plays music in his car, worried he will get too distracted and end up in an accident. The man hardly trusts himself alone with his thoughts for too long. When will someone enter his life and make it all better again? His ex never gave him compliments, tried to make him feel good, never _supported_ him. Yakov fell for the trap of finding it normal. That men were supposed to do it, not the women. It really impacted his self-esteem and he hadn't realized until she was gone from his life. The first woman he came close to being "in love" with never treated him right. Yakov did his best to put her first, cancelling his own plans to spend time with her only to have her not show up. It tore Yakov to bits.

Yakov's very shy when it comes to boasting about himself, especially when his parents do it. To not receive it at all was so foreign to him. Yakov pulls into his flat's parking lot, stopping the engine and getting out with his grocery bag. He climbs the short flight of stairs and sticks the key into the knob, entering the flat. He's surprised to see his mother still awake. "Mama, what are you doing up at this hour?" Yakov asks quietly, closing and locking the pale seafoam green door. "What do you mean at this hour? It's only nine." His mother rolls her eyes, setting down the book she is reading. Yakov and her laugh a bit and he comes forward to give her a welcoming hug. "Papa already asleep?" He pulls back to set down the bag in the kitchen.

"Yes, he's in there laying down. Did you need something?" His mother gets up from the beige cushioned chair next to an end table and lamp. "Oh, no, that's all right. Just wondered." Yakov shakes his head while he pulls out the groceries and puts them away in their rightful place. "Anyway, you know I can't sleep until I know my son is home and safe." His mother helps unload the few groceries. "Is that so? Sorry to keep you up then. You can go on ahead and rest you know. I'll be doing the same shortly." Yakov mentions, closing the fridge. "I know but I want to visit with you for a bit since we're leaving tomorrow. How was your evening?" She smiles up at her son. "Good." Yakov nods, pulling out the newspaper to hand over.

"Just good? You usually have more to say than that. What happened, Yasha?" Yakov's mother knew him all too well. It does not matter what the subject is, she can always see through him. It can be terrifying. "What's going through your mind, son?" She repeats herself when he doesn't answer. "I'm all right, mama." Yakov glances over to give a small smile. His mother raises a brow, clearly not convinced. Yakov chews the inside of his lip, folding up the paper bag to stick in a cabinet and save. "Mama..." Yakov sighs, giving up his stone wall and letting it crack. "I don't know what to do with myself anymore."

_Yakov's stone wall crumbles._

The mother searches her son's baby blue eyes, trying to find an answer for him. What does he mean by that? "Yasha... come to sit down and let's talk." She says gently, taking his hand and bringing him back to sit in the living room. "Tell me everything. I want to help my son before I'm gone again." Yakov and his mother sit next to each other on the sofa. "I don't exactly know where to start." Yakov confesses, gaze down on his hands. "Start wherever you deem appropriate. Whatever first caused you to be this way." His mother replies, not taking her eyes off him. "Well... since we broke up. I just haven't been the same. Without realizing until recently. Is... that a good place to start?" Yakov breaks his stare to look back up at his mother. The woman nods and scoots in closer. "Anything is a good start. Now, why haven't you been the same? It's been eleven years, Yasha. Why haven't you brought it up sooner?" His mother's brows furrow together in concern.

"Recent as in... maybe the past year. It hasn't been that long. I don't know... I feel lost. Like, maybe I made the wrong choice?" Yakov slouches, waiting for his mother to give him her wonderful advice. "Yasha... I don't think you made the wrong decision. You know she wasn't one-hundred percent there for you since the beginning. She was barely half. You don't deserve someone who does not put effort into the relationship. My son deserves a woman who is there for you one-thousand percent. You know this too. Do not dwell on the past, my son. If you truly feel like you messed up, then I won't stop you from going after what you want. I just hope you know your worth." She runs her fingers through his similar dirty blonde hair that's been freshly trimmed by her.

Yakov let's her words repeat through his mind, really sticking the import message in there. "Thank you, mama... I appreciate your guidance as usual." Yakov sits up and leans into the back of the sofa. "Of course, dear. Is that everything?" She pulls her hand back. "Um... yeah. That's it." Yakov nods, turning his head. "Thank you, again." His mother smiles and gets up from the sofa, stretching out her lower back. "Well if my job here is done, I will head off to bed now like you requested. Good night, my Yasha. Please don't overthink tonight or at all if you can help it. I know how it gets to you." His mother cups his cheeks then ruffles the top of his head, making him smile a little. "Night, mama." Yakov whispers, waving to her as she leaves the room to go to bed with her husband. Yakov sighs and gets up to change in the bathroom and brush his teeth before laying down himself.

_Yakov wants to go to bed with the one he loves as well._

The night does not end with tears this time. Yakov is laying wide awake to ponder. He wants to try again in the morning to find the mysterious woman from the other day. His parents won't be leaving until three in the afternoon so he has plenty of time to run to the store and come back home to help them pack their belongings. The man will get up early and head down the street to look for the woman and hopefully gain some clarity. All he hopes to get out of this is the knowledge of who she is. Why she seems so familiar. He just hopes this doesn't backfire and leave him with more questions than answers. On top of that, he just hopes to see her there again in the first place. That night, the young man falls asleep and dreams about the woman. She's everything Yakov is looking for and it almost seems too good to be true.

Upon the morning's arrival, Yakov gets up to start his day early even though he does not have a skating session today. Yakov's already a morning person and does not mind being up in the early hours to tend to the house or it's guests. After eating a quick breakfast, he gets dressed and heads out the door to search for the familiar woman. Yakov decides to walk to the store instead of taking his car. It may increase his chances of seeing the young woman again. He stuffs his hands in his coat pockets, warming himself up from the brisk morning breeze. He's not that far off from the same time he ran into her. It was about seventy-thirty that day. Hopefully she'll be here. She has to. If not, this will drive Yakov into an even deeper hole. He's trapped at the bottom of a ditch, clawing his way out but to no avail, he can not make it to the top. This woman has him so tangled he can not go a single day without thinking of her.

_Yakov is running a never-ending race for this woman._

The man enters the old convenience store, scanning the area. Luckily, he's tall enough to see over the aisles so it saves him more time in the first place. There's an old man in the pharmacy section, a woman checking-out at the counter with her two children, another woman looking through the cosmetics, and...

_The woman looking in the cosmetics aisle._

Yakov quickly but also casually, walks on by, getting a glance at her. Long and curly brunette hair cascades down her back, falling forward as she squats down to pick something from the bottom shelf. Yakov's mind is racing with plans on how he can see her face without being a total creep and casual. The young man finally decides on just saying a simple "good morning." That's the most normal thing to say without making her suspicious. " (4) ***** Доброе утро, madame." Yakov musters without his nerves getting in the way. The woman fidgets, turning her gaze up at Yakov with a small grin. "Доброе утро, sir." The woman replies.

Yakov tries not to let his anxious smile falter. The woman is not who he has been searching for. This woman is much older, possibly older than him even. Now he's made a fool of himself in the women's cosmetics aisle. How does he play this off without being too obvious? Yakov pulls off a hidden talent he has, which is on-the-spot improv. He grabs the first lipstick his eyes run across and pretends like he's comparing it to his "wife's." "Hmm... that'll do." Yakov mumbles to himself, straightening up then returning his gaze to the other woman. " (5) ***** Хорошего дня." Yakov gently waves and exits the aisle, _completely_ embarrassed. Yakov ditches the apple red lipstick on another display while he's walking towards a different section of the store. The other customers do not resemble the woman he's searching for. "Damn, maybe I'm too late... maybe she's gone for good now and I need to let this go." Yakov thinks, deciding to leave emptyhanded.

Yakov returns home to spend the rest of the morning with his parents before he drives them to the train station later. His parents are awake and having breakfast, reading the papers. His mother had noticed the one Yakov bought the night before and left on the counter by the sink. By the time Yakov is back inside and slipping out of his shoes, his mother is already asking him questions on where he's been like he's still a child. "Yasha, where were you? I was worried you ran away!" His mother grumbles, getting up from the table to lecture her son.

_The apple does not fall far from the tree._

Yakov puts his hands up in defense, used to this attitude from her. "Sorry mama, I went on a morning walk since you were still asleep." He explains, taking his coat off to hang on the coat rack. "You haven't done that since your senior debut, Yasha. Nice try." She sighs, turning back for the kitchen. Yakov mentally slaps himself for that one. He's a terrible liar.

The three eat in silence and it is slowly killing Yakov. A part of him _does_ feel like a rebellious teen, sneaking off to see a girl his parents do not approve of. He wants to let it all out, let his emotions explode and get everything off his chest. All the frustration, confusion, sadness, everything else he can not fathom. Before Yakov can even decide to be honest, his father beats him to it. "I think our boy has got himself a lady to visit." The older man hums, setting down his newspaper to smile innocently. Yakov feels the blood retreat from his face, leaving it paler than it already is. "Um... uh, papa..." He chuckles awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck. "Is it true? Do you have a girl for us to meet sometime soon?" His father teases. He knows Yakov does not have a secret girlfriend by the way he reacted. He just loves to mess with him.

"No, I don't. Just... searching for one, still. That's all." His father nods, lifting his mug to his lips to have a sip of coffee. "Have any luck yet?" His father asks after setting his ceramic ivory mug back on the table. "I... I don't know yet." Is all Yakov answers with, eating the eggs on his plate. The rest of their meal turns silent again, the busy rush hour traffic outside filling in with white noise. Yakov's mother does the dishes when her family finishes and Yakov dries them off with a thin towel. Yakov's father pulls his son away while his wife freshens herself up in the bathroom. "Why don't we go on a morning walk and have a manly talk? That way it won't be a complete lie." He suggests. Yakov chuckles slightly and agrees, grabbing his things to join his father.

The two men make it to the sidewalk and head North, leisurely strolling and conversing with whatever came to mind. "Papa, can I ask you something?" Yakov looks at his father who is just barely shorter than him. "Anything, Yasha. Lead the way." He nods, hands in his trouser pockets. "How do you know when you're _in_ love?" Is all he asks. His father inhales deeply, letting it sit while he comes up with a good answer. "Well, son, you sort of don't know. At least until you're suddenly looking at the person and it comes out. It's... a strange thing but it feels good. One minute you two are just dating and the next, you can't get them out of your head. You want to see them every waking moment. Why do you ask?"

Yakov looks ahead of him, stopping at the end of the sidewalk with his father while they wait to cross the street. "I'm curious. True love is a completely different animal compared to regular love. I guess that's something else than what I felt years ago." The young man shrugs. His father leads them through the crosswalk once clear, agreeing with his son. "Right. If you never felt _butterflies_ , per se, then no, I do not think you were _in_ love. Perhaps you just loved her. There are too many levels of love it seems. You have family, friends, partners, and pets. The list can go on and on. You just have to know which one you are feeling. You may have felt family love for her. You two _were_ friends longer than partners, correct? So you got confused about what you truly felt. Does this help you in any way?"

Yakov is lucky to have such amazing parents who can give him the right advice for any obstacle he comes across. Without them in his life, he would not be where he is today. Very far from it, in fact. "Yes. Yes, that does help me a lot, papa. Thank you." Yakov smiles at his father, glad he was able to talk to him about this stuff. He is fortunate to discuss emotional and sensitive topics with the man who raised him. About all the other boys he grew up and became friends with did not have that relationship with their parents and grew up the hard way. It is something Yakov will never take for granted. "Tell me then, why did you _really_ ask?" His father nudges his son's elbow with his own. Yakov laughs a little and looks at the morning sky and its clouds. "Papa, I saw a woman and now I've lost her."

Over two weeks, Yakov has been to the convenience store every morning and late afternoon. This is all to find the woman he saw once those two weeks ago. He is starting to lose hope but a small fraction in his heart was telling him to wait. Yakov still pushes through the negative thoughts telling him to just forget about it, to give up. This woman is never coming back. Why would she? Even the owner has begun to notice his sudden business with them. "You must be waiting for someone." She smiles as she checks-out for Yakov. He nods and accepts the fact that others have caught on. "I am." "Is it a lover?" The lady hums, typing in numbers on her register. Yakov has to _think_ about it. Is he in love with a person he's never actually spoken to before?

Yakov leaves the store with a cigar and sees a pedestrian heading towards the store. Yakov, being the gentleman that he is, waits to hold the door open for the person. " _Thank you_." Yakov is ready to let go of the door and leave but the voice stops him in place, locking him there. His eyes are wide and his heart begins to race. That voice belongs to the woman he's been seeking. The thrilled man swiftly opens the door back up and enters the store once more, scanning the mildly occupied building.

_Where did she go now?_

Yakov spots a tall brunette by the refrigerators, reaching for a half-gallon of milk from the top shelf. This is his chance. Yakov races towards her, catching the glass door handle to hold it open for her again. The woman pauses when she feels the door move off of her hip. "Oh, thank you." She mumbles softly, pulling the milk out and stepping out of the way. Yakov smiles at her, finally able to study her face for the brief moment he got. "Hey," Yakov calls out before she's too far down the aisle she went through. The woman turns around and points to herself, a thin and freshly plucked brow raising. Yakov nods and approaches her again. "I feel like I know you from somewhere."

_Yakov is in no denial that he feels the butterflies his father mentioned._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1 * "my sunshine"  
> 2 * Bananas  
> Bread  
> Cheese  
> Eggs  
> Water  
> Turkey  
> 3 * "Good evening"  
> 4 * "Good morning"  
> 5 * "Have a nice day"


	5. III

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (Mention of a hangover is in this chapter. Read at your own risk.) Yakov officially meets the familiar woman and learns her first name. Yakov's feelings of loneliness return when he witnesses something that upsets him. Due to his sad spell, he goes out for drinks with a rink-mate one night and obtains a horrible hangover the next day.

**Mention of a hangover is in this chapter. Read at your own risk.**

  
"I... excuse me?" The young woman responds, looking up at the man who only has a few inches on her. "I swear I know you from somewhere. I ran into you a few weeks back, here." Yakov explains again, his heartbeat filling his ears as he finally converses with the woman he's been after. The green-eyed brunette's thin brows stitch together. She's searching the dirty blonde's face trying to make something, anything, of it. "Sorry, _I don't know you_." She's honest with the older man, genuinely not having a clue. Yakov can hear made-up dishes crashing in his mind. This woman doesn't know him. Part of him wants to be sad but another is telling him that he is _not_ crazy.

_I don't know you._

"This is not right." Yakov shakes his head, looking at the white tile floor. "Pardon?" The woman asks, not sure whether she should just walk away or continue to awkwardly stand there with a stranger. "Sorry, sorry... it's just, since we ran into each other, I haven't been able to get you off my mind. I know I've seen you before. Prior to us bumping shoulders. I can feel it on the tip of my tongue. Your face is so _familiar_." Yakov returns his gaze, eyes softening for her without realizing. The woman on the other hand is... weirded out. A stranger, constantly thinking about her and who knows what about exactly. "I see..." She mutters, pointing her body in the opposite direction. Yakov just now realizes how disturbing and creepy he came off and he's regretting every word he said.

_Now you've done it._

"Look, I am very sorry, I did not mean for it to come out that way. Can we start over?" Yakov rubs his forehead and reaches his right hand out to shake the woman's. The woman is hesitant but complies, switching the milk she held into her other hand to shake his hand. "I'm Yakov-Ivanovich Feltsman." He grins, embarrassed for this whole situation. This poor woman who has probably never seen this man is being humiliated in the middle of a convenience store. "Lilia." She gives a short answer. "Just Lilia?" Yakov tilts his head slightly. "Mmm... _yes_. We'll keep it Lilia for now. Adding on to your mystery." Lilia winks, grinning back. There it is, Yakov's butterflies multiply and now he's falling deeper into this hole he's dug himself.

"Well, Lilia, it's a pleasure to meet you properly. Sorry about earlier... and the time before that too." Yakov purses his lips, each pulling their hands back after letting go. "I hate to be rude but I must be going now." Lilia nods her head, waving as she turns to walk up to the register. Yakov feels his heart ache for her as she leaves him. He wants to continue chasing her. Yakov shakes out of his thoughts and follows behind, catching up. "Before you go, will I ever see you again?" He grabs her attention. Lilia turns her gaze up, smiling and showing off her perfectly straight teeth. "You already seem to know where I shop. I don't see why not."

Yakov barely makes it to his skating session on time, apologizing to his students when he comes in. The group is only finishing lacing their skates so they don't mind at all. Yaletha notices her coach's arrival so she springs up with a half-laced skate and runs over to him while he puts his own on. "Hello, Yaletha-Levovna." Yakov smiles, looking over at her mother who joins shortly after in case of translating. Yaletha lifts her hands and looks at her mom. "Oh, she said she would like to learn something new today." Her mother grins at Yakov. The man nods and thinks of what the young girl can learn. "How about we practice footwork? We can eventually add jumps and spins to it." Her mother takes a moment to sign everything to her daughter who smiles even brighter, nodding her head vigorously. "I'll take that as a yes?"

Yakov and his students make it out to the rink and begin their warmup, skating around the perimeter for five minutes. "Your daughter's improved a lot since she's started my class." Yakov notes to her mother who stands behind him off the ice. She sighs and nods, watching her only child. "I've noticed. I'm glad. I'm glad she has something she can enjoy." "Me too." Yakov replies quietly, eventually skating to the center for further instructions. The students all scatter across the rink to train on their preferences. Yakov gets Yaletha situated with edges and three-turns. The young girl is always fascinated by observing her coach, trying her best to attempt the same. Even if she completely fails, Yakov won't mention it harshly. He has a soft spot for the girl.

_Much like the woman he finally found._

Yakov holds up a finger and points to the others with his thumb. Yaletha grins and nods, beginning the steps Yakov showed her. Yakov heads over to attend Kira and her lutz. "Ready to show me what you've been practicing?" He picks his toe into the ice, folding his arms over each other. Kira nods and takes a deep breath. She's spent the past two weeks perfecting her triple-lutz. The girl pushes off with her silver blade, Mohawk, and waits for the right moment. Her right leg extends behind her, arms up and balanced correctly. Her toe-pick strikes the ice and she snaps her arms to her chest, rotating three times. The ice echoes upon her perfect landing, her left leg now extended back and arms up. Yakov and the other students clap for the young girl, amazed. "Beautiful, Kira-Demyaneva." Yakov drops his hands to approach her. "Perfect but I think we can add a second jump to it. How about a Euler then double salchow?"

"Euler, double- um..." Kira laughs nervously, wiping off the built-up ice on her blades. "Just focus on the Euler for now. We can add the salchow in a the next practice. Only if you land a Lutz-Euler though." Yakov decides. "I know you can do it." Kira grins and dashes off to her starting point again, performing another flawless triple-lutz and attempting an Euler after. The Euler isn't _perfect_ but she still lands. "That was good. Keep practicing until you're comfortable enough to add the salchow. If you want, work on just a Euler-double-Sal." Yakov nods to his student. Kira gives a thumbs-up as he skates to the others.

Yakov's students train hard for the first few hours of their session. The twins are better with their balance and even surpass ten revolutions on the camel-spin now. Yakov's more than proud of his students if possible. He's relieved that coaching came to him so easily and not have been a major challenge. It did not take him long to get the hang of it. He's a natural-born leader, always the one to insist on doing things his way. Even as a competitive skater, his own coach struggled with reining him in to play things safe with each program. The reality was, Yakov got bored of the norm.

_Yakov craves the thrill of the unkown. No matter how terrifying it can be._

He can not wait to see the mystery woman again, known as _just_ Lilia. Oh, how the name gives him butterflies. Yakov is new to the sensation. Something about it makes him feel so good. Like something in his life is back to normal. It's a comforting feeling knowing that he accomplished his long mission to find the woman he's been thinking about for weeks. Her accent is undoubtedly from the South like his parents. Her hair was in a tight bun each time they met. The man wonders what it looks like down. Perhaps long and silky, bouncing with every long stride she takes. Her eyes are such a piercing pear-green. Suddenly, Yakov loves pears. Something about her demeanor is so intriguing to him. Yakov is craving to know the depths of her. Her full name, why he has the feeling they've met before, everything.

A fellow coach at the rink is eating lunch with Yakov in the break room, teasing the man about his rosy cheeks. "Yasha, I think you have a crush. You never stay red for this long after leaving the ice." The man, who is similar in age, mentions with a playful grin. Yakov sets down his water bottle and shakes his head. "Nonsense, Fedya, I must be getting a minor cold. It's also cool in here." He excuses himself. As mentioned, Yakov is a horrible liar. "Yasha, I've known you for five years now. Trust me, I know you more than you think. Tell me who it is, I can be your wingman." Fiodor smirks, eating his sandwich. Yakov sighs and gives in, knowing he won't win. "A woman," "Well, duh." Fiodor snickers, earning a glare from Yakov. "As I was saying, a woman I ran into at the store. There's something so mysterious about her and I know I've seen her before but a long time ago."

"Possibly a competitor from a few years ago? Or perhaps she was attending a competition you were in?" Fiodor suggests, shrugging his narrow shoulders. "Maybe." Yakov mumbles, finishing his light snack. "What's her name? Maybe I know her?" "Lilia." Yakov answers, looking at his friend. "That's-" "Yes. That's all she told me. She wants to make this game harder on me." Yakov chuckles, getting up to throw away his trash. "Fascinating. I like her already. If any woman is going to date my friend, she has to _be_ interesting. Sounds like she may be the one." Yakov's face tints to an even darker shade of red by the statement. Hearing someone else say that this woman may be the person for him put things into perspective. Yakov loves the sound of it. The idea of finally finding his true partner excites him. No more silent, lonely nights, no more worries, no more _waiting_.

That night, Yakov does not feel the familiar loneliness. He feels _okay_. Lilia is still in his thoughts, ecstatic to finally know her name. At least part of it. One day he'll learn the rest of it, even if it takes a while. He wonders if Lilia is thinking about him. If she feels the same for him. If she wants to learn more about him. Yakov wonders if Lilia experiences the same butterflies as he does for her. He can only imagine what she wonders about him. He is curious about her first impression. What stuck out most about him in her perspective? Lilia's most noticeable feature is definitely her eyes. If not that, Yakov thinks it's her bone structure. Her high cheekbones, pointed chin, sharp eyes and nose bridge, tied together with her full pink lips. Everything about her face is perfectly symmetrical and flows. She's physically flawless. Yakov's too busy thinking about Lilia to notice his insecurities creep upon him. If Lilia does not feel the same, what will he do then? Forget everything and never see her again? The thought is scary but it's worth the risk.

_Lilia is worth the risk._

Over the next few days, Yakov has stopped by the convenience store to meet Lilia again, unfortunately, she hasn't been back since the day they officially met. Yakov thinks for a moment while he leaves the store for the second time that day. Both times were towards the end of the week. Maybe Lilia will be back by then. Yakov's at home on his day off, dialing in his parents' home phone number. He hasn't talked to his parents since they left town and it's been too long without communication. The phone rings four times before his father's voice answers. "Hello?" "Hi, papa. It's me." Yakov grins, carrying the long twisted cord to the living room to sit down. "Ah, Yasha! How have you been, son? Do you miss us already?" "Yeah, it's been a while, huh? I'm good. Great, actually." Yakov's father can hear the smile in his voice as he talks. "What's got you all giddy? I haven't heard you like this in a long time." The older man hums, waving over his wife as she enters the kitchen.

"Well, I met a girl." Yakov's mother hears through the speaker and almost drops a ceramic bowl. "My Yasha met a girl?!" She gasps, rushing over to her husband to snatch the phone from him. "Tell me all about her! What's her name? What does she look like? When can we meet her?" Yakov and his father both laugh, telling her to calm down. "Mama, please, it's nothing serious yet. We just... ran into each other a while back and I saw her again. That's all." He explains. Yakov's mother frowns and looks at the table. "Yasha, why would you say you met a woman and then go on about how it means nothing. Women never want to hear that if they are interested!" Yakov sighs and nods to himself. "I know. I don't know how she even feels though. I just think she's pretty. She's... different from the other women here. I don't think she's from Saint Petersburg. Her name is Lilia." Yakov's mother listens intently, growing a smile as he talks. The way he speaks about this Lilia girl is the same way he discusses his students. He cares for the mysterious woman.

"Yasha... you sound so passionate about her. Why not ask her on a date the next time you see her? It may open new doors. Do not let her get away, that should not be hard for you." She says sweetly through the phone. "You think I should? You don't think it's too soon?" Yakov asks to make sure. "Nothing is too soon unless it's pregnancy. Other than that, you're in the clear. Do what makes you happy, son. You have our support." Yakov smiles and gets up from the couch, turning around to look at himself in a wall mirror. "Maybe I will then. Can I ask papa something real quick?" "Sure, dear. Here he is." His mother hands the phone back over and gets up to make them dinner. "Papa speaking." His father jokes, holding the phone to his ear. "I have a question that only you can answer." Yakov starts. His father hums in response, waiting. "How _do_ I ask Lilia out on a date?"

Yakov's just leaving his weekly class of learning sign language. The night has arrived in the chilly mid-October weather. The man has a heavy coat and hat on, tucking his hands into his pockets to keep them warm since he left his gloves in his skating bag. Yakov has learned a lot more in sign language. He can have a basic conversation but nothing too technical yet which is what he will need to learn before talking to Yaletha himself. Every night he practices in front of the mirror and narrates anything he does before bed with sign language. He messes up sometimes but that's all right. Practice, practice, practice is what he would tell his students. On the ride home, Yakov drives past a market selling bouquets of flower arrangements. Flowers were one of the things his father had mentioned to ask out Lilia. Yakov makes a mental note to stop by the market in the morning to pick out flowers for Lilia. Hopefully he will see her again this week so he can ask her out. He's already thinking about what kind to get and what color. What color was she wearing when he saw her?

Yakov remembers a long, light-grey coat with a faux fur collar. That doesn't help him so much. Then he thinks of her pink lips. It seems like a good and safe choice. He decides to get her some type of pink flower bouquet in the morning. He does not want to look _too_ overdone but something nicer than his usual tracksuit for the rink will do. He wants to be presentable, _irresistible_ , can't say no to. Yakov never gets dressed up for special occasions. He has no reason to now that he isn't competing. The man can appreciate a nice suit when he comes across it. Even just a button-up and dress pants work. The last time he dressed up nicely was for the ballet he saw with his parents over two years ago.

The man gets up early to shower and pick out a decent outfit. Nothing too flashy nor too casual like he is usually dressed. He settles for a nice pair of trousers, button-up, and a vest overtop. Yakov packs a second outfit to change into at the rink when he goes after seeing Lilia. Yakov eats an apple as his breakfast along with a plain coffee and heads on his way to the market. He parks in the front and gets out, looking through the bunches of flowers there are to choose from. Yakov hasn't picked out a bouquet in years so getting to do it again is exciting. Even the thought of asking her out is thrilling. Yakov never really asked his ex out in the first place. The two just one day decided to go have dinner and the rest was history. He wants this time to be different but more traditional than the last time. His father gave him many pointers and advice for asking Lilia out and what to do on the date and whatnot.

Yakov pulls out a moderately sized bouquet of blush Oriental Lilies. He thought it would be a cute thing to go along with her name. Yakov pays for the bouquet and gets back in his car to drive to the convenience store. He's a bit early so he decides to wait before getting out to look for her. Yakov takes this time to think over everything he wants to say and how to say it. What she might like and, oh, a place to take her. Where the hell is he planning on taking her. Maybe a lovely dinner near the river or something on the outskirts of town. Yakov concludes to let her choose where she wants to eat since he does not know what she prefers just yet.

Some time goes by and Yakov steps out of his car, bouquet in hand. The wind catches his light, ashy toned hair, sending chills down his neck. He locks his car and walks into the store to pass more time and hopefully, she'll walk in soon after. It's about ten minutes later and Yakov hears the familiar bell ring upon its opening. His gaze turns toward the front to see Lilia walking in to grab an item from the first display. Yakov grows a large smile as he makes his way over. On the way, an older woman drops her purse in front of Yakov, cursing to herself. "Oh, I'm sorry, excuse me." The old woman grumbles, reaching down for the bag. Yakov shakes his head and waves it off. "Don't worry about it, let me help." He picks up the tan bag and the few contents that fell out. The lady smiles and thanks him, returning to her shopping.

When Yakov continues his journey to Lilia, he's left to see that she's already gone. With quick thinking, he races to the door in case she's still close by. When exiting, he then spots the woman down the sidewalk. This time she's not alone. Before he can even run after her, he notices a foreign man accompanying her with a hand on her opposite shoulder. Yakov can not describe the emotion he feels but it resembles something he presumes as heartbreak. He's stuck in front of the store door, wondering _why_? Who is this man and why is he with Lilia? Why would Lilia say she will see Yakov again when she's already with someone else? Maybe she never saw Yakov in that way.

_Yakov craves a genuine connection._

Yakov ends up going to his skating session feeling lonelier than before. All the feelings he thought had banished have made their infamous comeback, thoughts, and insecurities much stronger this time. It's difficult for Yakov to keep his head in the game during the long practice with his students. Even Yaletha notices his mental absence, not sure why her coach seems so _off_ today. By the time he's back home in the quiet flat, he has gone completely numb. He just had this feeling that something was not going to work out and that he will be destroyed. Why does this hurt more than his breakup? He and Lilia were never together so why is it impacting him stronger? The Russian decides he should not dwell on this so he goes to pick up his phone and call Fiodor. "Hello?" The other answers after a few rings. "Fedya, it's Yasha. I'll take your offer. Meet me in twenty at the pub off of Akademika Pavlova Street?" Fiodor grins and takes a breath. "Sure. I'll be there. Glad to finally see you come around."

The two men are three drinks deep at a local pub, talking about everything. "I can't believe you saw her with another man. Ouch, that has to hurt, Yasha. I'm sorry. At least you found out now and not later. Saved yourself from rejection, I guess." Fiodor raises a glass, taking it down quickly. "I guess." Yakov nods, ending with a heavy sigh. "I just wish... I don't know. I wish it could have worked out. I'm so drawn to her and-" "Are you attracted to her?" Fiodor glances at him, signaling the bartender for another round for the two. "I don't know if I can answer that. Not right now at least, I'm not sure." Yakov mumbles leaning back into his leather barstool. "If that's your answer, then it's most likely a yes. You tend to deny things more when they are true." Yakov shakes his head with a sad grin. "You got me there." "I always do. I know you, Yasha."

_I know you._

"Well, how about a toast?" "To?" Yakov raises a glass once served one by the bartender. "New beginnings. I know, _cheesy_ , and..." Fiodor thinks of a clever thing to say. "Finding people true at heart." Yakov quietly adds, earning a click to his glass from Fiodor's. "Perfect. To finding people true at heart and in the soul." The men take their shots, cringing after. They spend another hour or so getting shit-faced at the pub, loosening up to let go of their many problems. When they decide to leave, Yakov is sure he spots Yaletha's mother entering the retro pub. Why is she here at this time of night and on a weekday? That's a question for Yakov as well so he can't say anything about it. The men are hanging off of each other and hail a cab to take them to their homes.

Pounding, pounding, _pounding_. Goes Yakov's head in the morning. "Why did I go out drinking last night?" The man grumbles to himself, rolling over and holding his throbbing forehead. Yakov is not so much of a drinker, at least in heavy amounts. The most he'll have in one night are two drinks. Any more than that and he's sick and miserable like he is now. Fortunately, he does not have practice today so he can spend the long day in bed and complain about it to himself. When he does finally get up, His track pants are gone and in the bathroom doorway. His shirt is stretched in the neck and stained with sweat across the chest. " ***** Говно!" Yakov sighs as he sits up from his bed. The room spins for a moment before returning to normal. Yakov regrets drinking himself away last night. He learned his lesson during competition seasons.

The man eventually gains the energy and strength to roll out of his bed to look for some painkillers in the kitchen. _Unfortunately_ , he's all out. Now he has to go to the pharmacy to pick up a bottle. Yakov does not feel like leaving his flat and looking like _this_. A hungover sad sack of shit, that is. With an even heavier sigh, Yakov carries himself to the bathroom to bathe and maybe wake up a little more. He almost falls asleep sitting in the tub as the warm water sprinkles down on his pale face, trickling down his toned body. Years were spent building it to the shape it is today. The shower's hot water eventually runs out, pouring freezing droplets on the man and startling him. Yakov jumps up and turns the knob to the far right, shivering. "Christ." He mutters, reaching his arm out of the curtain to grab his towel and warm up again. Once Yakov is dried off and dressed appropriately, he manages to climb in his car and go to the pharmacy for pain relief.

It's been a few weeks since Yakov's stopped by the convenience store. He did not see a point in going to see Lilia anymore since she obviously has another man in her life. Yakov began to purchase his weekly cigar elsewhere to avoid her altogether. He's not mad at Lilia. He can never be mad at her when she's innocent and done no wrong. He's disappointed in himself for becoming too attached to someone he knew he could not have from the get-go. While he's out for a stroll to clear his mind, a voice catches him off guard. "Yakov-Ivanovich? I've been waiting for you for a month now. Where did you go?" The blonde turns around and is in shock to see his mystery woman behind him. "Yakov-Ivanovich?" She repeats, approaching the taller male.

Yakov blinks slowly then swallows the lump in his throat. "Lilia, what are you doing on this side of town?" He asks, cautious with his words. "Where have _you_ been? I go to the store all the time and wait to see you but you never show up anymore." Yakov finally does not know what to say to her.

_It is at this point that Yakov knew he screwed up.  
_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * "Shit!"


	6. IV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yakov explains why he stopped visiting the convenience store Lilia shops at and asks her on a date. One of Yakov's students has an accident during training and is taken to emergency care.

"Where have you been?" Lilia waits for Yakov's explanation. "I thought you would not care to see me?" Yakov answers, keeping his distance. Lilia's face turns to show even more confusion, taking a step closer. "What do you mean? You were the one who asked if you would see me again and I said yes. Then you disappear? What was that about? If you wanted to mess with me, it was not that funny." Lilia's arms cross over her chest, cold from the breeze. Yakov can not help the tug at his heart so he takes his coat off and places it atop Lilia's shoulders. The woman looks up again, her facial muscles relaxing. "What are you doing?" She asks quietly, her breath showing in the cold air. "Just being a gentleman. Let's go talk somewhere indoors?" The man offers, holding his elbow out. Lilia obliges and hooks her arm through his, resting her hand on his bicep.

The two walk to the nearest cafe to sit down and warm up from the early winter air. "Shall we explain everything from each of our perspectives?" Yakov suggests. Lilia agrees and takes a sip of her hot Russian tea. "You go on ahead. Since I asked you first." Lilia grins as she sets her cup down on the table. Yakov swallows and clasps his hands together on the wooden oak table between them. "However long ago it was, I was in the back of the store when I last saw you. You did not see me, I don't think, and when I tried to reach you, you were gone and with another man. I gave up, Lilia. Why would I chase someone when there was never a race?" Lilia purses her lips then sighs, smoothing back the baby hairs on the top of her head from the familiar bun she wears.

Lilia listens to the unknown man's words, looking up from her teacup to speak her part. "Yakov-Ivanovich, I never wanted you to stop chasing. That man was my previous dance partner. He only came to visit me that day. I'm sorry I confused you or gave you mixed signals. Let's... start over?" Lilia chuckles, teasing the man. Yakov's cheeks turn to soft pink, nodding to Lilia. "Nice to meet you, I'm Yakov-Ivanovich." He stands up to shake Lilia's hand. Lilia laughs softly and stands up as well to return the handshake. From there on, Yakov and Lilia understand their mistakes and move on from it.

_It was simply a misunderstanding._

Before they part ways, Yakov has one thing to ask the woman. "Lilia, would it be in your favor to accompany me on a date one evening?" Yakov has to refrain from the stutters he feels building-up in his throat. Lilia is taken aback, not expecting such a bold statement from him. "Why-... sure. I would love to." Lilia answers with a small smile. "Did I answer that right?" She whispers to him after, not sure. Yakov grins and nods, his butterflies filling his stomach. " _Perfectly_."

Yakov tells Fiodor all about his upcoming date with Lilia. The way Yakov talks about how excited he is for this shows how much he cares for this woman. Fiodor smiles and listens to his friend, genuinely thrilled for him. "How about you and I go out before the date and get you all ready? New outfit, we can visit the barber, and pick out a new bouquet." Fiodor offers. Yakov thinks about it before answering. "That sounds nice but I want to go as myself. I don't want to give her the wrong impression, _again_. Sure, a new outfit is good but I can look through my closet first. I'm sure I have plenty to wear from when I was competing. I will take on the barber visit though. My razor set can only do so much." Fiodor smiles wider and gets up to slap his back. "Great! I'll pick you up in the morning and we'll get you pampered. Plus, if you need me for backup I can hang around the area while you have dinner." "That's quite all right, Fedya. I appreciate the offer but we're not teenagers anymore. I'll be fine." Yakov grins, adjusting his skates to return to the ice with his students for the remainder of their practice.

The room is fading in and out of black and blinding white. The early spring's evening air is nipping at the delicate pale skin that is exposed from Odile's noir costume. Odile can not for the life of her feel anything below her waist. She wants to move and wiggle for some feeling but anything she tries sends a shrilling pain down her thighs and hips. Odile is taken into the back of an ambulance and sent off to the closest hospital near the Bolshoi Theater. There's no telling what happened on the stage. The only other thing on her mind is wondering about the Prince.

_Is Prince Siegfried okay?_

Odile spends weeks recovering from the accident, her room is quiet and lonely. No family will help take care of the poor young woman while she's recovering. Odile only wishes to dance again, walking across the clouds like she used to. She misses being able to touch the floor so lightly, lost in her body as it moves to the music fluently. Dancing is like breathing. Without it, she can not breathe. Odile feels as if her breath has been stolen and now she's just holding on to what little air she is given. Odile's lost her voice it seems, without it, she can not free herself from the prison that is her own body. The young woman is trapped, contained in a small space.

The woman wants to scream, to feel some sort of relief of the tension. Without her voice, she can not. Doctors and nurses are taken aback to see that not one single person in her family has visited her. The only ones that have been there are the casting director and the Prince himself. Prince Siegfried feels horrible for what happened. The man always apologizes every time he visits Odile but she waves it off, telling him it was just an accident. An accident she's terrified of. One that could end _everything_ she had coming for her too soon. Her doctors gave her a chance of recovering and dancing again, like none of this had happened to begin with. On the downside, there is always the small chance she won't be the same. Odile fears for her life once she leaves this hospital room. She is terrified she will leave this room and not be flexible or able to perform any movements from the dance she loves so much. Something as simple as _walking_ may be stolen from her.

_Ballet was like breathing to her._

Yakov assists Alek and Dominik with triple-salchows, knowing he's in for the long run. "Will you two _please_ listen to me and not goof off?" The older of the three sighs, tired of it. "Sorry, Coach Yakov-Ivanovich." Dominik apologizes, listening to his coach and attempting the jump. Yakov observes and counts to three rotations. Dominik trips on his landing, tumbling to his rear. Yakov can only heavily sigh once more, Alek laughing and pointing at his older twin. "Dominik-Maksovich, bend your knees! You were stiffer than an opossum playing dead. Try again." Dominik nods and gets back up to fix his posture this time.

Before Dominik's right blade swings around to take off into the jump, the horrid skid of someone else's blades scratches across the ice accompanied by a loud _thud_. Yakov cringes, knowing the sound all too well. He just saw it happen from the corner of his eye. The coach fully turns to find out where the noise came from, frantic. Mischa is laying on the ice, clear on the other side of the rink. "Mischa-Umbertovna, are you all right?" The coach calls out, looking at the twins to tell them he will be right back. "Mischa-Umbertovna?" He calls again as he glides over to his eldest student. Yakov becomes worried and hurries, his other students noticing that Mischa is not getting up nor responding to their coach. Yaletha even felt the fall from under her white skates and scans the rink. She decides to follow her coach to check on Mischa.

Yakov stops his momentum to sit on his knees next to Mischa. "Hey, what happened? Are you okay?" He asks, holding a hand out. Mischa sniffles and points to her right skate. Mischa has tears in her grey eyes, chapped lips trembling as she lays on her back. "You didn't hit your head, did you?" He asks, hearing someone approach from behind. Yaletha squats down, hands on her knees as she gives the older girl a small smile. Mischa takes a breath, whimpering at the soreness she felt in her right foot. "I don't k-know?" She whispers, wiping her eyes. "I don't remember..." Yakov purses his lips then gets back up to wave over someone working that also heard the commotion. "All right, we'll get you up and out. Do you think you can stand up?" He asks, glancing at Yaletha. Yaletha is observing Mischa when she notices something. She looks up at her coach and points to her right calf, signing that she was bleeding. Yakov has to pretend he doesn't know what Yaletha signed so he examines anyway.

Mischa has a tear in her pants and a cut about (1) ***** three inches in length. "You must have scratched yourself with your left blade. What were you doing?" Mischa slowly sits herself up, elbows shaking behind her. "Careful." He mumbles, helping his student. "I... I wanted to try a quad-flip." Mischa confesses, knowing she is about to be in huge trouble. Yakov refrains himself from lecturing the girl and stays calm about it. "Mischa-Umbertovna, please be careful next time. Someone's coming to help and we'll get you to a doctor." Mischa nods and a few people working come out to the ice to help bring her off. Yaletha follows them and her mother offers to take Mischa to emergency care. Yaletha feels bad so she goes along with them, with permission from her coach, of course.

The rest of the session is quiet. Yakov is fearful for his other students so he has them work on spins, edges, and footwork rather than any more jumps for the day. Kira is worried about her friend, wanting to make sure she is okay but knows she would want her to stay and practice and not miss out on training time. Yakov is sure to give his remaining students a small lecture on staying safe when training. "Please, ask before you attempt anything beyond your limit. We must use the harness before." The three all nod, understanding. "I know you're worried about Mischa-Umbertovna but I have faith she'll be all right and recover soon. Now let's get our skates off and you three can go home."

_Even the most beautiful of things in this world can capture your life in a second._

That night while Yakov is preparing himself dinner, he receives a phone call. The man rinses his hands off, patting them dry before he picks up. "Hello?" "Is this Yakov-Ivanovich?" A woman asks on the other end. "Yes. Who is this?" "Hi, it's Anna-Alexeyevna. I'm calling about Mischa-Umbertovna." Yakov nods, recognizing the voice as Yaletha's mother. "How is she doing?" "She rolled her ankle but they said she'll make a full recovery as long as she properly takes care of it. At least a month and a half or so. Her father was able to meet us there." Yakov listens to Anna. "At least she's okay. I'm glad. I appreciate the call, Anna-Alexeyevna." Yakov grins. Anna smiles as well, nodding. "Of course. I won't keep you." " (2) ***** До свидания." Yakov ends the call and returns to his meal prep. He feels better knowing that Mischa is okay and hasn't caused any other serious damage. Figure skaters are fragile.

Yakov is constantly reminded of the events that took place when he saw his first ballet. It is what he fears the most for his students. You never know when it can be your last skate or step. Yakov's had his fair share of nasty spills on the ice. Nothing to this extent though. His worst was a minor concussion and bruises to remind him for the next several weeks afterward. The man has the ballet's accident on replay, constantly wondering what happened. Why no one mentioned it after the fact. No news, nothing. It was swept under the rug and stayed a mystery. Part of him thinks the director of the show did not want a negative review for the delay. Still, you would think they would have disclaimed the accident the next day or so. The fact that even his parents have no idea is riveting. His mother is always attending the ballets, so the fact that she has not mentioned seeing Odile again is quite worrying.

Yakov pays his student Mischa a visit the next day at her house. The man feels bad for letting the young girl obtain a bad injury while under his watch. Even though he was distracted. Mischa seems to be doing a lot better than yesterday, keeping up with icing her ankle and taking medications as needed. Her calf is also bandaged and healing. The cut was not deep enough to need stitches as it will heal on its own. Her family and Mischa herself are very thankful for Yaletha and her mother, Anna, for stepping up to take her to the hospital. Mischa requests her coach to let Kira know that she is okay and will see her soon. That is exactly what he tells Kira at their next session.

It's now the morning of Yakov's date with Lilia. The Russian gives Fiodor a call after eating and the two head out into the town to get him ready. Tonight, Yakov is meeting Lilia at a local family-owned restaurant. Lilia said she was fine meeting him there and that he did not need to go out of his way to pick her up. The main reason being, Lilia did not _want_ him to see where she lives. It may add to the mystery but Lilia does not have a lot of money as of right now. A big fraction was spent on just getting herself to Saint Petersburg. Hopefully, with her new job, she can afford a nicer flat.

Yakov and Fiodor go to the barbershop for a fresh shave and after, search for the best flower bouquet. "What did you get her the last time?" Fiodor asks, looking through a few of the options. "Pink Lilies. Like her name, you know?" Yakov grins, smelling roses. "You could get her Lilies again or maybe Roses to be more _romantic_?" Fiodor teases, looking over the flower display to Yakov on the other side. "Good point. I might get Lilies again. It'll mean more, I think." Fiodor nods and the two look through the Lilies.

Yakov settles on the same Oriental Lily bouquet he got several weeks ago. Hopefully this time they will make it to the woman and not end up in an old vase on Yakov's kitchen table. The men have a small lunch and Yakov makes it home with his bouquet for later. He spends the rest of his afternoon getting ready and deciding on what to wear. Now he has to think, does he want to be classy or fancy. Yakov has a difficult time, making up bizarre scenarios in his mind if he wears one outfit and not the other. Even vice-versa.

As the evening approaches, Yakov sets his mind on nice trousers, a slate blue button-up shirt, and a jacket overtop that matches the light grey trousers. Yakov fixes his shorter hair, combing down the fly-away strands. His favorite cologne is then spritzed on his neck and wrists, trying not to overdo it in case Lilia is sensitive to the strong scent. Five p.m. rolls around and Yakov makes any last-minute adjustments before leaving his flat, bouquet in hand. He heads to his car and eventually makes his way to the restaurant.

Upon arrival, the man parks behind the small building and makes his way inside. He puts his name in for a table for two. Yakov can hardly believe he's here, about to go on a date with the young woman he thought he would never see again. Now here he is, waiting for her appearance. He can only imagine what she will look like. If her hair will be down or in her classic tight bun. While he's looking at some decorations in the front, the door opens and the strong wind sweeps through. Yakov feels the breeze, turning around to meet a tall lady stepping inside from the freezing outdoors. The wind has blown her knee-length dress skirt to the side and her chest-length hair is in her face.

The woman quietly laughs to herself, quickly fixing her hair before noticeable. Yakov's butterflies return, it is Lilia who's come in. The quirky lady sighs and smooths the skirt down, looking up to see Yakov smiling at her. "Oh- you saw that whole disaster?" Lilia questions, embarrassed. Yakov chuckles and approaches with a nod. "I did. Don't worry, I don't think you are a disaster." Lilia sighs in relief, looking up at the man again. "Well, that's good." She nods. "Sorry, my hair is probably a mess. If you'll excuse me I can make myself a little more presentable." Yakov shakes his head. "No, no, you look fine! Here, these are for you." Yakov smiles, holding out the bouquet for her. "Aw, Yakov-Ivanovich, how sweet of you. (3) ***** Спасибо." Lilia takes the bouquet from Yakov and smells the beautiful Lilies. "I can fix your hair, it's only a few pieces that got misplaced." Lilia is surprised by the offer but does not mind. Yakov gently moves them back according to her off-centered part, smiling once he finishes. "All better now, (4) ***** да?" Lilia gives an affirming nod, smiling back at Yakov.

_She can't help it._

The table for two is ready and a hostess guides them to the designated setting in a quiet corner of the small restaurant. Yakov pulls out a seat for Lilia which she sits down in and thanks him. Yakov sits across from the young lady and almost has to pinch himself to make sure this is real life. "How are you doing this evening?" Lilia breaks the short silence, looking at the older man in front of her. "I'm great now that we're here. And you?" He returns. Lilia grins and nods, letting out a breath. "I'm good. I'm glad to be here. My nights get boring just being by myself." Lilia confesses. Yakov personally feels that unfortunately, battling the same issue. "Thank you for coming, Lilia. I appreciate being able to treat you."

_Yakov wants to tell her that for the rest of his days._

"Thank you for inviting me. I have never been on a date. At least a real one, I should say." Lilia mentions, meeting Yakov's baby blue irises. Yakov is a bit surprised to hear this. This young and beautiful woman had never been on a date before? "Really? Why's that?" "Well, it was nothing like this. Just a little lunch back in school. _This_ is a real date compared to what my first one was." Yakov listens and nods along. "I get that. Well I'm honored to be with you on your _first_ date." Yakov can almost melt from his words. He does not realize how deep he is in this hole he's dug. Little does he know, he's catching feelings as well. Only if he has not done so already.

Yakov and Lilia discuss some more until their waitress arrives with waters and to take their orders. "May I ask where you are from?" Yakov asks once their waitress takes away the menus and goes to put in their order. "Of course. I'm from the Moscow area. You don't sound like you're from here either, I will add." Lilia grins, already aware of her South Russian accent. "You're correct. I am from Moscow as well. I figured you would be from that area." Yakov responds. "What brought you up North?" Lilia takes a drink from her water glass. "Figure skating. I moved here a while ago to continue training while I was still competing. I should be asking you the same thing. What brought _you_ here?" He smiles at the woman. Lilia hums, setting her glass down on the cloth-covered table. "Ah, you're a figure skater? I'm surprised I don't recognize you. I have never watched any of the televised competitions." She returns her gaze on the blonde. "As for me, I'm a ballerina. Or, _used_ to be, I should say. I came here because there's a new class branching from the Bolshoi Theater and they need instructors. So, here I am."

"Ballerina, you say? My mother adores ballets. She used to be a ballerina herself. I know she will like you." Yakov is getting far ahead of himself and Lilia finds it kind of cute. "Already planning for me to meet your mother?" The brunette teases with a grin. Yakov's face gets hot and he's quick to explain himself. "Sorry, no, um... I did not mean to sound too- I mean unless you want to meet her, I have no problem with that." He awkwardly laughs. Lilia can only smile and laugh along with Yakov. He's different from all the other men she has encountered. Anyone who has tried to ask her out was too full of themselves and just wanted to take advantage of her since she was young. People can be cruel and have disgusting minds. She's thankful.

"You're not like any other man I know. You're sweet." Lilia has to mention. Yakov's face heats up yet again, never had he received a compliment like that before. "Thank you... that means a lot to me. My parents should be the ones thanking you instead. It's all them." He smiles at Lilia. She chuckles and takes another drink. Something about him is so easy to be around. Their conversations are not awkward or forced, there's never a long pause of silence between conversations. Something about all of this _feels_ right. "You're a ballerina and you mentioned a dance partner, is that why he was here?" Yakov asks. Lilia nods and looks up. "Yes, exactly. There are only a few of us, instructors, here so far and we do not know how many are needed just yet since the studio is not finished. He is thinking of being an instructor once he too retires from dancing in theaters.

"Do you perform in theaters then?" "I did. I only quit a few months ago so I could move here once I heard about a studio opening. You said you used to skate competitively, what do you do now?" Lilia scans Yakov's face, noting the small details. "Much like you, I coach now. I have a small class of students who come in three times a week and I train them in the higher-level skills they need. Anything ranging from doubles to triple jumps, flying-spins, footwork you use in programs. You name it." Yakov is proud to talk about his coaching lifestyle. Lilia can tell how much he adores it. She feels the same for ballet. She's glad he has a strong passion like her.

Eventually, the couple's food arrives at the table and the two begin to eat. Yakov ordered a dish of Pelmeni and Lilia a Beef Stroganoff. He and Lilia enjoy their meal, making small talk in between. "Are you only living here temporarily?" Yakov decides to ask, curious if she has plans on leaving anytime soon. "I'm not so sure yet. I don't see any rush in returning to Moscow. It's not like I have a real family keeping me there." Lilia answers, stabbing a bite onto her fork. "Real family?" Yakov asks, brows furrowing at the statement. "I do not talk to them anymore. I only hear from my sister every so often. Not enough for me to stay there forever. I do enjoy Saint Petersburg though. It's different." She grins towards the end, taking her bite from the silver fork.

"I like it here too. I have been here for years and I can honestly say it is my second home. I thought I would be moving back to Moscow once I retired but with coaching, I don't see how I can leave just yet." Yakov replies, enjoying this conversation with the woman. "Maybe I will learn to love it as you do?" Lilia grins, peeking up at the man. Yakov can only smile back, his heart so soft for her. Is it too soon to say he's slowly falling?

_This time, it is a different kind of falling.  
_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1 * About 7.62 cm  
> 2 * "Goodbye"  
> 3 * "Thank you"  
> 4 * "Yes"


	7. V

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yakov is brought to the attention that he may be falling-in-love with Lilia. Yakov runs into a major conflict with a student's parent and is honest with Lilia about the problem. Upon meeting the Russian man again, Lilia acknowledges their deepening relationship. Yakov's conflict comes back worse than before and may risk his future as a figure skating coach.

Yakov offers Lilia a ride back to her home so she does not have to walk alone in the cold. Lilia is hesitant but accepts the offer anyway. The two settle in his car, buckling in and driving down the road while Lilia gives him directions. "Thank you for the ride, I appreciate it." She smiles softly, looking over at the tall man. Yakov grins and glances back at her, nodding. "Of course. I would not feel comfortable letting you walk home at this time of night. Plus, I would not be doing my job." He responds, stopping at a light. "And what is this job?" Lilia asks, crossing her right leg over her left. "Making sure you're all right and safe." Yakov smiles at the woman. His butterflies have not left at all. Not even for a second during the date.

Lilia's cheeks get visibly pinker underneath the minimal blush she wears. She only put a little makeup on for the date. Nothing too over the top for Yakov. She wants him to know what he's getting himself into from the get-go, no high expectations. "You really are the dream man, huh?" Lilia teases, leaning her head back as she watches Yakov drive down the nearly deserted street. Her smile only grows when she catches his similarly red cheeks under the passing street lamps. "That seems a little too far-fetched but I'm trying to be." He replies, chuckling a bit.

Lilia hums to herself, turning her gaze to the windshield to watch the buildings move by. "Left at this upcoming intersection. My building is the second one on the left." Yakov nods and yields to traffic before making the turn. He parallel-parks across the street from the little but tall building, getting out to open Lilia's door. "Thank you, Yakov-Ivanovich." Lilia looks up, swinging her legs out to step on the ground. Yakov holds out his left hand which the woman takes, getting up on the sidewalk after fully exiting the vehicle. "Thanks again. You must stop being so perfect and making me look bad." She chuckles, shivering slightly from the wind. Yakov laughs a little and bites on the inside of his cheek. "I don't know how to _not_ be polite. It's just who I am." He holds his elbow out like he's done once before. Lilia grins and links her arm through, following Yakov as he leads her across the street to her building's front door.

"I'm okay from here. Thank you for the ride again and the date. I had a lot of fun. Let's do this again sometime?" Lilia stops to turn around to look up at Yakov. The man starts to smile for the one-hundredth time that night. "Me too. Thank you for coming, I missed seeing you." He answers, looking back in her pear-green eyes. "Give me a call the next time you want to go out." Lilia opens her clutch wallet, fishing for something to write on and write with. Luckily, she has a wrapper and a pen to write her home phone number on. Once she finishes, she holds it out for the older man. Yakov takes the wrapper and looks down at her pretty handwriting. "Thank you. I will most definitely reach out soon." He looks up again, not wanting to leave. "Have a good night, Yakov-Ivanovich." The woman says sweetly, clasping her hands together. " (1) ***** Спокойной ночи, _just_ Lilia." The woman opens her mouth to say something but only chuckles. "Go home, Yakov-Ivanovich. Before we stand out here talking all night and freeze into ice cubes."

Yakov nods, his cheeks beginning to hurt from the smiling. He waves to the woman and starts his way to the car. Lilia watches as Yakov crosses the street to leave. "You better get inside before you turn into an ice cube!" He shouts from across the road. Lilia chuckles and waves to him. "Just doing my job, making sure you're safe!" She learns to love teasing this man and Yakov is puddling from it. Before getting back in his car, he looks at Lilia again. "Call me Yasha." He calls out. Lilia blinks twice, growing a small grin. "I will." She answers, waving him bye as he finally leaves. "Good night, Yasha." She whispers under her breath, retreating to her flat.

For the next week, Yakov can not stop thinking about how perfect his first date with Lilia went. He could not have asked for anything different. The outcome was more than he anticipated, thankful for it. His parents eventually call in, checking on their son. "Yasha, how is everything? Sorry for not reaching out sooner. We've been fairly busy going to doctor's appointments and whatnot." His mother sighs, sitting at the kitchen table while she talks. "No worries, I'm great, mama. Guess what?" Yakov starts, on his couch. "Don't make me guess, Yasha." The older woman sighs heavier, earning a small laugh from her son. "Papa gave me advice a while back and I used it to ask Lilia on a date." The man has to pull the phone away so the shriek his mother lets out does not make him lose his ability to hear.

Ivan, Yakov's father, rushes in, startled. "What was that? Are you okay, Xenya?" He asks, heart racing. "Lovely, darling! Our son asked a woman out on a date!" She gushes, looking over her shoulder. His father places a hand on his forehead, not surprised she was overreacting to something like this. "Please don't scare me like that again." He approaches to sit with her at the table. "Tell us all about it! Have you gone out yet?" His mother smiles, twisting the cord with her right index finger. "We did. Just a few nights ago. It was amazing, mama. I couldn't ask for a better evening." His mother feels nothing but a heart full of mushy love for her _little_ boy. "Yasha, my son, you already sound like you _love_ her. I am so happy for you. I'm overjoyed." The only part that sticks out to Yakov is the word love.

_He can't love Lilia yet. It's too early, right?_

"You think so?" Yakov asks, listening for his mother to answer. "It seems like it. At least, slowly falling for her. Whatever you are feeling, I hope it ends with true happiness. You deserve the world, Yasha." Yakov loves his mother dearly, always appreciating what she's done for him and the lengths she's gone to. "Thank you, mama." The man replies with a small grin. "I don't know how I feel yet but I do know that I never want to miss seeing her." Yakov's father can hear him through the phone, knowing all too well. His son is falling in love without realizing it. His mother chuckles and looks at her husband. She knows it as well. "I hope you can find out your feelings soon. When you do, don't hide them."

After the phone call ends, Yakov goes back to his kitchen to look at the wrapper Lilia wrote her number on. She's a classy lady who has a bit of a dorky side to her without trying. Yakov can make a whole list of little things he finds so intriguing about Lilia. They don't know each other's stories completely just yet but there are so many more things for him to discover to add to the list and he can't wait. Again, Yakov is curious to know Lilia's thoughts. Even just a small peek at what she feels towards him. He's sure she is as genuinely interested in him as he is for her. She does not seem to be going along for the ride. She said it herself, she had been _waiting_ to see him again for nearly a month when he stopped showing up at the convenience store. The thought of that gives him the reassurance he needs. He hasn't felt an ounce of loneliness since running into Lilia again while he was walking through town. It's almost relieving to not have to lose energy on negative emotions.

_Almost._

It's difficult to void all the negative thoughts completely. Something can't just make them go away instantly but he hopes Lilia can be that something he needs. Without competitions every season, it is like he already lost the love of his life. Moving on took a hot minute but he eventually got over it once he found his new love for coaching. He never wants to feel the same sadness of leaving something again. He never wants to see Lilia leave. How will he move on after growing such a fondness for this woman he barely knows the name of?

That day, he goes into his training session with something new in mind for his students. "Today, why don't we all try to make a mini-program? It can be about whatever you like. The footwork, the jumps, spins, everything. I want you to come up with choreography that reflects the emotion you wish to portray. It does not have to be very long. I think two minutes or so will be fine. If you want to make it longer, be my guest." Yakov announces. Yaletha's mother is sure to sign all the instructions to her. "Is that all we're doing today?" Alek asks his coach. "Well I'm sure we can fit in some other things later but for now just think about the elements _you_ want to do today." The man answers and the skaters all spread out to brainstorm.

Yaletha has a bit of trouble coming up with movements. Since she can't listen to music, she has to make her own through vibrations. The idea of tapping her skates comes to mind and soon enough, she has the beginning of her mini-program figured out. The other students have no problem stitching together the elements that come to mind, revising whatever deems necessary along the way. Yakov enjoys watching his students explore the things they've learned with him and putting them together. It shows that his and their hard work is paying off.

Yaletha's mother is fascinated as her daughter glides across the ice in the corner she claimed. She always worries about her daughter but the girl is always proving everyone wrong. Yakov doesn't want to play favorites, _however_ , Yaletha has a special place in his heart. He never underestimates her or pities her. He treats her like a normal person as she should be.

Kira's noticed her coach's softer behavior during training. She's always been one to tell when her coach is slightly off. When Yakov comes to check on her progress, it's the first thing she mentions before he can even say anything. "Coach Yakov-Ivanovich, do you have a girlfriend or something?" She pauses her step sequence to look up at him. Yakov is _completely_ caught off guard, flubbing his words. "Um... what? W-What gives you that impression?" He laughs awkwardly, raising a brow. Kira rolls her eyes and points her finger up at him. "You're acting so different now while we practice and you even stopped bickering with the twins! Who stole my coach and replaced him with a knockoff?" Yakov blankly stares down at Kira before erupting with laughter. "No, no, I don't have a girlfriend..." He shakes his head, honestly wishing he did at this moment. "Nothing's wrong, what do you mean I'm different?"

"You're... nicer? Like... waaaay nicer than before and you always have this weird look on your face." Kira snickers a little at his reaction. "I have no idea what you're talking about..." He sighs. "You have a girlfriend! I know it!" Yakov can only give up and move on to his next skater before Kira announces it to the entirety of Russia before the end of the day. Yakov barely manages to escape Kira's teasing to check on Yaletha. "Everything going okay?" Yakov asks the girl, looking to her mother. Yaletha looks as well and nods, smiling. She gives her coach a thumbs up and shows him a few sequences followed by a broken leg-spin. "Beautiful. Absolutely beautiful." Yakov claps and grins, leaning against the half wall.

Yaletha's mother hums and signs the compliment to her daughter before looking at her daughter's coach. "What was Kira-Demyaneva talking about just a moment ago?" The short blonde woman asks with curiosity laced in her voice. Yakov looks over his shoulder at the woman, chuckling slightly. "Oh, she was asking if I have a girlfriend because she thinks I'm acting differently now." Yakov shrugs, not thinking too much into it. "That's all?" Anna chuckles, still looking at him even though he was watching Yaletha again. The man nods, glancing at Anna. "Is it true then? _Do_ you have a girlfriend?" A pink hue dusts the apples of Yakov's cheeks. Why is everyone onto him? "No. I do not have a girlfriend."

_Yakov hates the fact that he does not have a partner._

"Really? You don't?" Anna is astonished to hear his answer. "A man like you certainly can not be a bachelor." Yakov can hardly believe what he's hearing, turning around to face Anna with a confused expression. "Excuse... what do you mean?" He uncrosses his arms, resting a hand on the edge of the wall. "You're not seeing anyone are you?" She lifts her thin brows, patient. "Look- that's private information, we should... I don't think this is an appropriate conversation for... right now, during Yaletha-Levovna's training." Yakov is beyond flustered, never expecting to hear such things come from Yaletha's mother. He always took her as the timid type.

The rest of the session goes on. Yakov had excused himself from Anna immediately after she was uncharacteristically prying into him. Why would she care whether he was dating someone or not? Doesn't she have someone already? Yakov can't get it off his mind. Finally, something that took over other than Lilia. This is the first time in weeks that he has not thought about Lilia for hours upon end. Yakov finishes putting his skates back in their bag once the blades are dry then he gets up to leave the building. The others have already left but Yaletha and her mother were still there, in the bathroom.

Yakov's at his car door unlocking it when he hears two people approaching from behind. Only one comes close and Yakov turns to see Anna. "Oh, hello. Is there something you need?" He asks, trying to be polite and forget about earlier. Yaletha was back a few, deciding to meet her mom in their car and wait. Anna nods up at him. "Since you're not seeing anyone, surely you won't mind me asking you out then?" The woman grows a small grin, confident in her words.

_What?_

"An- look, I hate to put it this way but-" "What? You never disclosed anything. Why can't you agree to one date?" She gives him a hard look. One that's slightly intimidating and he can't find the words to. "I um, I don't mean to be rude at all but I can't." Anna puts a hand on the man's left shoulder, pulling him down to steal his lips but only for half a second. Anna then lets go of him to walk away, smiling to herself. Yakov is in utter bewilderment and shock, his face redder than a lobster.

_What the hell just happened?_

Yakov's drive home is quieter than normal. His thoughts are invading with Anna and even worse, Lilia. He has to tell her what happened or else he can't live with himself. She explained the unknown man with her, so it would only be right to be honest with her as well. As soon as Yakov arrives home, he's searching for Lilia's number and dials. Hopefully, she's home and will answer. After two rings, the phone picks up and Lilia's familiar voice fills the speaker. "Hello?" Yakov is relieved to hear her again, almost forgetting to answer. "Lilia! It's Yasha... are you able to meet me at the store?"

Yakov currently paces outside the convenience store, waiting for Lilia's arrival. He ignores the bitterly cold wind, focused on nothing but his footsteps as he walks in circles. Lilia almost chuckles when she rounds the corner, spotting the man. "Yasha?" She calls, earning his attention immediately. He hasn't heard her use his diminutive yet but something about it made his heart flutter. She says it so _perfectly_. "Why are you all nervous? Did something happen?" The brunette asks, coming closer to Yakov, curious. Yakov takes a deep breath and sighs, looking down at Lilia for a moment. "Let's go inside and talk."

The two of them slowly wander the aisles while Yakov explains why he's called her here. "I was leaving my class and one of my students' mother came up to me and asked me out on a date." Lilia parts her glossy lips to say something, being stopped by Yakov before managing to get anything out. "That's not all. She pulled me down to kiss her and I swear it meant nothing. I don't know why she would do such a thing, in front of her daughter too. I'm sorry, Lilia. I hope you can understand and forgive me." Lilia blinks a few times, not expecting this. "Why did you tell me?" Is the first thing she asks.

"Why wouldn't I? You have every right to know. You deserve to know, Lilia." Yakov answers, looking into her green eyes. Lilia's lips form a small, warm smile. "Does that mean you are interested in me?" She hums, waiting to know his response. "I..." Yakov purses his lips, butterflies swarming his stomach. "Yes... I am interested. I want to continue getting to know you. I don't want you to leave my life so soon. Or at all, if we can help it." Lilia's heart skips a beat, never hearing such raw emotion come from a man before. "Yasha... I'm interested in you as well." The woman confesses.

Yakov feels like the butterflies are taking over his whole being. "I'm glad to hear that." He nods, smiling big. Lilia chuckles softly, letting out a breath. "You know, you did not have to tell me that. And if someone else asks you out, you don't have to say no because of me. I don't mind." Yakov can tell there's a tinge of untruthfulness in her voice. "Lilia, I want to decline other offers because I'm focusing on just us right now. That's my only social priority." Lilia looks up and lets a small grin slide. "You're too sweet." She whispers. Yakov's cheeks are rose as usual whenever he is with her. "I _like_ you, Lilia."

Lilia gets butterflies of her own, looking in his mysterious pale blue eyes. "Which kind?" The woman asks softly. "The kind... that I want to keep getting to know who Lilia is. Explore our relationship. Would you like to go on a second date?" Lilia immediately accepts his offer, nodding her head happily. "Yes, I would love to. As long as you're putting yourself before others." Yakov finds her compromise hard to agree with but he nods either way. "I will." The two wander the shop a while longer, just talking about anything. Yakov never takes their time together for granted.

_Yakov craves every moment spent with Lilia._

Eventually, they have to go their separate ways. Yakov exits the shop, holding the door open for Lilia. "Thank you, Yasha." She grins, stepping out of the way. Yakov sighs, not ready to leave but he has his sign language class tonight. "Thank you for meeting me here. I appreciate your time." Yakov says, walking Lilia up the block. "It's not a problem. I enjoy seeing you." She nods, walking alongside the man. Each of them wants to hold hands but are far too shy to ask just yet. "I hope to see you again soon. And that second date, where would _you_ like to go?" She asks, wanting Yakov to have a say in something. "I don't mind where we go. You can choose." He smiles. "Yasha, I'm asking you because I want you to choose this time. I can't make all the decisions." The brunette chuckles, fixing a stray hair that fell out of her top bun.

"Why don't we go to the (2) _*_ Государственный Эрмитаж?" Yakov suggests. "I've never been, so I would love to." Lilia smiles, stopping at the end of the sidewalk. "I'll see you... Friday afternoon maybe? Would you like me to pick you up this time?" Yakov stops next to her, patient. "Sure. You can pick me up. I'll see you then." Lilia grins. The two wave to each other and turn to go their ways. Before Yakov is too far off, Lilia shouts for him. "Yasha, you can call me Lilya." Yakov turns to look at her, smiling. " _I will_."

That evening, Yakov goes into his weekly sign class with a little less stress from earlier. He never imagined Lilia would react in the way she did. For someone so young, she is very mature. Possibly more than himself. After his class, Yakov asks his instructor for a few tips and extra vocabulary that will help him out more with figure skating terminology. The man goes home afterward, his brain sort of fried from the long eventful day. He can not wait for Friday when he sees Lilia again. The fact that she permitted him to call her Lilya meant a lot. She acknowledges that their relationship is developing and growing stronger. One day, Yakov wants to reassure a partner that she can call him even more intimate names. He's never gotten to that stage, even with his first lover.

She never used it even after granted permission. She saw no point. Yakov decided to play it safe and not use hers either since she only called him Yasha and if they had an argument, she would immediately switch to his full name. It got him riled up and she knew it. As angry as he can get, which does not happen very often, he keeps his temper at bay. He hates going off and not being able to control his emotions. Plus, he would never become furious with a woman. His father taught him that from the moment he could walk. His father learned the hard way that a woman will win every fight. Even if she's wrong. As a child, Yakov never dared to raise his voice at his mother. She's terrifying when angry and they know it.

Unfortunately, Yakov's thoughts of seeing Lilia are replaced with worrying about Yaletha. He has no idea if Yaletha knows what happened between him and her mother. If she does know, how will he explain himself? Will she be disappointed if he tells her mother no? Or will she be uncomfortable if he were to say yes to her? The thoughts are distracting and Yakov has to try and lead his mind elsewhere on the drive home before he has the chance of running a red light by mistake.

The Feltsman family makes their way home after their evening out at the Bolshoi Theater. Yakov settles on the backbench of his father's car, waiting for his parents to get in and buckle. The three are quiet for half of the ride, his mother speaking up once almost back to their home. "It was a lovely show, nevertheless." His father nods in agreement, driving along the highway. "I just wish whatever happened to the first Odette and Odile did not ruin her. That poor girl. I could tell her understudy did not come prepared as one should for every show. They had _no_ chemistry." Yakov listens to his mother talk as they drive back. She was right. Yakov would watch the pair skaters while competing and having chemistry with your partner is very important.

Not having it will ruin a performance or even worse, ruin your career in competitive figure skating. Yakov thought about being in pairs but he would much rather worry only about himself and not have to rely on someone else for half of the programs to perform. It is a difficult sport but he does respect those who do compete as a pairs skater. Yakov is scared of falling. He's fallen many times but he still worries about it. Most people get over the fear, knowing they can get back up again. Sometimes that is not the case, like tonight with Odile. She fell and could not get back up to carry on the show. Yakov wonders if she will recover and return to the stage as good as new. That's what all athletes do, right?

"Let's continue with our mini-programs. We worked on them all day yesterday, now let's refine them. Part of making programs is remembering our movements with muscle memory. Today is a good example to practice that. Go warm up and in a few minutes, I want you to go through your programs at least three times until you can perform it in your sleep. Am I clear?" Yakov instructs, looking around his small group of students. The four of them nod and skate off to warm up around the rink for a few. Yaletha follows them soon after her mother signs the directions from her coach. The man then turns to Anna once Yaletha is gone and skating with the others.

"Have you had enough time to think about it? So what's your answer for me, yes or no to the date?" Anna asks, leaning her upper body on the wall. Yakov purses his chapped lips before answering the woman. "My answer is; thank you for the offer but I must respectfully decline." He crosses his arms over his chest. Anna straightens herself upright, looking at the blue-eyed man. "How come? You must be hiding something. You said you _are_ a bachelor. So why else would-... Yakov-Ivanovich, are you a _homosexual_?" The woman grows a small smile, not the one you get when you're happy. "Excuse me- no, I am not. Why would you say that? I am simply declining your offer, do I need any other reason to? And don't you already have a partner?" Yakov defends, very uncomfortable.

"Yes, you do need a reason. And no, I have not seen Yalusha’s father since she was a toddler. If you are not going to go on a date then I may as well make you look bad." She sighs, leaning back against the wall. Yakov's pupils shrink in disbelief. "Why would you- how would you even do that, Anna-Alexeyevna?" Yakov is quickly becoming frustrated. "I will tell the press that former competitive skater, Yakov-Ivanovich Feltsman, is engaging in inappropriate acts with a few of his students." The woman grins to herself, watching her daughter. "Why in the _hell_ would you say such an absurd thing?" Yakov is fuming with anger at this point. "Then I will be taking my daughter out of your class. It is clear, you would not care." Yakov is left speechless. This woman he hardly knows is shoving words down his throat and is now going to attempt ruining his life.

_All because he said no._

"Whatever it is that you do, do not take Yaletha-Levovna away. This is only about _her_ skating and not us, to begin with. So why do you care?" Yakov stands his ground, not even going to let her win this one. He is going against what his parents have taught him but this time it is different. This time, he will not let Anna win. She is going to spread lies that could end his relationship with not only his parents but Lilia. He does not want to lose Lilia over a lie. "If you say anything-" "Then what? What will you do? No one will believe you anyway because you're a man." Anna hums, still not looking at him. " (3) ***** Трахни тебя." Is all Yakov can mutter under his breath.

_Yakov can not let this risk his career and life._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1 * "Good night"  
> 2 * "State Hermitage Museum"  
> 3 * "Fuck you"


	8. VI

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (Non-con is present in this chapter.) After speaking with both Fiodor and Lilia, Yakov makes up his mind about the situation he is in with Anna. Yakov takes Lilia out on their second date to the State Hermitage Museum where they bond over ballet.

**Non-con is present in this chapter if you did not see the warning in the chapter summary. Read at your own risk.**

"She's just a (1) ***** шлюка, Yasha. I'm surprised you did not know this already." Fiodor sighs to Yakov over the phone. Yakov had called up his coach friend from the rink for some advice about Anna. He even mentioned the fact that Anna was going to try and ruin his career with a lie. Fedya knew all too well. "I did not know... she never seemed to be that kind of person during lessons. She always quietly watched her daughter skate and translate what I say for her and vice-versa." Yakov mumbles, standing at his kitchen counter. "What would you do?" He asks the man.

"Yasha... if I were you, I would do anything I could to stop her from falsely exploiting me. You do whatever you feel seems right. Just be careful." Fiodor explains. Yakov nods as he listens to his friend. "Maybe I should just suck it up to keep her mouth shut. It's only one night." He shrugs. "At the end of the day, it's your funeral, brother. Lilia said she doesn't mind, so go for it if you don't want to risk your career." Yakov thinks before speaking. "I should call Anna-Alexeyevna now then."

Yakov ends the call with Fiodor and looks at the dial. He is a nervous wreck. He eventually finds himself pressing in the correct numbers to call. Yakov's fingers are visibly shaking whilst he recites the order. He does not want to have to do this but his career is on the line. The phone begins to ring for a moment, the sound of it being picked up fills his speaker. " (2) *Алло?" Yakov lets out the breath he's been holding in. He's called someone else instead. "Lilya, I need to talk to you..."

Yakov has ended up on a bench with Lilia sitting next to him, in a small park not that far from their homes. "Lilya, I don't know what to do. She's going to ruin me if I don't do what she wants." Yakov's already explained the rest of the situation to the woman, needing more advice. He would ask his mother but he does not want to worry her with something as serious as this. "Yasha... you can't let someone take advantage of you." She says softly, adjusting her long, grey coat. "Fedya said I should just do it so she won't bother me anymore. Should I?" He turns to look at Lilia. She can only shrug, at a loss. "I can't tell you what to do. You have to listen to yourself. What sounds right to _you_?"

Yakov nods, agreeing with her answer. "You're right. You always will be." He grins a little, sighing. "I'm not thrilled with what she is doing, trying to manipulate you like that. Especially to such a gentle soul." Yakov's cheeks flush but not from the early winter air. "I'm sorry, Yasha." Lilia scoots closer to the taller man, leaning in to hug him. Yakov feels himself lose some of the tension, relaxing in her soft touch.

_This feels right._

Yakov leans back into her, wrapping his left arm around her. "Thank you, _Lilya_." The man whispers, making Lilia grin as she holds him. "Of course. I hope you figure out what you want to do and how to do it. I'm here if you need help." She says to him quietly, having no plans on pulling back anytime soon. This feels right to her, holding this man in her arms and so _close_. "You would not believe her if she spread those lies?" Yakov asks, needing the reassurance. "No. Never." Lilia shakes her head, looking up. "You're too respectful to do such things. I may have only met you two or so months ago but I do know you're not that kind of person. _I trust you_ , Yasha."

_I trust you._

Lilia's words are so powerful to the older man, making him _feel_ right. "Lilya," Yakov pauses. "That means a lot. _You_ mean a lot." The two look into each other's eyes. Both of them have a goofy smile, only growing wider. Lilia wants to close the gap between them and Yakov feels the same. Their hearts are racing and it seems time has suddenly frozen. He would seal them but he respects Lilia. He does not want to cross any boundaries he's unsure of. Neither of them says a word, just smiling and looking in the other's eyes. Lilia's never noticed the small ring of hazel brown around his iris. It's almost golden. Yakov is doing the same and noticing small details about Lilia, like her prominent philtrum.

Lilia breaks their gaze, resting her head on his broad shoulder. She wonders how toned he is from being a professional skater. The woman can only imagine. Yakov blinks a few times, looking down at the top of her head. Her hair is pulled back like usual, this time in a lower bun. Yakov rests his cheek on the top of her head, watching the still pavement of the sidewalk. He misses this. He wants to feel this soft closeness every day. With Lilia.

The couple sits still in the embrace for a while, each of their hands finding the other's and clasping together. Lilia does not want to leave but she must go soon for she has errands to run before their date later in the afternoon. "Do you still want to go out later?" Yakov breaks the long silence. Lilia nods her head against his shoulder, looking up after. "I do. I don't want to miss any time I can spend with you." The corners of her full lips turn upwards. Yakov feels his lips mimic hers. "Good. Me too. I can pick you up around three?" Lilia hums, grinning. "That sounds perfect. I should probably get going now. I want to look my best for this afternoon." She chuckles. Yakov just melts, pulling away slightly.

"I should do the same. I want to be pretty for you." He laughs a little, earning a small one from Lilia. "You're already pretty, Yasha." She replies without thinking. Yakov is surprised to hear a compliment like that. "T-Thanks?" Lilia turns back to him, laughing slightly. "Oh, oops? Hey, I mean it though. You always look nice." She smiles. The man's cheeks are rosy and Lilia loves it. "I'll see you later then, Yasha." The brunette starts to sit up but before she's off the bench, she leans over to gently kiss his cheek. " (3) ***** Пока, _Yasha_."

Yakov walks home with a huge smile on his face, not able to get rid of it. Now _that_ made his heart flutter with joy. Suddenly all his fears have left and nothing can bother him. Unfortunately, this is only a temporary thing. By the time he's at his door and stepping inside, he remembers Anna. Oh, how he wishes to forget about it and that it never happened. Lilia is right about not letting people take advantage of him but this is serious and he can't let anything happen to impact his career. He decides to distract himself and get ready for his second date with Lilia, filing through his wardrobe for a nice but casual outfit. Perhaps another pair of nice trousers and a sweater vest over a button-up.

The man gets himself ready and heads out to pick Lilia more flowers before the date. By the time he makes it to the market, it's two-thirty so he has time. He again picks out a bouquet of Lilies for the brunette, still not aware of what she prefers. He enjoys purchasing Lilies since they remind him of her. Beautiful, delicate, different, and similar name. The man pays and leaves, carefully setting them down on the backseat. He's just in time to pick up Lilia, making his way over with the memory he has of the directions. The lady is standing outside her building, waving when she spots his familiar car pull up. Yakov turns around and parks along her building's curb. The man exits the vehicle, opening the passenger door. "M'lady." He smiles, holding a hand out. Lilia chuckles and gently takes it, sitting in the small seat.

Lilia has on a midi grey skirt, fitted grey turtleneck, and a matching cardigan. Yakov settles back in his seat, smiling. "These are for you, again." He reaches into the back for the bouquet and hands it to her. "You look lovely, Lilya." He looks at the woman sitting to his right. "Aw, Yasha. Thank you. You look very handsome as well." Lilia grins with a small blush. Lilia's hair is still up in the low bun, this time a few front pieces have been taken out to frame her face. "Thank you." Yakov replies softly. There's something that feels lighter about himself. Maybe it was from earning a _compliment_?

Yakov can only grin to himself, starting the route to the State Hermitage Museum. The ride there is not quiet, the two are busy catching up since that morning and going over other things. Eventually, the man pulls up to the large cyan building. "I haven't visited in a long time, I don't think. I bet you will love the interior. It's stunning." Yakov grins, getting out to open Lilia's door. She thanks Yakov as usual, climbing out with his assistance. "I don't doubt it." The brunette nods, following him inside the bright building.

The accommodation matches the exterior, equally as bright and pristine. The white staircase reminds Yakov of the Bolshoi Theater, bringing back fond memories. "I almost forgot how beautiful this place is." Yakov takes it in as Lilia looks up at the tall ceiling. "Wow... it's breathtaking." She smiles, turning towards Yakov. "This reminds me of," "The Bolshoi Theater?" Yakov finishes her sentence, making the woman pause. "...Yes. Exactly. How did you know?" Lilia laughs softly. "I went there with my parents once a few years ago. Did you dance there?" Yakov grins, walking around with the tall lady.

"I did for a few years. It feels like it has been forever though. I do miss the theater." Lilia hums, ascending the staircase with the man. "You said your mother was a ballerina, were you attending one of the shows when you visited the Bolshoi?" She turns her focus on the blonde once they reach the top. "Yes. Swan Lake." Yakov nods. "Fascinating show." Before Yakov can continue, Lilia grows a big smile. "Swan Lake? That was my favorite to perform. I was always one of the swans then I got to lead as Odette." Yakov is astonished, looking in her green eyes. "I bet you were incredible. I would love to see you dance some time, eventually." Lilia's cheeks become rosy, pursing her lips. "Maybe someday. I would love to see _you_ skate since you talk so passionately about it." Lilia responds. "Come by my rink and you can watch my students while they practice." Yakov nods, following the woman when she spots a piece of hanging art she wants to get a better look at.

The rest of their time at the museum is perfect. Yakov found the courage to ask Lilia to hold her hand again and they haven't let go since. Lilia loves the comforting feeling it brings her. Her butterflies grow every time she gets reminded of it. Eventually, they decide to leave and head home. Lilia does not want the date to end but she has things to do before the dance studio opens within the next week. "Thank you for another amazing date, Yasha. You know I appreciate it." Lilia smiles at the man on the drive back to her flat. Yakov grins and glances over with a nod. "I appreciate it as well. Thank you for coming, again."

The two say their farewells and Lilia heads back up to her flat to practice her ballet. Yakov returns to his home, sad that she's gone but happy he was able to see her nonetheless. He reminds himself that something is better than nothing at all. Now he has to deal with Anna, as dreadful as it sounds. What is he going to tell her and how will he do it?

_Yakov dreads seeing someone who is not Lilia._

Yakov goes into the next week with a bit of hope that Anna has forgotten about it or got her head screwed back on. Hopefully, she does not mean it at all. One can only hope. Yakov arrives at the rink and gets his skate on and laced. Once finished, he waits for his students to get up and go out for warmup. Only Kira and the twins are in the common area, finishing their skates.

_Where is Yaletha?_

Perhaps they're running late? Will Yaletha even show up to today's training? Whatever the reason is, it is making Yakov a bit nervous. He's anxious to see Anna in his face again and possibly threaten him even more. The only three students get up to join their coach, noticing Yaletha's absence but don't mention it. They make it to the rink and begin their warmup, including waltz-jumps to get themselves ready for jumping later in the session. By the time they finish the five laps, Yaletha quickly skates out to join her classmates. Yakov spots the young blonde and turns around to see Anna entering the arena to watch her daughter.

Now, Yakov is more nervous if possible. Yaletha catches on when she notices the others doing some footwork and jumps so she does the same as them. Yakov won't ask where they were, out of respect. He understands things happen in life. Plus, Yaletha does not need the embarrassment and heavyweight on her from being only ten minutes late to practice. The ability to ignore Anna does not last long enough for Yakov when he has to instruct his students on a different activity. Of course, this requires Anna to help sign for Yaletha. The coach brings his students to the wall closest to Anna and tells them that they will work on more combination jumps. Anna informs her daughter and soon enough, they're scattering around the rink to work on whatever jumps they want to combine.

Yakov does not dare to say the first word, curious if Anna will bring anything up during the session. After a few minutes, however, she speaks up. "I don't know what you are thinking right now but I hope you have come to realize what the right answer is." She says quietly. Yakov thinks about her words for a minute or so before responding. "I've thought about it a lot. If you still plan on making me look bad and ending my career, then I will do whatever it is that you want. Something that _won't_ make you ruin me." He does not look at her at all, already knowing she has a wicked smile on her face.

_What happened to the quiet Anna? The one that always worries she's done something wrong?_

"If going on a _date_ is what makes you happy, then fine, I will go. Just please, don't do anything stupid you will regret later. Think about Yaletha-Levovna." Anna listens to the taller man, letting out a deep breath. "All right. Pick me up tonight for dinner. Six is fine with me. I'll give you my address." Yakov can hardly react before she walks away to sit somewhere else and watch her daughter.

_Tonight?_

He was not expecting it to be so soon. On the bright side, he can get it over with sooner this way. Yakov has to distract himself in the meantime, helping Alek with a triple-flip and adding a triple-toe-loop. "You almost got it, try a single-toe until you become used to the quick transition. Show me again." Yakov moves further back to watch Alek skate into a flip, extending his left leg back and picking his toe into the ice for the combination. Alek luckily lands it perfectly, earning applause from his coach. "Well done. Work on that a few more times and gradually get to a triple-toe." Alek nods to his coach and practices some more until he can land the triple-triple.

By the end of the long session, Yakov is exhausted from his mind wandering off multiple times during the lesson. He hurries himself to leave the building before Anna can make a bigger fuss but she beats him, handing over a note with her address written on it. "I'll see you tonight, Yakov-Ivanovich." She winks before turning away to walk Yaletha out. The poor girl has no idea what is going on between her mother and her coach. Hopefully, she does not find out.

  
That night, Yakov heads out to pick up Anna from her house. The man looks at his unfolded map, pinpointing the town and going that direction. He never realized how far Yaletha lives from the rink. Approximately (4) ***** sixteen miles South of Saint Petersburg in a town called Aleksandrovskaya. The journey there feels long but not long enough, unfortunately. He looks back to the note she gave him and looks for her street. Once turning down the road, he is now reading the numbers and searching for the right house. Yakov pulls into a driveway and looks up at the house's number.

_This is it._

Yakov climbs out of his car, approaching the front door to the small one-story home. He brings his fist to the door and knocks on it three times before waiting. Not even five seconds go by when Anna answers the door with a smile. "Well... you did show up." The woman looks him up and down, coming out to shut the door behind her. "I'm ready." She grins, forcing her arm around his. Yakov swallows hard, nodding and leading her back to the vehicle. He lets go of her arm to open the passenger door for her. Anna smiles and sits down, buckling herself.

The man may dread this evening but that won't stop him from being polite. "Where would you like to eat then?" Yakov asks the blonde woman once he's settled in. "There's a few restaurants in the next town over, Pushkin. Why don't we go there?" She grins, looking over at Yakov. "Sure, that sounds good." He nods, driving them there. "So, how's your daughter?" Yakov tries to fill in during the short ride. "Oh, Yalusha? She's doing fine. She's over at the neighbor's right now. A girl her age lives next door and they became buddies fairly quick." Anna hums.

Yakov and Anna make it to the town and park in a community lot. Then, they walk around the square for a place to eat. They settle on a restaurant down the block, entering and being seated immediately. The waitress serving them brings out glasses of water and gives them a few minutes to look over the menu. "How are you doing this evening, Yakov-Ivanovich? Do I have to call you that or can I call you by your diminutive?" Anna looks up from her menu, leaning over the square table. "I'm all right. Please, I prefer my first and patronymic for now." Anna sighs and sits back in her chair, scanning the rectangular menu.

"Yalusha's father is the reason she can not hear if you were wondering." Anna blurts out of nowhere, throwing Yakov off. "What?" He looks up, seeing that Anna is keeping her gaze on the menu in front of her. "He was never that kind since she was born. That's why I have not seen him in years. Yalusha hardly remembers him." The woman across from him sighs. "Was he rude to you?" Yakov has to ask, earning a nod from Anna. "All the time. I could never do things right, according to him. I want to be able to try again and give Yalusha a _somewhat_ _normal_ life." Anna sets the menu down on the table to look at Yakov.

The man is partially uncomfortable hearing about Yaletha's absent father but he also pities Anna and her young daughter. Yakov was never aware of their situation. It is simply not his business. "Why are you telling me this?" He swears those words sound familiar to him. "I thought you needed to know if we are going to be going out." Anna shrugs, tilting her head. Yakov has to bite his tongue back and just listen to her. He also was not expecting this to be more than a single date. "Enough of that though," Anna waves it off.

_Thank God._

"Tell me more about yourself." Anna insists. "It seems you already know plenty about me. What more is there to add?" Yakov chuckles slightly, looking around the restaurant. "Well, of course, there is more to you than just being a coach for my daughter. What else is there to know about _the_ Yakov-Ivanovich?" Anna grins, taking a drink from her glass. "Tell me all about you." She smiles after setting it down on the coaster. "Well, let's see." Yakov has to think, placing his menu down.

The two finish their dinner and walk back to Yakov's car afterward. As much as he was _not_ looking forward to this evening, it turned out to be not so terrible. The man just has to hope whatever tricks she may have up her sleeve do not make an appearance for the remainder of their outing. "That was a good dinner, I enjoyed mine. How was your food?" Anna asks, trying to keep up with the tall man's strides. "Good." He nods, ignoring that Anna is clung to his right arm for the second time this night. "Maybe we can come here again?" She grins, her nose and cheeks are red from the cold. Yakov only hums, not wanting to promise her anything he can't keep.

Of course, he opens the door for her and shuts it before starting the car to take her back home. "I had fun, Yakov-Ivanovich. Did you?" Anna's voice chirps, making him flinch slightly while he pulls out of the lot. "Yeah, it was nice." He doesn't look at her, focusing on just his driving for now. "Does Yaletha-Levovna know we're out?" Yakov asks once back on the road. "No. I did not tell her anything. I don't think she needs to know yet." Yakov bites his tongue again, wanting to protest but he can't. Not until Anna is back home.

He takes Anna down the long road, listening to the engine instead of her rambling. "Hey, can you pull over for a moment?" She asks, grabbing his attention. "Hm? Um, sure. Why?" Yakov comes out of his thoughts, signaling to pull over and turning his hazard flashers on. The man looks over at Anna with the minimal amount of light there is on the dark road. "Is something wrong?" Yakov asks, hearing her seatbelt unclip. Anna is quiet, moving quickly in the darkness. The man is confused, putting the car in park and moving his right foot from the brake.

"Shh, don't be too loud." She giggles, climbing across her seat to straddle over Yakov's lap. "Ann- what are you doing?" His heart races, not having a single clue what this woman is up to. "Shh!" She laughs, cupping his face and presses her lips to his. Yakov's eyes are wide, remembering this feeling, unfortunately. "What are you doing?" Yakov manages to ask once he pulls away from her. "You have to be quiet, come on!" She laughs, sweeping her long blonde hair back over the top of her head to connect them again.

Yakov can't help the fact that his lips are subconsciously following Anna's as she moves with him. She lets go of his cheeks to reach back and pull her arms out of the heavy cardigan she wears to throw it to the backseat. She then returns her small hands to place them on his shoulders, pulling him closer. Yakov feels weightless and weak, not able to get out or stop her. He does not want this. He only agreed to this date so she would shut up and leave him alone, not so she would sleep with him. Yakov has to bring his hands up to attempt removing her from his lap to get her home but she grabs his wrists and places them on her waist. One is moved down over her ass and resting on her thigh now. Yakov is extremely uncomfortable but he's scared to do something about it. Of course, he does not want it to go any further than this but what would happen if he stops her?

_Yakov can't risk false accusations._

Anna pulls back to take a breath, reaching behind her once again to unzip her dress. Yakov opens his eyes to take this chance and stop her. "Anna-Alexeyevna," Yakov pants a bit, looking up at the blonde. "You have to stop." He says quietly, removing his hands from her waist and thigh. Anna purses her lips, taking a few breaths. "Come on, have a little fun." She grins, laughing. "Loosen up. I know you need to let out some stress. Let your muscles relax too. You're so tense." She leans closer to whisper in his ear, seating herself on his lap. Yakov shivers from her voice right in his ear, looking at her once she pulls away to kiss him again.

_Please, stop._

Anna's hips rock on top of his, her thighs keeping him still in place. Anna gets ahold of the zipper pull and drags it down to the small of her back. The sound it makes sends another shiver down Yakov's spine. He does not want this. Yakov does _not_ want this. Anna's heavy breaths fill the car as she pulls back to press rough kisses down his jaw and neck, palming around to fiddle with his belt buckle. "Anna-Alexeyevna, _please_ stop." Yakov says, pinching his eyes shut when Anna gently bites on his skin. "A-Ann... please stop." He repeats himself with a shaking voice but his pleads seem to be traveling nowhere. Anna's hands get his belt undone in no time, quickly sitting up to pull her arms out of her dress now. "Anna-Alexeyevna, please look at me." Yakov is too scared to raise his voice. He has too much respect. He does not even dare to look down at her now almost exposed chest.

"You have a condom, right?" Anna asks, placing her hands on his again to guide them where she wants them. "Have you not done this before? Is that why you're being shy?" She chuckles, placing his hands on her hips. Yakov nervously shakes his head, not breaking the eye contact. "Wow, I would have guessed you have slept with many women from traveling for competitions through the years." She hums with a teasing smile. Yakov quickly shakes his head again. "N-No. No, that's not what I meant," Anna quiets him with her lips on his, forcing her tongue in his mouth. The man cringes and turns his head away to catch his breath. "I-I don't have a condom... we can't do this." He looks back up at her. Anna isn't happy to hear Yakov being a party-pooper.

"Yakov-Ivanovich, please just relax and have fun with me. I know you _want_ to. You must have a fetish for being stubborn." Anna grabs the buttons of his shirt, pulling them open and running her hands down his chest. "I can't wait to see that body of yours... I see the looks you give me at the rink. You like to tease me, I know it. You wear heavy clothes only to frustrate me and not able to see your shape." She laughs, acting as if she's drunk. What has gotten into her? Has she always been this way? "Listen to me, we can not do this. I promise you." Yakov mutters, watching her hands on his rising and falling chest. He can see his rapid heartbeat, making him terrified. He can't put his hands on her. His parents raised him better than that. He won't do it.

Anna sees no reason for listening to the man under her. It seems like Yakov's mind is in a haze as Anna's hands are traveling everywhere as well as her lips. He does not know what to do for himself. "We should be all right if you know how to pull out in time." He barely hears Anna speaking again as she tries to get his pants off. That's it. Before her hands are any further in his pants, Yakov straightens himself up to try one last attempt at getting to her head. "Anna-Alexeyevna Pavlovna, you need to _stop_!" He says loud enough to startle her as he grabs her wrists. Anna sits up and looks at the blue-eyed man, quiet and not daring to answer. "Get. Off." Yakov manages to get out, voice still shaky but stern. He releases her hands immediately, staring at her. Anna hesitantly climbs off his lap, fixing her dress as she sits back down in her seat.

Yakov watches for a moment before turning off his hazards and returning to the road. The rest of the way back to her house is quiet. Anna has not looked at him again since he scared her. Yakov feels slightly bad for doing it and manhandling her but he could not let this go on any longer. They eventually pull back into her driveway and Yakov parks, removing his hands from the steering wheel. Anna unbuckles from her seat, quietly getting out. "I'm sorry for putting my hands on you." Yakov speaks up before she shuts the door. Anna does not reply, simply closing it and going back into her house. The man gives it a minute before backing out to leave when she does not show her face again.

_What the hell just happened?_

Yakov gets on the freeway back to Saint Petersburg, thinking about nothing except for Anna on the long ride back. What was she doing and why was she doing it? It all made his mind run in circles, not able to believe any of it happened in the first place. What would have happened had he not said anything? He's thinking of every worse case possible. Anna could have gotten pregnant, Yaletha would hate him, Lilia would stop talking to him, his parents would be very disappointed, and so much more. Now, he just hopes Anna does not do anything stupid and make a story about it for the press. This has to be a nightmare, right? By the time he's back in the city he calls home, his mind wanders to Lilia.

_Lilia. What the hell is he going to tell Lilia?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1 * "Whore"  
> 2 * "Bye"  
> 3 * (over the phone) "Hello"  
> 4 * About 25.75 kilometers


	9. VII

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yakov is anxious to come face-to-face with Anna again after their date. He discusses his fears with Fiodor about whether or not he should tell Lilia what happened that night. Lilia invites Yakov to her flat where they open up about their feelings.

" _Don't_ _be_ _too_ _loud_." The words play on a loop through Yakov's mind. The man is lying awake in his full-sized bed, not able to rest. He stays staring at the dark ceiling, thoughts running a mile a minute. What has gotten into Anna's head? What made her decide to take advantage of him? That doesn't happen to men, right? Or does it? Was he about to let her get away with it? The blonde suffers from too many "what if's", causing more distress. He does not know what to do, who to tell or if he should tell anyone at all. Poor Lilia. It is all he can think. This poor woman has to carry his baggage and deal with all his problems. He feels guilty for already bothering her twice for advice. He hopes Lilia does not mind.

The man already knows he will not get a wink of slumber tonight, glancing at his wall clock every few minutes to see it's gone up just one. It is already well past two in the morning. He's been home since nine. A small part of him wants to call Lilia to distract himself but he knows he does not want to disturb her rest and cause her to not fall back asleep. That is the last thing he needs. Then, he realizes it's Tuesday and that he has another lesson today.

_Shit._

That means he will see Anna again. By the way she acted after Yakov got her to snap out of it, she seemed to have gone back to normal. At least, it _seemed_ to be that way. He can only imagine what Yaletha is going through at home. Even without him seeing her mother earlier. He does not know _why_ Anna would tell him part of why Yaletha is the way she is. Maybe she feels the need to disclose it with others as they get to know her and Yaletha? Now knowing that Yaletha has no father figure in her life at all, it makes Yakov more fond of her. He always saw her as a little sister or niece. He worries about the emotional scarring she must have. It is now clear she has physical too.

Yakov's fingers find their way to the pink and red mark left on the base of his neck. He's messed with it at least ten times this night already. It's no hickey but it _is_ a small bruise from Anna nipping at him. Luckily, it is low enough to conceal easily. Had this situation been involved with Lilia, the outcome would be _completely_ different. He _wishes_ he was with Lilia instead. The idea of losing her over this terrifies him. If she walks out of his life, he won't be able to cope and fall into an even deeper hole. This time, he would see no point in climbing out if that happens. For now, he can only rehearse what to say to her when he does see the brunette again.

Oh, how he misses seeing her bright green eyes shine in the winter sun. Her cheeks turn pink from the cold air, and the perfect smile that belongs to her. Everything about the woman is so desirable. She always keeps him wanting more. He is dying to be able to claim her, showing his love for Lilia to the world.

_Love? Yakov may just be in love with Lilia now._

Yakov still plays it off as a strong bond, not knowing what true love is. He wants to wrap her in his arms, hold her close while they sway together, and call her _his_. He would then end it by connecting their lips, cupping her smooth cheek. As much as he wants to, he feels _disgusting_ right now. So, the Russian gets himself up from the bed to take a shower and hopefully feel a little better. Even under the lukewarm faucet, he can not seem to wrap his head around things. Yakov's still waiting to wake up from this dream and let out a heavy sigh knowing it is not real. Unfortunately, it is not a dream but a harsh reality.

He does not want to look down at himself and remember the places Anna's hands have been. They feel imprinted on his skin, reminding him of the sinful actions they took. He regrets putting his hands on her, most likely hurting her wrists. He would _never_ do that. It seems that even Yakov broke out of his character too. He hopes to not see Anna in the morning but no Anna means no Yaletha. He does not want Yaletha to miss out on training because of her mother. The man is scared she will snap again and throw herself on him at the rink. He does not want the opportunity to be given another chance.

_Lilia needs to know._

Yakov is unsure if he should tell Lilia now. He knows it is right to but he has a fear she won't _believe_ him. She could blame him for letting it happen. Or even worse, blame him as a _cause_. Whatever it will be, Yakov can't help but feel responsible for the actions. He opened the opportunity for it. He wants to yell, cry, let out whatever frustrations he has but he won't. He can't do it. His voice feels stolen.

_Without it, he can not scream._

"More, more, more!" Odette holds the barre as she slowly leans over her left knee. Her right leg is extending behind her until her pointe is towards the ceiling in a Penché. "Good, good, keep extending!" Odette wants to cry out but she _can not_. "Keep going, do not stop!" Odette takes a shaky breath, grasping the barre as she reaches her limit. Her hips and inner thighs are screaming in agony, wanting her to _stop_. "I can't- I can't do it!" Odette pants, dropping herself and falling on her knees. "Don't tell me you're giving up now." Her instructor sighs, pushing her thin metal frames up.

Odette rubs her forehead, nodding softly. "I can't do it anymore... I'm never going to flexible again." Odette turns her chin up to face her instructor with red eyes. " _Odette_ , you can not give up. It's only been over three months since your accident, right?" Odette purses her lips, nodding again. "Yeah..." She whispers, rubbing her right hipbone now. "So, that means you're _just_ getting used to being well again. Odette, you need to retrain your body to mimic these moves again. You can't bounce back immediately. You need to rebirth yourself."

"Rebirth?" Odette gives the older woman a funny look. "Yes. Forget what happened in the past. That version of you is now dead. Gone. You are a new _you_ every single day. Remember that, dear." Odette focuses on her instructor, never hearing something so inspiring before. "If you can not believe in yourself, I have hired an assistant to help you regain your lower-body flexibility. You two can train after hours while my studio is closed. Her name is Oxana-Arturovna, she's an instructor for younger ballerinas but she can help."

_Odette swears the name is familiar._

Odette thinks about it for a moment. "No... no, that's quite all right. I do not need any more assistance. I can do it on my own." Odette declines, pushing herself off the floor. "Suit yourself. If you change your mind, come by the studio Saturday morning while she is here for her lesson." Her instructor grabs her small purse from a stool by the door. "If you plan on participating at the end of this season, I highly recommend more physical therapy. I do not want to miss your appearance at The Nutcracker. (1) ***** Пока, Odette."

Odette watches her instructor leave the studio from the floor to ceiling mirrors, staying still for a moment or two. The brunette then approaches the tall mirrors, observing her form's reflection. Odette is not pleased with her physique. It's gotten out of shape from the long recovery she had to serve. Even being out of bed for only a week now, it is still difficult for her to perform _her_ daily tasks. She attended physical therapy for over a month but that was only to walk, sit, squat, and use stairs again properly. She was not able to use it for her flexibility. The poor woman can hardly touch her toes without crying. Her body has lost the stretch.

Odette decides to attempt a second Penché. She has to prove to herself that she _can_ do it. She won't leave the studio until she can hold it for at least ten seconds. Odette slowly lifts her right leg back, leaning over her left knee as the other rises. The young woman, barely eighteen, takes deep breaths through her nose and out her mouth as she inches closer and closer to her goal. While stretching, another woman steps inside, gently closing the door. "Oh, I am sorry. Do you mind if I grab something?" The fairly tall platinum blonde asks, looking at the brunette in the mirror. "N-No." Odette replies, face turning red from the Penché.

The older woman smiles and hurries to the other side of the room, picking up a gym bag that must belong to her. Odette raises her leg to full extension, breathlessly counting to three before letting go of the barre. " (2) ***** Четыре, пять, шесть, семь-" Odette feels her hip and leg give out, crashing to the floor. The blonde who had entered is just returning when Odette falls. "Oh- darling, are you all right?" She sets the bag down, coming to Odette's aid. "Yeah... yeah." The fallen swan nods, wiping her nose with her pale wrist. "Deary, your hips are very stiff. Your whole posture is stiff. If you don't loosen up, you will hurt yourself and your muscles.”

"I know." Odette whispers, gazing at the familiar dance floor that reminds her of the endless training hours and bruises she's obtained. "Stand up, dear." The blonde leans over, holding her hand out. Odette looks at the woman's perfectly manicured hand, taking it and getting up with a slight pull in her muscles. "Stand straight, chin up," The woman adjusts Odette to a position. Odette looks at herself in the mirror, watching as this almost familiar woman corrects her whole figure. "And now, turn your feet out." Odette nods, pointing her right foot outwards, doing the same with her left. "I see the discomfort you have. Not only on your face but your body language." The blue-eyed blonde glances up to Odette. "It is opening your pelvis, (3) ***** да?" Odette nods again, letting go of a breath she did not know she was holding.

"It's sore." She says quietly, easing herself to stretch a bit more. "You need to focus on rotating your hips. Practice this every day. Morning and night. I don't know why you can't perform the most basic position but I do know you're not pleased about it either." The woman talks quietly, hands resting on Odette's hips while she turns them side to side. Odette watches themselves, slowly becoming used to the pull as it numbs out. "I will." Odette whispers. The woman smiles and steps back to grab her bag. "Good. I hope you do. (4) ***** До свидания." The blonde waves, heading to the door. "Wait," Odette calls, stepping out of position to turn around. The blonde stops at the door, letting go of the handle. "What is it?" "What is your name?" Odette asks, looking at her. The tall woman smiles, putting her bag strap on her left shoulder. " _Call me Xenya_."

Yakov pulls into the parking lot of his rink, not wanting to get out and face Anna. He sees Kira walking into the building after being dropped off at the curb. "I guess I better go in." Yakov mutters, reaching in the backseat for his bag. Before he even makes it to the duffle, he feels something thick, like a coat. "What is that?" He looks over his shoulder and spots Anna's cardigan she had worn last night. "Shit..." The man sighs, pulling it up to the front. He decides to hide it in his bag and if Anna shows up, he'll discreetly return it to her. Yakov waves to Kira as she gets herself ready. Eventually, the twins arrive and Yakov is wondering when Yaletha and her mother will show up. Hopefully, they did not forget.

Yakov wanders around while his students are lacing-up and talking. His friend Fiodor comes out of the break room, spotting the man. "Yasha, get over here!" He waves. Yakov looks up and joins his friend, needing to tell him everything. "Hey, did you do it?" Fiodor asks, sitting down with him at a table. "Yeah," Yakov nods, zipping up his jacket. "I asked her yesterday during practice." "Wow..." Fiodor chuckles, not believing that Yakov asked Anna-Alexeyevna Pavlovna on a date. "We went out last night. I don't have much time before my students are ready. I'll tell you the rest during the break." Yakov gets back up to see if they are ready. Fiodor nods, watching him get up to leave. "Can't wait to hear it, Yasha." Yakov chuckles slightly and nods to him. "See you in a bit then, Fedya."

The two wave "bye" and Yakov returns to his students. "Is everyone ready?" He asks, seeing Yaletha come out of the bathroom from the corner of his eye. "We're ready!" Dominik announces, bouncing up from the faded blue bench to hop around in his black-guards. "Good, let's get going then." He looks at Yaletha and waves her over. The blonde girl smiles and races over, her purple-guards clicking as she runs. Yakov laughs softly, holding the door open.

_He feels so guilty for Yaletha. She has no clue._

Yakov wonders where her mother is. Maybe she is in the bathroom since Yaletha came from there? He decides to not think about it for right now, just walking to the ice with his students. Once they get on the ice and begin their warmup, he notices that there's no sign of Anna. Yakov skates over to the bench off the ice with his bag. Luckily, he has some paper and a pencil. He scribbles down on the sheet, waiting until they finish their laps. After a few minutes, they all gather in the center with their coach. Anna still has not made her presence. The man holds out the paper for Yaletha along with the pencil.

(5) ***** Где твоя мама?

Yaletha reads the paper and moves the pencil to write an answer for her coach. Yakov really wants to use his sign language but he can't. Not yet. He wants to know enough before communicating with Yaletha just in case. He does not want to flub it and disappoint Yaletha. The girl grins as she hands the paper and pencil back to her coach. Yakov looks down to see that she wrote " (6) ***** Она дома." He nods to Yaletha and writes something again while he gives instructions. "Today, I want to see Spread Eagles. Before we do that, line up across the wall and open up your hips. That way you get used to the stretch. After that, we will do more combination jumps." He gives the paper to Yaletha with everything he just said on it. The others quickly skate off to a wall to practice their Spread Eagles against it. Yaletha smiles as she reads his directions, giving it back before joining her classmates.

Yakov meets Fiodor back in the break room while his students rest and have a snack. The man unties his skates and slips back in his regular shoes while Fiodor brews them some coffee. "All right, so what happened with Anna? I noticed she's not here. That never happens." Fiodor brings over the paper cups and passes one to Yakov. " (7) ***** Спасибо, Fedya." Yakov nods, taking a drink from the black coffee. "So I said I would comply and take her out. She said to pick her up last night. I didn't think it would happen so soon but it did. Anyway, dinner was fine. She acted normal. She opened up a little too much too soon though."

Fiodor scoffs, rolling his eyes. "That's how she is, Yasha. She has always been that way." Yakov sets his cup down, tilting his head. "What do you mean, _always_?" "Yasha, she's perused almost every man in the Saint Petersburg area. She tried to get with me but I was already aware by other people." Fiodor explains. "Wow... I did not know. Her poor daughter." Yakov mumbles. "Does she try sleeping with them too?" He asks, waiting for an answer. "I believe so, why-... Yasha, did she try to...?" The other man looks up from his coffee. Yakov only nods. "Oh my God, Yasha. What happened?"

The blonde sighs, playing over the events in his mind. "She had me pull over then climbed on me. We made out... she almost got away with it but I finally got her to stop. Fedya, I don't know what to do about it. Do I tell Lilya?" Fiodor thinks for a minute. "Well, the fact that you are already calling her _that_ gives the answer you need. You should." He nods. "What if she hates me?" Yakov furrows his thick brows. "Don't be an idiot, Yasha. She would not hate you for being honest about something you had no control over or even wanted! You... didn't want to sleep with Anna, right?" He clarifies. "No, of course not. Not in a million years." Yakov shakes his head, crossing his arms over his chest. "I would tell her. Or else it might come back at you later." Fiodor shrugs, finishing his coffee.

Yakov agrees with Fiodor but he feels awful doing it. He'd given her enough reasons to run away. He has too many problems. However, Lilia only comes closer every time. Maybe she won't run away? Yakov has to think it over for the rest of the session, making sure it is the right idea. When will he tell her? The next time they meet? Or will he wait a while until he sees Anna again to discuss it? Speaking of Anna, Yakov wonders how Yaletha got to training in the first place. It turns out, her neighbor had brought her by Anna's request. Yakov didn't discover this until Kira mentioned it.

The man just has to deal with holding onto Anna's cardigan for a few more days until the next lesson. Maybe she will be at the next one and they can talk. Yakov gets an idea and decides to surprise Lilia on his way home. Yakov gets back in his car and starts his journey towards her flat. He just has to cross his fingers that she is home and not busy. Only ten minutes later, he pulls onto her street and parks. He lets out a small sigh before exiting, happy to be around her presence again. Something about her just makes him feel lightweight. Almost as if he has no worries, the time has paused, and the two of them are just living in the moment.

_Yakov feels as if he's found his partner._

Before he can realize, he is at the front door of her building. _Now_ , he realizes he has no idea which flat is hers or what floor. There are at least five floors and who knows how many separate flats are on each one. As he's trying to figure out his next move, someone from inside walks out, spotting the man. "Ah, (8) ***** Здравствуйте. You must be new?" Yakov turns to look and nods. "Oh, well sort of. Someone... I know lives here but I do not know which level or flat." The blonde explains. "What is this person's name? Perhaps I may know." The man, about middle-aged, replies with a gentle smile. The man reminds him a bit of his father.

"Lilia. That is all I know. She's tall, about medium length brown hair, piercing green eyes, gorgeous." Yakov gets lost in himself as he describes the woman he longs to see. "Hm. She sounds wonderful. She also sounds familiar. Try the third floor, maybe." The man nods, pointing up towards the building. "Thank you, sir- ...you don't think it would be weird to show up at her home uninvited, do you?" Yakov purses his lips. "Well, how do you know her?" The older man asks, stuffing his hands in his front trouser pockets. "She's... she's a friend? I mean, we've gone out on two dates so I don't know what we are." Yakov confesses, never realizing how lost he felt about their relationship status.

"No, I don't think it's weird. It can be a romantic gesture. Did you bring her anything?" Yakov thinks then shakes his head. "No... I should run to the market and get her something. Thank you, again." Yakov nods. The older man smiles and tips his hat, strolling off down the sidewalk. Yakov sees a small market sign down the block so he heads there to find something for Lilia. While in the shop and searching for the perfect item, Yakov notices a woman walking by outside the large windows. The man turns to get a better look and realizes it is Lilia. He quickly grabs the first item he spots, a small pouch of chocolates, and pays. By the time he makes it outside, Lilia is halfway back to her building so Yakov makes an effort to catch up.

"Lilya!" He calls, quickening his pace. The brunette pauses, hearing the familiar voice and turns around. "Yasha?" She mumbles, meeting his face as he approaches. "Lilya, I'm glad I found you." Yakov smiles, finally catching up to her. "You were looking for me?" Lilia grins softly, looking up to him once he's next to her. The man nods, quickly holding out the small paper bag. "What is this?" She looks down and takes the bag. "A man told me to bring you something when I see you." He explains. Lilia doesn't question him and looks inside, grinning. "Yasha... you sweet man. Thank you." She returns her gaze up at him. "It's nothing." Yakov waves off, walking with her.

"So, why were you looking for me?" Lilia asks as they walk towards her building. "I thought we should talk- what is that?" Yakov notices a small rip in the woman's powder pink tights under a short skirt. "Hm? Oh, I just tripped during my practice today." Lilia looks down at her left calf. "Are you all right?" Yakov asks, feeling bad for the woman. "Oh, yes, I'm fine. No need to worry about a small bruise." Lilia chuckles a little, stopping at the door. "Would you like to come in?" She smiles up at Yakov. "I'd love to if you don't mind." He nods. Lilia grins and opens the door. "I don't mind at all. After you." Yakov shakes his head, putting his hand on the door. "No, no, go ahead. _Don't make me look bad_." He teases her. Lilia only laughs and walks in, leading him to her flat.

The older man from earlier was right, Lilia does reside on the third floor. They get to her door and Lilia pulls out her keys, unlocking and letting them inside. Yakov finds her flat to be quaint and adorable. It seems to match her personality. Her home is minimalistic and bright white, the short curtains drawn to let in the light of the day. She has a small couch to the left in a small living room and a kitchenette to the right. A bedroom resides in the far right corner, little pots of green plants decorating the windowsills. "Sorry, it's a bit of a mess in here." Lilia says with a bit of awkwardness. "No, not at all. It's cute." Yakov smiles. It's not much different from his flat. Just more bright and monochromatic. "I love it." The man smiles at Lilia, politely taking his shoes off.

"Well, thank you." Lilia sighs with a gentle smile, setting the paper bag down on the kitchen counter. "Would you like something to drink, Yasha?" She looks up, grabbing two mugs from an overhead cabinet. "Tea is all right with me." Yakov nods. "Sweetened, like you?" She grins, then grabbing a box of teabags. Yakov's cheeks flush with a pink similar to her tights. "O-Oh, sure. I prefer sweet tea." He nods with a goofy grin. Lilia chuckles to herself, preparing a kettle for them. "You said you wanted to talk? Why don't we sit down and do that?" Lilia turns around once the kettle is boiling on the stovetop. Yakov agrees and they settle on the small couch after removing their coats and hanging them in the small closet.

Lilia sits to the right of Yakov, crossing a leg over the other while she leans her side into the back of the couch. "The stage is yours, Yasha." She hums, gazing at the older male. Yakov grins and adjusts in his spot until he's comfortable. He can either discuss the situation with Anna or ask about their relationship. He's still so worried about presenting either topic. So, he chooses the safest route. "I've been wondering... what _are_ we, exactly?" Yakov bites his left cheek, awaiting a response from the brunette. Lilia runs her tongue across her top front teeth while she thinks about it. Not even she knows. "What would you like us to be?" She asks quietly, blinking twice before meeting his blue eyes again. "I want us to be... I don't want to ever lose you, Lilya. I miss you even after a long day together. Something about you keeps me wanting more." Yakov lets his heart spill for her.

Lilia can only allow her face to heat up while she listens to each word spoken by the man before her. She has never once heard a genuine confession like his. She can feel every ounce of truth behind his words and it makes her so _soft_. "Yasha," Lilia begins, not able to find the right words for him. "You don't... have to reciprocate my feelings. I'm just letting you know how I feel. If you're not interested, we don't have to dive any deeper than this." Yakov whispers with worry behind his tone. Lilia is quick fo object, not wanting that at all. "No! No... Yasha, I... I think I feel the same way you do..." She answers, earning a slightly astonished look from the man. "Are you saying... you want to keep exploring this?" He asks, watching Lilia calmly nod her head as she grows a delicate smile.

_Yakov craves raw emotion._

"Yes. I do." Lilia whispers to him. Yakov almost gets cold chills on his arms, wanting nothing more than to just hold her again. "Then... do you... I don't know, do you want to be _official_?" He has to hold in stutters or else he would be very embarrassed. Lilia instantly lights up, never hearing the words being spoken for herself. "Yasha, yes, a thousand times, yes." She nods, her pearly-whites reflecting the floor lamp. Yakov purses his lips and moves in closer to her, his heart racing. Lilia does the same, opening her arms to embrace the blonde. "Yasha... I am so happy you asked." She whispers behind his ear, closing her eyes. Yakov gently holds her against him, his hands resting on her upper body. " _Me too_."

The two sit in each other's embrace for what feels like a little amount of time but is about five minutes. Lilia pulls back slightly to smile at the man, her cheeks a soft pink hue. Yakov so _badly_ wants to press his lips against hers, becoming lost in the moment. To continue holding this woman for the rest of his life. He removes his hands from her shoulder blades, placing them below her high cheekbones. His thumbs gingerly press on the front of her ears, stroking them as he takes in the absolute beauty she possesses. The two are mere centimeters apart, lost in the other's eyes. It is as if the whole world is watching and waiting for their next move.

As Yakov grows the confidence and begins to lean in, a sudden whistle is piping from the kitchen. The two startle back from each other, eyes wide with shock. Once calm again, Lilia can not hold back the howl of a laugh she let's out. Yakov looks at the woman with nothing but admiration, his lips curling up in a smile. This woman radiates nothing but her own inner beauty as her personality shines through.

_This time, Yakov is certain he is falling._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1 * "Bye"  
> 2 * "Four, five, six, seven"  
> 3 * "Yes"  
> 4 * "Goodbye"  
> 5 * "Where is your mom?"  
> 6 * "She is at home"  
> 7 * "Thanks"  
> 8 * "Hello"
> 
> (Updates may be slow after this chapter due to my school starting again this week.)


	10. VIII

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anna shows up to the rink where she and Yakov finally discuss what went wrong on their date. Lilia learns false information and is unsure who to believe. Yakov takes Lilia out on a third date where they become much closer in a way Yakov has been dreaming about.

Yakov walks into the Champions Sports Club with a new mindset. Only because he's forgotten about Anna for the past two days since visiting Lilia at her home. He still never got the chance to make his first move but he likes to believe that means it will happen at a more special time. The blonde man can only begin to imagine what that moment will be like. He's heard from others that a first kiss can feel like electricity. He's never experienced the sparks first hand so now he can only wait until he finally does. With his ex, there were no sparks or electricity during their first kiss. It just felt like a kiss. With as much daydreaming as he's been doing, he does still have a job he needs to focus on. It's a bit of a challenge when your mind is in a hundred places and you can't get a person out of your head.

_Lilia has taken over about every part of him._

Still figuring out his true feelings, he was honest about never wanting to lose her. She can't leave him in the dust so soon. Yakov still craves to know everything about her and still learn things when they're old and grey. The idea sounds so _comforting_. Even though that is what he thinks and wants, he never thought that it meant being in each other's lives forever. People in his life have definitely noticed and without a doubt know he's falling hard. With enough luck, he may not end up hurt this time. One can hope they figure themselves out.

Upon entering the large building in early November, all his skaters are present and practicing off-ice. "I'm not late, why are all of you already here?" Yakov asks once reaching them. "We wanna do new stuff today!" Kira exclaims, excited. "Like what kind of stuff?" The man asks, sitting down with his bag to get ready. "We want to learn how to do quads!" Dominik pipes in with a big smile. Apparently, they had seen their coach's old competition tapes and want to be just like him. "Quads...?" Yakov's expression goes to a worried and concerned one. "No... no, I don't think we'll be doing that. None of you are physically ready to do a quad." He shakes his head, putting a foot in one of his skates.

"Come ooon... Misha got to do one!" Kira complains, crossing her arms. "Yes, Mischa-Umbertovna did attempt a quad but did you see what happened? Now she can't come back for a few more weeks since she hurt her ankle. I can't have that happen to the rest of you." Yakov explains, finishing his first skate and going onto the next. "I'll tell you what, we can split today in half and do off-ice practice later. We can all do exercises and warm ups to learn a quad. How does that sound?" The students all squeal in excitement, causing Yakov to cover his ears with a chuckle. Yaletha does not know what is going on so she claps from seeing her friends jump around and smile. Before Yakov can explain to his blonde student, a voice fills his ears.

"You don't need to explain for her." Yaletha's mother, Anna, comes around a corner, placing a hand on the girl's shoulder. Yakov looks up and his pupils shrink when he meets the eyes of Anna. "Anna-Alexeyevna..." Yakov mumbles, surprised to see her back so soon. Her hair was much shorter now, still long but reaching below her chest unlike the waist length from before. "I will tell her everything you said you will be doing today." She says quietly, leading her daughter away to a bench. Yakov watches as the two leave while he continues lacing-up. Anna seems... mellow again.

_Did that night change her?_

Eventually, the coach and his skaters make it to the ice, beginning the warm up consisting of edge work and spirals. Yakov's mind is wandering once again, every time he glances at Anna, he can only see her on top of him with her breathy voice in his ear. Begging him to participate in sinful actions. It all made him uncomfortable and want to shrivel up. How could someone do something so... vicious? He has to force himself not to look at her during practice but it is difficult when you have your back to someone you don't trust.

During practice, Yakov hears one of the doors to the rink open with a gust of wind. He does not pay attention, figuring it is Anna leaving for a moment. "Coach Yakov-Ivanovich can you help me?" Kira shouts from across the rink. The man looks over his shoulder from helping Dominik on a proper edge. "I'll be over there in a second." He replies, returning to Dominik. "Remember to keep your weight on the opposite landing foot and an inside edge. I'll be right back." He tells the oldest boy before stroking off to assist Kira in what she is working on.

"What do you need help with, Kira-Demyaneva?" Yakov halts to a stop next to the young girl. "You can help by telling me who that is." The girl points behind her coach. "Tell you who- what do you mean?" Yakov raises a brow, crossing his arms over his chest. "Behind you, silly! That lady's been staring at you for five minutes!" She laughs, pushing her coach to turn around. The man quickly moves his arms to catch himself before he can fall over. He points his skates outward, circling and spotting a brunette on the other side next to the wall. Yakov instantly gains a smile, recognizing her. Kira notices his face and gasps, realizing.

"Is that your girlfriend?!" She nearly shouts, causing Yakov to quickly hush her. "U-Um... _yeah_." He nods, never admitting it out loud before. They had only been official for two days now and haven't seen each other since first asking. Lilia smiles back at the man, gently waving to him. Yakov does the same and sighs, looking at Kira. "Was that all you needed?" He asks. Kira smiles and nods to her coach. "That was all but I thought you didn't have a girlfriend?" She chuckles, skating around the man to tease him. Yakov shakes his head and laughs slightly. "Well, I do now. Get back to your spins, all right?" Kira nods and speeds off to continue.

Yakov decides to visit with Lilia for a moment while she's here. "You came?" He asks, stopping in front of her. "I thought I should. I called the front desk earlier to ask when you're here and that just so happens to be today." Lilia smiles up at the man whom she now can call her _boyfriend_. "Thank you for coming, Lilya. We're just doing some practice and later we're going to train out there." He nods towards the doors. Lilia listens and grins, leaning against the wall. "Well, I did not come out all this way to not see at least _one_ trick from you." She grins, making the man flustered. "Yeah, how about I demonstrate something for my students?" Lilia agrees and sits on a bleacher to observe the dirty-blonde man while he gathers his students together.

Anna is sure to be by the wall and help Yaletha understand the instructions. She even noticed Lilia, wondering who this mysterious stranger is and why Yakov knows her. They seemed _too_ friendly but she won't question it right now, her focus is on helping her daughter. Yakov moves back from his students after explaining the new thing he can teach them and also show Lilia. The man skates forward, switching backward. He extends his right skate behind him, quickly kicking forward while his left skate snaps outward to the toe-pick. Yakov then leaps in one rotation before landing back on his right skate, now in a one-foot-sit-spin. He slowly rises, leaning forward and almost touching the ice with his right hand. The students are fascinated as he does this move three more times before returning upright with his arms over his head. The man pulls out and picks his left toe in the ice, panting.

"That was so cool!" Alek exclaims, already wanting to try this trick. "What was that?" Kira asks eagerly. The man chuckles and turns to look at Lilia who is clapping and smiling brightly. What a unique man with a unique talent. His performance is beautiful, the way his body is so fluent, every part of him in sync. It much reminds her of ballet, how each sequence must flow into the next seamlessly. To her, it seems that skating is like breathing to him.

"Bravo, Yasha!" She calls, continuing with her applause. Yakov smiles and bows to the woman before returning to his students. "Who is that?" They all ask except for Kira since she already knows. "Just someone special. Now, I will teach you how to do a death drop and an illusion." Anna overhears Yakov's quiet answer, her heart silently hurting from it. Whoever this woman is, Anna will not let her get in the way.

Lilia quietly enjoys watching Yakov interact with his students, making her heart full. He's very natural around them and seeing him in a different environment grows the fondness she holds for him. He has so much passion for coaching and Lilia can see it with his body language. She wants the same for herself when the studio opens and she can start instructing children as well. The young woman hopes she will obtain a class in the next few weeks. She misses dancing so much and being able to perform for an audience. It is what gave her the motivation to become better and better.

The brunette can not wait for Yakov to get off the ice so she can tell him how amazing he is even from just seeing one element. The man still wants to see her dance ballet and as much as she wants him to, she is nervous it won't be anything spectacular like he was today. She's lost some flexibility since retiring from performing at theaters. Hopefully, he won't notice and think that she's just as good as she was years ago. Without getting too ahead of herself, she does see something very special in Yakov that she's never seen in any other man who has shown her interest. Yakov shows many more emotions, about always puts her feelings before his own, as much as she does not like it, and probably much more the deeper she gets to know him. He already said his mother will love her. It seems he has the same issue of thinking too far ahead.

While never taking her eyes off the working man, a different pair is on _her_. Anna has been glaring at the brunette ever since she arrived and spoke with her daughter's coach fifteen minutes ago. Anna can not get rid of the bitter taste in her mouth since they were conversing. Something about this younger woman left a bad impression on her and she is not going to let her continue doing so. Eventually, the skaters and coach take their break, leaving the arena to sit down in the front and warm up from the cold air. Lilia follows them out so she can visit with Yakov for a bit in the break room and catch up.

"I must say that you are very impressive, Yasha." Lilia smiles as she walks through the door of the break room. Yakov turns around, holding a coffee, and smiles back. "Many thanks, Lilya. It's nothing, I'm losing a bit of my mojo." He shrugs, offering her a cup. Lilia accepts and takes the coffee, sitting with him. "How long have you been skating again?" She asks, blowing on the steamy brew. "Skating in general? As long as I can remember. I've been coaching for the past two years now." He answers, taking a small sip. Lilia nods, setting her cup down. "You enjoy it. I saw the look in your eye when you... did the thing and then... the other thing." She chuckles, feeling sorry for not knowing what the hell he did out there. Yakov lets out a chuckle as well, grinning. "The spin? Yeah, I do enjoy it very much. It's my whole life."

"I would love to see more. I bet you're absolutely amazing." Lilia smiles, taking a drink once the coffee cools down enough. "How about we go on another date then. I want to take you skating, Lilya." Lilia's eyes got big, suddenly laughing. "Yasha, I've never even been- I can't do that!" Yakov only laughs, disagreeing. "Of course you can! You're a dancer, I bet it will come naturally." Lilia grins and shrugs. "Mm maybe. Okay, I will let you take me on another date. Only if you agree to let me teach you to dance. Or... even better, how about we go to a dance class one night." Yakov thinks about the idea, growing a small smile. "I would love to dance with you, Lilya. I want to see you in your element." Yakov smiles, thinking about something still on his mind. "I think I should tell you something first though."

Anna stands outside the door, listening in from around the corner. Yaletha is sitting with her friends while she has a snack, not noticing that her mother is gone. Everything they are saying is beginning to add up. Yakov's been seeing someone even when he was on a date with her only a few nights ago. Anna grows the confidence and steps in through the doorway, knocking on the frame. "Sorry to interrupt but do you mind if I can speak with the coach in private?" Lilia turns around and looks back at Yakov. The man's surprised to see Anna pop in. "Sure. I don't mind." Lilia answers, getting up with her coffee. "I'll see you in a little bit then, Yasha?" She grins at the man. Yakov looks up and nods quickly. "Yes, I'll see you then." He smiles back, waving. Lilia leaves the room and goes to sit elsewhere.

Yakov turns his gaze to meet Anna's, nervous for what she has to say. "Please, sit down." Yakov invites her, trying to be calm and cool. Anna thanks him, sitting across from the fellow blonde. "Let's talk." She sighs, laying her hands on her lap. Yakov nods, letting her take the lead. "So, Monday night. I had fun, Yakov-Ivanovich. I hope you did as well." She speaks, her tone even. "Yeah, I suppose." He nods, wondering if she will bring up the ride home. "Is that all?" He asks, finishing his coffee. "No, that's not all. I want to know why you denied me after dinner. How come I could not kiss you, Yakov-Ivanovich, is it because I'm not attractive to you?"

The man quickly shakes his head, speaking up. "No, that is not the reason. Anna-Alexeyevna, the reason was I am your daughter's coach. I am not... I don't see you in that way. I'm not interested in having a relationship with you. I'm sorry, Anna-Alexeyevna but I can't be going out with you." He explains, waiting for a response. "I am sad to hear that, Yakov-Ivanovich. I liked you." She sighs after a minute of silence. "It's a shame really, I figured you would love being closer to Yalusha and she may have felt the same. She looks up to you. You are all she talks about at home, how excited she is to come back to her lessons and learn from you. You're her idol, Yakov-Ivanovich." The woman gets up from her seat, flattening down her shirt. "I will leave you alone for the rest of your break now." She makes her way towards the door to leave. "I'm sorry if I hurt your wrists, again." Yakov mentions before she's gone but Anna does not respond, exiting.

Yakov sits back in his chair, surprised by how their conversation went. He can't tell if it went well or poorly. Maybe more deep thinking will help him decide later. Anna heads towards the public restroom, spotting the brunette fixing her hair in the mirror. "I am finished talking with the coach. I don't understand what my _ex-husband_ sees in a little girl like you." Anna mentions, looking at Lilia in the mirror while she keeps her distance. The brunette's hands pause on top of her head, looking back at the blonde behind her. "What are you talking about?" She mumbles, slowly turning around to face her properly.

"My ex-husband. I left him years ago because he was unfaithful to me and now I see why. He pursues children like you. Yalusha still wants to see him and I have to make sure she is happy. I suggest you stop seeing him before you end up in my shoes." Anna has her arms crossed under her chest, not looking away from Lilia. "Look, I don't know you or your name but Yasha's never been married or has children..." Lilia has to stop and question everything she knows about the man she is seeing. She does not believe this woman, _right_?

_Yakov's been nothing but honest. Is it possible he's had a secret life he never told Lilia about?_

"This... can't be true. I've known him for two months now, he can't..." Lilia finds it hard to believe but the ounce of insecurity she has for herself says otherwise. She always knew she is not perfect and that finding Yakov seems so surreal. There is no way a man as perfect as Yakov could _want_ her. This has to be fake. "Deary, I have known him since school. We were married for eight years. Two months means nothing compared to the almost fifteen years I have known him." She sighs, taking her exit from the restroom.

By the time Yakov leaves the break room to find Lilia, she is already exiting the restroom and making her way to the front of the building. "Lilya?" Yakov calls out, following the woman. Lilia does not answer nor turn around, heading straight for the exit, quickening her pace. Yakov furrows his brows, quickly jogging over to catch up. "Lilya? Where are you going?" He calls again, finally catching her outside, putting a hand on the woman's shoulder. "Why didn't you just tell me?" Lilia turns around, expression sad and angry. "Lil- tell you what? What happened?" Yakov quickly becomes worried, afraid that Lilia got hurt. "Are you all right?" He moves to be in front of her, checking over her.

"Is it true...? You were married and you coach your daughter?" She whispers while Yakov's hands cup her cheeks, inspecting her for signs of injury. The man in front of her pauses, looking into her eyes. "What...?" He is shocked to hear this and Lilia notices. "Lilya, I've never married anyone, I told you that. I don't have a daughter or any children. Where did you hear that from?" He asks quietly, keeping his hands in place. Lilia looks up to meet his blue eyes, seeing the questioning and confused expression he has. "That woman... who wanted to talk to you. She said you were married. You cheated on her..." Lilia mumbles, unsure now. Yakov shakes his head, gradually getting faster. "No, no, not at all. Why the hell would she say something so absurd?"

"So... it's not true? She lied?" Lilia asks, really hoping the woman was lying and Yakov is who he says he is. The man does not hesitate to answer. "Yes, that's correct. She is just my student's mother. We should talk more... let's go back inside." He ushers her back in so they can discuss the topic he has been dreading since the moment it happened.

Yakov still feels so awful for Lilia having to be the victim of a lie. He can't imagine what would have happened if he did not catch Lilia in time or at all. Lilia would probably avoid him and never talk to him again. It scared him but thankfully he was able to clear the air and she believes him. She has heard of but never seen this Anna person so of course. Lilia only had one moment of doubt that everything she knew was made up and she was being played again. That's always been her luck with guys. Luckily, the two agree to go on a third date tomorrow night. Yakov informed Lilia he will pick her up at nine-thirty. The woman is curious about why so late but Yakov has connections.

The blonde pulls up to Lilia's building, stepping out of his vehicle and walking to the door. Before he can open it, Lilia does and walks out with a smile. "Is my outfit appropriate enough?" She asks before saying anything else. Yakov takes ahold of Lilia's hand and spins her around to check her out. "Yes, I would say so. Perfect." He smiles. Lilia grins and looks down at her flared jeans, boots, and coat over a turtleneck. The man had suggested she wear something more casual and Yakov has done the same. "So why is it so late?" She asks while they walk to his car. "Well, you will find out in a few minutes." The man grins, opening the door for her.

Lilia is still curious as to why they are going skating at such an hour but it is the weekend so a little late night fun won't hurt. Yakov pulls into the empty parking lot of his rink, turning the car off and looking at the woman next to him. "It's empty here?" She meets his gaze, chuckling in a confused way. Yakov smiles and nods, getting out to open her door. "Yes it is, let's go in." The two hold hands while they make it to the front doors. Yakov pulls out a key and opens a single door, letting her in first. He locks the door again after entering and turns on the lights. "Yasha... what did you do?" Lilia laughs, turning around. "Don't worry, I asked yesterday. Plus I'm paying for the extra ice time." He grins, leading her to the counter.

Lilia sits down on a bench while Yakov searches for a pair of skates she can borrow. He comes back around and kneels in front of her, helping to put it on. "Don't be too nervous, it's not so bad. As long as you bend your knees and square your shoulders you will be fine. I'll let you hold onto me." He looks up with a gentle smile, growing as Lilia's cheeks turn rose. They have not even entered the arena yet so her cheeks will most definitely become cherry red. "Okay, Yasha." She replies softly, grinning as he ties the first skate and moves on to the next one. "Thank you, Yasha. You're nothing but a gentleman." Yakov thanks her for the compliment, heart absolutely full from her.

Eventually, the two finish getting ready and Yakov gets up, holding a hand out for her. Lilia looks and takes ahold of him, being pulled up. The woman gasps as she reaches her feet, all of her weight shifting to her toes and she falls into the man's chest. They both meet the other's eyes, laughing from the accident but staying still. "Sorry about that. I'm not used to being on something so wobbly." Lilia quietly chuckles, her arms over his shoulders. Yakov can only smile down at the young woman, shaking it off. "It will be fine, just hold on and stay close to me. I won't let go of you."

_Stay close to me._

The tall man escorts the brunette to the arena, holding the large door open as they go through to the chilly room. Yakov flips on a few more switches and it slowly fills with beams of light down on the center of the pure white ice. "Ready?" He asks, looking at the woman. Lilia catches his gaze, grinning as she nods “yes” to him. "Always." She whispers, smile widening as they quickly make it to an entrance on the ice. Yakov steps out first, turning around to help Lilia on. "One step at a time, hold the wall for extra stability." He holds his hands out while Lilia nervously gets on. "Oh goodness, Yasha, how do you do this?" She chuckles, slowly switching her weight. Yakov grins and puts an arm around her as she gets the other foot on. "Like that, you're doing well, Lilya." He nods, moving them back to the wall. "Yasha- oh my- this is... difficult." She laughs, almost already losing her balance.

After a bit of helping Lilia stable herself, they break from the wall and Yakov holds her while they slowly skate around the long rink. "Yasha, you are very good at this. I don't understand how you can glide around as if this is nothing. I can hardly stand still." The woman laughs at herself, looking at the man with an admirable smile. "Perhaps I can bring you here more often and make you a professional skater too?" He suggests, earning a terrified expression from Lilia. "Oh no, no I can't do that." She answers, making him snicker. "I'm teasing you, Lilya. Would you like to listen to music?" He asks. Lilia smiles and nods, agreeing.

The younger of the two sits on a step to the cassette player that is right off of the ice. The man files through the bin of cassettes and pulls out a classical song by Tchaikovsky, _Serenade for Strings_. Lilia recognizes the tune once it begins to play, looking up at the man she accompanies with a smile. Yakov helps her back up and they continue around the rink, talking and enjoying the company from the other. Yakov turns around in front of Lilia, still holding her hands. "Beginning to show off for me?" The young woman teases, only smiling. "Of course. I thought you wanted to see more from me?" He teases back, earning a chuckle from the green-eyed lady.

Yakov decides to see how well her balance is and let's go of one hand, returning to her side. "Oh, Yasha, I am going to fall if you let go of the other." She warns, not able to wipe away her smile. "I won't let go of you. Do you trust me?" Yakov meets her eyes. Lilia looks up and her green hues light up, revealing millions of more colors. "I will always trust you, Yasha." The man can feel his heart fill with max capacity, not sure how she continues to make it full.

_Lilia will always trust him._

As Lilia gains more confidence with her balance, she breaks free from Yakov's hold, chuckling as she slowly glides next to him. "Look at you, Lilya!" The Russian man beams, so proud of her quick progress. "Bend your knees and push off with one foot, interchanging between the two." Lilia nods and slowly pushes, chuckling at herself. "That's so difficult." She mentions, trying with the other foot. Lilia can barely push, her blade scraping against the ice and sending her to fall on her right side. Yakov flinches, quickly stopping to help her up. "Lilya, are you-" Lilia is startled at first but cuts him off with a loud laugh, laying on the cold, wet ice. "I'm okay!" She chuckles, looking up at Yakov who stands over her. "You didn't hit your head, did you?" Yakov laughs softly, reaching his hand out for her to grab. Lilia smiles and shakes her head, taking ahold of his strong hand. Before the man can pull her up, Lilia brings him down, laughing even more as he falls in front of her, careful not to land on top of the woman.

Yakov looks down at her with a flushed face, chuckling from the slip. Lilia smiles up at Yakov, calming down enough to cup his cheeks, leaning up to gently place her lips on his. Yakov's whole world comes to an abrupt stop, his eyes slowly closing as the two are finally able to share a moment together. The blonde feels the excitement, the electricity, and all the sparks, leaning in more as he holds her up by her back. Yakov has always craved this, wanting nothing more than to kiss the woman he's falling for so fast.

The two pull back after a few seconds, looking into the other's light-shaded eyes. Neither of them says a word as they take in the moment they just shared, the music still playing softly in the background. Lilia purses her lips before speaking up, breaking the silence. " ***** Простите, was that too soon?" She whispers, lips hardly separating. The man above her gently shakes his head, a bright smile forming, reflecting the ice. "Not soon enough." He whispers back to Lilia, reconnecting them after. A while later, Yakov decides to put in another cassette, one he's done a program to. Lilia takes a break on a bench next to the ice, watching Yakov perform a beautiful show just for her. The elegant movements almost bring tears to her eyes.

_Lilia craves a dance partner in life._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * "Sorry"
> 
> (New sketches of Yaletha, Mischa, and Kira's character designs are available to view on my Instagram, @ succ.et.chihoko_ Anna and the twins will be posted later as I am still working on them :)


	11. IX

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yakov talks with his mother about being in a relationship with Lilia. After their call, he shows up at Lilia's studio to watch her dance. While there, Lilia is caught hiding an injury from him.

" (1) ***** Алло?" "Xenya, it's me. I'm afraid to inform you that my student, Miss Baranovskaya, has declined the physical therapy. I let her know that if she changes her mind, she can see you Saturday." The woman on the other end spoke. The blonde woman took a deep breath, letting it go quietly. "Thank you for letting me know. I hope she realizes how beneficial it will be. I will see you Saturday then." The two women said “goodbye” before hanging up. The blonde placed the spiral-corded phone back on the wall, returning to the dishes she was cleaning.

"Who was that?" Her husband entered the kitchen from working outside. "Oh, Vanya, it was Dita from the dance studio. Her student that had a bad injury declined physical therapy." "That's a shame. Maybe this student will come back for help eventually." The man shrugged and poured himself a cup of coffee. "I hope so too. I hate to see young ballerinas have to quit so early." "Speaking of quitting, have you heard from Yasha recently?"

_Oxana could only hope the student would call for help._

"I never want this night to end." The pear-eyed woman sighs as she settles into the older man's off white vehicle. "I feel the same, Lilya. I don't like the idea of taking you home now." Lilia meets the man's gaze, her whole demeanor is gentle and safe. That's how she always feels around him. "Why do we have to end it now?"

_The young woman never wants to lose contact._

Yakov escorts Lilia back to her building, offering to walk her to the flat's door. He only feels comfortable knowing she is safe behind the locked door. "Thank you so much, Yasha. You always know how much our time together means to me." Lilia says softly, turning to the man before she goes inside her flat. "Me too. I love being around you." He smiles, standing close to her. "Thank you for joining me, as always." The brunette glances to the floor before returning her gaze to the blonde. Neither says a word, silently embracing the space they consume.

"I'll see you again soon, hopefully?" Lilia whispers, taking a short breath. "Of course. You can't keep me away for too long." Yakov answers, gaining a smile. "I would hope not. You best get home before it's too late, Yasha." Lilia lets out a small sigh, blinking slowly. Yakov agrees and they say farewell. Before he can get away, Lilia pulls him down by his shirt collar, carefully pressing their lips together. The man's hands find their way on her waist, bringing her close. Lilia's hands move up to the back of his neck, never wanting to let go. Unfortunately, they must eventually separate.

The blonde gazes down at Lilia with a small smile and rouge cheeks. " (2) ***** Спокойной ночи, Lilya." The older man whispers. Lilia meets his blue eyes, hating the farewell but knowing she will see him again. "Goodnight, Yasha." She says back, waving "bye" once he takes his leave. Lilia continues to watch as he disappears down the hallway and towards the staircase. She turns around and unlocks the door to her flat to enter. By the time she is in, her hip is making every pained centimeter loud and known. Hiding an uncomfortable injury is not easy, especially being an athlete.

Lilia sighs as she leans against the back of the sea-foam door. She has to take a quiet minute to let the tension ease enough to proceed to maneuver. Once able, the brunette unzips her coat and allows it to drop on the cold, hard tile. Pulling down the waist of her jeans, she's able to get a small peek at the forming bruise on her right hipbone. The woman has to help herself into the bathroom for a better look at it, not able to see much from the fabrics covering her and the poor lighting.

Entering her bedroom first, she lays flat on her mattress to wiggle out of the jeans. "Ow, ow... please don't be bad." She mutters to herself, eventually getting the denim past her thighs. From there, she can easily slip out but not without a tenderness from her hip. Lilia pushes herself back up, stepping into the bathroom and switching the overhead light on. "Oh no..." She can already see that the bruise is visible from beneath her undergarment, extending to her upper and inner thigh. "I didn't think I fell that hard." She decides to turn around and look over her shoulder to stare at her reflection in the mirror. Luckily, it mostly bruised in the front and not much discoloration is on the back of her leg.

Since her accident at the theater, she's been more susceptible to bruising done to her hips and pelvis. A small bump into the corner of a counter can leave a mark for a few weeks. As a ballerina, she has to be extra careful to not harm herself. This one can most definitely be seen through a pair of tights and a costume that is short enough. Lilia opens the mirrored medicine cabinet, hoping she still owns an ointment to apply. The cerise hue is already shifting to heather in the spots that took the most impact.

Fortunately, she has enough for one application. Unfortunately, she will have to purchase more in the morning. She will have to stop by a pharmacy on the way to the studio. Maybe a bath first will help her relax. The constant stiffness of attempting to not hurt more was causing a terrible headache. With enough strength, she's able to climb into her bath and sit down while the lukewarm water eases the tension and swelling. Lilia is more than lucky that she did not injure her pelvis again. If so, she would most likely be back in the hospital and their date would have been ruined. The woman never wants to feel the guilt of ruining something important again. It weighs so much on her shoulders, daunting her days.

Now alone and in her tub, Lilia realizes how much she is hurting. Not just physically but emotionally. Yakov made it effortless for her to forget the hardship. She's sacrificed so much from her life to be where she is today. As honest as this seemingly perfect gentleman is, Lilia has not been one-hundred percent with him. She knows he deserves it. Unfortunately, that is not the easy part of being with him. The young woman has many hidden secrets waiting to be spoken. Ones that may change his feelings for her. It feels as if there are branches of rose thorns climbing her legs, an inch engulfing her every time she avoids her past. Eventually, she will be covered in the thorns if she continues to dangle the truth over Yakov's head.

She wishes he was still here. She wishes she did not let him go. Lilia is stuck in a pit, slowly sinking to the bottom where her fears and insecurities lie. There have been many points where she was close to surrendering, accepting the fate that everything around her is crumbling. Her relationships, her career, her _love_.

_She does not realize that she too is falling in a different way._

That night, after managing to get out of the tub by herself, Lilia lays down on her small bed, staring at the ceiling. She applied ointment before settling under the thin rose covers. Now, her only focus is on the gradual numbing of her hip. Nothing will outdo the bruising from her first accident. This is nothing compared to it. Her entire thigh and pelvis were littered in a deep violet mark from falling _and_ the required surgery. The woman's slender fingers absentmindedly trace the fading scar that starts from her inner pelvis and trails down about (3) ***** two inches. The scar that has been left makes her feel so awful about herself. The day she is finally intimate with a man could be her last. How will she explain such an ugly scar that ruined her skin? Will he think _she's_ ugly? All she wants is to be beautiful to someone. Lilia wants to call the man she knows and listen to his soothing voice _one more time_.

_Lilia craves to spill the truth._

Odile was soaring in the air, feeling weightless in the Prince's grasp. " (4) ***** Один..." Odile counted under her breath. " (5) ***** Двa-" Her whole world came crashing down. The Prince tripped and lost his grip on the black swan. Odile struck the stage first, her legs were trying to prevent the hard impact before her mind could even register the physical response. Doing so caused her right knee to hit her shoulder. Only seconds later, the Prince fell on top of Odile. His weight crushed her even more, an audible snap echoed which now haunts her. Odile's right hip and shoulder took the first initial hit, her weight came after. With the awkward position she was in along with the additional weight of her partner, it's a miracle she recovered.

_Physically._

Lilia startles herself awake from the deep sleep. The nightmare and accidentally rolling onto her hip woke her up. It's not a surprise she's dreamt about her fall. It's quite often that she does. Every time, she wakes up after the snap of her bones. It left an impression on her. One she can never forget now. Lilia checks her clock, reading "03:19" in the morning. The woman had barely been asleep for two and a half hours and now she's wide awake. She is given no time to react to the immense pain her hip is communicating. All she wants is Yakov back to distract her from the horrible burn and ache she is experiencing. As tempted as she is, she would feel more guilt than relief by calling him at this time of night.

_Yakov numbs her pain like a drug._

Later in the morning, Yakov sleeps in until eight before rising awake to begin his weekend. He usually spends his weekends working out and keeping himself in shape. He'll stretch at home then go for a long jog afterward. Lilia did not mention being busy today besides going to the studio so he might stop by and visit during his jog. She doesn't live too far, only an eight-minute drive so he can probably get there in thirty minutes. Even better, he might show up at the studio and watch her like when she came to the rink. Before leaving, he decides to give her a call to make sure she's still going. After five rings and no answer, it is clear she is not home.

_She must already be at the studio._

Before walking away, Yakov's home phone rings. "Oh, maybe that's Lilya." He mumbles, picking it back up to answer. "Hello?" "Yasha! Good morning, my son. How are you?" Yakov is surprised to hear his mother but also happy. He hasn't heard from her in a while. "I'm good, mama. Is papa there?" He asks, sitting at his table. "He's out at the store so I thought I would give you a call and check-in." She smiles which Yakov can sense. "Well, I do have a few things to tell you, actually." Yakov starts, his heart beginning to race. "What is it, Yasha?" She hums. "I asked Lilya if she wants to be... you know, a couple." Before he can finish, his mother is already joyous. "Yasha, I'm so happy for you! Wait, she said yes, right?" Yakov chuckles slightly, nodding. "She said yes, mama." His mother sighs with delight, relieved.

"Yasha, I may not know her but I do know how happy you are. I miss this side of you." She says with a softer tone unlike moments ago. "She must be a good one if you're so bubbly and bright again. It's been too long, son." The man listens to his mother's words, agreeing with what she is saying. He too missed being this happy. His mother always taught him not to rely on someone else to make you feel good but unfortunately, that is not how he functions. "She's great, mama." He says quietly, thinking about nothing but Lilia. "I really like her. I hope she feels the same about me." Yakov's mother grins, speaking up. "By the sounds of it, I would think so. If she said yes to being with you, I think she finds you special, Yasha. Now, when do I get to meet this girl?"

Yakov laughs a little, his smiling growing. "Soon, hopefully. I think you two will get along just fine. Tell papa that last night, she... well she made the first move." The blonde's cheeks flush as he recalls the quick memory. "She did?" His mother gasps, her heart racing like her son's. "I took her to the rink and she kissed me, mama. It was..." "Magical? Did sparks fly and feel like electricity?" His mother finishes his sentence. "Yeah... it felt exactly like that." He whispers, leaning against his hand. "Yasha... she definitely feels the same for you. There is no doubt in my mind." His mother smiles.

After their phone call, Yakov heads off after putting his shoes on and starts making his way towards Lilia's flat. He's vaguely heard about the studio being open a few blocks east of her building. Hopefully, he can find it and Lilia. The cold breeze of the approaching winter blows through his hair, sending chills down his neck while he jogs down the empty sidewalk. Not many people are out this morning, staying sheltered from the freezing air. Snow has started to fall, gently sprinkling down and dusting the ground under Yakov. He's close to Lilia's building, checking his surroundings for anything that indicates a ballet studio. Luckily, a clerk is bringing in produce from outside a market at the end of the block. The blonde asks the old man if he knows anything about a studio nearby. The elderly man points him to the right and down about three blocks is the new studio. Yakov thanks him and continues his journey. He travels the distance and eventually spots a sign in a window that read "School of Dance."

_This has to be it._

Yakov enters the three-story building, looking around the first level. Inside is a long hallway and a staircase to the left. There are two rooms to the right with windowed doors to see in. The man takes a peek and sees that both are empty but have mirrored walls. He decides to go up the stairs and investigate some more, wondering if her studio is on the second floor. There, it is quite similar to the ground level. This time, there are three rooms but only one seems to be occupied. Yakov looks through the glass on the door, noticing four women and a man dancing inside. They all face the mirror, moving in rhythm.

A man takes hold of a brunette's hand, pulling her close before placing his hands on her waist. The woman is then spun eight times, pulling out to reach both arms over her head. Yakov is fascinated by observing Lilia in her element, struck by the way she moves so delicately. The male dancer takes her hands, while she bends forward, rising back after. The other dancers begin to work on other sequences, all following the same music that plays inside the room. Yakov's focus goes back to Lilia while she twirls and extends her limbs, showing off the toned muscle she has. The man's never seen it before, impressed, to say the least. Her figure is exquisite for a ballerina. While captured by her performance, Lilia's partner grabs her hips, lifting her. Before she's even fully in the air, the woman reacts to the sharp pain first. "D-Down, down... put me down!" She bites on her cheek, holding the male's wrists. The dancer quickly sets her back down, confused but worried. "What happened?"

Yakov's brows furrow together in curiosity, wondering what was going on inside the studio. Why had they quit their practice so suddenly? "I can't do it... I'm sorry... I can't practice anymore today." Lilia mumbles, slowly showing herself to the door. "Are you all right?" One of the fellow female ballerinas stops her practice to check on Lilia. "I'm fine. I'll just be right back." She nods, opening the door. Yakov steps out of the way and when Lilia notices, she jumps. "Y-Yasha? What are you doing here?" She asks, more than surprised to see him here. "Lilya- I thought I would come to surprise you during your practice. Like... you did." He smiles weakly, scanning over the younger woman. Lilia takes a breath and lets it go after a second. "You really didn't have to do that..." She whispers, ignoring the burn and sting of her hip and thigh.

"You looked really good in there but... what just happened?" Yakov takes note of the way she holds herself. He knows all too well from being in a dangerous sport. Injuries are always guaranteed. "Oh- you saw that...?" Lilia mumbles, pursing her lips, barely making eye contact. "I guess I did. Lilya... show me your hip." He turns his gaze back to the brunette. Lilia follows his eyes, meeting them on her right leg. "Yasha, I'm fine. I'm just going to the restroom." She waves off. "I know you're hurt. You have never been this way but I can tell something is off. Can I help?" Lilia knows she won't get past him after this far. "You don't have to..." She whispers.

The man is able to hail a cab, holding Lilia close with an arm around her shoulder while she leans against him to keep weight off her leg. Yakov promised to help her recover back at home. He was not going to take no for an answer. Seeing Lilia deal with pain made his heart hurt. She does not deserve to suffer through it alone. In the car, the lady quietly listens to him talk about anything on his mind. This helped distract her from the pain in her hip. "I'm sorry you're wasting your day on me." She mumbles, raising her head to look at him. "Nothing is a nuisance if you're hurt, Lilya."

_Yakov is her pain relief._

Back at her building, Yakov assists Lilia up to her flat. "Yasha... I still feel so bad you're doing all of this. I'm fine, I promise." She says quietly when they make it to her door. "I want to do this. I don't like seeing you in distress, Lilya. This is the least I can do." He passes a small grin while she unlocks the door. "I'm going to change my clothes." Lilia mumbles as they walk in and close the door. "Do you need help to your room?" Yakov asks, still holding her waist. "I got it from here. Thank you though." Lilia nods, slowly walking to her bedroom. Yakov sighs and waits for the woman to come back out. He only caught a glimpse of her leg. A small patch of purple was visible under her tights on the top of her thigh. Surely, there's more to it than that.

Lilia returns to the living area in a simple everyday dress with buttons down the front. Yakov looks up and grins slightly, watching as she began to pull her hair out of the bun it is in. "Let me help you on the couch." He comes over, holding a hand out. Lilia looks up, accepting the offer and sits down. Yakov gently lifts her legs and brings them up on the couch. "Thank you, Yasha." She whispers, still feeling guilty. "Of course. Now, do you have any medicines or an ice pack?" He asks, kneeling in front of her. "I ran out of medicine last night. There should be an ice pack in the freezer though." The man stands up to retrieve the ice pack. He comes back and gently places it on her hip. "I will run to the pharmacy and pick you up some medicine. I'll be back in ten minutes."

Lilia can't thank him enough for what he is doing. He has no reason to help her out. For someone she only met two months ago, he shows that he cares so much. It honestly makes Lilia feel _special_ for once. No one has ever made her feel important. Her parents never did so getting this kind of attention from someone and a _man_ , her heart can hardly contain the love and appreciation she feels. Lilia was raised to be the caretaker and the housewife. To do everything that goes on in a household and to gift a man with children. The man is the breadwinner and shall be treated like royalty and never argued with, he is always right. To the woman, that is the opposite of what she wants to do with her life. Lilia was a rebellious kid. Her mother always tried setting her up with men far older than her, wanting her to start her life as a wife already. It never worked out because Lilia would hide or run away to a friend's house while the gentleman was over for dinner. What works for her sister, won't work for her.

Yakov is different. He seems to be the kind of man who would not care what his partner does. Whether that's staying at home with the children or working. She hopes he is how he appears to her. She would do anything for Yakov. He is the only man to have shown her what _love_ is without initially saying it. What she feels for this man is something she does not understand yet but she knows she has never felt this way before. Perhaps, this _is_ love. Only time will be able to tell.

Yakov eventually returns to her flat, entering and removing his shoes before joining her in the living room. "I got you a few things since I don't know what exactly hurts." He opens a paper bag and sets down small boxes and bottles. "Thank you, Yasha. This means a lot." She says quietly, looking over while she holds the ice pack on her hip. "I saw you have a bruise. I got a cream to help with it." Yakov picks it up, showing it to her. Lilia is nothing but amazed by this man's effort. He's gone completely out of his way, wasting his day, just on her. "You really did not need to do all of this." Lilia sighs, smiling anyway. "It's no problem. I enjoy helping the people I care about." Yakov grins, not giving a second thought about his reply.

_Yakov cares for her._

"The perfect man." She whispers with a small smile. Yakov hears and smiles as well, his cheeks a dusty rose. "Just doing my job." He answers quietly, standing up. "I'm going to wash my hands then I can help you. That's if you want me to." Lilia looks up, nodding. "Oh- yes, I mean, you can do as you please. I'm okay, I promise." "I insist on making myself useful while I'm here." Lilia can only chuckle and let him do whatever he needs to feel accomplished. Yakov washes his hands and returns to the living room to open the cream. "Does it still hurt?" He asks, unscrewing the cap. Lilia removes the ice pack and waits a minute for the cold skin to warm up. "Just a little sore. I think it's better than earlier." She sets the ice pack on the end table behind her.

Yakov nods and peels the protective seal off of the tip, stuffing it in his pocket. "That's good. This should help reduce swelling as well. Do you mind if I help?" Lilia shakes her head, sitting up a little. "No, I don't mind. I hate that you're doing so much for me right now..." Yakov only smiles and waves it off. "Don't worry. As long as I know you're okay." Yakov squeezes out a small amount of the white cream, spreading it across his hands. Lilia pulls up the side of her dress, _waiting_ for Yakov to scold her on such a bruise. When Yakov finally sees the full picture, his blue eyes are wide with shock. "Lilya... what happened to your hip?" He mumbles, looking up at her. "Was this from skating...?" Lilia purses her lips, gently nodding. "Yeah... it was. I'm prone to bruising, it's not as bad as it looks." Yakov can only feel bad for Lilia at this point. He wishes he knew sooner so he could have done something to prevent it from getting this bad.

Lilia watches as the blonde quietly applies the medicine to her thigh. His hands are warm and gentle, afraid to hurt her any more. Yakov enjoys being able to tend to her in a time like this. He's always been soft natured, ready to help when needed. He feels as if this is his fault, letting Lilia injure herself to this extent. She probably did not tell him because she didn't want him to feel guilty but it is too late. Being this close to Lilia makes his heart race faster than it usually does. “Yasha, let me do the rest. You’ve already done so much.” The woman insists. "It's all right, I'm almost done anyway." He applies the rest to the small patch on her hipbone. "Thank you." Lilia fixes her clothing, looking at the man before her.

Yakov meets her eyes and smiles, nodding. "You're welcome, Lilya. I'm happy to help and I always will." Lilia's heart flutters, never experiencing something so small but so genuine. "Just having you here helps enough." The man has butterflies in his stomach much like when they first started talking. He still gets them, of course, but he's become accustomed to it. "Would you like me to make you some tea then?" He asks, picking up the medications to put in the kitchen. "Sure, I would love some." Lilia nods. "Before you go, come here." She waves him over with her finger. Yakov is curious and kneels back down. Lilia smiles gently and leans forward to place a small kiss on his cheek. Yakov can feel the heat rising from his neck to flush his cheeks, grinning as she pulls away. The man returns the favor and places a delicate kiss to her forehead, standing back up to start a kettle.

_Lilia's slow fall is quickening the deeper she goes._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1 * (over the phone) "Hello"  
> 2 * "Goodnight"  
> 3 * About 5.08 centimeters  
> 4 * "One"  
> 5 * "Two"


	12. X

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yakov pulls Anna aside and they further discuss their strange relationship and the problems it causes. Lilia learns about a small portion of Yakov's first serious partner while they dive into deeper topics.

" (1) ***** Доброе утро, Lilya. How is your hip doing?" Yakov speaks up once Lilia answers her phone. "Oh, good morning, Yasha. It is feeling better than the other day. Still bruised but it's not as sore now." The brunette hums on the other end. Yakov is happy to hear that Lilia is doing better. "I'm glad to hear that, Lilya. I hope you recover quickly. I feel so bad that you are injured and missing your practices." Lilia smiles softly as she listens to his calming voice. Something about it is so soothing. She wants to listen to it all day. "Again, thank you for helping me. I feel so bad for the trouble you went through just for me." Yakov waves it off. "I would cross the entire ocean for you, Lilya. You know that if you need _anything_ , then tell me. I will do whatever it is that you need." Yakov loves taking care of Lilia. He would drop anything to be there for her, no matter the issue.

"I only wish you told me sooner so I could have done something about it then." Yakov brings up, leaning against the kitchen counter. He was curious if she had seen a doctor for it yet. He's always worrying about the people he cares for getting hurt. On the other hand, Lilia was not planning on it. She couldn't handle more bad news so she took care of it herself along with Yakov's help. "I'm sorry I did not mention it. I did not realize how bad it was until after you left." Lilia quietly sighs as she looks down at her hip. "That's okay. As long as you are healing then I don't mind. Next time, you better tell me though." Lilia chuckles lightly, nodding. "I will, I promise. I can't thank you enough for it. It means a lot. _You_... mean so much to me, it's..." Yakov is silent, listening and waiting for the woman to find the right words. "A _treasure_." Lilia's voice hushes to a whisper. Yakov can tell that his heart is swelling again along with the butterfly feeling. "Of course, Lilya."

The two chat for a while longer over the phone. Yakov has a lesson in an hour so he uses as much of his free time to talk with Lilia beforehand. "Yasha, before you go, can I ask you something?" Yakov looks up from the floor of his kitchen to gaze out the narrow window. "Sure. Anything, Lilya." Lilia clears her throat before starting. "Anna... forgive me for not remembering her name but what is going on now? I want to know what is happening between the both of you... and now me. Why did she approach me to tell a lie? Have you done anything about it?" The blonde purses his lips, thinking over the whole situation. "That... I have not seen her since then. I will talk to her about it and try to set it straight again. It seems that no matter what I tell her, it goes in one ear and out the other, unfortunately." He sighs, rubbing his temple. "I see. I don't know how close you two are, I don't want to step on anyone's toes. I only want to understand what this whole... thing is." "I understand, Lilya. I would be concerned too. I will pull her aside today when I see her. Trust me, I want this back to normal as much as you do."

_Yakov has noticed that this only started once Lilia came into his life._

On the way to the rink, Lilia is the only one on his mind as usual. Ever since he spoke with his mother only a few days ago, things have been starting to make a bit more sense. For example, his mother said that Lilia must feel something towards him if she accepted the offer of being an official couple _and_ being the one to kiss _him_ first. Even without knowing for sure, at least he has the reassurance that Lilia is not using him for anything. Otherwise, it would be more obvious if she was. Yakov feels guilt for allowing Lilia to get injured on their date. The fact that she did not tell him right away also concerns him. It is in the past now and he can not change it. It is her right to tell him what she wants to share so he must respect that and he does. Along the line of injuries, Kira's often visited Mischa since her accident. Hopefully, she will be recovering soon and coming back to train before the end of the year. The man eventually makes it to the rink's parking lot and strolls inside with his skate bag. None of his students have arrived yet so he waits on getting ready.

Fiodor walks out from a backroom and spots Yakov on one of the benches. "Hey, Yasha." The brunette man waves, approaching. Yakov's head turns up and he waves back. "Morning, Fedya. You're here early." Fiodor chuckles with a shrug to his shoulders. "I'm usually always here around this time." The man takes a seat next to his friend. "How's your dramatic love triangle going?" "It's a lot to handle. Things with Lilya are always great but Anna-Alexeyevna... she keeps trying to ruin me or _us_." The blonde sighs, leaning against the back of the metal bench. "What did she do this time?" Fiodor's caramel eyes roll. "I guess she tried convincing Lilya that we were a divorced couple and Yaletha-Levovna is my daughter." Fiodor can only feel annoyance for Yakov. "Oh my God, Yasha." "I feel lost, Fedya. I do not know what to do about this anymore. It's going to be a huge problem if Anna-Alexeyevna misleads Lilya again. She'll completely screw me over and I can't let her harm Lilya. She is more important than what Anna-Alexeyevna can say about me or my career." Fiodor blinks a few times, wondering if he heard Yakov right. "Lilia is more important than your coaching?" He asks quietly, checking. "No, I mean... I don't know, Fedya. They are both important but Lilya is a person with feelings. Now she is being dragged into a mess I never intended which she does not deserve. What should I do?"

Fiodor takes a long breath, contemplating. "All I can tell you is to talk to Anna-Alexeyevna. Yasha, you can't keep letting her win. If you don't put a stop to this behavior, then she _will_ ruin you." Fiodor is right and Yakov knows he has to discuss this more with Anna. Even if that means risking Yaletha's position in his class. He does not want Anna to take her away but he also has to realize his clean image is more important and _not_ worth getting in trouble for lies. "I thought you said she's done this to every man in Saint Petersburg. Shouldn't she eventually move on then?" Yakov looks over at the other man, chewing on the inside of his left cheek. "Yeah, just about. I would think she would be over you by now for playing hard to get. Once she's slept... Oh. That's the difference." Fiodor meets Yakov's sky blue eyes with realization. "What? What is it?" Yakov is confused, his thick eyebrows knitting together.

"Anna-Alexeyevna is still hunting you down because she hasn't gotten into your pants." The brunette snickers, feeling sorry. "What... are you serious?" Yakov's face turns rouge, trying to hide it. "I'm pretty sure. She sleeps with all kinds of men. I can't imagine the list of things she has now." Yakov internally gags, thankful he did _not_ sleep with her that night. "Didn't she pursue you once? How did you get out of it without... the..." Fiodor leans back, rubbing the back of his neck. "I, well, I had to hide from her for a few weeks. Then she forgot about it and left me alone. Plus she knew I already had a girlfriend at the time." "So... you hid from her? That's it?" Fiodor nods, chuckling a bit. "Yeah." Yakov releases a deep sigh, hanging over his knees. "I can't avoid her though. She comes to every lesson to help me _and_ her daughter with translation." "Aren't you learning though? Why don't you ask Anna-Alexeyevna to leave so you can practice your sign language?" As crazy of an idea that is, it also makes some sense.

_That could benefit his practice._

"I don't know if I'm that advanced enough to not have help in case I forget a word or can't understand her. Plus I have no idea how to communicate the correct terminology." Fiodor hums, realizing this is a bit much to pull off so soon. "You have a point. Maybe we can just steer her off together and find her a boyfriend. I don't get why she can't just hang around the pubs instead. There are loads of men who would say yes." Yakov shrugs, sitting back up to look straight ahead. "Who knows what her true reasoning is. Thank you, Fedya. I'll try to talk to her about it after practice." Yakov turns back to see Fiodor, unzipping his bag. The other man nods, smiling. "Sure. I'm always here for manly advice I guess. I better get going, I have prepubescent hockey players arriving soon." Fiodor rises from the bench, stretching his back. "Good luck with those brutes and hormones, Fedya." Yakov chuckles, lacing his skates.

Anna is quiet while she sits on a bench next to the ice, watching Yaletha work on triple-toe-loops in front of her. The long blonde occasionally clapping for the young girl when she lands perfectly and looks at her mother for her reaction. Yakov notices and can't be mad. Anna only wants the best for her daughter no matter _how_ rough their past was. Everyone has something they go through, he will never say anything negative to her regarding that. It does not matter how angry he gets with Anna, the thought of belittling her is not the route he will ever take.

_It is simply not his business._

Kira's been lacking when it comes to the technical elements. Her coach has picked up on it quite easily, wondering _why_ she is suddenly flubbing her jumps. "Kira-Demyaneva, you usually land every double-flip. What is going through your mind right now?" The man questions when he checks on her. "Oh, I don't know. Must be tired today." Kira shrugs, attempting another flip. She extends her right leg back as soon as she does an outside-three-turn. Yakov counts the seconds as she glides backward, picking her toe into the ice and launching herself counter-clockwise. " (2) ***** Один, два." The youngest girl grumbles as she lands wrong and falls on her bottom, frustrated. Her coach sighs, sitting next to her on the ice. "Are you missing Mischa-Umbertovna?" He asks. The hazel-eyed female looks up at the man, surprised that he knew. "You figured it out that quickly?" She mumbles, shaving ice with her left blade. "I know it sucks to miss your rink-mate if they get hurt. I've been there too. At least we know she will come back in a few more weeks. Now, how about we give that flip another try?"

"Anna-Alexeyevna," Yakov approaches the woman sitting next to her daughter while she dries off and removes her skates after the session. "Yakov-Ivanovich?" Anna looks up, surprised to see her daughter's coach speaking to her. "Can we talk for a moment, elsewhere?" Anna glances at her daughter before nodding. "Sure." The woman quickly turns to the young girl and signs that she will be right back before getting up to follow the man into the break room. "What is it? Is this about Yalusha?" She asks once they're in a separate room. "No, this is not about your daughter. It's about the problems you are creating." Yakov sits down, facing the woman in front of him. "Problems? What problems?" Anna shakes her head, acting like she has no idea what he is talking about. "I know what you told Lilya. Why would you say we were once married?" Anna purses her cherry red lips, deciding not to sit down but to continue standing in case of an immediate escape. "I'm looking out for her. Women need help when it comes to men and relationships. She can trust me."

Yakov is baffled by the excuse she is making for this. "How is that helping though? Why would you warn her about me? Anna-Alexeyevna, I would _never_ hurt Lilya. So please, do not step in on our private relationship. I would appreciate it if you leave her out of this and pick on me instead. _Please_." Yakov is desperate at this point. He would rather be thrown under the bus than Lilia, the innocent woman he cares for dearly. "But you hurt me." Anna mutters under her breath, hands behind her back. "I'm sorry about that. Will you forgive me now? I never meant to hurt you, Anna-Alexeyevna. I will be honest, I care so much for Yaletha-Levovna and you are her mother so I will do nothing but treat you with respect and more since I now know the hard period you two went through." Yakov explains, hoping Anna will understand and _stop_ to listen. Anna sighs and looks down at her shoes for a bit, turning her chin up after a moment to collect her thoughts. "So... will you please let us go back to the way we were? Being civil and acquaintances? I want to make Yaletha-Levovna the best figure skater she can be." The man is waiting for an answer or any response from Anna. He removes himself from the chair to shake her hand.

The woman looks down at his hand, hesitantly taking it. The two hold hands firmly, shaking in agreement. _Finally_ , she has accepted to go back to the way things were. Once she releases, Anna wraps her arms around the tall man, pulling him into a tight hug. Yakov is caught off guard, letting her bring him down by the neck. "Oh- um..." He mumbles, awkwardly putting an arm around her and patting her upper back. Anna sighs heavily, not letting him go. "I only want a normal life for Yalusha. I told you this. I just thought you both would be happy to be more than just student and coach." She mumbles into his broad shoulder. Yakov listens to her voice echo in his ears, wondering where such an idea came from. "Look, that sounds nice and all but have you discussed this with Yaletha-Levovna or was this her idea? What are her feelings?" Anna pulls away from the coach to look him in the eyes. "I thought a surprise would be better than asking." Yakov shakes his head, not agreeing. "You need to let her voice her opinion. Sure, she is a great student but she may not even _want_ me to be around every day. She may get sick of it."

"I thought it was a good idea, that is all." Anna wraps her arms around herself, stepping back again. "So, it would be _just_ for Yaletha-Levovna's benefit? Not because we have feelings for each other? Anna-Alexeyevna... I hate to lecture you as I do with my students, especially on a topic I, myself, am still figuring out. You should be with someone because you love them not because you _have_ to be with them or others wanting you to. Was... that what it was like being with her father?" Yakov bites down on his lip, second-guessing if he should have even said that. "Sorry, you don't have to answer that. It was irrational." He shakes his head, forgetting about it. "No, it's okay. It was... similar, I suppose." Anna raises a thin eyebrow, scuffing the heel of her flat shoe against the carpeted floor. "Do you want to talk about it? I hate to take up your time, you're probably busy." Anna drops her arms to her side, looking at the blonde man. "Give me a minute to tell Yalusha. Unless you want to catch up some other time?" "Whatever works for you." Yakov answers. Anna nods and leaves the room to talk with Yaletha for a moment.

Yakov sits back down in a chair, thinking everything over. He may have just cracked the case with Anna and her mission to be with him. However, _one_ thing is looming in his mind. If she pursued other men before him simply for the reason to sleep with them, how come she went after _him_ for the fact that Yaletha could like the idea of being closer to her coach? That is the only part of this mystery he can not answer. Too many "why's?" and wonders are clogging his brain, making it hurt with the grinding of his gears. Eventually, Anna returns, tapping the doorframe. "Would you like to meet for coffee later this week?" She asks, leaning against the frame while she waits for Yakov to decide. "Oh, sure. That's not a problem. You have my home phone number, just call whenever." He nods, rising from the chair. "Okay, I will. Thank you." She quietly responds, turning around before the man can even say goodbye. Yakov watches the two girls leave the rink and make it outside in the bitter cold.

_Now to let Lilia know how their conversation went._

Yakov is still in awe over how pleasant the conversation went. No yelling, arguing, threats, nothing. Hopefully, that is a good sign and she is not plotting something like his murder or anything too crazy. The drive home is quiet, the snow gracefully falling that afternoon. Without realizing, the man has driven himself to Lilia's building. He is not complaining, either way, parking and stepping out to quickly get inside and visit. Might as well talk to her in person. He prefers to witness reactions as they are happening rather than guessing based on the tone of someone's voice when it is over the telephone. Arriving at her door, _number 304_ , he raises his fist to hit his knuckles against the door three times before waiting. About ten seconds go by and he can hear the sound of her locks shifting before the knob twists and the door opens. "Yasha, what a surprise." Lilia beams when she meets his gaze. "Hello, Lilya. I accidentally passed my street so I figured I would visit since I was already this far." He chuckles. Lilia smiles and steps aside, letting him enter. "You must be cold, I'm just starting a kettle so sit down and we can enjoy some tea together."

The blonde takes her offer and removes his shoes and coat, sitting down at her petite kitchen table while watching her turn on the stove. "So, how was your lesson today?" The woman asks, turning around with a box of tea bags to set down. "It was great." He nods, clasping his hands together on the tabletop. "My students are excelling, I have high expectations that one or all of them can apply for competitions soon." Lilia grins and joins the man at the table, sitting across from him. "That is lovely, Yasha. You must be proud." The man nods again, studying her upturned eyes. "How was your day, Lilya? Is your hip bothering you?" Lilia raises her thin eyebrows, glancing downward for a second. "Oh, well, it is fine for right now as long as I stay on top of icing and that cream. It's really only at night that bothers me, I accidentally move on it sometimes." She chuckles softly, sweeping her hair out of the way.

Yakov watches her hand push the brunette hair back, admiring every part of her. The more time they spend together and the deeper their bond becomes, the more _alluring_ she appears to him. "You look very nice with your hair down, Lilya." Yakov mentions with a grin. Lilia looks up and focuses her gaze on him again. "Thank you, Yasha." She breathes out, smiling with dusty rose cheeks. "Is it naturally straight?" Lilia nods, placing her hand back on her lap. "Yes, I usually curl it when I leave it down but it never holds. Another reason I have it up all the time." She chortles. Yakov nods, knowing exactly what she meant. "Oh, I know, my mother used to perm her hair all the time." Lilia chuckles and nods as well. "I have done that once and I won't ever again." The couple catches up while the water in the kettle boils, eventually, blowing steam once ready. Yakov ushers the woman to remain in her seat while he prepares the tea for both of them.

Yakov sits back down across from her with the cups, dipping his bag in the hot water. "Thank you." She takes her cup, placing it in front of her. "I spoke with Anna-Alexeyevna earlier." He looks up once settled. "How did that go?" Lilia asks while stirring her tea bag around the small cup. "It went well, actually. I'm still a bit surprised by the outcome. She asked if I wanted to talk more sometime this week because I think she is struggling in the whole relationship thing herself." Lilia listens, understanding but only a bit concerned. After all that she has done and caused him, she wants to invite him out to talk. What more is there to say? "I want to help her get back on track. I know she is a good person with a fragile heart from her past. Maybe if I can talk to her about everything she will go back to being the way she was." Lilia glances up and nods, still listening. "Yeah, that can help." "I will only go if you are all right with it. If you don't want me to, I can decline." Yakov watches the woman as she stares into her teacup.

"No, it is whatever you want and need to do. Don't worry about me, Yasha. I am only concerned for your wellbeing after all of this nonsense." She meets his blue eyes. "I completely understand, Lilya. I promise I will be fine. I don't think she will bother us anymore if I talk to her. I think... she has trouble accepting the love she deserves." Lilia grins softly, resting her cheek in the palm of her hand. "You know a lot about love then, hm?" Yakov does not hold his breath to disagree. "Actually, I don't. I'm pretty new to genuine love." "Is that so? I'm a bit surprised. A gentleman who is absolutely perfect and treats a woman with respect? How many hearts have you broken, Yasha?" Lilia is amused, viewing the blonde. "Only one, _only_ _one_." He answers her. "How many people have you had a relationship with then, if you don't mind me asking?" Lilia pulls over a small container of sugar. "I don't mind at all." Yakov shakes his head, removing the tea bag to stir with a spoon. "I've been with one other woman prior to meeting you. It's been a long time though since I was in a relationship." Yakov takes a scoop of sugar once Lilia is finished. "How long has it been? We don't have to talk about this if you don't feel comfortable." "No, I promise I don't mind. You should know where I've come from in a relationship." The man looks up, blowing the steam away from his cup.

"We were together for almost nine months I believe. I knew her from school but we didn't start dating until after graduation. It's been... eleven years?" Yakov chuckles dryly, feeling old. "Wow... so I really am a child then." Lilia retorts, glancing at the man while she takes a sip of her hot brew. "What makes you say that? You're not a child, Lilya." Yakov chuckles again, confused. "Well, I know you are older than me, far more mature even. I guess that confirms it." Lilia hums, setting her cup back on the saucer. "Mm, I see. How old are you, Lilya? I guess we never discussed that." Yakov asks, doing the same with his tea. "I turned twenty a few months ago." Yakov is quite surprised by her answer. He never realized how young she was before. He knew by her appearance but she has the maturity of someone his age, maybe even older. "Huh, now I feel like an old geezer, Lilya." The older man laughs, rubbing his neck. "No, you look very youthful, Yasha. Unless you're telling me you're already forty then you may need to reveal some cosmetic secrets." She teases, smiling at him. "Oh, no, not even close. I'm thirty." He shakes his head, not able to hold a laugh from her comment. "Oh, that's good. I was going to say, I didn't think you had twenty years on me." Lilia leans back into her hand while she gazes at him. "And I did not think I was ten years your senior. You're very mature for your age. I was _not_ when I was twenty."

Lilia grins and watches him, thinking for a second. "Guess I'm the youngest woman you have been with. I hope you don't have a problem with that and can keep up." She hums with a wink. Yakov feels a warmth in his face, knowing it is not the tea she's made. "N-No, I don't think that will be an issue." Yakov answers, swallowing. Lilia giggles at his flustered expression, sitting upright. "Good. I think I like an older man. Mature." Lilia can say just about anything to make him melt into a puddle. She could insult him and his heart would flutter only because it came from her. What a different kind of woman to be involved with. She definitely has a secret side to her he can only wait to discover. "You've never been in a relationship, correct?" He takes another sip of his tea. Lilia nods, adding a second scoop of sugar. "That is right. I never had the time for one nor approved of the men my mother would fish out for me. She always set me up with old men." Her nose scrunches, reminiscing. "So, am I also an old man then?" Yakov chuckles slightly. "Of course not. You're the youngest one besides the boy from my school." She shakes her head. "No, they would be at the minimum, twenty years older than me while I was still a teenager. Disgusting." She sighs. Whatever Lilia has gone through, Yakov can see the built-up anger and discomfort it weighs on her.

That Thursday afternoon, Yakov and Anna go out to a local bakery to talk some more. It all happened to work out because Kira invited Yaletha to hang out at her flat to do homework together. After the lesson that day, the two adults walk to the bakery shop just down the block. Yakov opens the door for Anna, letting her get inside and take cover from the harsh pre-winter wind. "Ah, (3) ***** спасибо, Yakov-Ivanovich." The man nods, entering right after. "No problem. Would you like to find a place to sit?" Anna agrees and they settle for a booth next to the large window. "So, what else were you going to tell me the other day?" Anna asks, sitting on the opposite side of the blonde man. "You need help, Anna-Alexeyevna and I will help you if you allow it." "Depends on what kind of help you are referring to." Anna responds, turning towards the waitress who approaches their table to take orders. Both of them order a coffee, returning to their discussion. "As I was saying, you're going after the wrong men and you know you don't deserve that. I don't think you are accepting the real love you need." Anna faces the man again, attentive. "You think so?" She asks. Yakov nods, knowing he is right. "It does not matter what kind of person you are but everyone deserves the right love. You included. Don't chase after men who aren't going to appreciate your personality."

Anna lets the man do all the talking, surprised he is having this conversation with her when she thought he hated her. She really appreciates his time and how he _wants_ to help her out. Anna never knew she deserved the kind of love Yakov speaks of. The only one she knows is one-sided. The kind that is not genuine and hurts the most next to heartbreak. She only wishes that the man who could give her that love was Yakov, the man telling her about it. _Describing_ it.

_Anna can only think of how lucky Lilia is to receive his love._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1 * "Good morning"  
> 2 * "One, two"  
> 3 * "Thank you"


	13. XI

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mischa returns to the ice after her long road to recovery. Yakov invites Lilia to his flat for a romantic homecooked dinner. Yakov's doubts resurface and he worries whether Lilia is ready for a serious relationship due to her young age. The two of them briefly discuss their future plans and what either of them wants with their relationship.

"Misha!" Kira exclaims, bolting towards the taller female as she enters the building. Mischa chuckles and has to bare her ground while the younger girl practically tackles her. The other students join Kira and surround the eldest, chatting her ear off. Coach Yakov is glad to see his student back and recovered from her incident weeks ago. Now she is all set to start skating again but not without precautions. She has to take it easy while she retrains her body to become accustomed to the long hours again. "All right, let's finish getting ready and give Mischa-Umbertovna some space." Yakov chuckles, standing up to wait for the others.

The six make it to the ice, beginning basic elements after their warm-up. "What have I missed out on?" Mischa asks her coach while the others spread out to do their own thing. "Mainly refinement. I've only brought in a few new things which I can show you today if you're feeling comfortable enough. Otherwise, I think we should rebuild your strength for the next two weeks so you are back to where you were before." The coach responds, looking down at the girl. "Okay. Either sounds good. It's a little weird being in skates again, maybe we should focus on gradually getting back into the groove." Yakov agrees with Mischa's decision and they work on edges and footwork to start with.

The coach observes his student while she pushes off one blade and glides on the other, swinging the left skate through and pointing in front. Mischa bobs and uses the force of the action to swivel from her inside to outside edges. "Bend your knees a little more, feel the edges become deeper with each glide." Yakov instructs, following Mischa as she switches to the other foot. She does the same on the other side before given the next practice. "Now, let's get back into Mohawks." Yakov suggests, earning a nod in agreement from the skater. Mischa pushes off her blade once again, arms held out and straight. Her right skate moving forward to meet her left but angling outward. "Perfect, Mischa-Umbertovna. Now snap your hips."

_Snap._

The bacon snapped and sizzled in the skillet atop the stovetop, filling the home with the delicious scent. " (1) ***** Доброе утро, Yasha. I'm making breakfast, would you like eggs?" Yakov smiled at his mother as he entered the medium-sized kitchen. "Morning, mama. I would love some." He nodded then brewed a pot of coffee for them. "Is papa up?" The older woman looked up from the skillet to nod. " (2) ***** Да, he is out in the garage working on that car again." Yakov caught the roll of her eyes then quietly chuckles. "Is something broken?" He asked, pouring coffee grounds into the filter. " (3) ***** Нет, нет, you know how he is. Always fiddling around like they're toys. I'm beginning to think he likes that damn car more than me." The blonde man snickered then shook his head. "He likes his automobiles, mama." His mother laughed softly, sliding the spatula under the edges of the cooking egg to set it on a plate. "Two eggs?" "Sure, thank you." Yakov pulled out three mugs to pour coffee once done.

"Good morning everyone." The man's father greeted, entering the home from the back door. "Hello, (4) ***** милый. I have the food almost ready so please do not sneak off again." "Don't worry, I'm here to stay. Let me wash my hands." Ivan showed himself to the sink and did as he said. Yakov fixed their coffee and set them on the table along with sugar and creamer. Eventually, the small family of three sat at the beige wooden table to dig in. "Excellent, mama. Thank you. I miss having your food." Yakov grinned toward his mother and took a drink from his mug. "You are welcome, my boy. I never get to cook like this often now because we are always going out to eat at diners and such. I had to quickly wipe all the dust off the oven." She chuckled, glancing to her husband. "Mama, I've been meaning to tell you something. It's the reason I traveled here to see you in person." The youngest of the trio set down his mug to meet his mother's gaze.

"Yasha... if you are going to tell me either of the following; you have gotten someone pregnant, you're moving farther away, got in major trouble with the government, or all of the above, I am not going to be very pleased with you." His mother sighed, waiting for the most terrible news. "No, nothing like that, mama. It's about my skating. I... I may be retiring this season." He answered with a gentle tone, not sure how she would respond. Yakov's mother paused, the words slowly sunk in. His father waited for the first thing she was going to say, wondering if she would accept it or be upset for days. "I'm surprised that you would so soon." Was all she could say at the moment, her eyes were down on her plate while she cut her eggs with the side of her fork. "I figured you would continue for a few more years." Yakov watched his mother, already feeling so bad that she was disappointed. His parents were only able to accompany his competitions less than ten times while in the Senior Division. "Now, what are you going to do? Are you going to go back to school or move home?"  
  


Yakov bit his lip and slowly shook his head. "Unfortunately, no, mama. I'm going to coach young skaters to follow the same path I took. Help them achieve their goals of becoming professionals. I already talked with the people at my rink and they are looking for a new coach who can teach competition level skills. So... I applied. They hired me and said I can start at the end of this summer when the season is about to begin." His mother couldn’t deny that she was impressed he had already sought out a new career already. She had always made him aware that you need an idea of where you will go when you stop going one direction. "You will coach in Saint Petersburg?" She asks quietly, stabbing the egg with her utensil. "Yes, I will coach from there." The young man nodded, glancing to his father. Ivan was quite surprised how his wife took the news. He figured she would be tearing up already and begging for him to compete at least one more season. "Very well then." She nodded then continued with her meal. "I wish you would return home to coach. I miss you so dearly, Yasha. However, your life is not my choice. You need to do what makes you happy." Yakov smiles a little and puts his hand on her shoulder. "Thank you, mama. That means a lot to me."

While Yakov was getting ready, his mother cleaned the dishes and the kitchen with the help of her husband. "Did you know?" The blue-eyed woman looked up at her tall partner. The man hesitantly confirmed, hoping she was not mad. "He told me a few days ago over the phone. Said he'd rather tell you in person." Oxana was a little shocked that her husband knew about their son's retirement beforehand. "Oh." The woman whispered, dunking a plate into the soapy water filled sink then scrubbed at the grease. "I'm sorry I did not tell you but it was his news." The man gently rubbed his wife's back, slightly guilty. He knew how much she loved their son's skating and the sudden retirement would break her heart if it had not already. "At least, he is moving on to better things. He gets to continue traveling and attending competitions even if he is not on the ice himself. Imagine all the legends he will mentor. That will be our son." Oxana did like the sound of that even if she hated to admit it so soon. "I suppose." She nodded, quiet as she finished the dishes and left them out to dry. "I would like to look at his competition photos if you can assist me in pulling them out."

Yakov returned to the kitchen later that morning, noticing his mother sitting on the couch and looking through something. "Mama, what are you looking at?" The man approached his mother and looked down at the photo album that was resting on her lap. Her fingertips brushed over one photo tucked under the protective plastic screen, crinkling beneath her touch. The photo was of a ten-year-old Yakov at one of his first local competitions. He had won third place and stood on the podium with two other boys. His smile bright even when missing a tooth. The photograph has faded a bit around the edges but otherwise still in decent shape. "I remember that." Yakov hummed, looking over her shoulder. "I still have that medal packed somewhere. Your first bronze." His mother moved her fingers and turned the page. "Yasha... I'm going to miss watching your choreography." She mumbled, her voice was already showing the pent-up sadness, holding in the tears. "Mama," Her son sat next to her on the couch then pulled her into a hug. "I may leave the spotlight but I will still be putting my skates on for probably the next thirty years. Don't worry."

_Yakov's soul belongs on the ice._

"Hm. So that's where it went." The blonde pulls out a copy of an old photo from his childhood. He had found it while searching his small closet for a notepad of his mother's best recipes. Yakov has invited Lilia for dinner tomorrow night and he wants to impress her. The woman deserves it while she finishes her recovery. He looks down at the photo for a moment longer, reminiscing the day as best as he could from the many years ago that it took place. He remembers it being one of the coldest days that year, not wanting to leave his cozy warm bed to go to the ice rink where it would only make him shiver more. After his parents finally dragged him out, they drove to the arena and Yakov only won third place. For it being one of his first minor competitions, his parents were proud he made it to the podium. If you asked him, he probably would not be able to remember the music or choreography for the program.

Upon locating the recipes, Yakov flips through the jotted down notes in his mother's signature cursive. The man takes the notepad out to his kitchen to review all the ingredients he will need to make one of his favorite dishes, Pelmeni. He pulls over a scrap paper and begins to write down a list of things he will need to obtain before tomorrow night, throwing in a bottle of Kvass because why not? He never purchases it because of its sweetness but he will gladly indulge in it with Lilya. "Great, I think this will do." He says to himself, slipping the list into his pocket so he will not forget later.

The tall man sets the brown paper bag down on the kitchen countertop, pulling out all of his ingredients. "Eggs, flour, pepper, beef, oil, onions. That should do." He mumbles under his breath, displaying the items before him. Yakov pulls his arms out of his coat, hanging it on the coat rack next to his front door. Now, he can begin preparing the meal. Lilia will arrive in about an hour so he has plenty of time to whip everything up. He had offered to pick her up but she declined multiple times, insisting that he did not need to go out of his way, _again_ , for her. Lilia will simply catch a cab to his flat. It will be the first time she sees the place he calls his home. While the Pelmeni boils on the stove, he can do a quick sweep through his flat and clean up anything he missed.

For tonight's dinner, he wants it to be a little different than usual. He wants to make their time tonight more romantic, expressing how he feels for Lilia through visual aesthetic. Yakov is not so great with words, especially when it comes to his emotions but what he is good at is _showing_ his feelings through actions. The couple has not necessarily done anything with romantic intention besides the occasional stolen kiss but tonight he will intend for the romantic setting and hope that Lilia can pick up on it. The older man invested in a nice table cloth from a local market that had them on sale so, to him, it was a steal. Along with the creamy-toned cloth, he was able to purchase three red candles with a subtle cranberry scent, perfect for the early winter.

After rolling up his sleeves and scrubbing his dry hands under the lukewarm faucet, Yakov dusts the off-white counter with flour once it is dry from being wiped off. Now, he can begin his craft. In a small bowl, water, milk, and an egg are added, ready to be stirred. Slowly, he tilts the liquid into the larger mixing bowl with flour, mixing it by hand with a whisk. Now done, Yakov pulls out the dough and drops it on the floured counter, kneading with the heels of his palms. If his mother has taught him anything about the kitchen, it is to not be afraid to get dirty.

_Shit. He never thought that far._

Hopefully, he will not get _too_ dirty and covered in flour before Lilia arrives. She may understand and just tease him for it anyway if she sees the possible mess on his shirt. The kneaded dough gets wrapped and stored in the fridge in the meantime. Preparing the filling, Yakov minces the onions until they are thin enough to pour onto the salt and peppered meat. With a spoon, he smooshes everything together, mixing and stirring. The dough is ready to be flattened into a large, odd shape. Luckily, he has a circular cookie-cutter to make the next step easy. Punching out circles until there is no more room, the filling is gently placed in the center of each one, folded and pinched together immediately after.

The Pelmeni cooks in a pot of boiling water with vegetable stock for some time. During this, Yakov can get his place in order. Right, the table. He clears any lose objects from the surface, putting them away, then brings out the freshly ironed table cloth to drape over. Any adjusting it needs is made, now the candles can sit in the center and be lit once she is here. He pulls out a box of matches from one of the kitchen drawers and leaves it on the table for later. The rest of his flat is in good order so he uses the rest of his free time to fix himself up. A change of shirt, tucked, flyaway hairs are tamed, cologne is spritzed, he is ready to hit the town if he desires.

Checking the time on his wall clock, it is already past six in the evening. Lilia should be arriving shortly in the next fifteen minutes. His heart is racing like that of their first date. He has already lost count of all the times they have gone out together. Maybe Lilia has kept track? Feeling guilty for not remembering, something else comes to mind from one of the hidden files in his brain. Lilia's age. Here come back the doubts he has done so well to push away. What will happen in the next year if they continue? Will he want to propose to Lilia if he _does_ end up falling in love with her and she the same? Even then, _would_ Lilia accept a proposal?

The doubts in his mind chase out the positive ones, swirling like a hurricane in the top of his head. Lilia is young, yes, much younger than him though. It is normal for couples to marry young and start a family before the age of twenty-five and he wonders if Lilia is that way too. What if Lilia only wants a fling, nothing too serious, and ends up breaking his heart? Will Lilia leave him in the dust and possibly never speak to him again if he does end up in front of her on one knee? Every one of these scenarios is terrifying to him. He could be wasting his time on Lilia if that is the case.

_Yakov only wants to make his parents proud of him._

Even if Lilia does want to get married, is she ready for it? Yakov does not want to wait another eleven years to connect with someone again. His youth clock _is_ running out. Along the lines of being ready, is Lilia wanting to start a family? What if she does not want one and Yakov disappoints his parents for marrying someone with different aspirations. He can not do this again. Yakov was very close to tying the knot with his first partner but that did not work out due to the same reason. She wanted other things in life than what the man she was with wanted. _With her_. As scared as he is, he is aware that these are simply insecurities taking over. He can talk them out with Lilia and gain clarity. All he wants is to be with this woman no matter what.

Before he can register what is going on _outside_ of his subconscious, there is knocking on his front door. Quickly snapping out of his deep thoughts, he checks himself over and rushes to the door, acting like he totally _wasn't_ spaced-out just seconds ago. With a deep breath, he removes the stress for now and answers the door with a small grin, feeling better to see Lilia's shining visage under the yellow light next to the door. " (5) ***** Добрый вечер, Yasha." Lilia speaks, the cold air showing her breath exhale. "Lilya, come inside before you shiver." The dirty blonde steps aside and widens the door for her presence.

" (6) ***** Спасибо." Lilia shuffles through the door, a chill running down her spine. She then greets him with a peck to the cheek, making the man smile. "Mm, nice and warm in here. Smells amazing too. What have you made?" The young woman's lips curl in the corners, meeting his blue gaze. "Pelmeni. One of my favorites." Yakov grins, offering to take her coat. "I should ask what you have made." He refers to the small covered dish in her hands. "Oh, I thought it would rude if I did not chip in so I made us Pastila for dessert." She holds up the ceramic dish with a tight smile. "Lilya, you did not have to do that but I appreciate it." The man smiles back, shutting the door. "You came just in time, dinner is ready now." He mentions, seeing that the dumplings had floated to the top of the pot already.

Lilia embraces the scent of a fresh homecooked meal, admiring the details of Yakov's flat. Much like he said, his own home reflects his personality. There is a lot of character in his living room and kitchen, filled with many pictures hanging and sitting. A few of them hold photos from his competitions either with a medal or posing with an older man, perhaps his coach. Yakov glances at Lilia while she browses a few of the frames hanging on the wall next to the window while he pulls out two plates for them. "You have a lively home, Yasha. Lot's of memories too." Lilia hums, turning around to catch him watching her. "Thank you, Lilya. I've lived here for many years so it has become my little world." The lady chuckles and steps into the kitchenette, looking down into the pot. "Looks amazing. I did not know you cook." She remarks, meeting his eyes once more.

"It's not often but I do enjoy it. My mother taught me everything I know now." The male answers, scooping out a few dumplings for Lilia with a wooden spoon. "Do you drink Kvass, Lilya?" He looks up, bringing the other plate to do the same. "I do sometimes, yes." She nods, grinning as she sets the dessert dish down on a counter. "Good, I got a bottle just for tonight." The two go to the table and Yakov lays the plates out. "You got candles too? How much did you put into this dinner?" Lilia is now noticing every little thing he has done for tonight. "I wanted this to be a special dinner for us. Something different." Yakov answers her, pulling out a chair. Lilia can only laugh a little in disbelief and surprise. This man puts effort into everything he does it seems. "Thank you, Yasha. Tell me what you mean by _different_." The woman sits down in the wooden chair. The man joins her after pouring each of them a glass of the golden beverage.

Once settled across from the brunette, Yakov explains the meaning. "Romantic, I suppose. We haven't done anything like this yet. Why not start?" He grins, observing how Lilia's expression changes to that of slightly flustered and amused. "I like that." Lilia replies, her cheeks the color of pink bubblegum under the thin layer of blush she wears. "I never thought I would have a date like from a movie scene." Yakov smiles even wider at the comment, more than happy to give her the experience. "I'm glad, Lilya. You deserve the world. Let me add to it first." He reaches for the matches and lights each of the three thin stairstep candles. "And I thought it could not get any better." The woman sighs, grinning as she gazes at the small white and yale blue flame it gives off.

Eventually, the two begin their meal. Lilia is in awe over how well Yakov's talent in the kitchen is. "Yasha, this is better than any Pelmeni recipe I have had." "Oh, you're just saying that." He shakes his head, not believing it. "I mean it!" Lilia chuckles, trying to get him to believe her. "It's my mother who gets all the credit but thank you, Lilya." While they continue their dinner, Yakov decides to bring up what has been on his mind for the last twenty minutes. "Lilya, may I ask you something?" "You know you can ask me anything." Lilia sets her fork down to take a drink from her glass. "I've been wondering how far you want to take this relationship. As in are you wanting to be married one day?"

_Is Lilia willing to get married?_

Lilia takes a moment to collect her thoughts before answering his question. "I think so, yes. I want to see where this takes us first. I am interested in continuing our relationship, Yasha. And if that path leads us to find love in each other, I am willing to explore it." Yakov is relieved to hear her side. She may not have directly said she _wants_ to elope but the intention is there. She is willing to see where their relationship goes and he feels the same. He hopes they can find something like love. "I feel the same, Lilya. I just wanted to make sure we are on the same page." "Of course. If we do get married, you will do all the cooking since you're better at it." Lilia grins, picking her fork up again. "Is that all?" She adds. Yakov nods, looking up. "Yes, that is all I needed to ask. I don't mind cooking for you, Lilya. We'll discuss kids another day when we're sure about our relationship." He chuckles. Lilia grins a little bit again, glancing towards him. "Another day." She repeats softly.

After dinner and the fantastic dessert Lilia brought, they decide to watch whatever movie is playing on the man's television. Lilia had not wanted to leave yet, neither did Yakov, so she stayed so they can spend more time together. Yakov brings over their glasses and sits next to Lilia, placing his on the coffee table in front of them. The brunette thanks the man and takes her's, leaning against him once sat. "Thank you for dinner, it was amazing." She says, looking up at him. "Thank you for coming all this way, I feel bad for not picking you up." Yakov looks back down at her, resting his hand on her right knee. "Don't worry about it, I hate making you go out of your way when it's not necessary." Lilia brings her legs up on the couch.

Yakov leans into the back of the couch, letting out a small sigh of content. The woman looks back up at him, placing a kiss on his cheek. Yakov's face warms up, turning to meet her. Lilia cups the man's face, pulling him forward so their lips can then meet. Yakov loves how Lilia is not afraid to take the lead, almost always, partially because he is still a bit nervous to make the first move around her. Lilia shows him that she does not mind the hesitance by being assertive. He respects her too much for his own good. With his arms sneaking around her back to hold her, Lilia grins slightly against his pale lips, a hand slipping to the back of his neck under his lighter hair.

_This is all he has ever wanted._

The two part ways after a minute, silently embracing the closeness of the other. Each of their cheeks has deepened in value, the television's blue light casting shadows and highlights on their bone structure. Lilia moves back towards the older man, resting her head on his shoulder. Yakov's hand finds it's way back to her knee, gingerly rubbing through the sheer fabric of her pantyhose. Tonight is perfect. More than perfect.

"How come you don't tell me about your family?" Yakov looks at the lady by his side after a few quiet minutes. "There is not much to say about them. I have a sister and a nephew." Lilia quietly replies, peeking up. "What about your parents? What are they like?" Lilia grins a little at the smile he holds, wanting to get to _know_ her. "They're just parents." She gently shakes her head. "I'm not super close with them like you are with yours though." Yakov nods and leaves it at that, not wanting to pry into her. She will tell him more eventually when she feels like it.

The man and woman briefly converse throughout the film, letting time get away from them. It's only when Lilia does not answer him that he finally checks on her. "Lilya?" He whispers, looking down at the young woman. She had quietly fallen asleep against him, head slightly hanging. Yakov can not help a small chuckle, wrapping an arm around her. He does not want to wake her up from the peaceful state she is in so he lets her be, holding her while the rest of the movie plays out even if they had not been paying much attention to it.

Lilia is open to exploring their relationship. Lilia is willing to see if they fall in love. Her words mean everything to the blonde man even if she does not realize it. Yakov is a man who needs the reassurance that both parties are happy. Being left with no explanations kills him. With Lilia, he will always ask how she feels no matter how annoyed she may get from it. He simply needs to know she is on the same page as him. Having a previous relationship is beneficial because now he knows what not to do. This time, he will fight for things to work. He will fight for Lilia. The man does not want to lose her now or ever. Lilia is ready to get married if their relationship leads them to that.

_Yakov only wants to promise his life to someone._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1 * "Good morning"  
> 2 * "Yes"  
> 3 * "No, no"  
> 4 * (affectionate) "Honey"  
> 5 * "Good evening"  
> 6 * "Thank you"


	14. XII

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anna apologizes to Lilia for lying about her relationship with Yakov. The first snowstorm of the season blows through Saint Petersburg while Lilia is visiting Yakov, forcing her to stay the night.

Finally lying down in his bed, head meeting the pillow, the blonde turns to meet the face of the young woman next to him. A delicate smile reaches his lips, eyeing the angular features she possesses while in a peaceful slumber. Her dark brunette lashes gently tickle the top of her cheeks with every twitch of her dreaming eyes. Silky hair falls out of her bun and onto the cushiony off-white pillowcase beneath her. Salmon lips slightly part with every long exhale. The soft pucker he loves to feel against his own. This is all he has ever wanted. More than he could have wished for. The woman he admires so deeply is across from him in his bed. However, with one single blink, she is gone. The grin he owns disappears along with her hallucination.

The sense of loneliness settles back into place like a heavy fog, blinding any sight left. Missing someone you still barely know is most definitely unhealthy for the mind but sometimes you can not help what the heart wants. Yakov's heart wants to hold onto Lilia, hold her close, and to never lose sight of this girl. He is no longer worried if she is ready for marriage. They do not even know if the other feels that strongly just yet. They have never said, " _I love you_." The question is, are they in love though? It is still a slow learning process but in the end, they will eventually collect the knowledge and be able to share it.

Being able to lie down and hold the woman of your dreams, protecting her from all evil is the ultimate accomplishment to be successful, _right_? That's all he can want. To go to bed with the woman he _loves_ , arms around her and sharing tender kisses until they fall asleep in each other's brace while snow falls outside their window. Keeping each other warm under the covers and listening to the quiet wind blow in the empty streets only to wake up fully rested and content as the sun rises and kisses their pale skin through delicate curtains. He will prepare her the most wonderful breakfast to start their day, making sure she is comfortable and relaxed.

Yakov was never taught gender roles in a household. Mostly because his mother has been employed for as long as he can remember. To him, a house with equal roles is normal. Hearing his guy friends being forced to get a job or go into the military fresh out of school sounds awful. Then after marriage, they have to work even harder to not only provide for themselves but their family. Women do the cooking, the cleaning, the teaching, the nurturing, and everything else in between. The husband's job is to simply go to work and come home to expect full service. That idea made him cringe. How miserable does that sound? Yakov's mother and father agreed to split chores. She cooks, he cleans, she taught Yakov basic skills while his father could teach him anything else like how to repair a car, change a lightbulb, you name it. That is how he wishes to run a household in the future.

He is unsure how Lilia was raised and what she believes but hopefully, she will be okay with Yakov's vision and not feel pressured to be, basically, a servant to him. Without any luck in falling asleep, the man decides to get up from his bed to call Lilia. It has only been over an hour since she left, maybe she will still be awake at this time. "Hello?" Yakov silently releases a breath, relieved she is still up. "Lilya, sorry for bothering you." He responds, holding the telephone to his right ear. "Yasha, is everything all right?" Lilia hums, looking at the wall in front of her while she waits for his answer. "Yes, everything is fine. Just couldn't sleep because I miss you too much." He explains with a bashful tone, anxiously playing with the collar of his shirt. "Oh, I'm sorry you can't sleep. Do you want to talk then until I bore you into slumber?" Lilia suggests with a playful smile tugging at her lips.

_How she can say absolutely anything and it will always warm is heart._

"Sure, that sounds wonderful if you don't mind. But you won't ever bore me." Lilia thinks about something to talk about, letting Yakov speak up while she ponders. "I had a great time tonight. I think it went very well." Lilia grins and nods, agreeing with him. "I had a lovely time as well, Yasha. Thank you for dinner, again. It was amazing. Why don't we make dinner more often? I enjoy learning about your hidden talents. Also, sorry for falling asleep on you." She chuckles. Yakov purses his lips, feeling light and airy from all of her compliments. "Thank you, Lilya. That means a lot. I like cooking and if it's for you, I will do it any day. Plus, I don't mind you sleeping, you look cute." The blonde sits at his table, listening to Lilia's voice fill the speaker next to his ear. "I loved it. Oh, I just remembered something. I promised I would skate with you if you dance with me. Would you like to go dancing soon?" The woman asks. Yakov's lips turn up, hearing the excited undertones in her voice. "Yes, I accept your date request. Pick any day you like." He answers. Lilia grins and looks at the calendar on her counter. "I will scope out any dance classes and let you know as soon as I see any."

The two talk about anything that comes to mind in the late night, finally saying goodnight for the second time before heading off to bed once more. It is now past midnight and Yakov finds it easier to fall asleep this time than it was before. Only two minutes before his mind retires for the night, letting him rest from the stresses that have been going on. It is still not uncommon for the man to think of Anna. The ways she would stare at him until he felt it burn through him, the touches, the kisses. Everything sent shivers down his spine in a not so good way. Anna has not directly spoken to him since they went out to the bakery a couple of weeks ago. It is now the beginning of December which means another year has passed. Another year wasted on not finding his true love.

His first love was skating and it still is one of his loves. Now that it is not as major in his life as it used to be, the love gradually fades over the years. His next step is to find a second love that will replace the missing pieces for his first. He wants to find it and soon. Yakov hopes to find it with someone and that someone being Lilia. For the short time they've known each other, it feels as if they have been in the other's life for forever already. He can hardly remember a time without her. Coming to realization, it was the same for his parents. They met and got married within a short time frame. Except, Yakov still hasn't figured out his feelings yet. He wants to spend more time with Lilia and continue to grow their relationship like a blooming flower in the spring.

_If only Lilia reciprocates those feelings._

Monday morning rolls around a bit quicker than one would be fine with, acknowledging the fact that work must be done no matter what. The dirty-blonde enters his second home, the ice rink, to begin a new week of training. A few of his students are there and finishing getting ready for their lesson, excited to learn new elements, and critique what they already know. " (1) ***** Доброе утро, pupils." He greets his three students, the twins, and Kira. "Hello, Coach Yakov-Ivanovich." The two boys and Kira wave to their coach, standing up from the bench once their skates are tied. The older man sits down to put on his own, waiting for the final two students to arrive.

Eventually, Mischa and Yaletha make it and sit with the others. While Yakov looks over papers with grading on his students and any notes about them and their status on completing difficult elements, Anna approaches the taller man. "Hello, Yakov-Ivanovich." She speaks up, catching him off guard. "Oh, hello, Anna-Alexeyevna. What can I help you with?" He sets his papers down to give her his full attention. "Yalusha and I have been discussing what will happen after this season and I think she is ready to participate in competitions if you will continue to be her coach." The man is surprised but delighted to hear that one of his students wants to compete. "That's wonderful. Of course, I will be her coach for that. We can begin training for the first junior competition next year after the winter break." Anna grins slightly and agrees, relieved that he is willing to coach her daughter again. "Okay, thank you." She answers, returning to her daughter to tell her the news.

_Yakov knows Yaletha will be an excellent competitor._

He desperately wants to congratulate her with his limited knowledge of sign language but he still wants to wait for the right moment and when he knows enough vocabulary to tell her everything he wants _plus_ understanding her. So, another day it is then. With a second glance at Anna and her daughter, he notices something familiar. Anna's shoulders are draped with the same fossil grey cardigan she wore on their date a month ago. The same one she threw off into his backseat to engage in disturbing actions. Those touches never seemed to have left his skin. They are imprinted into his cool undertones. Sometimes, when he is alone, he can feel a tingle on his neck, burning at the short peachy hairs. As odd as it is, Yakov knows it's memories of their night. Moving onto the next picture slide, everyone is ready to hit the ice and start their day.

Lilia had a day off from practice at the dance studio so she decided to visit Yakov while at the rink. She enjoys seeing the man she is with in his element with a lit-up expression. The man is in the break room with a bar when Lilia pops in, surprising him. "Knock, knock." She steps inside with a gentle smile. "Lilya- what a surprise!" He looks up at her with a grin, standing up to greet her. Lilia approaches Yakov and envelopes herself in his warm embrace, both of their arms squeezing tightly around the other. "I missed you." The blonde speaks quietly while he holds the younger woman. Lilia sighs gently into his shoulder with a nod. "I did too. I'm glad I caught you here in time." Yakov chuckles lightly, never wanting to let her go. She is finally here and in his arms. What else could he need? He has all he wants in his grasp.

"How are you?" Lilia pulls her head back to look up at the man. "I'm great now that you're here. The day's been going slow but I hope it slows down even more so I can spend as much time with you as I can." Lilia's face warms up, smiling towards him. "That's sweet of you. You always say nice things." Yakov only grins, pressing a gentle peck to her forehead. Without either realizing, Anna feels her heart ache for the intimacy they share. She wishes that were her in Lilia's place. What does he see in her that she is missing? Is it because she has a child? Whatever the reason is, it makes her feel very self-conscious and worried that every man she has been with had the same reason for never loving her. Yakov's been the only one to treat her like a human being.

"How much time do you have left?" Lilia asks once they let go of each other. "I have ten minutes left of my break then about an hour and a half of our session." The man with blue eyes answers, offering a drink for the lady. "All right. I did not want to bother you for too long anyway." She nods, thanking him for the coffee and sitting with him. "I don't know how busy you are but would you like to come over after my lesson today? Sorry for the last minute ask." Lilia looks up and grins, holding her warm styrofoam cup. "I would love to. Just tell me when." She decides to stay for the rest of his practice, sitting on a bench next to the rink and watching him interact with his students.

While watching, Anna moves over to sit by Lilia. The brunette glances over, almost doing a double-take. "Oh, (2) ***** привет, Anna... right?" Lilia tries to be friendly with the woman who lied to her. "Yes, Anna-Alexeyevna." The blonde nods, holding her hand out. Lilia takes her hand and shakes it. "I'm Lilia. You probably already knew that though." Anna takes a breath and nods. "Yes, I did. I thought... we should properly meet since we will both be here more often?" Anna rests her right hand back on her lap. "Thank you. It's nice to properly meet you too." "Shall we keep what has happened in the past behind us and move forward? I wasn't in the right headspace that day and I apologize for what I said. You must be new here... and I will be more than happy to get to know you so you're not alone." Anna offers, leaning against the back of the bench. "Thank you, Anna-Alexeyevna. I'm not alone now that I have Yasha but I appreciate your kindness and accept your proposal to move forward."

"I noticed you and Anna-Alexeyevna being friendly. What did you two talk about?" Yakov asks Lilia once shutting his car door. "Yeah, she came over and wanted to start over. Just like _someone_ else I know." The woman teases, poking his shoulder. Yakov chuckles, starting the car. "I know, I know. Are you hungry, Lilya? If so I can make you something when we get back." She is very grateful for his offerings, never imagining someone could be so kind to her. "Yes, thank you. I'll make you something too in return." The man shakes his head, driving them back to his flat. "No, no, don't worry about me. I'm all right. Thank you, Lilya."

Once the duo arrives at his flat and settles inside, snow begins to delicately fall from the sky, landing on the cold ground outside. "It's getting colder and colder, I do not necessarily prefer the winter but it is very beautiful in the countryside." Lilia mentions, looking out his living room window. Yakov comes up behind the tall woman, joining her in gazing through the icy glass. "It is beautiful, I agree. I love winter. Reminds me of competition season back in the day." Lilia straightens up to turn around and look at him. "That is a nice thought, I never realized. You can teach me to love this city _and_ winter. The blonde meets her pear irises, a smile forming on his pale lips. He wants to do both and even more. He wants to teach himself how to _love_. Perhaps, Lilia will teach him that in return. "Of course." The man answers.

Yakov prepares a nice lunch for Lilia. A salad with chunks of chicken breast and some fruits to go along with it as a side. "Yasha, you do more than enough for me. How can I repay you?" She asks, sitting down at his table to eat the meal. "Nothing at all. I do not need anything from you, Lilya. Your _presence_ is enough. Lilia's stomach fills with butterflies, picking up the fork next to her large bowl. "I don't care what you say, Yasha. I will do anything for you, okay? How about I make you another Pastila if you want?" The young lady insists. "I hate to say no but I also hate to say yes. Can we find a middle ground to work on? You don't need to move a muscle for me, I will take care of you." Yakov sits across from the woman, almost chuckling at her expression. "Guess I can't win this, hm? You have a deal then."

The television plays in the background during their lunch, the couple hardly paying any attention to it. What does finally grab their focus is the weather forecast for the upcoming week. The weatherman on the grainy screen explains that the first winter storm of the season is headed for Saint Petersburg in the early hours tonight. Heavy snowfall is expected any minute and will not cease until the next day. Yakov peeks over Lilia's shoulder to see the television, watching the meteorologist display a map of the area and the surrounding towns nearby. "Looks like we'll be closed down for tomorrow." The blonde says as he relaxes back into his chair. "No kidding. Guess I get another day off." Lilia shrugs, finishing her lunch.

Time seems to have slipped away from them because it is now early evening and the snow has already piled high since they left the rink around noon. One look out the window and they both know that there is no way they can get out of the parking lot in these conditions. "Well... I can walk-" Yakov does not hesitate to cut her off in disagreement. "I'm not going to let you walk home in this weather, Lilya. Do you hear the wind? It might blow you away or give you frostbite! Sorry for interrupting you, I'm only worried." He says, eyes down on her. "You care too much, Yasha. I'm flattered either way." Lilia sighs, gently smiling up at him. "Of course. It's my job, remember." "You sound like a father." She chuckles, sitting back down on his couch after removing her shoes since they can't leave. "I don't mind you staying here, that is if you don't either." Yakov joins the brunette, sitting on her left. "Well, I hate being in your way but if you are fine with it, then I am too."

Yakov and Lilia watch the snow fall, occasionally tapping against the window with the strong wind. The sun has gone down over an hour ago and it is already pitch dark, reflecting the coolness of the night. They brought out a large blanket and now sit on the couch, cuddling next to the other to keep warm. The room is dim with warm light pooling in from the kitchen and the television's screen as they watch some classic Russian movie. Yakov has not quite fully realized that Lilia is staying the night. Their first full night together. With someone he is growing a strong bond for. Without much thought of it, he is only concerned about the presence. He wants to focus on the moment with Lilia and savor it all while he has the opportunity. Everything about this feels normal. Holding her close, having casual conversations, cracking up over little things.

_This feels right to him._

"Yasha, let's confess." Lilia's delicately laced voice rings through his subconscious, pulling him out of his daydreaming. "Hm? What kind of confessions?" The man wonders, fully aware again. "Anything. It does not matter how important or silly. Just something to do. Want to?" Yakov can only oblige, curious about what she will confess. "Sure. I already have one. I don't necessarily like tea but I drink it only because you make it for me and I hate to say no to you." He says right away, causing Lilia to lightly gasp. "Yasha-? Wow, no more tea for you then." She laughs softly, leaning closer to him. "Hmm... okay this makes it easy for me. I feel the same about coffee but drink it since you offer it to me." The woman cheekily grins up at him. Yakov shakes his head with a chuckle. "Does this mean we are having our first disagreement that will lead to an argument?" Lilia thinks and nods a little. "I believe so even though that sounded oddly specific."

"All right, all right, my turn again. Um... I think you are the most beautiful lady in all of Saint Petersburg. And the world." He smiles triumphantly. "Oh, Yasha, you make me blush. How kind of you." She smiles back, cheeks a soft pink shade. "Let me confess something now." The woman adds. Before Yakov can process anything, Lilia throws the blanket over their heads, lips colliding. The warmth of the thick fuzzy fabric and their bodies close together cause his face to flush, holding her waist. The two lock lips, quiet and in the moment as they share the intensity of several kisses. Her hand gently rubs the back of Yakov's neck, not able to continue from the smile growing on her face. "Sorry, Yasha." She whispers with a small giggle once pulling back. Yakov catches his breath, surprised but not surprised. "You don't have to be afraid to kiss me, you know." The woman adds. "I know." The blonde nods slightly, lifting her chin with the side of his finger. He has finally taken the lead, massaging the side of her waist with his thumb as they continue the passion.

_They've never been this heated._

Lilia's hands roam the tall man's shoulders, eventually returning to the back of his neck. Her fingers stitch together, thumbs resting on the edges of his square jaw. They both feel something through this physical connection. Something neither can decipher. Before they can begin to dissect _what_ this feeling is, they break away to look into the other's eyes. Yakov leans back down to press a kiss to her forehead, returning to his position with a smile. Lilia's heart is pounding against her chest from their interaction, face a value of pink. Yakov is the first to speak after the kiss. "I should get you to bed." He says quietly with a small chuckle, his cheeks also red. "What?" The brunette laughs slightly, confused. "To go to sleep, sorry." He clarifies, each of their faces even redder now.

"You take the bed, Lilya. I can stay out here." The blonde rises from the couch, holding a hand out for Lilia. "You don't have to do that. I'm fine being out here. You should sleep in your bed, Yasha." She takes his hand, leaving the cushiony seat. "I don't mind at all, believe me. I wouldn't be a gentleman if I did that." Lilia knows she won't win this, realizing that when it comes to situations like this, it will be his way even if she feels bad and guilty for his politeness. "Okay, Yasha." The female nods, accepting. He shows her to his bedroom and pulls out a shirt she can sleep in since her turtleneck and wrap dress might not be the most comfortable.

While Lilia changes in the bathroom, Yakov pulls out the thin mattress from his couch, preparing where he will sleep for the night. The wind has definitely picked up in the last hour, more snow piling down on the ground. He's curious to see what it will all look like in the morning once it's light out again. It will be a tough job shoveling his car out of the mountain of snow yet to come, that is for sure. In the midst of fitting a sheet, Lilia exits the bathroom and glances at the tall male. "Goodnight, Yasha." She calls, still very grateful he let her stay. Yakov stands up straight, eyes scanning over the woman across the room. The white shirt hits her mid-thighs and the short sleeves almost reach her elbows. "Goodnight, Lilya." He smiles, feeling light. The lady grins and waves as she retires to his bedroom, laying down. He too eventually settles down to fall asleep.

_Lilia looks perfect in his shirt._

Later that night, Lilia wakes up to watch the ceiling for a bit. It's always strange sleeping in a new environment but the main reason is her mind. She can hardly sleep because she feels so bad the man she is in a relationship with never puts himself first. It is always _her_ instead. No one has ever been such a gentleman towards her. Not like this. Lilia is already rising from the double-sized bed before she even realizes, following wherever her feet lead her. Creaking the tawny brown door open, she quietly exits the bedroom and approaches the couch the man accompanies. He is sound asleep on his back, chest slowly rising and falling. Carefully lifting the corner of the thin blanket, she climbs into the small bed, holding in a small chuckle as the springs pop and make more noise than she does.

Laying next to him, her arm drapes over his torso, silently blinking through the dark room. The man rolls over to face her, eyes peeling open to reveal the marvelous blue that reflects a perfect summer sky. "What are you doing?" He whispers, voice rough and gravely, still tired. "I couldn't sleep. Not without you." Lilia answers delicately, a grin forming from the tone of his voice. "I'm sorry." He mumbles, shutting his eyes and pulling her close.

_This is all he has ever wanted._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1 * "Good morning"  
> 2 * "Hi"


	15. XIII

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yakov and Lilia spend a meaningful morning together after the night's snowstorm. Back at her flat, Lilia earns a call from a person she has not spoken to in months. Her call brings many wonders and worries about her relationship with Yakov.

Delicate and slow hands work their way down the cascading blonde hair, twisting and pulling strands together. The hands make their way across one side of the man's head, in the middle once his conscious comes out of deep slumber and his eyes open. The tips of her fingers brush past the fibers, sending a comforting sensation. "Good morning, Lilya." The man whispers once remembering where he is, who is with him, and why. "Good morning, Yasha." The woman next to him answers with a voice as smooth as honey. Said woman sits up, propping against her left elbow, gazing down at him with a growing smile. "Sleep any better?" He asks quietly, looking back up at her. The sun still sleeps in their hemisphere at this time of morning but he can envision a perfect halo outlining her figure.

_He swears he is looking at an angel._

"I did, thank you." The brunette answers, scanning his facial structure. A handsome man like him only comes around so often. With a strong jaw, cleft chin, sharp, narrow eyes, _and_ high cheekbones, he could make any woman's knees buckle upon eye contact if lucky. He has quite the genetics. It only makes her curious about which of his parents he looks more like. A man like him could have _any_ woman and he chose her. Lilia is definitely lucky to be the one he gives his time to.

_How was he single again?_

"Lilya, are you okay?" Yakov reaches for her shoulder, gently shaking it. "Hm? Oh, yeah, I'm fine, Yasha." Lilia looks down with a small smile. "You sure? I asked you a question and you didn't say anything." Lilia's smile fades and she makes a different expression. "Sorry, what was the question?" She lays back down on the bed, head resting between his arm and chest. "What are you thanking me for?" The man mentions, moving his arm to lay his hand on her upper arm. "Oh. I thanked you because that was the best sleep I have gotten in a while." Lilia glances towards him, leaning closer. "A little concerning but I'm honored. Now, why were you spaced out with a goofy grin?" He teases. Lilia's cheeks heat up, not wanting to admit why she was staring. "Um... okay, I just think you're very handsome." She musters the courage to confess, waiting for the embarrassment to come from it. However, it is not the outcome she receives. Yakov is more flustered than her, surprised to hear a thing. "T-Thanks, Lilya." He grins nevertheless.

The lady chuckles and moves over to face him. "Why are you so surprised?" She hums, leaning against him. "I don't receive those kinds of compliments from partners." Now Lilia is the surprised one of the two. "Really? That's shocking to hear. You're a handsome man who _was_ single and you never got called handsome?" Yakov blinks then shakes his head. "No, I was always the compliment giver. Should I have been receiving compliments?" Yakov asks, genuinely sure that he got this all wrong. Going into his first relationship, he thought that kind of thing was equal. However, after it ended, he figured only the woman gets compliments and she does not give them back.

"Yasha, that makes me sad. You deserve a lot more, you know." Lilia's statement reminds him of himself. Yakov has never realized how much of a hypocrite he is when it comes to feelings. He always tells others they deserve the world then never takes his own advice. Does he deserve more than he allows himself? "I know you act all big and tough for me, Yasha but I hope you know that _I_ will be doing the same for you. My handsome man." The blue-eyed man meets her gaze with a soft smile, appreciative of her affirming words. "That is very sweet of you, Lilya. You don't have to do that though I appreciate it." Lilia smiles back at the man, leaning down to kiss his forehead. Before she can do so, his arms wrap around her waist to pull her down and smother the gal in small but quick kisses. "Yasha!" She exclaims, laughing as his kiss attack tickles her neck and cheeks. Lilia can hardly breathe over the " _unattractive_ " laughing, trying to shove him off. "Y-asha quit! It tickles! Stop!"

_Stop._

The man underneath her immediately pulls back to stop upon her request, looking up at the woman who is only centimeters away. "Sorry, are you okay?" Yakov asks, watching as the woman's laugh ceases, working to catch her breath. "Y-Yeah, I'm fine." She nods, smiling down at him with sore, flamingo pink cheeks. Dark hair drapes around her face, tickling the man. The woman sweeps it out of the way with her hand, however, it falls back to its original state. "Okay, I just wanted to make sure." The blonde replies, rolling over to look down at her while she gasps for air. "God, Yasha... you're evil." She whispers once able to speak more clearly. The man over her grins, taking in the sight. Her chest quickly rises and falls, taking short breaths with a racing heartbeat. Her pretty face is still flushed, lips parted with every intake of oxygen. If he closes his eyes, this could be taken completely out of context but he doesn't want to be weird. "Are you sure you're okay?" He double-checks, his weight resting in the heels of his palms, the springs under him popping with every fidget. This time, Lilia reaches up to gently pull his face down. Her lips brush against his, pressing forward before speaking up. "I'm sure, Yasha." She whispers against his lips, smiling as she lays her head back on the mattress.

"That's good because I like teasing you as much as you like doing it to me. Seeing you laugh so hard makes... it makes me feel more than happy." Lilia hums, pressing her lips together in a tight grin. This man is _so_ feathery and gentle for her. It does nothing but make her heart swell. "Yasha, I never know what to say around you. You steal all the words from me." She starts chuckling at the sight of his hair. The fact that he still hasn't noticed baffles her. "What's so funny?" Yakov makes a face towards her. "Oh, nothing. You'll see eventually." She answers. Now, Yakov is curious and shifts to see. "No, stay here! Can... we cuddle for five more minutes before we start the day?"

_He can't say no to that._

The home phone rings while the man prepares breakfast for the two. He sets down the spatula and grabs the beige phone off the wall, answering. " (1) ***** Алло?" "Yasha, we saw the weather report just now. You're fine, correct?" His mother speaks after her son answered. "Yes, I'm all right, mama. Did you and papa get any snow too?" He grins upon recognizing her voice. "Oh, just a little. Maybe (2) ***** four inches, so nothing like you. How is it up there?" Yakov walks over to his kitchen window, pulling a blind up to see out the frosty glass. "I haven't paid much attention but there's quite a bit on the stairs outside. The city is shut down while they plow the streets so my session today was canceled."

While the two converse over the phone, Lilia steps out of his shower, wrapping herself in a large golden towel, decorated with a fringe on the two shorter sides and a lighter-toned design across. She dries herself off and glances at her reflection, smiling a little. Thankfully, she was able to wipe off all the dry mascara from her lashes last night before bed. Only a few particles remained before her shower. As pesky as it is, she easily removed the rest. She never saw herself as someone who would be attractive in the eyes of another, trying not to pay mind about what others think but always self-conscious of any choices she made for her appearance. Like the impulsive decision to chop her hair off. Earlier in the year, her hair used to reach her waist. Then before she moved North, she went to her bathroom with kitchen scissors and took off about (3) ***** half a foot. Even though she did it without further thought, she was happy with the result and the fact that she felt free. She had never been allowed to cut her hair short but she's starting a new chapter in her life without rules from her family. Now, her damp hair dries over her shoulders, resting on the center of her back.

Realizing now that she has no fresh clothes to wear, she looks down at her towel and wonders what she will wear. Lilia thought she left her dress and turtleneck in the bathroom but apparently, it has been placed somewhere else because it is no longer in here. Her options are either to put his shirt back on or wear the towel out to his bedroom to look in there. She feels too embarrassed walking out disrobed so the shirt it is. The brunette drops the towel and picks up his shirt, sticking her head and arms through before unlocking and opening the door. Before the woman steps out, she hears the sound of Yakov's voice, talking to someone on the phone. "She ended up staying the night because the snowfall was too heavy by the time we noticed there was a storm." He says, quiet while the person on the other end speaks. "Where did she sleep? You didn't make her sleep on the floor, did you?" The older woman teases, chuckling along with her son. "No, of course not. I gave her the bed." His cheeks turn tomato red while thinking of whether or not he should mention they ended up sleeping together.

"It is good to know I raised my son to be a gentleman. I'm proud of you, Yasha. I always am, which you already know that. Is there anything else you want to tell me?" The man sits back in the kitchen chair, humming. "Yeah. We slept on the couch later last night. I don't know, mama, I feel weird." He confesses. Lilia's lip twitches, wondering what he means by _weird_. She knows she should not be eavesdropping but she's only curious. "What do you mean, Yasha? Explain what feels weird." His mother invites. "I'm not sure. I haven't felt like this before. I mean, maybe _similar_ but this is different. I care for her a lot and I can never get her off my mind. She makes me... feel whole, I suppose." Feeling relieved, she decides to quietly leave the bathroom now and go into the bedroom to look for her clothes. Luckily, she finds her dress but her shirt is still missing.

Changing into her dress, she wraps the front and ties the waist under her bust, adjusting the material in the mirror above his dresser. At least the woman found something to wear, she won't complain. By the time she exits his bedroom, the man is off the phone and back to cooking at the stove. "Hello, Lilya. Perfect timing, the food is ready now." He grins when she enters the kitchen. "Lovely. Thank you, Yasha." She smiles back, grabbing one of the coffee mugs he shows her. "Sorry, I know you said you don't care for coffee but it's all I have." He chuckles softly, pulling out two plates for them. "That's fine. Just like you said, I'll take it because you offered." They both take a seat at his table, digging into the eggs with small chunks of green pepper. "Oh, right, I took your shirt to the laundry room downstairs. It should be done in the washer soon so I'll switch it to dry after we eat. I wasn't sure about your dress though." The man mentions. "That was kind of you. No need for that at all but I appreciate it." The green-eyed woman grins fondly, cutting a piece of egg. "You still have the braids in your hair?" Lilia snickers when she notices that his hair is still styled by her. The man remembers and quietly laughs with a nod. "I do. I did not want to take out your masterpiece just yet."

Without being a looker, he notices the woman's elongated neck. He finds every part of her physique attractive but her personality is what strikes his heart the most. "Yasha, you mentioned a long period in your life without a partner. I don't understand why though?" Lilia looks up from her plate after a moment, catching his attention. The blonde meets her gaze, setting his fork down. "I guess I wanted to focus on my career before retirement came around the corner. I never found anyone who I was _that_ interested in anyway." He simply explains. "So why me?" Lilia asks, genuinely curious about _what_ made her interesting to him. "Something about you is familiar. In a comforting way, that is." The man answers, still trying to figure out _why_. "I do remember you mentioning that. What's familiar?" She takes a drink from the hot coffee next to her plate. "I'm still not sure. I feel like it is on the tip of my tongue." The woman hums, sure she has never met him prior to their meeting at the convenience store.

"You grew up in Moscow?" Lilia sets her mug down to nod. "Yes, that's correct. Born and grew up outside of the city." Yakov nods back, thinking. "I would say maybe school but I obviously did not attend the same years as you. Other than that, I can't think of any other way I would know you." He shrugs, continuing with his meal. "Perhaps we were just strangers passing on the street." That seems to be about the only explanation that sounds logical enough for the both of them. However, there is something _more_ to it than passing by. He can feel it.

_But he can't figure it out._

In the early evening, the streets are clear enough for Yakov to take Lilia home. They both hate being separated again but they will see each other again soon. They were able to find a dance class to attend for a night next week. They will both learn the classical Waltz dance. Lilia can't wait to see how well her dance partner for the evening will be but she won't set expectations. According to him he has never danced but with the movements involved in figure skating, she will say otherwise.

"Thank you for everything, Yasha. Sorry I say it a bit too much." The brunette hops out of the car after the door is opened for her. "Of course. Don't worry about it, Lilya. I hope I wasn't too annoying today." Lilia chuckles and shakes her head, accepting his hand to hold while they cross the street to her building. "No, not in the slightest. You're wonderful to be around. _You_ don't need to worry about it." She scrunches her nose at him. The man smiles and pecks her cheek, stopping to open the door. "You're adorable, Lilya." The two head inside and ascend the stairs to her floor. "Now, call me if you need anything, don't forget." He says, looking down at her. "I will and I won't ever forget. I'll see you soon?" She turns around at her door to face the man behind her. "Always." He pulls her close to gently connect their lips. Lilia smiles into the kiss, placing her hands on his shoulders, just barely standing on her toes. Once the two separate, they smile at one another. Yakov has finally taken the lead. "Goodnight, Lilya." The man whispers, stroking a strand of straight hair behind her ear. "Goodnight, Yasha." She says back, unlocking her door. Before she's gone, he catches her attention. "Sleep well tonight." Lilia turns around with a small grin, nodding to him. "I will. Call me before you go to bed?"

_Yakov will always call her if that is what she needs._

Once the blonde leaves, Lilia returns to her flat and immediately hears her phone ring. The woman hurries to answer before it hangs up, lucky to catch it in time. "Yes?" She answers, waiting for a response. "Lilya? I've been trying to reach you all day." A voice she has not heard in so long replies. "I'm sorry, I was not home until now. I've missed you." The woman sighs, carrying the phone cord to a counter to lean against. "I know. I've been meaning to check up on you since you left but it's not easy when you're also running a household. You understand, right?" Lilia hums in acknowledgment, nodding slightly. "I understand." "Thank you for your forgiveness. I heard on the radio you got a snowstorm before us. I assume you're all right then? You did not have to go to the studio today, right?" Lilia hears a small whine from the other end followed by a soft hush. "No, I did not go in today. In fact, I stayed somewhere else." "Where were you in a storm like this then?" The other feminine voice fills the speaker. "My... _boyfriend's_ flat. He let me stay the night since we could not travel back." She purses her lips, quietly waiting for a reaction.

" _Lilya_ ," The woman sighs through the phone. Lilia can already tell she is not thrilled by the news she has presented. "Before you get cross with me, I want you to understand that he is a good guy. More than good, he's... amazing to me. He is always going out of his way for me and I can never thank him enough it seems. He cares for me. He said it himself." She explains, hoping that it will change her mind. "Lilya, you were supposed to move to Saint Petersburg for ballet, not a man. You realize a relationship will distract you from your career. You need to leave this man and focus on what you've been working on since you were a child, Lilya... don't ruin yourself. I can't even be there to protect you, what if he hurts you?" Lilia's world comes to a stop, never expecting to hear this from the person she is closest to. "You don't understand." She says quietly. "He would never hurt me. He has told me many times. I know what I'm doing. I did not come here with the intention to meet someone but it happened and I would not change a thing. I'm _finally happy_ and moved on, will you accept that?"

There is a long pause in the conversation while the woman on the phone thinks of what to say. "I want to trust your judgment, Lilya but I'm only looking out for you. Please be careful, physically, and emotionally." Lilia nods, already knowing the whole speech. "I know, Lara. I'm always careful now." "Okay. I wish you would focus on yourself though, especially at your age. I'm scared you will end up hurt in one way or another." The lady can feel the contemplation happening even if she can't see the other woman. "There's no other men?" "What do you mean?" Lilia asks, shifting weight to the other leg before her foot falls asleep. "No other men chasing you?" The woman rephrases her question. "No, no one has done such a thing. To be honest, I thought Yasha was a weirdo at first. He still is one but I like him a lot." She grows a faint smile from the thought of him. "You must do if I can hear you blushing." The other woman teases, sighing again. "Do you love him?" The brunette pauses to go over her thoughts on their relationship.

_Does she love him?_

"I'm not quite yet figured out on my feelings for him. I'm still searching for the answer." She answers with full honesty. She does wish to know exactly what she feels for him but for now, she does not have a clue. The only thing that comes to mind is a strong fondness and need to equally care for him. "I see. Promise me that you will be careful though, okay? I know we can't visit as often now but please call me often." "I will. I promise." Lilia breathes out, relieved. "How's your little one?" The other woman glances toward the small child by her feet who is finally content. "He's doing good. Will you visit for his birthday?" "I'll see what I can do." Lilia grins. "Okay. I will let you go on with your evening. I love you, _little sister_."

The phone on the wall rings once more in the cream kitchenette. Lilia hardly has the motivation to get up and answer but she knows it is Yakov without a doubt since no one else hardly calls her. "Hello?" She speaks once picking up. "Hi, Lilya. Calling to tell you goodnight again before I go to bed." The blonde man responds. The woman can hear his words coming through a smile while he talks, it brings one to her own face. "All right. I appreciate the call, Yasha. I hope you get plenty of rest for tomorrow." Lilia replies, twisting the spiral cord around her index finger. "I will for you. Don't stay up too late. Let that pretty face relax from all the smiling you've done the past few days. Maybe ice your cheeks too." The woman chuckles slightly, shaking her head. "I'll be fine, I swear. Go off to bed now even though I hate to see you leave." Yakov lets out a small breath. "I will. Sweet dreams, Lilya." The lady grins and blows him a kiss through the phone before the call ends. She still feels guilty over her sister's opinion on Yakov. They have not even met and she's already acting sketched out from him. There's no room to judge someone based on a minor description. She thought everyone wanted her to settle down already so why is it that now they are cautious and not approving?

_Isn't this what they had wanted?_

Whatever the real reason may be, Lilia decides to head to bed before she stays up all night second-guessing herself. Her sister may have a point though. Yes, Lilia came here to pursue a new career. No, she did not come here expecting to get involved in a relationship. However, many things happen when we least expect them. Perhaps this situation was a "meant to be" moment? Taking a step forward after setting the phone back in its place, the woman steps awkwardly, causing a cramp in her right hip. "Ow, (4) ***** гавно!" She seethes, rubbing her palm over the boney area. She usually tenses up when stressed like this so it is nothing new to cause stress to her hip. Once calm again, she proceeds her stride to the bedroom to get ready to lay down.

Lying down in her bed, alone, without the man she has grown close to is hard now. How is it that she has gone her whole life without him but now that he is in it, anything that does not involve him seems hard? Something as simple as sleeping is a tough task. Now, she has to imagine he is there, holding her like he was last night. Close to his chest and feeling safe from the whole world. His grasp is the only place she wants to be right now. The occasional squeeze of reassurance he gave sends a chill down her arms, imagining that same feeling she _misses_. Staying the night, sleeping next to him, then _waking up_ to see his face by her pillow felt right. Everything about the past two days felt right to her. _This_ is how her life is supposed to be. This is how a true relationship should be.

_Waking up next to the love of your life._

Men of this generation are not as domestic as Yakov is. She expected to be the one making _him_ breakfast this morning. Maybe it's all because he feels bad? Does he pity her? She hopes he does not pity her, it is the last thing he should have to do. It is hard sometimes because she feels guilty for all the acts of service he performs. She would like to repay him one day and give back. It has to be something special though. Maybe she can think about it while her mind slowly drifts off to dreamland. While brainstorming in her bed, another thought from earlier comes to mind.

_Do you love him?_

Lilia still does not know what real love is. The only love she knows of is the one she has for ballet. The kind of love that does not belong to another being but a _thing_. She has never experienced the kind of love you hold for someone you want to spend the rest of your life with, although she has been curious to know what that feels like. Love is a hard thing to explain. It can mean different things to any person. When will she know? Will she ever know? Lilia would give anything to find the answer and experience the love she always hears about in fairytales, through her friends, and even her ballet. About every recital involves some form of love. Without knowing what it truly is, it can be hard to authentically portray a character when you don't understand an important element. Odette knows what love is. Lilia wants to _be_ Odette. A Prince came into her life unexpectedly and stole her heart but then soon broke it.

_Is that what love is?_

However, Odette forgave her Prince and they sealed their love for each other, staying together for all eternity. _That_ is what love is, at least to her. Can Lilia have the same love as Odette has for Prince Siegfried? According to her family, life is not lived if you have not fallen in love and treated your husband. Lilia does not want to fail. She wants to live life to it's fullest potential. Fall in love, go through hardships, _recover_. She wants to leave a legacy behind. Although lost in the maze of mixed emotions, she must follow her heart and trust her gut. Life will lead her through even if there are bumps in the road. Coming from a hard past with a rough start gave her the ability to grow up quickly. It is why she is very mature for her young age. She has had her fair share of broken promises from men. It is why she finds it difficult to open up to one. Even as little as to _trust_ one. There is only one other person than Yakov that she craves to speak with the most. Unfortunately, she will never have the opportunity again.

_A forbidden figure._

"Will you visit me when I'm a prima ballerina? And see me perform?" A high innocent voice begged, following the figure she admired the most. "Of course I will. I will be there in the front row, watching you leap towards the sky with every Jeté. I will be there." The voice answered her plea. "You promise?" The smaller voice patiently waited. " _I promise_." Was the last thing the figure's voice spoke before disappearing forever. The little voice's hero never showed, nor ever sat in the front row to cheer her on when she made it to her first stage.

_Much like Odette, Lilia is a broken swan._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1 * (over the phone) "Hello"  
> 2 * About 10.16 centimeters  
> 3 * About 15.24 centimeters  
> 4 * "Shit"


	16. XIV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yakov recognizes an obstacle he and his student will have to overcome if she competes competitively. Lilia takes her date to a dance class where they learn how to Waltz. Eventually, Lilia realizes that not everything will lead to a happy ending.

"(1) ***** До свидания, drive home safely." The teacher waves farewell to his class as they rise from their foldable chairs to leave. Yakov decides to stay a moment longer, having a question to ask. "Yasha, are there any other things you need help with?" The man, similar in age, asks upon acknowledging the blonde's presence. "Yes, I was wondering if you could help me." He nods. "What can I help you with then?" The teacher takes a seat across from the blonde, clasping his hands together in front of him. "Yaletha-Levovna, the student in my class with hearing loss. She wants to compete next season but it seems there's a bit of an issue I ran into." Yakov explains, leaning back in his metal chair. "What is the problem?" The other man listens. "I don't know how she will sync with the music if she can't hear it. How will she know when to start or what if she falls and has to catch up?"

_Yakov never realized the difficulties this will bring._

"Yasha? Did you make it home safely?" A familiar voice answers once the phone stops ringing. "Good evening, Lilya. I did. I know you feel better when I'm home after dark which is the reason for this call." The man responds with a small grin, fiddling with a button on his shirt. "That's good, I'm glad to hear it. Listen, I was wondering," "Go on." Yakov encourages, causing the woman on the other end to chuckle slightly. "We're going to go dancing soon and I wanted to know if you would like to have dinner afterward at my place?" Lilia offers, wanting to have a wonderful night with her partner and thank him for everything he has done in such little time. "Of course. I would love to, Lilya. I will pick you up thirty minutes before the class starts." He can tell how excited she is by the slight change of tone in her voice. "I can't wait, Yasha. I will see you then. Or perhaps, _sooner_?"

Thursday morning arrives and Yakov is back at the rink, entering the large building with his skate bag slung over his shoulder. "(2) ***** Доброе утро, Fedya." He greets, spotting the fluff of brunette hair atop his head. "Oh, hey, Yasha." The younger male waves him over, sitting on one of the benches while he laces his hockey skates. "I haven't caught you out here in a few days, what have you been up to?" The blonde sits to the other man's left, unzipping his bag. "My wife has been making me late to work now. Suddenly, I'm in charge of getting my boys to daycare which I really did _not_ need." He sighs, tying off his right skate and moving on to the left. "How old are they now?" Yakov asks, pulling out his skates to put on. "Four and three, I know, it's crazy. We _are_ having another though, surprise!" Fiodor chuckles, forgetting he never told his friend. "You are? Then, congratulations, Fedya!" Yakov is surprised but laughs it off. "Thanks, Yasha but if it's another boy, I don't know how I'm going to handle. The two I already have are _pretty_ high maintenance."

Yakov can not wait for the day that his future wife tells him he will be a father. It sounds like a dream come true to be quite honest. He already plans on being the best father he can be and support his child no matter what, as his parents did the same for him. Much like his students, he does not want to let them down. He's always looking out for them anyway. In a way, they are like his own children. Usually, listening to him about half the time. Now, he imagines himself with Lilia in the future. She has gorgeous features, he can only imagine a child taking after her beauty. A little girl just like her mother, dancing on a stage or the ice. Either sounds wonderful. Raising a daughter would be his preference. He's been surrounded by women his whole life so it is all he knows. You could say it's the main reason why he cares for them so much. Many women take up most of his family, it is who he is comfortable with even if he is still new to learning about them on an intimate level.

_Would he want a family with Lilia? Would she want one too?_

"So, how are you and Lilia? Still going out?" Fiodor breaks the silence. "Yes, we see each other very often now. I don't think either of us would survive very long without seeing each other. Maybe a week at most." He answers with a chuckle. Fiodor nods, grinning. "That's good, Yasha. You like her a lot then?" Yakov thinks of Lilia for a moment, enjoying the memories they've created thus far. There's no doubt in his mind that he likes her. "I love everything about her. She's wonderful and I couldn't ask for anything else." The blue-eyed man answers, looking towards his friend. "Oh, so you _love_ Lilia?" He snickers, teasing the other man. "N-No, I did not say _that_. I only said I love the things about her." Yakov shakes his head, cheeks a bit pink. He wants what Fiodor has.

_A family of his own._

"You love everything about Lilia but you don't love _her_?" The blonde looks up from tying his skates. "I think it's too soon for that." He replies, returning to his laces. "Too soon to tell her or too soon to acknowledge it? I hate to throw all these questions at you but I know you're stuck. I want to help you figure things out." The other questions, genuinely wanting to help guide his friend. "Either?" He shrugs, not sure. "I am stuck. I don't want to feel anything too soon and find out she does not feel the same or find out and decide to tell her then she doesn't say it back. What should I do?" The man ponders, relaxing against the metal bench against his back. "You've only known her for three months? And you started dating only a month ago, correct?" Yakov nods at his question, confirming. "It hasn't been very long then. I say, keep doing what you're doing and the answer will eventually come to you. You do seem different this time, I will mention that. She's a special lady to you and I hope she treats my buddy well." Both of them smile, hoping that will be the reality. "Thank you, Fedya. I feel bad for coming to you but you did something right to end up married before me."

The last two weeks of this year's session begins. The five skaters head towards a corner where their coach stands, waiting to hear what they will practice today. "I want to see lots of hard work these last few classes before next year. Today, why don't we try all six jumps with triples? I want you to learn how to do a combination jump with triples and no longer triple-doubles. Sound like a plan?" The students nod and Yaletha smiles once reading her mother's hands to translate. The kids scatter across the rink to fling around and practice their jumps. In the meantime, the couch turns around to face Anna while she is still nearby. "Anna-Alexeyevna, may we talk for a moment?" The short woman is startled to be spoken to again, nodding anyway. "Yeah, that is fine. What is it?" She clears her throat, anxious to hear what he has to say. "I was thinking about Yaletha-Levovna and the upcoming competition season but I ran into a problem. She will have a hard time following the music so how do you suggest we battle that challenge? Is she able to wear aids?" The coach asks his student's mother.

_Anna never thought of that challenge either._

"Shoot... you know what, it is a good thing you brought that up. Hearing aids won't benefit Yalusha nor would I ever be able to afford them. Unfortunately, I will have to pull her from competing next season. She can not participate even if she could hear." _This_ is news to Yakov. "What do you mean by that? Why can't she compete next year?" He wonders, glancing back at the blonde girl near the center of the rink while she lands a triple-lutz. "Yakov-Ivanovich, I can not afford it, unfortunately. I hate to give up on her but I'm hardly able to support just her _classes_." Pity is the last thing Anna wants, especially from her daughter's coach. It has always been a secret she's kept, that she is running out of ways to pay for her daughter to skate. Anna never wanted Yakov to find out but sometimes, things must be heard.

_This was the last thing he expected._

"Anna-Alexeyevna, I had no idea." Is all he can say at the moment, still attempting to process it. "I did not want you to know. This could be her last session for a while once this one ends. I'm barely working now because I am always helping here. Trust me, I love it but I can't do this forever." The younger woman explains. The coach wants Yaletha to stay and continue to be his student for many more years. He is not ready to see her leave something she is so talented at. "I hate to hear that, there has to be something we can do though." Anna presses her lips together with a shake of her head. "I'm afraid not." She answers with a sigh, leaning against the barrier.

"Let me help then." Yakov is quick to respond without even thinking. "What?" Anna looks up, blonde eyebrows stitching together. "I'll help. I will cover half the expenses, take care of her costumes, transportation, and everything else." Anna is struck and taken aback, never expecting something so generous. "Are you sure? I feel like I should be owing you _favors_ if that is the case. What's your preference? Here or-" She rubs her left shoulder. "No need, just be there for Yaletha-Levovna." He waves it off. "Really, I insist. You have already done enough for me, it's the least I can do." The woman moves closer, a hand resting on his arm. Now, by the looks of it, he can clearly see Anna undressing him with her eyes. "I'm positive. I do not need anything in return." He removes her hand, gliding back a few inches. "I want to help and see her achieve many goals. I don't need favors, Anna-Alexeyevna." The man repeats, meeting her eyes once more. "Okay, Yakov-Ivanovich." The woman nods, feeling a bit relieved in the end. _This_ is what she wants. A man that is as generous as him.

After leaving Anna, the coach makes a round through his students, making sure they are where they need to be. "Kira-Demyaneva, that flip was beautiful. Now add a triple-toe to it." The man smiles at his youngest student. The hazel-eyed girl looks at her coach after landing properly, grinning with excitement. "Thanks, Coach Yakov-Ivanovich!" She replies, quickly turning around to do another upon his request. It seems that everyone is doing well with the task they were given. Even the twins are focused and doing what they were told. Now at Mischa, she pulls off a triple-axel, Euler, triple-sal, double-toe. "Mischa-Umbertovna, that was a pleasant surprise." Her coach claps, stopping nearby. The older girl pants in exhaustion, skating over to the man. "Thanks. Is there anything else I should add to it?" She asks, picking her toe in the ice. "If you can get the toe to a triple then you're set." The girl nods and works on her triple-salchow to a triple-toe-loop.

Yaletha struggles on her triple combinations, trying not to make it noticeable. However, the coach does recognize it when he approaches her section. "Having a bit of trouble, I see." He hums to himself, observing her technique as she launches into a triple-lutz. The lutz is perfect but the triple-loop after it is where she struggles. "It appears your feet are getting tangled after the lutz, causing your loop to pop every time." He mutters, hearing Anna's heels clicking towards them. Yaletha sighs after popping her sixth attempt at a triple-lutz, triple-loop combo. The girl sees her mother and waits while the coach tells the woman what he is saying. Once understanding, Yaletha can agree that yes, her feet are getting tangled. She either pops or lands two-footed. "Let's practice against the wall for a moment." He shows the young blonde towards the barrier. The girl watches as her coach demonstrates a standing single-jump followed by a single-loop. He then helps the young girl balance herself. From there, she moves out from the wall and practices attaching a loop to a landing of any jump.

Yaletha is excited to try out the newly practiced skill, taking it out to attempt the triple-triple combination. The right leg extends, pick strikes the ice, three rotations _landed_. The coach and her mother clap, waiting for the loop. Half-a-second after landing the lutz, left skate still crossed over the right, she rotates her arms from the right, swinging herself to the left as she lifts from the cold, wet ice. " (3) ***** Один, два, три!" The coach and mother both count to themselves as the young skater completes three full rotations. The landing is a bit sloppy and under-rotated but she still landed on her right-outside-edge, nonetheless. "Bravo, Yaletha-Levovna!" Yakov claps for his student once more, patting her back when she comes gliding over with a bright smile. "Practice that more until you eventually land perfectly." Anna signs the directions to her daughter, happy she was able to conquer a challenge today. Before Yaletha continues her work, she turns around to grasp her coach's torso in a tight hug. She releases before he can comprehend then swiftly pushes off her edges to proceed in triple combinations. "What a sweetheart." He chuckles, shaking his head, checking on the twins after. Oh, how Anna wishes they could have worked out.

_Witnessing his students achieve their goals is the best gift._

"Yasha, I have great news." The man hums in response, giving his attention. "What is it? You sound very excited." He chuckles slightly, listening. "I finally completed my training to be an instructor and some students have signed up for our first classes in a few weeks!" The woman talks through a large smile, glad her hard work paid off. "That's wonderful news, Lilya. Perhaps we should celebrate your achievement sometime?" The blonde suggests, earning a snicker. "Whatever you'd like, Yasha. I'll be fine with whatever." She grins. "Thank you though. I'm just happy to finally be doing _something_ again." Yakov knows that feeling all too well. Had he not taken on coaching, in today's setting, he would be lost and very depressed.

"So, are you ready to go dancing tomorrow night? I bet you're excited about that too. I already know I'll be entertaining you by how poorly my technique is." The man chuckles, hearing the same come from Lilia's end. "Nonsense, Yasha. I don't know why you keep saying you don't know how to dance. I _watched_ you dance across the ice, is that not the same thing?" Yakov thinks about what she says, supposing she is right in a way. "You do have a point. However, I have never danced on the floor, only on blades. It's a bit different." Lilia understands but she has a feeling he will be just as good tomorrow. "I have faith in you." She smiles softly, listening to him. "Catch me if I trip?" He asks with a playful grin. "I won't _ever_ let you fall, Yasha."

_If only someone could catch her from falling._

"Can you tell me your name, hun?" The brunette glanced up from her uncomfortable bed, looking nothing but wrecked. "Lilia." She answered with a strained, groggy voice, eyes shutting. "Full name, please." Dull green eyes opened once more, pupils shrunk once they met the bright fluorescent lights. "Lilia Baranovskaya." She squinted, head pounding. " _Full_ name, Miss." The young lady grew irritated and looked straight into the other's eyes. "That is my name." The older woman who stood next to her bed simply nodded and moved onto the next question. "Miss Baranovskaya, will you tell me your age?" Lilia gently rubbed her temple then rested her hand on her lap afterward. "Seventeen. Anything else?" The other nodded, looking over her chart. "Today's date?" The brunette looked toward the ceiling for a moment, recalling what day it was. "The nineteenth of March, 1974. I had my ballet recital tonight." It was very difficult to keep her eyes open at that point.

"Thank you." The other woman nodded then set down her chart. "Are you feeling any nausea or dizziness?" Lilia did not hesitate to answer. "Very. I'm so exhausted." She muttered, noticing a strange feeling in her pelvic area. "Your pupils are a bit dilated so I am afraid you can not fully rest just yet due to a concussion. As for your pelvis, the surgeons can not start surgery until you've recovered from the brain trauma." The brunette hardly took the information, only wanting to roll over and fall asleep under the thin blanket but she could not do so just yet. "Miss Baranovskaya, do you have an-" Lilia looked back towards the nurse, confused. "I'm sorry, say that again?" She mumbled. The nurse nodded and repeated herself. "Do you have-" It was like the world had completely submerged underwater. "I can't hear you." The younger woman spoke quietly and tried her best not to panic. The nurse's mouth was moving but no words exited.

_Is this what it is like to lose your mind?_

"Where am I?" Pale eyes opened to a dark room. The only source of light came from under the door and the wide window to her right. When she turned her head, neck stiff from the lack of movement, she discovered it was the middle of the night and who knew what day it was. She eventually recognized her surroundings as a hospital's recovery room, the memories started to return to her sleepy conscious. She wanted to move but her legs felt as if they had become a heavy lead, stuck to the bed. Everything else was numb. Not only her body but her mind was tired. It had been a painfully long day and especially evening. How long had it been? Without the ability to fall asleep again, she stayed up the rest of the night until the sun peeked over the horizon, spilling into the white room. A nurse had made a round every few hours, of course, making sure she had been doing all right and dosed her with the proper medications. Apparently, she had already undergone surgery to repair her pelvis. Pins were inserted to her pelvic bone and after that, physical therapy would benefit the rest of her recovery and speed up the process.

Later that morning, a doctor entered to greet the young lady and went over everything from the procedure and the aftercare she would follow. They asked her basic questions again, double-checking nothing had gone wrong with her mental state and she'd forgotten anything important. Fortunately, her memory was just fine, the same as before surgery and there appeared to be no further damage. On the downside, she had no support system at her aid and she would be recovering alone. All she wanted was someone to finally be there for her because they want to. Not because they have to. Lilia's mother refused to come. She refused to attend her show and refused to take care of her once discharged from the hospital.

_Lilia wants someone to take care of her in the way she was never given._

"Lilya-" The blonde is mesmerized by the damsel's dazzling attire for the evening. "Is it too much?" The brunette asks, cheeks rosy from her blush. "Not enough." The man smiles at her when their eyes meet. The woman, in a ruby red midi dress with matching kitten heels, twirls for the man she accompanies, showing off her outfit. "(4) ***** Красивый." Lilia returns to her original posture, a smile gracing her berry lips. "(5) ***** Спасибо, Yasha." She thanks the older man, taking his offered hand. In the car, she buckles into her seat, waiting for Yakov to join her inside. "You look very well yourself, Yasha. I would like to see you dressed up like this more often." She hums. Her left hand is grasped, then pulled up to the lips of the blonde. Gently, he places them on her knuckles before lifting his head. "Thank you, Lilya." His smile is just as bright as hers. The usual, Yakov has gifted her a bouquet of lilies. The gesture is nothing but sweet to her, although, she feels guilty that he goes out of his way to do this.

The drive to the class is lovely, the couple catches up about their week and anything interesting that has happened during their lessons. "I can't wait to see you dance, Yasha. I know you don't give yourself any credit but I do believe you will do an excellent job." The brunette turns her gaze at the man to her left while he backs into a parallel parking spot. "You think so? I hope I do as well as you expect." He responds, shifting the gear to park and turning the keys in the ignition off. "Hush, I know you will. Let's go in now." She chuckles, unbuckling. The two enter the brick building, observing the tall, vaulted ceiling above their heads. Two chandeliers hang from each end, sending a warm circular glow on the dance floor beneath. A few other couples occupy the large room, conversing with others while they wait for the instructor to begin the class. Lilia removes her puffer coat, feeling it being taken from her arms before she can grab it. "Oh, thank you." She chuckles once she notices Yakov has it. He nods to her and lays it on a chair nearby, leaving his next to it. "You do look wonderful, Lilya." The man points out, able to view her dress in its entirety. A straight, sleeveless gown, narrow v-neck, wrapped under the bust. The layered skirt has a waterfall effect, the very center shorter, becoming longer across the sides and to the back. A dainty, gold chain rests on her chest, between her collarbones. On the end, a charm of a thin hoop with a minuscule crescent moon.

Yakov, on the other hand, chose to wear peanut slacks with an off-white button-up shirt tucked in under his matching blazer. "That is a nice color on you, Yasha." The woman blinks, grinning as she checks him out. The man thanks her again, feeling airy with all the compliments she gives him. He has no idea how to feel or what to do, this is _new_ to him. The instructor, a female in her mid-to-late fifties, enters the room and introduces herself as Madame Vinogradova. The older lady does a walkthrough and positions the couples with their partner, ready to begin. Before doing so, Yakov removes his right hand from below her arm, smoothing back a baby hair that had been misplaced from Lilia's low-styled bun. "Ah, thank you." She quietly snickers, earning a "shush" from the instructor. The snap only makes the two want to laugh even more. They may be kicked out before they take their first steps.

Madame Vinogradova's partner steps forward, joining her in the front of the class by the full-length mirrors. "Welcome, class. We will begin by demonstrating the dance as a whole then break it down into increments. Gentlemen, start with feet together, step forward with your right, heel to toe, feet back together." The men of the class follow the instructor's lead, waiting for the next direction. "Now, sidestep to the left, toe, toe, feet together, heel." Yakov is quite nervous as he learns the footwork, wondering how he will do once he's to perform with Lilia. "Backward step with your left, toe, heel. Step, back to the right, toe, toe, heel." Lilia quietly claps for her partner, pleased he was able to complete the practice with ease. "Ladies, you will begin by stepping back with the left foot. Toe, heel, sidestep to the right, toe, toe, heel." Lilia grins and glances towards her partner, wondering if he will be up for the challenge of memorizing the steps without looking down. "Step forward with your right foot, heel, toe. Finally, sidestep to the left, toe, toe, heel." The blonde smiles at the woman he will soon dance with, knowing all too well she will be a lot better than him. "You look very elegant." He quietly compliments, causing the lady to blush a little.

The music begins and first, the instructors demonstrate the simple waltz together. They move together so perfectly, completely in sync without having to look at their feet. They add in more traveling around the space they take, gradually spinning in a wide circle. Now, it has become much more difficult to master. "I believe we shall begin. Gentlemen, you remember the position, (6) ***** да?" Yakov takes ahold of Lilia's right hand with his left, holding it out while his right hand is placed back under her left arm, fingers resting on the lower part of her shoulder blade. Lilia's left hand is placed on his right shoulder, their eyes locking once the contact is made. Any last bit of nerves for the dance rushes through their system.

_Dancing is like breathing to them._

The music on the turntable begins to play, indicating the students to begin the waltz. "Ready?" The young woman looks at her partner. The blonde meets her eyes with a gentle smile. "I'm ready." He nods. Together, they both take a step. Yakov's right, Lilia's left. "Yasha, you're doing better than you expected." The lady grins as they complete a full box step. "Wonderful job, students. Keep dancing and try expanding your space without bumping into others." The instructor applause, observing the couples as they dance. A few slip-ups here and there but eventually, everyone gets the hang of it. "You really think so?" Yakov glances down at their feet as they step and slide in sync, just like the instructor and her husband. "You're a natural, Yasha." The two gaze at the other, each smiling as they travel across the small ballroom. The music and the tap of the other's shoes are canceled out in their own little bubble, too focused in the moment with each other. Lilia feels she is in one of the fairytales her sister would read to her before bed as children. With her Prince, claiming her as the Princess, they dance across the polished concrete floor, hardly noticing the music has finished as the other couples have stopped.

Pulling back, they bow with a smile and clasp a hand together while their instructor speaks up. "Excellent, you all did a wonderful job. _But_ , let's speed things up a little now that you've become comfortable with the steps." Music plays and everyone is back in position, following the melody and picking up the pace. Each wants to be alone together in this ballroom, taking the entire floor space for themselves while they dance the night away. The evening is wonderful and romantic, continuing as everyone scurries to their automobiles from the freezing wind that blows through the streets. Safe in the car and heading back to Lilia's flat, the two are still in a dreamlike state after their first dance. "I had a lot of fun. I hope you did too." The woman looks at her partner while he drives them. "I did, Lilya. I expected it to be more difficult but I suppose I got the hang of it." The pear-eyed woman nods, not hesitating. "You were perfect, Yasha."

_Their first dance will definitely not be their last._

The rest of the evening is spent making dinner together at her flat and enjoying the home-cooked meal in the other's presence. "Thank you for complying to dance with me." Lilia mentions, settling into her wooden chair with drinks for both of them. "I should be thanking you for inviting me into a world I have never stepped into. But I do feel bad you paid for the class. Why didn't you let me take care of that?" He answers, also thanking her for the beverage. "It was my pleasure. _And_ it was my treat. I feel bad that you pay for everything. I should chip in at least every so often don't you think? You already do so much for me." Lilia waves it off, wanting to do _more_ for him besides sitting still and looking pretty. "Why don't we go dancing more often then?" Yakov speaks before taking a sip from his glass. "You want to?" The woman tilts her chin up with a small grin. "I would love to." She adds, earning a nod from the man across from her. "Let's learn new things together, Lilya." With that, the couple finds themselves dancing through her tight living room. A soft, melodic tune plays through an antique phonograph that once belonged to her maternal grandmother. Everything is the way it should be. She is happy, in the company of someone who genuinely cares for her, she is almost healed, she is _free_. Finally, back in his arms, the place she only wants to be, longing to feel his lips. Unfortunately, the fairytale dream turns back into reality. Not every dream is allowed to last.

_How will their future play out?_

Lilia thought she had battled her inner demons long ago, sure she was free. Like Yakov, she too worries about her future. Will she be enough? Will she fail him? What if she is not what he is looking for? What if she is not ready for him? This is the first time these thoughts have surfaced in his presence. Why is she suddenly doubting herself? In her head and not the moment, she missteps and the two collide. "Oh, sorry." The man apologizes for her, not realizing Lilia was in another world. "No, sorry, that was me. I wasn't paying attention." The couple returns to their blissful dance, back in sync. The woman's head rests against the man's broad chest, eyes shutting out the world, feeling safe but also so _lonely_.

Long after his departure, the loneliness continues to grow. The insecurities flourish in her vulnerable state, attacking any last hope she holds onto. She has no idea what to do, who to tell, or who to _go_ to. She can not go to Yakov with these fears. It will only scare him away. He may even _walk away_ if she opens up. The young woman, still only a girl, is barely holding on, losing the battle in her head while the demons pulse and thrive on the growing anxiety. She is not enough, she will never be good enough. She will never be a perfect wife. Lilia will _never_ be who she once was. That version of her is gone, dead. There is a point of no return and she has already crossed it. The new Lilia may be physically stronger, however, her emotional strength has declined. "What the hell am I doing?" It is the only question she has for herself anymore.

_What is she doing?_

Too deep in the excitement and nerves of a new relationship, it had gotten the better of her, forgetting that there are many more challenges involved. What will happen in the next few months? What if she falls in love? What if she does _not_ fall in love? Will Yakov ever forgive her? Will one of them break the other's heart? Will she get married? Most importantly, is she ready for that kind of commitment? Going through a quarter of her life not trusting men, suddenly she feels safe with one. _Why_ is Yakov different? Lilia still longs to know the answer. She, herself, does not know why Yakov is different or why she feels inclined to stick to him. Something about him makes her feel safe. She has not felt safe for a prolonged period. Trust has been broken on countless occasions. More than she can keep track of. Is she ready to trust this new man with her life? Will he play with her heart like those of the past have done? He seems to not be that type of person but unfortunately, it is the ones you least expect.

She feels like a fool for getting this deep in such little time. Lilia _had_ said she would become a new person after moving away from home. So, why should she be scared if she has become a new person? She has chosen to forget her past, start a new path towards her future. It is still difficult to forget though. Forgetting everything that molded her into the young woman she is _today_. However, she wishes to not be associated with whom she once was. The fragile, easy to break, easy to _manipulate_ , Lilia is no longer here. She is better than that. She won't allow herself to fall and break again if she can help it. Although the heart wants what it wants, she can not deny her feelings towards the man who unexpectedly stepped into her life. She cares for him and he feels the same for her. If she concentrates hard enough, she can still feel the tingle of his lips lingering on hers. The smooth texture of his carnation-pink lips closes the gap between them, sharing warmth while his hands hold her close in his embrace. Having never known such a feeling before, it is all she craves now. The comfort of tight arms wrapping around her being, holding on as if the world had started to crash on top of them.

_What the hell is she going to do?_

"I'm lost. I do not know which road to take this time. They both lead in very opposite directions, of course. I'm only afraid to take either one without knowing what could _be_ had I gone the other path. I do want to continue this but I'm scared it will all be for nothing." The brunette quietly explains through the speaker that late night. "Have you openly discussed this?" The voice on the line asks. "No. That is another thing I am fearful of. If I do, what are the consequences?" "Lilya, you have to remember to put yourself first. At the end of the day, you are your first priority. If something does not feel right, please say it. You don't give yourself credit for the things you've been through, you know that. Plus, if you truly want to stay with him, then you should. You don't know unless you give it a try. I may be skeptical about it but I will support you. I can't make your decisions." Lilia will always be grateful for the relationship she does have with her sister. Someone who _knows_ her story and can give her the reassurance she truly needs. "I'm worried he will walk out." Lilia's head feels heavy, an obnoxious headache building up. "Someone with a rational mind would never walk out unless given a reason." The elder sister reassures. "You always know what to say."

A dreamy dance in a magical fairytale. A familiar sense and scenery much like the Swan Lake. A land where Lilia may never step foot again. Even beautiful things hold many tragedies. In more ways than one, Lilia is the same way. People always come from somewhere, whether by choice or not. In this case, it was an unfortunate event that sits on replay along with the horrific fall that brought many struggles to her daily life. One that imprisoned her in a bird's metal cage. The bars made of fears and lost desire, haunting the young girl's dreams. A passion then lost. Her breath had been stolen, sealed away for months. The only way to retrieve it was through countless hours of relearning how to walk, how to use stairs, how to do something as little as _sitting_. Even then, she could barely obtain a simple gasp of breath.

_Dancing was her only source of oxygen._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1 * "Goodbye"  
> 2 * "Good morning"  
> 3 * "One, two, three"  
> 4 * "Beautiful"  
> 5 * "Thank you"  
> 6 * "Yes"
> 
> (Hello, loves, I bring forth good news! Earlier this week I completed my first college semester which means I should hopefully be returning to regular updates more often! Thank you, readers, for your patience this last month <3 )


	17. XV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lilia grows distant as she wonders whether she is ready for a serious relationship. Finally sitting down to talk about it, Yakov learns more information about her personal life.

The clock on the wall ticks with every passing second, it's longhand ticking every minute. Deep thoughts have been swirling the mind. Curiosities and wonders, a few worries but mostly minor realizations. It is early morning, the sun still asleep at this hour. A glance at the clock reads "03:18." No work, no duties, there are no chores that need completion. What is someone doing up so late? The mind travels great distances in half a second. Here, there, back again, gone. The mind is scattered like a broken puzzle, pieces falling off a table to the wood floor beneath. Some pieces get lost but most are recovered. An individual piece does not connect to any ordinary figure. Only a specific one will fit. There are days when the mind wonders if this person is the right piece that will fit. Some days it feels like being trapped in a room, filling with water until it reaches the ceiling, drowning out everything. Furniture floats and yet the mind sinks to the bottom, followed by the broken soul.

_How come Lilia has grown distant the past week?_

Without proper communication, it has been difficult to understand where the woman's head is at. Why she has barely called or _answered_ the phone. Even when they have met up, her energy level seemed to have dropped significantly. She is usually full of smiles and playfully teasing every chance she gets. Now, it seems she has slightly altered into a new persona. The man tries to convince himself that _maybe_ it's something personal. Maybe it's her family or who is he kidding? _He_ has to be the problem. How did he ever make her happy? Now, she's miserable. Lilia has probably gotten sick of him by now and is going along for the ride just to _please_ him. He does not want that. He does not wish for someone to stick around only to make him feel good.

_Yakov does not want another one-sided love._

During the few days that have gone by, it has been quite busy for the both of them. The last session of classes for the year is ending for Yakov very soon and Lilia is preparing to start a class next month. It only makes sense that either would be a bit stressed and distant at this time. Even he can't fool himself. It has to be more than that. With his minimal dating experience and knowledge of Lilia's personality, something is off and bothering her and he _has_ to get to the bottom of it before he becomes more insecure. If he could get one peek into her mind, it would be helpful. Still, if something is wrong, she would come to him, right? She would have sooner but it is beginning to feel that she may _never_ come to him.

Another morning without a phone call. Is she doing okay? Anxious and jittering, Yakov pulls the phone off the wall, dialing her number and waiting for her to answer. "Please pick up." He chants under his breath, hopeful she will talk to him. On the fifth ring, there's a hesitance, voice filling in after. " ***** Алло?" With a silent sigh, the man lifts his head to respond. "Lilya, hi, I haven't heard from you in a while. Is everything fine?" The woman on the line shifts her stance, weight switching to her left leg. "Yes, I am all right. Only busy with my studio, why?" Yakov knows something is not normal. He's studied her, he knows more of her body language than she knows. Lilia is not one to hesitate before an answer. "Lilya, you can be honest with me. Please, I want to help."

With that, the two find themselves sitting across from each other in a local café near Lilia's flat. Each has a warm cup in hand of their preferred beverages, blowing the steam away. "I don't know what you mean, Yasha. I'm fine, I promise. You know what it's like to be busy as a coach." The brunette in front of him speaks up, setting down her teacup on the snow-white saucer. "Lilya, I know something is wrong and I only want to know what it is or at least a bit of the problem. Don't think I do not notice, I know you Lilya." The man tries to meet her fellow light eyes but her gaze adverts. "No, you don't know me, Yasha. You really don't. Nothing is the matter with us."

_Us?_

"I never said something was wrong with us. What does that mean?" Yakov takes a concern, scared out of his mind. What is she thinking at this very moment? Has this always been on her mind? Has Lilia been unhappy since they started going out? Thoughts race and bounce off the walls in his head, jumping from one conclusion to the next until finally, her voice shatters his subconscious. "I'm worried." She mumbles, voice barely able to pick up over the commotion of the café's kitchen. "What are you worried about?" He gives her his full attention. "It's... my family, Yasha." She moves her gaze back to the teacup in front of her. "Your family? I thought you weren't close to them?"

_Another lie._

He's caught on. Maybe Yakov does know her more than she thought. Even though she is being dishonest, she is most surprised by how attentive he has been. No one has given this much of their time for her. Not in a long time, at least. She spent over half her life being ignored, now she has found someone who could probably ace a test about her. "Yasha," The young woman takes a deep breath. This is her last shot to make an excuse but will she take it or finally spill the truth? "You can tell me anything, Lilya. Please, do not be afraid. If you're worried I will be upset, angry, or anything... I won't be. I _promise_." How she wants to believe him but it is very difficult to.

_I promise, I promise, I promise. Nothing has been true._

"It is about us. More-so about me." She glances towards the dirty-blonde, earning a nod to continue once their eyes meet. "I don't know if... _we're_ right. I mean, I do not know if _I_ am right for you. You say you want to get married soon and I do too one day, eventually. But," Everything finally comes out. Lilia's truth is being spoken and there is no turning back now. She has reached the point of no return. Yakov sits there, listening to everything she has to say, his eyes never leaving her figure. He has been craving to know the answer to her sudden distance and lack of being in the moment. "I don't think I am _enough_ for you."

_The words hurt. Why would someone so seemingly perfect ever think like that?_

"Lilya," The older man starts once she has paused to think over her thoughts. "I don't want you to think like that. You are more than enough. Sometimes I think _I_ am not enough for you but we have to recognize what is fact and fiction." Lilia looks up at him, never expecting that response. "If you are worried that we are moving too fast or that I am not the one, I will respect that. We don't want to waste each other's time." On the inside, Yakov has a fear this will result negatively and backfire. He does not want to leave their relationship at the table they accompany and never go back to it. Lilia means more to him than he can explain. He only hopes she feels the same about him. Maybe, this conversation will strengthen their relationship and they will learn to grow from it? Any relationship involves tough conversations, they are not just glorious dates. There is so much more involved. Hard times, arguments, misunderstandings but most importantly, _growth_.

"You think so?" Lilia questions, wondering if he has the same worries and insecurities she experiences. "I often ask myself if I'm too much for you to handle all at once. If I scare you or if I'm rushing things." The man nods, slowly spinning his saucer. "I feel like in the end, I won't be ready but you will be. Then I would have wasted so much of your time and disappointed you. I don't want that to happen, of course, I want to discover what this leads to. But what if something changes?" She gazes into his light blue eyes. "If your heart changes, then I want you to listen to it and not please others if it hurts you. As much as I want this to work out, I can't force you to stay." Yakov is willing to fight for Lilia but to what degree? "You must really care for me." The lady speaks quietly, short nails tapping the side of her cup. "I do." The man parallel to her nods. "I care for you a lot, Lilya. The idea of never seeing you again scares me."

_How is someone this compassionate?_

"I have many personal problems... none of them scare you? Or make you want to disappear from my existence?" The blonde simply shakes his head. Nothing could or would change his mind about her. Lilia is utterly perfect to him. "I don't mind any problem you think you have. Whether it's family problems or insecurity problems. I really like you, Lilya and I see past them. I only see you at the end of the tunnel. The Lilya I saw walk into the restaurant with wind-blown hair and a frazzled expression." The memory brings a small chuckle out of him causing the woman to blush upon recollection. "Oh, goodness, I really wished you did not see that mess." Yakov disagrees yet again, still finding her perfect. "I don't. I think we need to see every side of a person. Good, bad, caught off guard, even _broken_. How else would we know? _You're_ perfect. Every side I've seen so far. Although, I am not certain if I am ready to see you sad yet. I could not take it."

Thinking about it, he is right. Lilia has shown many sides of her personality without realizing it. First, the polite one, the slightly disturbed, the flustered, the frustrated, the shy, the hurt, the one where she did not worry about the world. There are many more she can name to top it off but the point is, Yakov has witnessed her at different points in time and he _still_ chooses to be around and cherish the moments they spend. Putting things into perspective, he has been there for a lot so far. The first person she has gotten close to in a very long time. He's been there since she moved, her first true date, her first relationship, and even when she completed her course to becoming a ballet instructor. Lilia never thought about the important things they have done or experienced together. Her favorite as of this moment was waking up that one morning to meet his sleeping figure next to her. She will always crave for that same situation. Never in her life had she thought something as little as _that_ would create a strong bond.

"Lilya, will you promise to be honest with me more often? Don't shut down your feelings for my sake, vocalize them so I can hear you. Please?" Lilia finds this request to be challenging. She is not used to opening up especially to the opposite sex. Hell, she has not been close to a male in a long time, excluding her dance partner of a few years ago. "I'm not used to being thought of in a situation like this." The woman mentions, not thinking too much about it. "What is that supposed to mean?" Yakov questions, curious to know the context of her statement. "Oh," The brunette lifts her head, catching his gaze with her own. "It's nothing, I don't know why I said that." This time, it is effortless to catch on to her deflecting a question. " _Lilya_ ," He makes a face, wanting to know the honest truth. The woman sighs and sinks back into her booth, knowing she can't make any more excuses. "I've always been second. Second thought, second choice, just... second place. Never first." She gives a small shrug, stirring her cooled off tea with a spoon.

"That's disappointing to hear but honestly, I'm always putting you in first place, Lilya. I hope you know that." Lilia seriously does not know how she struck gold but she will not complain about it. "Yasha, you need to stop being this sweet to me. It's..." "Just enough?" The man asks, wondering if it was what she would say. "Flattering but not needed." Lilia finishes, a small grin across her lips. "You deserve to be treated like royalty, Lilya, and I will _only_ treat you that way." He replies, not understanding why she insists on no more polite gestures. "You seem new and slightly uncomfortable to small things like pulling a chair out for you. Have you never been shown these acts of kindness?" The woman glances towards the blonde, shaking her head as if this was normal. "No, not really. No one besides my sister has been there for me. When I was a kid, at least."

_Finally, it seems they are making some progress._

"Will you tell me more about it then? Tell me everything that made you the woman you are today. Or, whatever you are comfortable with sharing." Yakov asks, wondering what the lady means by only having her sister by her side. Is there more to Lilia than he thinks? Of course, there are many things she has not disclosed yet but it sounds like there is an even deeper story than the surface she already presented. Watching her reaction, he is beginning to wonder whether that was the right question to ask. "Let's save that for another day, Yasha." Lilia's demeanor has changed to one of discomfort and hesitance, eyes adverting every second. "I'm sorry for asking, Lilya, I should have known. I did not mean to make you uncomfortable." The man apologizes, feeling guilt run through his blood. "Don't worry about it, Yasha. I wasn't expecting the question. I'm sorry I don't want to talk about it. You deserve to get to know the _real_ me but I'm afraid." She answers, finally meeting his eyes.

_What kind of secret is Lilia holding back?_

"You should never have to apologize for who you are, Lilya. We don't have to discuss it now or anytime soon. When you're ready, we will go based on your time." Yakov gives a small smile of reassurance. Lilia is glad he is understanding and not forcing answers out of her throat like a hostage with a gun barrel to their temple. The comparison may be oddly specific but it is how she has felt for a long time, unfortunately. For most of her life, she felt as if she were a prisoner in her own home. Her life was dedicated to pleasing others first and never herself. With no days off, it was a living hell minus the flames and burning to death. It sure felt like it though. That is why her debut as Odette and Odile was finally a start to something new. A new life, a new freedom, a new _person_. However, freedom seems to always be the first to go, no matter the unfortunate event.

"I will tell you about my sister though. She means a lot to me and I think I should tell you at least a bit more about myself." Lilia suggests, chewing on her cheek while she waits for Yakov's response. "I would love to hear about her if you want to tell me." He nods, a grin plastered on his lips when he sets his cup down. "Okay. My sister, Lara, is the person I consider myself closest to now. She still lives in the Moscow area with her husband and my nephew. I love my sister to bits and pieces, she helped me out a lot when I was growing up." She starts, a fond smile growing on her delicate tulip lips as she stirs her tea with a small spoon. "Just hearing you talk about your sister, I can feel the love you hold for her." The woman can only agree. She holds her sister on a high pedestal, always admiring her and the things she has done to help. "Yeah, she is my best friend." Lilia nods, sipping her tea before it goes completely cold. "How much older is she than you?" The brunette gently sets her tea on the saucer before answering. "Two years older than me. I always remember being close to her even if I did bug her a lot when I was little." She chuckles, relieved to see that Yakov is happy and content while listening to her talk.

"She got married before I made it to my first official stage. Before that, I was in small local shows at the time. I wish she could have seen me perform at the Bolshoi before I retired though." She quietly adds, hands wrapping around the petite cup to hold in her palms. "You're an amazing dancer, from what I have seen so far. Why did you retire so young?" Lilia thinks over what an appropriate answer would be for this topic. Does she want to talk about it? Is she ready to relive the physical trauma? What about the heartbreaking decision to leave the stage, her _true_ home? "It was the right decision at the moment. If I could continue performing at the Bolshoi today, I would take it but I think the road I ended up taking instead will lead me to a brighter destination. At least, that is what I hope for." The man in the opposite booth nods, silently listening to her explanation. "I think you would have found a great destination, either way, Lilya. It is what you put into it that will bring a successful outcome."

_Anything can be amazing as long as you put in the effort._

"You're right, Yasha. I put in a lot of time and effort into ballet. So many hours at the studio, so many pointe shoes I have gone through," Lilia reminisces about her life before Saint Petersburg. How _different_ it was compared to her new life in the North. "I had an accident. I had an accident, that is why I left the stage." The words slip between her rose-tinted lips. There is no taking it back now. What's been said has been said. Lilia faced one of her dreaded realities head-on. Yakov is surprised to hear that is her reason. Never had he imagined an injury to someone so young would take them out of the sport they love. "A few years ago. I've been trying to recover from it since then. I only decided to become an instructor earlier this year. It was either that or start from the ground up again with my performance ability. So, I chose the easy way out." The woman shrugs to herself, staring into the tawny tea as it swirls from her spoon.

"You're okay now, why don't you go back? You should not give up your passion because you got sent back to first base." The woman joins the man's gaze, processing his words. "I don't think I can, it's been far too long and I'm still not in tip-top shape. Not like back then." The man gathers that Lilia has given up on herself. She gave up too soon without putting up a fight to get her life back in order. "Lilya, you've got to try first before giving up. You're a fighter, I can tell." Yakov knows the feeling she has, he's had to convince his skaters to not give up on multiple occasions. Even _he_ has tried to give up skating during his career. It is a highly familiar feeling, unfortunately. "Don't you think I have tried fighting? I fought for my life, Yasha. I could hardly leave my bed for months." The woman looks deeply into his irises, contact not breaking. The atmosphere grows silent, the clock dragging out every second making it feel excruciating.

_She fought for her life but not for her passion._

"I'm sorry. I did not intend to snap at you." She speaks with a hushed tone, almost afraid of her own voice. "Don't be. I know what you mean, Lilya. I understand where you're coming from so don't apologize for having feelings." The dirty-blonde waves it off, not minding that she is upset. "I fought every day just to dance again but not mainly to appear before an audience. Without ballet, I, without it," Lilia searches for the right word, becoming frustrated in herself. "You can't breathe." Yakov quietly completes her sentence, lifting his cup. The young lady turns her chin up, blinking once before it suddenly clicks. "I can't breathe." That is exactly how she feels and now she finally has the right term for it.

The two sit in another silence but this time, it is not painful to endure. It is more comforting this time around, being in each other's presence. All is right in their world once again and the only thing they have to worry about is who will get the bill. "I have to get going. I dearly apologize, Lilya." The gentleman takes notice of the time on his wristwatch. "So soon? Will I see you again?" The woman's eyes follow as he rises from his seat, moving out from the booth. "Of course. _I don't see why not_." With that, the tall brunette scoots out from her side to properly wave his departure. Long and strong arms embrace her waist, large hands resting on the middle of her back. Yakov holds Lilia close to him, feeling like he could lose her any moment.

_In a blink._

"Noo! I don't want this to be the last one!" A whiny female's voice chirps from the frigid rink. "I'm sorry, Kira-Demyaneva but we'll be back in a few weeks." The coach reassures his student, knowing she is not looking forward to the break between sessions. "Can't I do _oooone_ more?" She begs, pulling off her best puppy eyes. "Okay, fine, I will allow one more but make it quick or else the Zamboni will come out here and run you over. You know Lev-Sergeyevich can hardly see anyway." The coach complies. The girl chuckles and thanks her coach with a wide smile before speeding off to jump another triple-lutz. The young skater picks her toe in the ice, sending herself into the air and rotating three times. Something is different this time, she added more speed and more _power_ to this jump. What is she trying to do?

"Kira-Demy-!" The skater barely completes another half rotation before landing the wrong direction and splattering to the scratched-up ice. "Were you trying to attempt a quad?!" The coach races over to the girl's side, in complete disbelief she had the _nerve_ to pull off something completely out of her skill level. "...Whoops?" The chestnut-haired girl nervously laughs, waiting for the lecture she will receive from doing something so dumb. With a heavy sigh, they exit the rink in time for the ice to be resurfaced for the next set of lessons later that day. They join the others who are almost finished removing and caring for their skates, chatting with each other. Mischa is the first to get on Kira for pulling that stunt which surprises the coach but he is slightly thankful his job is taken care of now. Mischa now knows firsthand how stupid it is to throw yourself into the air without knowing exactly how or what to do _properly_.

"I'll miss you, Coach Yakov-Ivanovich!" Kira pouts her lip out as they walk towards the front doors to exit. "Don't worry, it's only for three weeks. Have a good time on your break and practice off-ice so you don't lose any abilities or muscle. Promise?" He holds out his pinky for the young snowflake. "I promise!" She nods, curling her finger around the coach's before they part ways. Yaletha approaches the tall man from behind, grasping him in a tight hug with a grin. The coach, already knowing who it is, smiles as well and looks over his shoulder to confirm the hugger's identity. "Oh, Yaletha-Levovna, I'll miss you the most." He chuckles, ruffling her almost platinum-blonde hair. "Cut your mother some slack and practice extra hard for me." The girl's mother steps up and looks down at her daughter. A tap on her shoulder and she looks back to see her mother, releasing the coach before meeting his eyes. Another smile, even brighter than the first. She looks back at her mother for clarification, nodding when she reads her fluent gestures.

_Practice extra hard for me._

That night, the man returns to his flat after a trip to the market for groceries to make supper. Something simple, another dish of Pelmeni. Another meal, another night alone. It feels like only yesterday when Lilia was here, spending the evening across from him at the small table in his kitchenette. A blissful night they shared that turned into an everlasting date. He would give anything to spend another night like that with the woman he can now call his girlfriend. It still seems surreal to him, even Lilia. Not that long ago, they were complete strangers who met at a convenience store and went on a date after a few short meetings. Funny how time seems to slip away from the soul so quick and discreetly.

Playing the day over again in his head while he attends his meal for one, thoughts of their conversation comes up. She looked so content to speak of her older sister. He can only imagine how wonderful she truly is based on the description he received. It makes him happy that someone took care of and watched out for Lilia when she was young and growing up. He wishes to meet this Lara one day and thank her for whatever memorable deeds she performed to sculpt Lilia into the woman she is today. According to what she had said, Lara has been the primary figure in her life. Was she there when Lilia experienced her accident? Lilia also mentioned that she wanted her sister to see her perform on a _real_ stage the night she debuted. Even he would have loved to see it. He's never _seen_ her dance ballet like they do in shows. He has only seen her practice and that did not turn out so well. Yakov's seen one ballet and that was Swan Lake which just so happens to be the same story Lilia performed. He would love to see that one again and be able to witness the ending with the same dancer.

_Odile, accident, Bolshoi..._

Could it be...? It can't be. Although, all roads lead to Rome. The sudden retirement, the hip problem, the love for the Swan Lake. Fumbling around in his chair to get up, Yakov's heart races as he makes it to his phone to call the woman he finally cracked the code to. With three rings, there is an answer. "(1) ***** Алло?" The man does not waste any time to respond, almost barely able to get comprehendible words out. "Lilya, when did you perform at the Bolshoi?" He asks, making it painfully obvious that he is out of breath from the sudden sprint to his phone. "About two and a half years ago, why do you ask?" The woman answers, wondering _what_ he has gotten into. "Two..." He starts counting in his head to when he visited his parents in Moscow and saw a ballet at the theater. "Lilya, you're the fallen swan. _You're_ the swan who the Prince dropped. That is why you are familiar to me."

_Yakov always craved to know what happened to the fallen swan._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * (over the phone) "Hello"


	18. XVI

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lilia feels guilty that she has not been fully ready to speak her truth yet. Yakov is finally enlightened on the situation regarding Lilia's early retirement and promises to give her time. On the phone with his mother, the man has a confession to make.

A long pause of silence passes by. The man is sure he can hear his own blood flowing through his veins during the prolonged period. "Where did you get that information from?" The brunette finally speaks, her voice monotone. "I was there. I was there when Odile fell. When the Pince dropped the dark swan. When he dropped _you_." The woman's hand slightly trembles as she holds the telephone to her ear, thoughts racing a mile a minute. Yakov was there when it happened. He witnessed her fall and never said a word about it. "So... that's why you thought I was familiar?" She quietly questions, never imagining _he_ would have been there and that was his reason for knowing her.

_What if he never realized?_

"Yes, if that was you, that is. The pieces to the puzzle all add up. You graduated through the Bolshoi and have not performed since then. You mentioned Swan Lake, it makes sense to me now. I saw your show with my parents. It was my first time attending a ballet show and I always wondered what happened to the ballerina after the accident." The other end is perfectly silent, almost mistaken as a lost signal. "Lilya, are you still there?" He asks after another moment. "Yes, I'm still here." She answers after, in continuous disbelief. The man she is with has seen her worst failure. What does he think of her now? Weak? A coward? If anything, those are the two she strongly believes in herself. She still thinks about that night. How she had the weight of the show on her, the pressure to be flawless and graceful in new territory. It all crashed down after her fall. Her fall that ruined the evening's show.

_Lilia's embarrassed for her mistake._

"It's getting a bit late now, I don't want to take up your time." The woman mentions, her voice barely over a whisper. "Okay. (1) ***** Спокойной ночи, Lilya." The man responds, feeling something is off again. Surely, anyone would be distant or uncomfortable talking about an accident like that but Lilia seems different. Lilia is holding back and he can tell even over the phone. She is a tongue biter. If she wanted him to know, she would have said so sooner, right? He does not understand why she is so secretive but he does have to respect her time. Lilia's brought up multiple facts about her personal life. Not enough but plenty to start a basic foundation. Perhaps, she is not used to opening up so soon?

_(1) ***** Спокойной ночи, Yasha._

Weightless, crash, gasp. Weightless, crash, gasp, snap. Weightless, crash, gasp, snap, breathless. Weightless, crash, gasp, snap, breathless, numb. _Repeat_. An injury replays like a typewriter's carriage being set back in place, starting a new line. Her entire life is a repeat. Thoughts, dreams, fears, even everyday living. When will this battle stop? She does feel guilty for not diving deeper over the matter but the truth is, she was not ready. Lilia is not sure if she will ever be ready. Yakov sure made that job easy on her though. He was the one who brought it up and all she had to do was confirm it. Simple enough, right? Not so much. The world came to a halt, her mind ran off track, her sense of self deterred for a moment. The physical pain may be gone, _most_ days, but it is not in the mind nor the heart. Along with that, other problems and traumas enhance the pain. Theoretically, adding more fuel to a burning fire. To her, her mind is the flame on a match. A fire that is then setting others ablaze.

It is a tough struggle to deal with. Hardly anyone to run to when the world seems to crumble, someone she is close enough to, or even someone to _hug_. All Yakov can do now, is watch the fire burn. He can't run into the flames, through the smoke, and choke up before making it to the eye. The woods have all burned, the lake has doubled its size and swallowed the swan whole, down into the depths of the underground where the old Lilia lays to rest. The old Lilia is gone but she is slowly returning to her previous ways. When will she let go completely? She may have left the past but there is still a thread of rope hanging on. It is only a matter of time until that final fiber snaps and she is gone.

It's strange to not wake up early to get ready to go to the rink. It has only been a few days since the last session of the year ended but it feels like it has been a month. In the meantime, Yakov has kept himself busy staying in shape over the short winter break before the new year. A coach may be preoccupied with their students but one must never forget about themselves. Lilia hasn't reached out since the evening phone call about three days ago. There have been no purposeful meetings either. Every trip to the convenience store has been lonely. Only one other patron attending a separate aisle besides the cashier on shift. With the growing winter and the colder air making its mark, the city of Saint Petersburg has grown less and less populated. Citizens spend as much time as they can get outside when the weather is mild but during the long winter, it becomes a ghost town on the streets. It reminds the two of their own lives, _empty_.

Another snowstorm is expected in the coming week, an even stronger one this time that will bring much more snowfall. Firstly, Lilia and her wellbeing come to mind. Will she stay with him again to ride out the blizzard or will she hide away and not speak to him? Too many questions and such little answers, he needs to know. Unsure of whether to make the first move and reach out to check on her, a soft knock alerts the man during an upper-body workout. No guests are expected, perhaps it's a neighbor? Yakov is not very close with the other attendants of the complex, only acquaintances. Setting down two (2) ***** twenty-pound dumbbells, the dirty-blonde approaches the door to answer. A swift peek out the peephole is not very helpful as the fisheye glass is icy from the current snowfall.

_Unlock, slide, turn, click._

Chin turns up, light eyes connect, a slight surprise to both. "Lilya," The man says first, cut off before he can finish his sentence. "I'm sorry." The brunette quietly speaks, an awkwardness in her posture. Lilia is always so poise, something is _definitely_ off. "Come inside before you freeze." He opens the door wider. Before Lilia accepts his invitation, she takes a step forward to loosely embrace the lengthy man, head resting upon his right shoulder. There's no hesitation to hold her back. His arms wrap around her narrow waist, hands resting on her lower back. A moment of silence, the pressure of their hearts beat against the other. It's a soothing sound and feeling. From infant to adult, it can still be so _calming_. Eventually, the couple breaks apart. Inside his flat, Yakov shuts the door and looks back at Lilia for an explanation. "Why are you sorry, Lilya?" The brunette removes her shoes out of politeness, meeting his gaze. "I didn't treat the situation appropriately and I apologize for not talking to you about it. It affects my life every day and I should be open with you because it changed me into the person I am in front of you."

Now, sitting on the couch together, Lilia finds the ounce of courage needed to tell her truth. "Yes, I did fall. Yes, I ruined the show. I'm still mortified over it even though I can hardly remember what exactly happened. I can only remember being held and soon enough I've gone numb and get whisked into the back of an ambulance." The young woman sighs towards the end, recalling the minimal memories. "I was certain I would finish the show and receive a standing ovation. I would bow before the audience and leave on a high that would last a week. Unfortunately, dreams are mostly impossible to reach. After that, I wound up with pretty severe injuries. I feel like my hip was messed up more significantly since it still finds a way to slip out of place every so often. It was hard, you know?" She begins her explanation. The man listens intently, gaze never breaking.

_He's seen this happen more often than not._

"What happened after that? Between your accident and moving here?" Yakov wonders, examining her body language. "Well, a quarter of that time was in the hospital or my bed. I stayed with my sister for a few weeks once she was back in town. Then, it was all therapy when I could sit up in bed again. Therapy felt like an eternity. It took me weeks to climb one simple stair step. You don't realize the things we take for granted until it's gone." Everything is unfortunate. It is unfortunate what Lilia has gone through but one thing is right, the things we take for granted. A simple thing like walking can be stolen in a second. Lilia is more than lucky to be where she is today, able to coach younger ballerinas, and still dance. Had things taken an opposite turn, she would have ended up someplace else that was not so great.

_It's shaped who she is now._

"You talk about your sister a lot and I know you're not comfortable with laying out a lot of information but I want you to know that you can _trust_ me. I want you to learn to trust me so you will come to me instead of bottling it up. It's not healthy, Lilya." Is his response. Before she can get a word in, the man leans forward to grasp her. Strong arms pull her close, quietly holding on. Lilia's arms hesitantly slither behind him, pear-green eyes closing out the bitterly cold world. The silence is peaceful, the warming embrace comfortable. Neither has to say a word to know what the other is thinking. Yakov feels for Lilia. Unpleasant pasts can be more than challenging to come from, especially as a young female with a little-to-no support system. As much as he wants to know her truth, he has to let things unfold in their own time. Patience is the key. When Lilia is ready, she will come to him. However, this is all she needs at the moment. His understanding, his listening, his warmth, his _presence_.

_This is all she needed._

Neither makes any plans to pull away so soon. They are both comfortable holding the other, Yakov more-so than Lilia. The brunette feels like a speck against this large man. As she resembles a delicate Lily flower resting on the great paw of a Kamchatka bear. A hand, so skillfully powerful enough to steal a life yet also delicate enough to save one, carefully smooths over the top of her deep umber hair in a low, loose-styled bun. This is exactly what has been needed, what has been desired. Lilia has only been wishing for someone to hold her protectively, to tell her things will be okay even when she does not necessarily believe it. Somehow, he knows what to do for her. How is he this way? It hardly makes sense to her. She takes no second for granted, savoring the sensation it brings her. Yakov is a good hugger, a good person to go to when nothing seems right. He just somehow finds a way, every time, to _make_ it feel okay again.

Lilia could stay in his embrace forever. However, this time, something is different. His grasp, his closeness. Does her closed-off nature affect him this much? She decides not to ask, maybe today he is feeling extra affectionate. Whatever it is, it does not bother her. Lilia has not received a hug this special in years. She never realized how much she needed it until this very moment. Emotions and memories race about but mostly nostalgia. The idea of possibly waking up every morning for the rest of her life, being able to hold onto this man so tightly. Who would have thought that moving to start a new life and career would place her on a special person's doorstep? If she told that to her past self, she would never believe it.

With her head resting on his shoulder, a gentle, "thank you" almost goes unheard, earning a questioning hum in response. " (3) ***** Спасибо, Yasha." The woman turns her gaze to stare into his. "You don't need to thank me, Lilya." He looks back down at her. "Of course I do. You do so much for me." Her head lays back on his chest. "If there's anyone who can do a lot, it's you. You're a badass, Lilya. You seem to have been through hell and back already. You made it look easy." A small sigh escapes through her nose. "It's not very easy by yourself." The silence returns, consuming the intimate space. Yakov gently presses his rose lips against the top of the young woman's head, wanting nothing more than this moment. A grin finally reaches the woman's face, forgetting about her problems and sinking into the comfort.

_This is all she has asked for._

The crisp white snow gently descends from the slate-grey clouds and patters against the frosty glass. Winter is officially here and ready for its protracted visit. Lilia loved the serene atmosphere at this time of year. Crystal icicles cascading from overhangs, immaculate sheets of sparkling snow, the clear scent of cool air. Everything about it is marvelous, however, it is common to lose touch with things we favored as children. Minds change, the heart also changes. Today, the wintery season is nothing but somber and miserable. The thought of leaving a cozy bed to brace the piercingly frozen gusts of wind sounds dreadful the older she becomes. Although, she wishes to return to the innocence she once had. The last day of winter, the night of her first show. Not one-hundred percent sure if it is right to say or if she truly believes it yet, Lilia goes for it anyway. "I think I can fully trust you, Yasha."

Like Russian music to his ears, almost forgetting he has to say something, the blonde smiles down at the woman. "Thank you." He whispers to her. "I will respect your time. Take as long as you need to be comfortable. I don't want you to feel like you're being pressured to tell me everything about you at this very second." Lilia feels thankful that he is willing to allow her time to open up on a deeper level. She's simply not used to someone wanting to know everything about her. No one has ever shown her genuine interest or care. It's strange to her, a new territory. All of this is a learning experience and it's quite difficult. Luckily, he is the kind of person who is a natural teacher. Yakov shows her what it's like to care for someone special. The rest comes naturally.

Noticing the weights on the floor, Lilia realizes she has probably overstayed her welcome. "Oh gosh, I interrupted your busy schedule. I should get going." The lady sits up to rise from his couch. Before she can manage to leave, a gentle hand grasps her own. "Would you stay a little longer? It's been too long since I've seen you." The man quietly pleads when their eyes lock. Now, she can not find the voice to say "no." Of course, Lilia will stay as long as he wants. She was silently hoping she could be in his company longer too. "At least let me make you dinner?" "Do I get to help?" The brunette chuckles, sitting down next to the man to rejoin his embrace. "I suppose you can."

_I suppose._

"What's the matter, my son? I have not seen you this down since... well, ever, I think." The older woman sat across from her child and stirred her coffee. "Mama, I think something is wrong." The young man stated with a lost look in his eyes. "What is it? You can tell me anything, Yasha." The mother laid her spoon on the table then lifted the warm mug to her lips while the son searched for his words. "I think we're breaking up. But I'm just not sure. I thought she would... I don't know, mama. I thought it was the same love you and papa have but it's different." The blue-eyed woman returned her mug, surprised but not surprised. "I was waiting for that. I am disappointed for you, Yasha. Unfortunately, not every first love is the one that lasts. Usually, it is the one you grow from the most. It teaches you what you deserve, what you want, and what you can be capable of." She was always right. She would always have something to say that was just what he needed. "You won't be upset if we do not get married?" The pure innocence in his eyes was something she would never forget. "I would never be upset if you follow your heart. That is the most important part of any relationship. You would be miserable had you muted it."

_Although the most important, it can be the weakest target._

Sprinkle, drizzle, crunch, twinkle. The slush of snow is compacted tightly off the sidewalks. Snowplows have already been through the streets, piling on top of the side landscaping. Individual snowflakes spill from the gloomy heavens above, smoothly settling atop the previously existing mounds. Caught in the palm of a mittened hand, a minuscule speck of melting snow. Snowflakes have a short lifespan against the sun. Here one minute and gone the next. It makes you think about how careful life must be taken or else it will be stolen. A snowflake wishes to clasp onto a fellow speck. They are then to join the rest on the frozen ground, building up until reaching their highest goal. It is unknown how long they will stay and whose eyes they will get to bless with their reflective beauty. A snowflake's job is to bring a coziness while the Earth rests for the coming season. The crust strengthens itself during the break, homing many critters and creatures while, they too, rest and replenish.

A favorite season for most, if not every, child. The first snowfall is always the most exciting. The desperate wait for the winter to return is the most frustrating. With snow piled to the sky, the anxiousness of counting down to run out and play is high. A little boy's favorite weather because of upcoming competitions. Once, a little girl's favorite activity. She believed she was the Princess of the winter. Memories, friends, nostalgia. Winter had it all. It has been a nuisance longer than it has been a loved season by the little girl. What was once a happy, joyous time, became a dreaded couple of months. Laughter, stories, _comfort_. All stolen in a matter of seconds along with promises. It's supposed to be the most wonderful time of the year, is it not?

"When will you come back? Where are you going? Can I go too?" The innocence she used to have, all gone. The cries, the days alone, the up all nights. It was too much for someone so small. A little girl's entire life had been stolen that day. The little boy and girl both grew up so much after their hard days. They had both lost someone close to them. Somehow, they had to figure out _how_ they would recover or if they could at all. Fortunately, they managed but the loss is still there. It is not like it never bothers them anymore to this day. Of course, it will always be in the back of their minds for the rest of their lives.

_What would the outcome have been if neither of those people were gone?_

Things with Lilia have been slow but the good news is, they have grown much closer and have grown as people throughout the week. The woman has been learning the true definition of trust and the man has been learning patience. Two very different things but each is required to learn both. You have to trust you will learn to be patient and you have to be patient to learn the value of trust. The evening when Lilia was last over, they had an enjoyable dinner made by her, with the help of Yakov, and they settled back on the couch after to discuss anything on their minds. Mostly nothing important, small talk is the comfortable route to go sometimes.

The male wondered what Lilia would do about the upcoming blizzard, worried he may not see her for a few days because of it. Fortunately, she agreed to stay with him again for his sake. Yakov is to go to the market later and stock up for a few days in case the storm lasts longer than planned or the roads get blocked. Neither is sure what they will do in the meantime but perhaps they can dance some more? The activity is thrilling whether the music is fast or slow in pace. The closeness, the bond, the _trust_. Trust is everywhere without realizing. Lilia has had to trust dance partners when performing lifts and any other sequence. These are separate forms of trust, however. Trusting a dance partner will keep with the beat is much different than trusting a life partner with your truth.

It has also been a few days since the man last heard from his parents. He wonders if they are aware of the storm and if they have one coming as well. Deciding he should check-in, the phone on the wall now rings. "Mama, are you there?" He asks once the ringing comes to a stop. "Oh, yes, hello, Yasha. How are you doing, my son?" The older woman answers with a smile, happy to hear from him. "I'm good, mama. What are you doing?" Both take a seat at their tables. "I was outside with your father shoveling the path before it gets to be too much. What about you though? It's been a while!" Just the sound of her voice alone is enough to overfill someone's serotonin meter. She has always cared and made an effort to be there for the people closest to her. Even strangers at the market, she will stop her shopping to have a pleasant conversation if someone is looking a bit glum.

"Things have been slow here in Saint Petersburg. I still have a few weeks before I go back to coaching at the rink so I'm trying to keep myself busy." He replies, glancing towards his kitchen window. The glass is still foggy with ice, the shadows of snowflakes dropping are the only thing he can see besides that. "Good, good. And Lilia? What about her? Has my son lost or grown feelings for her now?" She snickers through the telephone, hearing a small sigh from the boy. "No, we're fine, mama. I saw her the other day for dinner at my place. She's coming back over to stay tomorrow before another snowstorm hits. I don't know about the other statement you made." He has to confess something that has been looming his conscious for the past two days when Lilia was here. "Not knowing is always okay, I never said it was not. But... you have to realize that not knowing in your head does not equal what your heart knows. You may think you don't have an answer but I'm sure you have it tucked away elsewhere." Never would have Yakov thought about that. How does his mother have an answer to all of life's problems but he does not possess them?

"You mean my heart already knows how I feel but I don't realize it?" The mother hums in response, confirming his question. "That is right, Yasha. It was the same for me. I was not sure how I truly felt for your father when we first met but overtime, I learned to recognize that my heart was telling me all along that yes, I love him very much, that is." She smiles with another small chuckle. "Well, mama, you may be right." He speaks after the little laughter they share. "What makes you say that, Yasha?" She listens, not noticing her husband reentering the home from the frigid outdoors. Without any hesitance, Yakov spills his truth. "I think I'm falling again."

_This may be the heart finding the love it needs._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1 * "Goodnight"  
> 2 * about 9.072 kg  
> 3 * "Thank you"  
> (Hello, lovely readers! So sorry this chapter took longer than expected to produce. As most of you may know, America has been a bit... much lately. In other words, stay safe everyone!)


	19. XVII

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lilia stays the night at Yakov's flat during a second snowstorm. Yakov goes through a few thoughts regarding his past experiences involving women. Lilia has a conversation with Yakov's mother over the phone.

The snow has begun to fall, trickling against the exterior's brick walls with the mild breeze. The sun has set hours ago, capturing the bayside land in utter darkness beyond street lamps and the city's buildings. The young Russian female has been over at the man's flat for a few hours now, barely making it on time before the heavy snowfall. Snowflakes twinkle and mimic the night sky's stars above the billowing clouds. A warm dinner sits heavy in the couple's stomachs, pleased with the meal, nonetheless. Yakov has shown many domestic traits since they have started dating, surprising Lilia, quite honestly. He always cooks their dinner, cleans the dishes, and anything in between. He simply does not allow Lilia to move a muscle if he can help it.

The duo currently resides on the living room sofa, staring at the staticky television screen across from them. The evening's weather report comes in, showing more snowfall is headed their way along with colder temperatures. "I'm glad you were able to stay here. I would have been so worried if your power had gone out and I wouldn't see you for a few days." The man next to her speaks up, his right arm around her shoulder while she leans into his side. "I am too. Thank you for the offer, Yasha. You really go out of your way for me and I am flattered by it." The woman lifts her chin, smiling gently at him. "It's the least I can do. My door is always open for you." He leans down to place a small kiss on her forehead.

"I got some tea for you, by the way. Would you like me to make you some?" Lilia's eyes meet his once again, never understanding how caring he is. "No, no, you don't have to do that this late. I will have a cup in the morning. Thank you though." She grins anyway, very thankful. "Would you like to go to bed then?" He asks, satisfied with their closeness. He never wants to let go of her. "Yeah, sure. It's getting late." The lady nods, sitting herself up from Yakov's side. The two rise from the sofa and stretch themselves out, feeling better after being stiff for so long. "Go ahead and change first." Yakov offers with a smile. "Thanks." She grins in return, opening her burgundy leather travel bag to fish out something to sleep in.

While the brunette changes in the bathroom, the man removes the cushions from the sofa to pull out the foldable bed from beneath. He goes back into his room to grab an extra fitted sheet along with a pillow and a blanket. Lilia walks in once she has finished getting ready for the night, surprised to see him grabbing some belongings. "Where do you think you're going?" She asks, pulling out her left studded-earring. "I'm sleeping in the living room like last time. You take the bed, Lilya." He states like it is obvious. The woman gives a slightly sad pout, moving the man over to the bed to sit him on the edge of it. "Will you stay here with me? I sleep better when I am next to you." She asks with her best hopeful puppy expression.

_And it will always work on him._

"Okay, I will if you are comfortable with it." Yakov chuckles, setting down the extra bedding items next to him. His arms then wrap around Lilia's waist, pulling her over between his legs. He looks up and smiles fondly at the woman as her delicate hands rest upon the hollows of his cheeks. A smile of her own tugs at the corners of her plump, bubblegum-pink lips. "I'm always comfortable around you." She whispers, thumb smoothing over the slight stubble of facial hair by his mouth that has grown in a day. "I'm glad that you are. I feel the same about you." Yakov mumbles, his hands trail up her back before returning to her hips. His left hand is extra cautious around her hip, a gentle circular motion around the fragile area. This is enough to make Lilia melt into a puddle under his feet. Typically, she would have swatted him away but he is considerate.

_(I think) I'm falling again._

As Lilia attempts to capture his lips, a sudden jerk in movement startles the living daylights out of her. Yakov has pulled her on top of him, rolling them over so she lays flat on the bed while he straddles over. Now, before she can get a word or reaction in, his swift fingers begin to tickle her sides. "Yasha!" The woman chortles, quickly clasping over her mouth. The man above her can only laugh in response, her giggles, and gasps like musical harmony to him. Nothing about it is unattractive like she thinks, it's only _human_. Before she's completely out of air, he finally stops and removes his hands from her. Lilia's chest rapidly rises and falls with every deep intake, turning her gaze to meet him. "Y-You are evil." She laughs breathlessly, smoothing back the baby hairs that had fallen in her face. "I know but you look cute when caught off guard. Although, I _was_ a bit afraid that you were going to punch me." He chuckles with a tease, moving off from her.

Green eyes open again once the heart has calmed enough. Lilia pushes herself up and adjusts a fallen strap from her frilly, porcelain-blue satin sleep romper. "This is what you have to deal with if you want me to stay. I'm giving you one last chance to kick me out to the living room." He warns, earning a playful eye-roll. "Nonsense. I enjoy your company. Now, come here, you interrupted me last time." Before Yakov can ask, Lilia cups his cheeks again to press their lips together. This is a feeling he will never get tired of. It feels like they are already a married couple, living together in harmony and enjoying all of life's blessings. Eventually, Lilia shifts her weight so she can be over Yakov and take the lead. She has always been the more outgoing of the two. Hell, _she_ was the one who made the first move many weeks ago. This is very new to the dirty-blonde. A fierce woman who takes charge is out of his comprehension but it is something he is definitely attracted to now.

Hands move from his cheeks to his shoulders, their gentle pecks turning into longer, more forceful kisses. Ones that are hard to break from. The brunette gets pulled down on his lap, making it a bit more comfortable for both of them. Lilia's right hand trails up the back of his neck, her fingers twisting and twirling in his lighter locks. His hair, straight from the root, has a different texture on the ends, a small curl going upward. Lilia's hair is as straight as a pencil. Only when she wears it up for more than half the day, like now, it becomes a bit kinky. Although, it is nothing cute. Everything about this is meaningful to the male. It's been forever since he has been involved in something so heated. Except... _Anna_. Anna was the last person to be on top of him, on his lap, and taking control like this. The panting breath in his ear, the harsh kisses, and nips, being _extremely_ handsy.

_He knows this is Lilia but still._

Lilia is different from Anna. She is different from his first lover. She could never be compared to any of the other two women because they are all opposites. It would not be fair. His ex hardly showed affection, barely held eye contact, and never said "thank you." Anna is a lot all at once. She may be a single parent but she is very strong, mentally, and physically. However, Anna can not take social cues. She sees what she wants and gets it. There is nothing wrong with that but one has to remember if the wanted thing _is_ appropriate. Lilia. Oh, Lilia. The angel in disguise. A mysterious swan from Moscow. She brings so much comfort without having to try. The brunette beauty, his first, that is, is like nobody else he has been with. Usually, the women he has dated took advantage of his kindness and he did nothing about it. He is too gentle and caring to speak up at a woman.

His mind wanders, recalling past touches. Where previous hands have been on him and what they did. His chest, his neck, his hair, in other lower places as well. Lilia's left hand, still on his shoulder, her thumb over his collarbone. A place Anna has met before. He is lost in the moment, he can not remember what he is doing, or where he is at. His closed eyes remind him of the dark car, on a road shoulder in the middle of a small woodsy area. A woman on top of him, _sinning_. Yakov's mind is returned when his senses change. Lilia has paused to open her eyes and look down at him. "Yasha, are you falling asleep?" Her gentle voice coos, waking his conscious from the trailing thoughts. "Hm? Oh, no, I just spaced-out." He shakes his head, his pastel eyes meeting hers. "Okay." She grins a fraction. Her arms then lace around him, bringing his head to lay on her flushed chest. He can listen to her gentle heartbeat. Two small kisses are placed on the top of his head. "What's going on then?" She whispers, holding him still.

_How does he start? "I was thinking of other women while you're in my presence?"_

"I'm fine, Lilya. Sorry for worrying you." His arms capture her waist, giving a gentle squeeze. The woman nods and leaves it at that. She hates the idea of getting into people's business. Others would poke at her until she burst. So now, she does the opposite. You either become or refuse to fall victim to something so selfish. A moment goes by of sitting in the other's embrace, the only noise being the heater under the window and the cool wind outside. It's not long before Yakov decides to fall on his back with Lilia in his arms, rolling them on their sides. " _Now_ what are you doing?" The woman beside him chuckles, moving some blonde strands of hair out of his face. "Enjoying your company to it's fullest." The man whispers, the corners of his lips turning up.

_Someone she's known for only a few short months can already make her feel so special and important._

This feeling Lilia has is something she has not experienced before. There are butterflies, her heart is racing, she feels lightweight, and bubbly. What is this feeling? "I love spending time with you." She replies, mesmerized by his pale irises. Something about them seems familiar. Like she has seen them before but long ago. The darker speckles that scatter around his pupil hide when it expands from lack of lighting. The thin golden ring surrounding it give his eyes more depth. His limbal ring is such a deep shade of blue, almost lapis. They closely resemble someone else's. It's no wonder she melts for him so easily. His eyes have been bringing her the comfort she's craved for years.

"Lilya, I think you have spaced-out this time." The man before her teases, his hand rubbing circles into the shallow part of her back. "I did and you caught me." The young woman hums with a playful smile, moving her head to rest closer to his. "I love your eyes." She says softly, her own closing, dark brunette lashes fanning out against the zygomatic bones. "You do?" Is his first response. No one besides family has mentioned his eyes before. Others can find them attractive too? The lady gently nods, her chin turning up so she can face him once more. "I do. They're magnificent, Yasha. They're like Lake Baikal when it is frozen." Yakov has never heard such a beautiful comparison regarding his eye color. He has only been told that they were pretty, nothing else.

_It makes his heart skip a beat._

"They remind me of someone. Someone I was once close to. I loved seeing them and now I can continue looking into the familiar hue. However, they belong to someone else now and that person is you." He can't take it. Yakov can not take the tugs at his heart much longer. Lilia says the most wonderful things without intention but it strikes him every time. Yakov is falling, falling so fast and so hard. At the end of the fall, he hopes he does not shatter into a million shards again. It takes a lifetime to pick up every single piece, most of them are not recovered. "Yasha?" The man almost mistakes her for his mother. Sometimes, they can sound so similar with their soft, nurturing tone. "Don't get upset." She whispers, a slight worry in her voice as she places a hand on his cheek. "Sorry." The man mumbles back, grinning at her anyway. The whites of his eyes have become a hushed shade of pink, his irises turning into a much richer blue. "Did I say something I should not have?"

_This innocent girl has no clue._

"(1) ***** Нет. You've said all the _right_ things." The blonde can feel it on the tip of his tongue. He desperately wants to say it. To shout it from the highest peak of a mountain. He wants to claim her as his forever. The rush of excitement in his veins shows how much he wants this. However, he can not get past it. His voice has been stolen. The younger party seals the negative space between them. This time around, their lips move slowly, more controlled, and _loving_. When they separate, his voice is restored but now is not the time. He is not confident to proclaim the phrase he has not spoken in a decade.

_He left his heart open but it has stayed empty._

Lilia is left at a loss for words. Are they truly that powerful? She had no idea they could impact him to this emotional degree. Relationships are a learning curve and a journey of self-discovery. Yakov is the one to hold her close, not knowing what else to say besides "thank you." The older man is now sure that he has checked the things off his list. He met a woman by chance and now he is falling for this woman. The nightmare of losing her, never seeing her again without a final word is frightening. He never wants that to happen. Yakov wants to hold her in his arms, like this, for the rest of his life until he takes his last breath. It is Lilia who he wants to roll over and wake up to in the morning. To fall asleep beside her, feel her heartbeat as she hugs him. Yakov is willing to _marry_ her.

Changing directions from the previous conversation, Yakov does have something to ask her. "Lilya, where on Earth did you learn to do that?" His eyes meet hers, searching them. "Learn to do what, exactly?" She questions, looking up at him. "You've been on one date before me and you kiss like a pro." He chuckles lightly at her flustered expression that follows. "Oh, that's the old Lilia. She was much different than me right now. I guess she sort of slipped out without my knowledge." Whatever that means, it's a bit enticing. "Out of curiosity and respect, what are your morals?" Is the next question that comes to mind. "Well," Lilia starts, in a quest for the proper words to answer. "My mother raised my sister and me with the "after marriage" mentality. I obviously do not talk to her often or at all if I can help it. So, I am not very sure how I feel about it now." She has to shrug. "We won't tell anyone that we've slept in the same bed before, right?" Yakov fails to stifle a short chuckle, nodding after. "We'll keep it between us."

Yakov, well, he was raised to have his own feelings and his own opinions. The only other person he has _been_ with was his first lover. Sure, he has "made love" but it never felt that way to him. He does not know what the _real_ emotional feeling after is like. Is there more to it? "I'm glad you told me. I don't ever want to make you uncomfortable." Lilia can only smile at his response. Usually, guys would be pissed to hear her answer but she has to remind herself that Yakov is the polar opposite. He's a respectful man, not a little horny teenager. "Thank you for asking me, Yasha." The man in front of her nods once more, always happy to make her feel good and special. Her values are important to him. "I should go change so we can go to bed now. Sorry for side-tracking us." He sits up. Before he's too far, the woman does the same but wraps her arms around the back of his neck. "Please don't show me a sad expression again. It hurts to see it." She says softly.

_Here comes the melting._

"I can't make promises but I will do my best." He replies. With that, Lilia gently rests her lips upon his before letting him go. The man retreats to the bathroom to change out of his clothes and into his sleepwear. A quiet but heavy sigh escapes her. Lilia's life is changing so drastically and there is nothing she can do about it besides watching and enjoying. While Yakov is away, the woman rises from the full-sized bed to remove her remaining earring. She's looked like a pirate this whole time and he never said a word. That shows he either does not care or simply likes to torture her with embarrassment. Either is fine though. The tiny golden stud joins its match on top of his dresser, glistening in the dull bedroom light over the bed. Curling up under the thick comforter, the man returns and lies beside his partner, immediately enveloping her in his strong arms. "(2) ***** Cпокойной ночи, Yasha." Lilia whispers, her yellow-green irises barely visible in the lack of lighting. The man grins and kisses her forehead, pressing his against it after. "(2) ***** Cпокойной ночи, Lilya."

The morning is still pitch dark outside, easily mistakable as nighttime, however, the clock reads "07:42." Yakov is the first to wake from the deep slumber, pleased to see that the woman he holds so dearly to his heart is still next to him, fast asleep. A pinch to his shoulder proves that all of this is real and not a crazy realistic dream. Yakov craves to stay here and savor the moment as long as he can but he also wants to treat her. Pulling himself out of bed, quietly, he makes his way to the kitchen to boil water and make tea for Lilia when she wakes up. He took note of what kind she has at her flat and made sure to get the same one. A nice breakfast will go well with a cup of tea, so, he begins to prep for cooking. It's not long before the woman in bed wakes up, noticing Yakov's absence almost immediately. Getting up, she pulls the pins out her hair to let it fall and showcase the mess it is from sleeping on it. Headaches from hair being pulled back so often is no longer an issue. The pain has numbed itself over the years and became used to the style. A quick fix and her thick mane is much more presentable for stepping out of the bedroom.

"(3) ***** Доброе утро, Yasha." She holds back a small yawn, not having stretched out properly just yet. "Oh, Lilya, hello." The man turns around to greet her from the kitchen. "The tea is almost ready and I'm starting on breakfast." A smile reaches her lips, still questioning _how_ she found someone who does everything for her. "(4) ***** Спасибо." Lilia excuses herself to the bathroom and takes a speedy shower in time to have a cup of tea and breakfast with Yakov. Now dressed, the two join at the table for the fresh meal to start their day of staying home from the snowstorm. Outside the windows is nothing but pure white with a few streetlamps shining down on the blanket of snow below.

Somehow, Lilia was able to convince Yakov to let her take care of the dishes while he showers. How she did it? She still has no idea. With her sleeves rolled up, she begins by rinsing them off under the faucet and adding dish soap as needed. In the middle of wiping them clean, his telephone begins to ring. The woman pauses and glances over her shoulder. She can still hear the water running in the bathroom, signaling that Yakov is not finished yet. There is no sign of hanging up so Lilia quickly dries her hands off to answer. It could be something important. "(5) ***** Алло?" She speaks after taking the phone off the wall's holder. "Yasha? Are you there?" A woman's voice fills the speaker.

_Who can this be? It is unfamiliar to her._

"No, ma'am," The other voice mutters in frustration, cutting Lilia off. "Oh dear, I must have put in a wrong digit again." "Did you say Yasha? He is in the shower right now, shall I take a message?" It only takes a moment for the caller to realize who has answered the phone. "Oh! You must be Lilia?" The older voice asks, waiting for confirmation. "It is. How did you know? First of all, I should be asking who I am talking to." Lilia chuckles lightly. "Oh, that's right. I thought I forgot something." The other end fills in with a laugh of her own. "I am Yasha's mother. I was wondering how he was doing after the blizzard last night."

_Now, it makes sense._

"Mrs. Feltsman, it is an honor to speak to you. I've heard a few things about you from Yasha." Lilia grins, pulling the telephone's cord over to sit at the table. "Oh, I should say the same for you! Yasha is always talking about you when I call." His mother gushes, a large smile on her face. They may have not met in person but Lilia can feel the love and energy for her son through the phone. "Is that so? I hope he's made a good impression for me." Lilia hums, earning another chuckle from his mother. "Of course, of course. It is all good news. He seems to really like you, from what I can tell." This is somewhat news to Lilia. She had no idea he spoke about her to his parents. Fortunately, it sounds like nothing bad has been said. That is a plus for her. "I hate to bother your time, just let him know to call me back whenever he is free. Have a lovely day, darling, and stay warm inside!" Lilia is already fond of this woman. Now, she can put two and two together. _This_ is where Yakov's caring side came from. "I will, Mrs. Feltsman. You have a good day too."

"Who was that?" Yakov's sudden presence startles Lilia after the phonecall ends. "Yasha- oh, it was your mother, to my surprise. She's delightful, I can say. She wants to talk to you when you're not busy." The woman sits up from the chair to see him properly. "Thank you, I'll call her later this evening maybe." He approaches the kitchen sink to assist in cleaning the remaining dishes. Something about this feels normal. This moment captured right here can be Lilia's forever and she definitely sees nothing wrong with it. It is all her family has wanted for the young girl. Someone to be in her life and someone she can care for. Here, it looks like Yakov will be doing all the caring for _her_ instead. It is different from what her family expects but this is her life and it is her choice. Yakov is the one person who has made an effort to truly value her.

_Perhaps, Yakov will one day be her forever?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1 * "No"  
> 2 * "Good night"  
> 3 * "Good morning"  
> 4 * "Thank you"  
> 5 * (over the phone) "Hello"


	20. XVIII

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (Fighting, shouting, and body shaming are present in this chapter. Read at your own risk.) The new year has come and new classes have begun. Anna feels awkward about her date with her daughter's coach from months ago and discusses it with him. After a long week without seeing Lilia, Yakov takes her out to dinner to catch up.

**Fighting, shouting, and body shaming are present in this chapter. Read at your own risk.**

  
"If that's how you feel and want to waste your life then go! I don't want to see you crawling back to me when you run out of money! Do you hear me?! Get on with it, (1) ***** гандон!" The young girl was shoved off the front porch steps into a heap of snow on the path. Soon after, her belongings were tossed from one of the second-story windows. Luggage bags opened before hitting the ground and spilled the contents, scattering over the front lawn. The wind was bitter, unforgiving in the early winter season. With it barely being December, it felt like the most central part of Antarctica already. "Hurry up! Get off my property, (2) ***** отвали!" The girl scrambled to get out of the packed snow and collect her things before they became drenched.

The frightening voice from inside the home began to throw rocks from a plant, nailing the younger in the back, thigh, shoulder, and base of her neck. She stumbled and seethed in the stinging pain, ducking and swatting as she grabbed whatever her hands could touch. More shouting, more rocks, it was not going to stop until she was gone. Neighbors heard but stayed indoors, not daring to get involved in whatever drama was happening at that household now. It was old news to hear screaming and fighting to come from the residents. No one ever dared to call authorities. They were scary people who were not to be messed with. They would figure their shit out eventually until it crumbled the next week. After that, it was a repeated cycle.

_Her life was stuck on replay._

To this day, it is what pushes her past her limits. What she thought she could not do two years ago, she is surpassing at this moment. The fighting, the yelling, it was all fuel to make her journey to the stage. All to prove that yes, she can make it to the Bolshoi, and yes, she can bow before an audience at the end. Well, someday, maybe that dream will come true. It should have been Odette who finished the show. To come back out on the stage for her very last appearance and receive a standing ovation. Not Odette's replacement. The audience's last impression of her was a trip and crunch of her brittle bones. The swan could not stand back up, she had become jelly and fell back to the cold ground.

_She would do anything for a second chance._

The thing is, she _would_ have done anything for a second chance to redeem herself. Odette is too embarrassed to make her presence on the old stage once more. She would be the laughing stock of the Bolshoi and the entirety of Moscow, Russia. The laughter, the pointing, the cruel jokes, she could never face them again. Even if one person started laughing at her, she would freeze in place and forget everything. Where she is, what she is doing, and _who_ she is. However, she does know that running away and hiding from your problems does not get you anywhere. In fact, it backtracks and makes the problem much worse. Now, she is sounding like a hypocrite. Instead of facing her family problems, she chooses to run and hide, pretending like they don't exist. Without realizing it, it is hurting her relationship with Yakov. How? By not being open. By not accepting the past for what it is and hiding the truth. If she can not talk about it, it will hurt her head and her heart in the long run.

_The idea may scare her but the truth has to come to the light._

An athlete stared at the scoreboard in horror. One small mistake cost the young skater his placement in the European Figure Skating Championships of 1965. The skater did not make it to the podium and sulked in his defeat for many days after. All he wanted was one more chance. One more chance to redeem himself that he is not some flimsy kid strapped into a pair of skates. However, a last-second decision to change his second-half triple-axel, triple-toe was definitely a mistake he had to learn from. Following a coach's orders can be annoying for the younger generation, always wanting to try new things and test the waters. A determined skater is willing to see how far they can push themselves and the new heights they can reach because of it.

Coming out of a spread eagle, the rambunctious skater cleanly landed the triple-axel. The choice to change his triple-toe to a _quad_ at the last moment seemed fine. He was willing to impress his coach and the audience. How else do you bring something new to the show? His right outside-edge scraped against the white ice and the left toe picked behind him. In the air, one, two, three- _three and a half_? What was this boy doing? Only able to complete three and a half rotations, the skater tumbled on the landing. An under-rotated, two-footed landing on an outside-edge that was too deep caused his momentum to crash on his right side. The side of his head took most of the impact during the fall but he quickly got up to recover and act as if nothing had happened. Surely, he was very dizzy and out of it for the rest of his program, eyes hardly staying open long enough to keep his balance at the ending pose. The mortified expression from his coach and parents were no help either.

_He knew he screwed up._

**08-01-1977**

"From the top!" Madame Drozdova instructs the group of teen ballerinas. " (3) ***** Un, deux, trois, Sauté, (4) ***** quatre, cinq, six, Jeté, oh-" Two young ballerinas bump into each other, giggling right after. Madame sighs and pauses the cassette player, ready to scold her new students. " (5) ***** Non, non, non! (6) ***** Regarde-moi!" Lilia quietly snickers at how tough her instructor is. Since she is still new to the coaching lifestyle, she has been assigned to a classroom where she will assist a previous instructor as a second helper. This way, she will learn more about teaching in a real environment. "Hm... Mademoiselle Lilia, why don't you demonstrate instead. You are much more limber than I am." Lilia faces the head instructor, nodding. " (7) ***** Oui, Madame Drozdova." The ashy brunette woman approaches the front of the class by the mirrors and demonstrates a more _proper_ version of the walkthrough. Without the whole collision part.

Even in their second week of classes, the young students see Lilia as their cool big sister. They enjoy learning from her more than Madame Drozdova. Madame Drozdova is much more strict, comes off as very cold, and never listens to the students' problems when they are resolving an issue. It's always her way. Lilia tries to listen and understand _then_ find a solution. However, Lilia _can_ be a bit strict but nothing to the extent of Madame Drozdova. Her class is small, only consisting of three girls and one boy who shows a strong passion for dancing. Alevtina-Yanovna, the oldest, Borislav-Valentinovich, and his younger sister, Evelina-Valentinovna, finally, the youngest, Ulyana-Kusmichna. All the students have different amounts of experience but are similar in levels, resulting in their classroom placement.

Along the lines of still being a fresh class, the students have grown attached to "big sister Lilia" and don't mind her referring to them by their diminutives. Lilia's had attachment issues, finding it very easy to stick to someone even though it can be hard on the heart. She hopes to not get too, too close with her students for this reason. She has found herself latching onto someone on multiple occasions. It can be hard to stop it from happening after being abandoned a few times. Now that she's practically stuck to Yakov's hip, she hopes he does not leave her. Something tells her that may not happen though, as much as she wants to believe it. There is a goodness in this man's heart and she can definitely feel it. She will never take it for granted.

"Perfect, I want to see you try it one more time." The coach claps for his first competing student. Yaletha grins at her coach and turns to her mother who stands behind the ice's barrier, communicating for the two. It's only their second private lesson for the upcoming competition season. Yaletha has been in minor local shows with other girls her age but nothing very competitive. Now that she is the minimum age, she can hopefully qualify for Junior Championships soon. The young girl pushes off her left-inside-edge, stroking towards the center of the rink. They have not decided on any music or choreography yet. For now, they are focused on building her strength and endurance. Coach Yakov thought a good way to practice muscle-memory would be to have her learn one of his old programs to get used to the continuous movement.

"I'm truly excited for her. I can't wait to see where this will take her and how far she can go. I would love it if Yaletha-Levovna can make it to Worlds someday. Or something even greater, who knows." The coach daydreams about where his career will lead him, all the places he will have to travel to with his skaters, all the medals they will receive, and so much more. Thinking about it, if Lilia were to stay in his life for a while longer, would she travel with him? He would love to travel the world with the woman of his dreams and create uncountable memories. Thinking about it, ballet could be very beneficial for Yaletha and her training. Perhaps, he can talk to her about it. Would Lilia be willing to instruct her?

"I want Yalusha to accomplish many things in life and be self-successful. I know I won't always be there for her and I won't be here forever but all I ask is that she can make it on her own." The mother behind the coach speaks, gaze never breaking from the young girl as she practices her figures. "I believe in her. She's already very independent when it comes to skating." The coach replies, leaning his lower back against the half-wall. Fortunately, things have been returning to normal between the coach and mother's mutual relationship. Not much chit-chat but everything is civil so far. "Broken people have children to give them the childhood they missed out on. I don't ever want Yalusha to go through the same thing and repeat my mistakes. I'm not saying I regret having her, I'm saying I regret the environment I raised her in."

It's obvious that Anna loves Yaletha to death and would do anything for her. The coach listens to her words, not knowing what to say to something that deep. Looking up in front of her, at the man's upper back, she recalls their evening together two months ago. His wide build, hiding a chiseled physique underneath the heavy winter clothes, standing at almost a (8) ***** foot taller than her. His hushed voice, the gasps of air in between stolen kisses, it makes her shiver and cringe at the same time. Only, she still wishes things could have worked out. Hell, she almost slept with _the_ Yakov Feltsman. "It's obvious I still make mistakes. I am sorry for what happened between us." The man on the ice slowly turns around to put a hand on the barrier, looking down at the petite woman. "Our date?" He asks, curious about _why_ she is bringing this up so late. With a confirming nod, the long-haired blonde continues. "I shouldn't have thrown myself on you. It was... un-ladylike." She sighs, resting her chin on the palm of her hand while she leans into the wall. "Why did you do it?" Anna has to think for a moment.

_Why did you?_

"I don't know why I did that. I would never do anything like that without the right atmosphere. I guess..." The younger woman takes a deep breath before releasing it to finish. "I guess it's hard to let go of something when you finally have it. Even if it's not good for you." He has never realized it before but Anna is very intelligent when it comes to life's experiences. Sure, she's been around the block a few times but she has something important to say about any situation. Now that he has Lilia, he never wants to let go of her. Even if things were not to work out. Yakov can never lose her without breaking down over it. "So, why was I something you finally got a hold of?" He has to ask, curious about what she will say about this. "You were the first person to treat me like a deserving being from the start. And you still do. Other men see me then leave me." She explains. She always thought the only way to get someone to _like_ you was by giving favors, not building trust.

"It makes sense." The man before her nods. Anna has said that she wants a relationship and someone there for her daughter. She only acted out because she finally had someone with decency at the moment. "You know that a guy wanting to use you for... sex is not the right kind of person for you. A real man would care to get to know you and Yaletha-Levovna, build a bond and respect for you, _love_ you. That's what you need. I hate to say it but you don't need to offer your body to every single male you pass on the street. You're only hurting yourself. What would your daughter say?" Anna goes over his words, processing each one. He is absolutely right but that is a completely different approach to relationships for her. "Is that how you do it? Where and how do I meet someone then?" She questions, turning her gaze towards him. "Why don't you expand your territory? What about someone close to your village?" The coach suggests. "I've tried but they're all old or married." She sighs.

The two continue to converse while Yaletha grows bored of going in slow circles. Glancing towards her coach and mother, she has to do a double-take. They're hugging? Why? What reason was given for that? It's strange and Yaletha does not know how to react. She has never seen her mother so _close_ to her coach. On the edge of the rink, the tall man pulls away from Anna's grasp, standing up straight. "Thank you for guiding me, Yakov-Ivanovich. I never thought of it that way. I appreciate your input." The lady smiles at the fellow blonde, grateful for his time. "It wasn't that big of a deal. I'm always here for Yaletha-Levovna so I'm here for you too." He nods with a gentle grin. "Thank you." The short woman looks back at her daughter in the center of the rink. "You can call me Yasha." Anna is slightly caught off guard, checking her hearing to make sure she heard him right. "Are you sure?" She returns her focus on him. "I am. I think we've come to a point where we can acknowledge a mutual friendship." Anna feels honored but confused. Why is he so kind to her after the bad things she has done to him? She still wonders why he forgave her as well.

_You can call me Anya._

Another week is done and onto the next. Mischa no longer attends Yakov's practice, coming in at different times and different days to get ready for the competitive season. The oldest skater has been in a few competitions in the area and Moscow. Now, she hopes to go more international. Kira misses hanging out with Mischa during practice and really shows her sadness during it. Fortunately, Mischa usually stays for an hour after her morning practice to see Kira. Coach Yakov does not mind, in fact, he embraces their friendship and encourages all his students to get along because one day they could all be on his team if they are to compete in the future. "Let's push the limits today and start with triple-triple jumps. Whichever ones you want to do." The coach informs his four students. The twins go off to do their own thing, wanting to try the more difficult jumps. Yaletha becomes excited after reading the instructions and moving over to do loops. Kira thinks about which jump she wants to do first.

"Kira-Demyaneva, you're acting lost again. Tell me what the problem is." Coach Yakov asks, standing in front of her. "Sorry, coach. I just miss having Misha around." The young girl shrugs, picking her toe in the ice, a few shards flying out from the obstruction. "Well, she may come back once the competition season is over. Plus, she still hangs out for a bit after her own training. You can't let it affect you so much though." He responds, feeling bad that one of his students is struggling. "You made it through the period when she was home recovering from her accident. You can pull-through and last a few months without being in the same class. You're a strong girl, Kira-Demyaneva." The shorter of the two sighs out a held breath, scraping her blade against the ice. "You think I am?" Kira looks up at her coach with sudden interest. "Of course. You're already doing difficult elements for senior skaters and you only turned thirteen a few months ago." He chuckles, giving the girl a pat on the shoulder. "Now go show me a triple-triple lutz and toe."

_All of his students have the same look in their eyes. No fear._

Another class has started this session as well, taking the other half of the rink running at the same start time, although, the duration is much shorter. An older woman, mid-forties, teaching a group of younger kids around five years old. Kira and Yaletha absolutely love watching the little kids learn to skate but the boys find them to be pesky and getting in their way. Coach Yakov does not mind, sometimes they'll wave and get his attention to show off new tricks they learned. He does think he's better at handling kids than adults. Adults are more mouthy when they don't get what they want. Teens? Well, it depends on the day. Fortunately, his students are well-behaved besides Alek and Dominik. He has to keep Kira in-line with her skating now, not only missing Mischa but from fawning over how cute the kids in the other class are.

On the topic of getting distracted, Yakov has not seen Lilia in a few days due to their now busier schedules. The coach has more days dedicated to being at the rink meaning less availability to see his partner. Lilia on the other hand only has two dance classes a week so she is much more flexible with her time off. Other than that, she uses most of her free time to practice and stretch to redeem herself and look better for her pupils. They look up to her, of course, so she wants to make the most of it. Plus, it still benefits her slow recovery to being almost one-hundred-percent normal again. The more stretching that is done, the more comfortable she becomes pushing herself again. Yakov strives to push his students past their limits and learn more about themselves.

A blonde watches and keeps a close gaze on another, silently daydreaming about everyday scenarios with the love of their life. What that will or can be like, dumb little moments with no meaning to others but clearly does to them. The longing, the patience, all of it to earn the love they truly deserve. Someone so kind and gentle, makes them feel like there is no bad in the world, bringing light into their life. So caring and ready to take action when the time calls for it. He treats a little girl with a disability like a normal person. He brings tears to a woman's eyes. Something she has craved for so long is no longer an option. She lost her chance. He is the forbidden fruit in the beautiful garden, always tempting her. Anna has desperately wanted him but never acted on the feelings. She simply waved them off because the timing was never right or she felt as if they would wear off in a week. They never did. They grew stronger with each passing day.

_Now, she may never reach him._

Anna's been crushing on this man for years now. He never knew and she plans to keep it that way. Why she acted so vile months ago? She is jealous and hurt. Ever since Lilia came into his life, she lost her opportunity to grow the balls and ask him out with genuine intention. Not forced feelings to quickly act upon. Now, she may never get to fill those needs her mind makes up. No one can compare to Yakov. No one will be as good as him. He is his own person and Anna won't find another like him. Lilia is lucky to have stolen his heart and attention. Anna just hopes Lilia has good intentions and is not wasting his time playing with his feelings when _she_ could have been the one with him instead. As much as she wants him, the heart will come to terms with loving someone enough to let them go and be happy.

_It is always the hardest to accept._

Without realizing, stuck in her head, the coach tries to gain the woman's attention to help communicate with her daughter. "Anya?" The third call finally pulls her out, turning towards the man beside her on the other side of the barrier. "I'm having the students work on spins and edges, would you tell Yaletha-Levovna?" He asks, glancing back at the younger platinum blonde behind him. "Oh, sure, of course." The little girl smiles and gives her coach a thumbs up before going off to do what he has requested. She loves spinning and just about anything on the ice. Yaletha will almost never despise something she does not particularly fancy. She sees the good in everyone and everything first. A skill many would be grateful to have or to learn. Her mother thinks that she is almost too good for this world.

Finally, the long-awaited day. Yakov will see Lilia after a long week without her. There is much to catch up about. Their last visit was not as long as they would have liked but this time, it will be different. Going out to dinner, nothing fancy but special enough, the couple sits down in a booth at a café that serves three meals a day. "It's been a while since I last saw you. How are things at the rink?" The woman across from him starts off their conversation, setting her purse down beside her. "It's going very well. I'm down a skater but she is going to compete for this season and train with a different coach. Yaletha-Levovna is enjoying her private lessons too. I can't wait for her first competition." He always gets excited when discussing his career. It brightens her day as much as his, just listening to it. "That's good news, Yasha. I'm happy for you." Lilia grins, glancing at the waitress who brings over their beverages. " (9) ***** Спасибо." The two quietly thank her in the cozy café. Not many patrons attend the business at this hour, only a handful of others scattered around the accommodation, keeping to themselves. Mostly lonely people.

"What about your studio?" The man in front of her questions, carefully picking up his cup. "It's good. Since I'm only an assistant, for now, I get to observe and really absorb what teaching methods I want to use. Madame is pretty strict but the students are doing well and they seem to like me." She chuckles lightly, going for her drink as well. "You must have admirers then, it sounds like." Lilia never thought she could be someone people would admire. She has always been the one admiring a person. It sort of feels good being in the opposite position this time. "I suppose." The brunette nods, sitting up in her chair, taking a swift glance out the window to her right. "What is it like? I mean, surely people admired you or were fans when you were competing. How did you deal with it?" The retired skater ponders while he takes a sip from his water, collecting his thoughts. "It's something to get used to, hearing people shout your name and clapping. It's different since you're close with your students and my fans were only strangers I did not know. As for briefly meeting a few, it's like meeting anyone in a store or at the airport. Casual, I guess." He has to be honest.

"I heard you were the heartthrob of your generation." Lilia snickers, peeking up at the man behind her teacup. "I mean..." He reaches a hand behind his neck, awkwardly rubbing the base with a pink tint on his cheeks. "I guess. I never really paid much attention to the media when I was competing. I only focused on the interviews and my programs, not the spectators' opinion of me." The woman nods and places her cup on its saucer. "Before we change the topic, I wanted to tell you something." The dirty-blonde mentions immediately after. "What is it?" She grants permission. "Earlier this week, Yaletha-Levovna's mother brought up our date again. The one from a few months ago." He begins, wondering what Lilia will say to this. "And?" She tilts her head, curious. What else does this woman have to say? Hasn't she done and gotten between them enough?

_Will anything satisfy her?_

"She genuinely apologized for her actions. She feels bad about the things she has done. I think Anya is finally coming to the light and learning from her mistakes." Hold on. What did he call her? "Did you say, Anya?" The woman in his presence has a different facial expression. One that is unreadable. Is she confused? Or is she angry? Yakov can not tell for the life of him. "Yes. I think we can be friends and move on from the past." He nods, careful with the words he is choosing. "Oh. Okay." Is all she says for now, not knowing what else. "Are you okay with that?" Yakov questions, noticing the lack of response from the woman across from him. "I don't know, Yasha. It's a strange relationship." She says quietly, chewing on the inside of her lip. "You're not jealous, are you?" The brunette looks up from her tea, surprised to hear him suggest such a thing. "No, why would I be jealous of someone who's done bad things?" Even though Lilia is extremely insecure, she won't think low of herself over a bully.

"I'm just worried because she's done a lot of messed up things and lied so much. I think she only apologized to me so I could forgive her and not hold a grudge. I don't like letting my guard down, I've had to learn to watch my back. What if she falls back into her old ways?" The male searches her pear-green eyes, feeling awful that Lilia worries about this so much. "I take care of myself. You don't need to worry, Lilya. I won't let her get away with anything again. At the end of the day, you're all I want. I never once saw her as someone I would be interested in. Our relationship is strictly mutual. Nothing more, I promise. I won't let her get in the way of us again. I believe she is willing to change, she has been through a tough patch and trying to figure things out." Lilia quietly listens, grateful he is willing to stay faithful to her and not soak in the attention of another female. The idea of that happening irks her, possibly more insecure about herself. "Thank you, Yasha. I hate feeling like I'm telling you what you can and can't do but... I don't know, it's scary. This is all new to me." She sighs, a hand resting on her cheek. "That's fine. I understand you're new to this and I respect all of your feelings. I won't become super close with Anya but enough to be there for my student. She is my first priority in my career. Making sure I am doing enough to help her learn and grow as a skater."

_Yaletha will always be his main concern._

"I appreciate you telling me, nonetheless. I hope you aren't too frustrated with my feelings?" Lilia feels like she overstepped her boundary this time, worried Yakov may not stick to his word. He's a grown man and will do as he please, not listen to some little girl who has anxiety. "Of course not, Lilya. Your voice matters to me and the whole world. I value it." Obviously, Yakov would say something to make her feel absolutely special and puddling for him. What else did she expect? "Thank you." She whispers, taking in their conversation after. "Let's talk about something else, shall we?" Yakov suggests, not wanting to tick Lilia off even further by discussing his and Anna's strange relationship. Eventually, their food arrives and the topic changes to something else going on in their lives. A dinner date should be about them and not another woman anyway. Even if there is an apology, nothing can speak for it besides the actions taken after. It's scary that someone who once threatened him now inches closer and closer. One other thought looms over her head. Anna sees her partner more often than she does now. Lilia is lucky enough to see him once a week but here she is seeing him almost every day.

_That is what Lilia is jealous about._

"Turn around, let me see everything." The young pupil did as told and gave a slow turn for their coach. "Is it... okay?" The athlete stopped once they faced the elder once more. "Mm, no, not really. Keep trying until you're up to standards." With a small sigh, the kid left to sit on the sidelines while the others got to perform and share exciting experiences. "When can I join?" The voice, so hopeful, asked. "Whenever you look right, you can go out there but not today. The audience won't take you seriously." Not everyone gets chosen, unfortunately. It's a lesson everyone has to go through at least once in their life. It will always be unfair, never in our favor. Even if the circumstances do not make sense. Giggles, jeers, second looks, it made their skin crawl wanting to shrivel in a corner and not be seen or spoken to again. " (10) ***** Elle n'est pas mince." They would gossip. "He's not very lean or muscular. He should build up his physique to look more attractive to the judges for more points." Since when was appearance a concern for children? That should be the last thing on their mind.

Insecurities unfortunately follow a person whether they face them or not. The thought is still there, hidden in a filing cabinet deep in the mind. They can be physical, emotional, or even mental insecurities. In this case, both were physical that eventually turned into emotional distress. It was all they thought about. Perfection, perfection, perfection. Do I _look_ right? Do I look like the others? Do I look okay enough to be taken seriously in this division? Constant, constant, constant nagging from someone who is supposed to guide you. To critique you, not belittle you.

_An unhealthy mindset is what drove their determination._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1 * "Condom"  
> 2 * "Get out / fuck off"  
> 3 * "One, two, three"  
> 4 * "Four, five, six"  
> 5 * "No, no, no"  
> 6 * "Watch me / look at me"  
> 7 * "Yes"  
> 8 * About 30.48 cm  
> 9 * "Thank you"  
> 10 * "She is not thin"
> 
> (Hello my readers! The past week I have been sketching like crazy and did some minor re-designs and finally sketched the other original characters in this book! If you would like to see, they will be on my Instagram @ succ.et.chihoko_ )


	21. XIX

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An unexpected opportunity is thrown in Lilia's direction, causing her to struggle with making a decision for her future. Yakov wonders what has Lilia so distant from him.

" (1) ***** Commencer!" Madame Drozdova claps her petite hands together. Immediately, the small group of ballerinas begin their warm-up at the barre. First and foremost, Madame walks them through the exercise in front of the mirrors. "In the sixth position let's warm up our feet and press-over." The students follow along and eventually they move on with their warm-up. "First position, Pliés. Demi and stretch, Demi, and stretch." Lilia joins and mirrors the instructor for the students, making it easier for them to follow. Quiet giggles from the younger students break the tension in the classroom. It is always so serious in a ballet studio, a little lighthearted fun never hurts. The sound of bustling wind from the mid-winter air blows through the narrow streets outside the old brick building. It cancels out all noise from inside the dance studio, pooling a female's senses.

The howl of the wind is enough to send a shiver down her spine on its own. Lilia hates the cold. She hates the thought of the cold, and she hates to _be_ cold. An icy floor underneath her head bit her pale skin as it lost most of its color, eating away at it. A feeling she hopes to never experience again. The feeling of being trapped, unable to leave the stage, and the spotlight. Failure in front of the eyes of hundreds, if not thousands, sounds worse than being a victim to extreme frostbite. Trudging in heavy snowfall, feet barely able to hop and run through the tall mounds, a sudden loss of footing sent the child crashing into a pile. With tears freezing to her cheeks in the negative temperatures, one last wail left her sore, constricted throat, lost in the wind.

Raised chill bumps soon disappear from pale skin, replaced with a thick and hot sensation. The conscious mistakes it for passing through a cramped sauna with heavy humidity slapping across one's face. Small tingles form around the neck, trailing down to the collarbones before moving up once more. One final tingle on the edge of a plump bottom lip is enough to alert the mind awake from the restful dream it was previously enduring. That is definitely the first time the green-eyed brunette has experienced a dream about her partner so vividly and realistic. Unfortunately, the tingles and warm sensations don't last long enough for her to savor. However, a sting burns at the right side of her neck. Raising a hand up, the tips of her long fingers graciously brush past the heated patch of skin, bringing the corners of her lips to twitch up into a gentle grin.

_How long has it been?_

Keeping her hand in place out of self-comfort, the young woman slowly rolls over to her side and peeks towards the door. The silhouette of the dirty-blonde comes into view, a towel wrapped and tucked around his narrow waist as he enters the room. A dusting of rose sprinkles over her cheeks, waiting for his presence back in the bed they currently share. It's been a long night and the morning is only beginning even if she does not want it to. Lilia would much rather stay under the covers for a bit longer and stay warm from the bitter cold outside the small home. Before Yakov is able to sit back down and hold the woman in his arms, his silhouette gradually fades away into the darkness of her bedroom. Only a single beam of light trails into the (2) ***** 8"x10" room, shining in from the streetlamp outside.

It feels like an eternity since she has seen the man she holds feelings for. Even for only being a week, it's no fun to wait until the next meeting. Patience is a hard thing to become used to dealing with. Lilia has been working on it for many years now but still has trouble understanding that it will arrive eventually. Waiting to see someone who makes you feel as if you're the most important being in the universe, _that_ is where things become a tad more frustrating. All she has to remember him "bye" are the feeling of his lips on hers and the sound of his voice in her ear when he is not certain if she is still awake but continues to talk anyway. All she wants right now is a hug from Yakov and a view into his eyes. Those eyes will be the death of her if it is not ballet first.

One roll is enough to sit up in bed and watch out the narrow window, down at the lonely street below. She does not remember much from her dream besides being in Yakov's presence in a quiet environment. Lilia wishes she owned a photograph of him to hang in her flat and admire whenever she feels lonely. To be able to stare into his blue irises for as long as she needs and not feel embarrassed about it. His eyes will forever be special. More than he understands. "They're nothing special." he would say, only to cause Lilia to disagree immediately. Some day she will obtain a photo of him. Maybe his mother can mail embarrassing baby pictures of her son just for her own pleasure? Yakov would hate it but hopefully, it would be kept a secret.

Now, feeling wide awake, Lilia rises from the firm mattress beneath her to stretch. The more she can stretch in a day, the better. Especially now, after her accident, stretching is very important so she does not pull anything and injure herself further. Reaching her slender arms up over her head, a few pops and cracks sound from her stiff joints. A heavy sigh escapes past her slightly moisturized lips, leaving her bedroom after to have more space. It's usually quiet at this time of day, only being a quarter to five in the morning. Lilia usually starts her day if she wakes up in the middle of the night and can't seem to return to REM sleep. Drawing the delicately thin living room curtains back, a hand is placed against the glass of the window. Pulling back, a foggy hand-print is left behind on the frigid glass.

_She no longer prefers the winter season._

"Too cold!" A child squeaked then pulled away from the elder's freezing hands. "You won't warm them up for me?" The lower-pitched voice replied in a pretend disappointed tone. "(3) ***** Нет! They're too cold!" She shook her head, soon replaced by giggles when the older of the two had begun to tickle her sides. "Stop it! Your hands are too cold!" The home was lit up and filled with laughter, all coming from two innocent souls who occupied the space. It had never been so lively before, the small child could have mistaken it for the neighbor's if she were to be blindfolded and told to guess where she was at. "I thought you loved to play in the snow?" The tickling finally seized so the girl could catch her breath and answer, almost winded. "N-Not indoors!" She panted with a small chuckle after, sprawled on the floor in the front room. "That's right." The elder stood from the rug and waved before wandering off somewhere else in the house, the child left alone now.

_Those hues never got old. They always held so much light even on the darkest days. All the world's hope rested inside them._

One final reach and there it is, Lilia tugged herself a bit too far and popped her shoulder blade. Luckily, nothing bad, only a very loud crack that made her pause for half a second in bewilderment. The clock reads "05:09" now, a more socially acceptable time to have a cup of tea instead of at four. Lilia is tempted to pick up her home phone and dial Yakov's number to hear his voice. Even if it's just a "hello," that is better than nothing. Sure, she would prefer a full conversation but she will take what she can get as of now. They both understand that the new year is always busy with new schedules.

Morning errands are always interesting in Saint Petersburg. Leaving early usually has its highs of mainly male traffic heading into work. Normally, this wouldn't bother Lilia, however, a majority of these males find pleasure in acting like toddlers and being disrespectful towards any young female walking alone. Lilia's older sister taught her to never engage unless absolutely necessary for survival. For being a smaller city, the males won't give up as easily which is bothersome. Lilia does her best at attempting to not pay attention and walk as fast as she can before hearing nicknames like (4) ***** сладкий пирог, красотка, or котенок.

Unfortunately, cat-calling is more common in bustling cities where there are more residents. Many of which are new and frazzled by the unfamiliar bright lights and constant commotion. However, in Moscow, this sort of interaction was normal to Lilia. Every day, heading to her studio, she had to listen to twats whistle, honk, or shout at her with "compliments." It does not bother her as much as it used to, as previously mentioned, she tries her best to block it out. Today, only two remarks were made. Both from older men in their vehicles while stopped at an intersection. Oh, if she told Yakov about this she could only imagine his reaction. He's already protective enough.

_There is no telling what extent he would go to._

The wind is a lot stronger in cities it seems. With tall buildings and narrow paths, the wind picks up and blows right through the streets. A big gust of wind swiftly races through brunette strands, sending her locks into a twister. A breeze is sent down the back of her shirt, making her ache from shivering under her puffer coat. Finally arriving at the doors of her studio later in the morning, Lilia swings the door open and steps inside with one last chill running through her system. "Mademoiselle, my, my, you believe _this_ is cold?" Madame Drozdova pipes in, hooking her long coat up on a stand. " (5) ***** Non, Madame. I'm used to the cold... in the south." Lilia explains, doing the same for her coat. "Oh, Mademoiselle Lilia, winter has _only_ begun."

_There is only so much someone can take._

The early morning is done, now, returning home to her flat, the wall phone is in the middle of ringing. Before she misses the call, Lilia sprints towards the telephone and yanks it off its place holder, bringing it to her ear. "Yash-" The cheery tone in her voice is quickly halted when she hears the other end begin to speak up. "Ms. Lilia, how are you, my dear? It's been a while since we've last spoken." All of the young woman's excitement is replaced with a gloomy facade, wishing to speak with Yakov instead. "Yeah, I'm doing fine in Saint Petersburg. How have you been without me there?" She replies before her hesitation is noticeable. "Not the same, you should know that already. Listen, I'm calling for a reason, not just to pop in and say hi or ask how your cat is." "I don't have a cat." Lilia quietly sighs while the other end continues. "Anyway, let me get to the point,"

Lilia's once straight face slowly changes into that of confusion then to worry. Where does she go from here? How will she tell Yakov? How does she even bring this up? Too many questions poke at the back of her head, causing an annoyance and headache that she quite literally brought upon herself. She does not know what to anticipate but she knows it will not end well. For now, she is preparing for the worst of the worst and possibly an "ouch" in the near future. She can only hope for Yakov to take this at _least_ well enough and let what needs to happen, happen. However, the first step is to obviously build up the courage and mention it. Well, the _very_ first step is to make a decision. Will she? Or will she not?

_How in the hell, though?_

With only a few short weeks to decide, Lilia plans on keeping it to herself for a few days. The constant thinking is tiring and feeding into it will only make it worse if she brings it up immediately. The doubtfulness and what if is _just_ annoying enough to cause her to take a raincheck on their dinner that evening. "I'm sorry to hear that you had a long day, why don't we go out for lunch tomorrow instead?" The male's voice suggests over the telephone. "Okay, that sounds good. Sorry, again." She answers, twisting the phone cord. "Don't be. I'm glad you're taking the time to rest. I'll see you tomorrow, Lilya." The line goes silent after the last response. Why is it that everything gets thrown in her way? What did she ever do? Yakov never experiences inconveniences- well, except for the incident with Anna. Other than that, there are no troubles in his path. At least, that he mentions. Lilia feels guilty for always having something bother her then dragging Yakov into it. He doesn't deserve it and he certainly did not sign up to be her nuisance carrier.

_Still, what is she going to do about it?_

A late lunch with her significant other is distracting enough to keep her mind away but unfortunately, it still wanders in the back of her thoughts, just enough for the other to notice her slight ounce of distance. "Lilya, you're not one-hundred-percent today. Are you still worn out from the studio? We don't have to stay if you're tired." The man brings up, taking note of her delayed responses and far-off gaze. "Sorry, I am a little tired but we don't have to go so soon. I don't want to waste time when I'm finally with you." She shakes her head, looking back up into his light eyes. "Are you sure?" A brow of his raises in hesitance, not fully believing her. "Positive. Let's continue dining." The brunette nods, sending him a small grin.

It's hard enough to fake a smile but it's much more difficult when you have to constantly fake your well-being. Even though they're still in the getting to know each other phase, Yakov always seems to be able to read her like a children's book. She's being too plain obvious. Something's bothering her and she does not know how to handle the situation. "Do you want to take our food to go? You look worn out, Lilya." The woman glances up from her plate of Chow Mein, somehow convinced to cheat a little by the not so great of an example named Yakov, and shakes her head. "No, I'm fine, I promise. Let's stay and eat. I'm used to low energy. I'm a dancer, after all." Yakov is very familiar with that statement. It's challenging getting his students off the ice most days because they want to keep practicing until they can no longer physically do so.

Before the blonde has the ability to ask further questions about Lilia's exhaustion and compel her to rest some more, Lilia changes the subject. "How are your parents doing, Yasha? You haven't brought them up in a while." She asks. "They're doing good. I have not called them in a few days, probably should now that you mention it." He chuckles, feeling thrilled that Lilia asked about them. Even his ex never took time out of her day to ask about his folks. "That sounds like it would be a good idea." The brunette hums, snickering. "You may be onto something." He nods, acknowledging her sarcastic behavior.

Taking a swift glance down at her hands, Yakov notices her struggle with using the provided traditional utensils. "Need help?" Before the brunette can respond, the man across from her reaches out over the table to adjust her right, dominant hand. First of all, she held the wooden chopsticks too far down which was causing them to cross. He sets one aside for now, taking the first chopstick and placing it between her thumb and index finger with the middle resting under it. Now, the second one is set in the nook of her thumb, balancing on her ring finger. "Bend these two fingers to open and close them." His hands retreat back to his side of the table, watching as Lilia attempts to practice. "Oh, I see." She nods, fascinated. The older man grins and picks his set back up, glancing towards the woman once more. "Now try to actually use them. If you can't, I don't mind if you use the fork. You don't have to impress me." He chuckles, earning an embarrassed face from Lilia. Shoot. Now she has to _pick_ food up with them.

During the lunch, Lilia was able to get at least four bites in with the chopsticks before having to resort back to a fork. This skill will definitely need more practice. Maybe Yakov will help her with that? "When did you learn? And where, I should ask." The brunette pipes in when they finish. "Many years ago when I was traveling for competitions. I made all kinds of friends during my time in Juniors." He answers taking the tab. "That sounds nice. Do you still talk to them?" The male shakes his head, taking a last sip of his water. "No, we've all lost touch over the years. I never heard from them after competitions we competed in together." Receiving his card, the two rise and leave the small restaurant, bracing themselves for the bitterly cold winter air.

"Back to my place?" The woman suggests, walking alongside the taller male to her right. "Sure, you seem to be closer anyway." He nods, following her as they head back to her flat. The moderate pace ends up becoming a sprint in the last quarter as they dodge heavy snowfall and stronger wind. Chatter turns into laughter as the two manage to avoid ice on the sidewalk and piles of snow in their way. Once safe inside her building, the couple takes a breather to warm up from the frigid weather. "I can't remember the last time I've ran." The two of them say together, chuckling at each other after. "Who knew running from the cold could be fun." Lilia hums, escorting her partner up the stairs to her floor.

Opening her door after being unlocked, the warmth floods throughout the space and envelopes them in comfort much like when they were children coming in from playing in the snow. "Can I make you something to drink?" Lilia offers, putting her coat away. "I'm all right, thank you, though." Yakov does the same for his jacket, sitting down. Lilia ends up boiling water for tea later, joining him on the couch with a thick quilt. "You're freezing." He laughs when her hand brushes past his. "I know, I'm not good in the cold." She nods with a soft chuckle. Moving his arm, he drapes it across her shoulders to pull her closer under the quilt. "Better?" The young woman smiles and peeks up at him with a small nod. "Much better."

_Having someone close is enough to keep her warm in the winter._

A familiar ring carries out through the small flat, alerting both occupants. "I better get that." Lilia mumbles mostly to herself, leaving the couch to answer her phone. Yakov stays put, waiting for her to return while he listens to the breeze hit against her living room windows and the bubbling of boiling water. Before she can respond, the caller interrupts. "Ms. Lilia, have you made a decision yet? Unfortunately, we don't have much time." The woman's grip on the phone becomes tighter, releasing a held-in breath. "Not yet. When do I need to make the decision?" She asks quietly, afraid that Yakov will hear. "By the end of this week." Lilia's throat feels tight and constricted, she had much longer yesterday. "I thought it was a few weeks?" She manages to question. "Things change, we don't have as much time as we thought. Now, I need you to know before next week. If not, then I'm sorry. Someone else will be taken into consideration."

_Lilia has never been great under pressure._

"Okay. Just please give me a few more days to decide." Lilia replies, her heart racing against her chest. "Don't keep me waiting." The phone hung up after that, leaving Lilia in silence besides the dull buzz coming from the speaker. Eventually, she puts the phone down, knuckles sore from holding on so tight. Before she can return to the couch, the kettle screeches with blowing steam. Fixing herself a cup, she then joins Yakov back in the living room once ready. "Everything all right?" He questions, lifting the quilt up for her to sit back down. "Yeah, everything's fine." She sighs, placing her cup and saucer on the coffee table in front of them while the tea cools off. "You sound unsure." The man notes, hand on her knee.

_It's too late._

"Yasha, I can't leave you in the dark. I don't know what decision to make." She confesses, finally at the point where the only way she can know what to do is by sharing it with him. "What is it?" He tilts his head, getting a better view of her face. "It's my director. Well, the casting agent. I've been offered to go home... I mean, go back to the Bolshoi and be cast as Odette for this spring's show." Lilia hates to admit it but she feels like a weight is gone now that she has laid out the dilemma in front of her. "So... that means you would have to move back to Moscow, right?" Yakov asks, trying to get all his facts straight before he can fully help her. "Yes. I would have to go back to Moscow to perform almost every night. I don't have much time left to decide what I'm doing."

_Yakov never thought he would be saying goodbye this soon._

As much as he wants her to stay and instruct ballet in Saint Petersburg, he also has to realize that not everything is in his control. People come and go, only they can decide for themselves. No matter how much persuasion is involved, in the end, it's not in his power. "Lilya, I can't tell you what to do. I can only help you understand what you want to do. If this feels right, getting back up on that stage to reclaim yourself, I'm here for it. But if you don't think this is the right move, I'll understand your decision to stay. I don't want to be the reason you stay though. I want you to stay because that's what _you_ want for yourself." The brunette listens intently, figuring things out along the way. "You make good points, Yasha. It's hard to choose, you know? I had a hard enough time deciding to leave the stage as it is. Now I can go back? I'm only worried I will screw it all up again." She explains, keeping her focus on the steaming teacup.

"I think... you should go. You should go and make another chapter of your life on the stage. Don't give up because the first time didn't end as you had planned." Nothing has been that hard to say for him. He is letting the one good thing in the current chapter of his life leave him and who knows for how long. "You should go, Lilya." He repeats for encouragement. "You think I should do it?" Her pear-green eyes meet his. She never expected him to let her go so easily. She could have sworn he would want her to stay without a second thought. The dirty-blonde nods, letting a slight grin slide. "Go back to your home, Lilia. You belong on the stage. Don't waste your talent."

_That was all the encouragement she needed._

"Coach Yakov-Ivanovich, how much longer do we have?" Kira follows her coach around on the ice, having to repeat herself. "Just over an hour, why?" The tall male finally answers, looking down at a clipboard in his hands." I want to say "hi" to Misha! She came back to watch!" The shorter girl points across the rink to the older female, waving. "Why don't you go say "hi" now? She's here, isn't she?" The coach sticks the clipboard under his arm, looking down at the excited brunette. "Really? (6) ***** Спасибо, Coach Yakov-Ivanovich!" She races off to visit his previous student. Apparently, nothing is going to keep them separated.

Along those same lines, Yakov is still struggling to accept the fact that Lilia will be leaving. It's only been a few days since she made her decision. Lilia called the agent back the other night to let him know she will be accepting the role as Odette of Swan Lake. The young woman still has two and a half weeks before she will be leaving but it still feels like they don't have much time left. Both of them know this is a good opportunity and that she should not miss out on it but it hurts to know that they won't be seeing each other as often anymore. At least, the show is for a short season before the next one begins.

_Nevertheless, he is happy for her._

The two want to spend as much time together before her parting. They've briefly discussed doing something special the night before. Nothing has been set in stone yet, only a few ideas here and there. Over the next few days, Yakov is going to help her pack when they both have the time for it. It is the least he can do. Packing is always a headache, even if it's for a weekend getaway. Since Lilia is still under a twelve-month leasing contract with her flat, Yakov will be checking in on her home in the meantime for any leaks or maintenance while she is away. She still has to talk to her sister about crashing at her and her husband's place during that time. Not that she would mind, Larisa loves her sister. Her doors will always be open to her when she is in need.

Trying to keep it off his mind, the coach tries focusing on his students once again. Kira waves to Mischa before returning to her practice, a bright smile on her face. Skating can bring out the best and even the worst in skaters. In this case, it brought two individuals together and now they're the best of friends. Yakov's had his fair share of friendships with rink-mates and even competitors so he does not mind when his students hang out during their practice. As long as it is not the only thing they do, that is. He decides to check-in on Yaletha and her Biellmann spin. The young girl is very close to holding it for over five revolutions. So far, her best is four and a half. It's unfortunate that Lilia is leaving and won't be able to coach Yaletha in ballet to improve her flexibility and choreography. Right now, he feels like he is back to where he started. In the rink with all his skaters but still feeling lonely.

When the blonde-headed girl releases her right skate and pulls out of the spin, she notices her coach and smiles a fraction. Even if she can't hear him, she always knows when he's barely in the moment. Now, Yakov can understand how hard it is to keep to himself. Lilia's had to do it multiple times and he can barely focus this once. Quickly coming back to reality, the coach claps for his favorite student, letting her know she is succeeding and that he's proud of her. The girl's smile grows but she still suspects something is up with up. Watching, he signals for her to perform the spin one more time.

_From the top._

Much like her daughter, Anna catches on to the coach's sudden behavior. He has not been as vocal during practice this week. Even when the twins are goofing off instead of doing their tasks, the older man lets it slide as if he doesn't notice them. Something is off and it's bothering her mind. With this new side of Yakov, it has kept her observing him even more than her daughter. There is always something to figure out about him. Could there be trouble in paradise? Perhaps, Anna will actually have a chance to be with the forbidden fruit in her heart.

_Is Lilia out of the picture?_   
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1 * "(To) Begin"  
> 2 * about 243.84cm x about 304.8cm  
> 3 * "No"  
> 4 * "Sweetie pie, gorgeous/beautiful, kitten"  
> 5 * "No"  
> 6 * "Thank you"


	22. XX

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yakov becomes stressed and anxious as Lilia's last day in Saint Petersburg approaches. The two of them go on one final date before she leaves in the morning. As Lilia is leaving, Yakov remembers something he has wanted to tell her.

"Coming up, a triple-axel, triple-loop combination." "Perfectly executed!" The right outside-edge met the ice's surface with ease, scraping across with a low crunch as shards flew up onto the cold, silver blade. "Now, a flying-camel, sit-spin." The wind caught light hair strands and disheveled it even with the amount of hairspray to hold it down in the first place. Pushing away after standing up straight, the men's skater glided across the rink with the slow tune of Clair de Lune in the back. The visage of a special person came to mind. The one this song reminded him of. The distraction ended the upcoming triple-flip, Euler, triple-salchow in a stumble. With a quick touchdown on the ice, the young man recovered and regained his balance before continuing on with the program.

_He never messed up on that jump before._

It feels as if the ice will split down the middle and swallow him whole. Of course, that won't happen but with the new nervous thoughts and feelings of being lonely again, he is not ready. "The last jump, a triple-lutz, triple-loop." Extending back, his right pick stabs into the frozen ice, launching counter-clockwise into the air. The flood of relief always washes in like an addictive substance, instantly calming the body from pent up nerves and anxiety. The last jump before the end of a program will always make or break so it is always best to finish it flawlessly. Now, towards the center of the rink, the barriers as well as the audience flashes by dizzily from the high-speed of a broken leg sit-spin. Ending in the finishing pose, the man is greeted with four pre-teens excitedly clapping for their coach who performed a magnificent show in front of them.

"Coach Yakov-Ivanovich, that was so cool!" Alek shouts from behind the barrier, leaning over the top of it. Yaletha continues to clap her small hands, not realizing her rink-mates had ceased until Kira cups her hands together, smiling at her. Panting out of breath, the coach glances towards his students, lost in time from concentrating on something other than waiting for everyone to arrive. He had come in early and had a lot of time to kill before class so he decided to bust out an old routine from his early years. Only, he did not expect an audience for it. With a gentle grin, he loosens up then glides over to the barrier to greet the kids. "Finally! I've run through that three times now just waiting for one of you to show up." He teases, earning gasps of shock. "Nuh-uh!" They whine, listening to their coach's snickering.

That song always reminded him of the woman he held feelings for. The song takes him back to those older days of being young and in love. It's been a while since he's thought about her or seen her face. Tight strawberry-blonde curls, permed every quarter, just past her chin. A side-swept fringe framed her diamond-shaped face, just above her down-turned hazel eyes. Her voice was as smooth as honey, always so gentle and timid. That's what he knew her as. As they become closer and physical, her personality switched to controlling and demanding. Yakov was never enough for her, he blamed himself. He could not love her the way she had wanted or needed. After cutting ties, they never spoke to each other again. No paths had been accidentally crossed that would result in an awkward glance and questioning if either should wave out of politeness.

His family always tried to remind him that none of it was his fault. The cause was simply a falling out. It's possible for love to fade like a flickering lightbulb losing its energy. A common ending for most couples. The feeling of loneliness he felt after leaving his first lover was terrible. He suffered for years and fed into the demons he created in his mind without realizing how damaging it was to his self-esteem and well-being. He only hopes he does not fall back into his old ways once Lilia leaves for Moscow. The old Yakov could hardly sleep every night for the past ten years, _wishing_ he had someone to numb those feelings. To make him forget that life is hard and is not always pleasant. Finally, he found his addiction. A feel-good substance named _just_ Lilia. She brings a smile to his face just by thinking of her. He forgot what that feeling was like. To feel blessed that someone wants you and _loves_ you. He truly is lucky to have her in his life.

_Will he ever gain full satisfaction though?_

His last relationship was left on good terms. Mutual but good. No hard feelings, no resentment, none of that. Well, looking back at it, Yakov may have been lying to himself all these years. She used him the whole time. She never gave a damn about his feelings. She blamed _him_ for their problems, leading to the separation, and somehow, she manipulated him into believing they could be civil afterward. How could he have been wrong all these years? Is he really that oblivious to manipulative behavior? Yakov feels like his life has been a lie, only now, is he realizing the truth.

_What else has gone by him without noticing?_

The man pulls himself out of his thoughts once the tap of figure skates hit the ice as his students are finally ready to begin with a warm-up. "All right, let's do three laps around the rink then come back over here to start on forward Power-Pulls. I'll be right back, don't cause too much trouble, got it?" The coach earns nods and guarantees that nothing will go wrong while he is gone. Once the students all push away, leading Yaletha, the coach grabs his guards to put on before exiting the actual rink along with his water bottle to refill. He has not felt this nervous in a long time. Out of nowhere, his stomach starts to churn while he is off the ice. Yakov knows it is not from skating. He's been doing this for over twenty years and has never gotten sick from skating like that.  


Making it to the public restroom, the man stops in front of the first sink, staring into his reflection on the wall. His complexion is oddly pale, mimicking the surface of freshly laid snow. This has never happened before. Is Yakov suddenly falling ill with a cold or the flu? No, he does not get sick that often anymore. Maybe its a fluke and he had something bad for breakfast. Whatever it is, he hopes it does not last. He can not miss any practice time for his students. Turning the faucet on, Yakov decides to splash some cold water on himself in hopes to cool off and possibly feel better quickly. Unfortunately, the off-putting feeling grows stronger, and more prominent. This time, he knows what it is.

_Lilia is leaving him and he is terrified._

Yakov is going to be alone in this big city once again and he is not ready for it. He has never been great alone. Even when in school as a young kid, Yakov would cry for his mother to not leave him. He has always been a mama's boy but now, he will hold on to anyone he can get. Just please, don't leave him. It has felt like years since his anxiety has bothered him to this extent but in reality, it's been merely a couple of months. Yakov never thought about it until now but is Lilia going to want to continue being a couple once she leaves? Or will she let him go so the long-distance does not break them apart down the road? Either way, it's going separate ways now or waste time saying they're together for the same destined outcome. What is going to happen in the next few weeks while she is gone? Will Lilia still hold feelings for him? Will _he_ still have feelings?

_He can't dwell on the future but things are easier said than done._

Taking a deep breath and slowly releasing it, there is no guarantee he will feel better. Right now, his stomach still feels twisted and full of jitters. Has he really latched his feelings onto Lilia, expecting her to make him feel good every day? He never meant to hang up his baggage on her like a coat rack. A creak sounds from the door, sending Yakov to pull himself together before being caught. "Yasha? There you are. I saw your students but without their coach." A familiar voice carries throughout the men's restroom. "Fedya-" The blonde looks over his shoulder, meeting the brunette's dark eyes. "You don't look so hot, Yasha. Are you catching a cold?" The younger male approaches his side, concerned for the other coach's odd character. "No, no. Just nerves." Yakov shakes his head, sighing as he backs away from the sink to grab a paper towel. "I've never seen you nervous for a practice session." Fiodor mentions, confused.

_He wishes that were the reason._

Patting the back of his neck dry with the paper towel, Yakov looks for a different excuse to give for his flushed face. Yakov knows Fiodor will never believe a lie from him. He's too easy to read. "Lilya's leaving and I'm terrified to lose her." The blue-eyed man confesses, feeling _slightly_ better. "She's leaving?" The young man shifts his weight to the right leg, never expecting to hear that this woman he has been seeing for months now is suddenly leaving. "Where is she going? Can you explain a little more?" He asks, leaning against the counter as he looks at his friend next to him. "Ballet. She's moving back to Moscow because her director wants her to be in a show soon. I don't know how long she'll be gone or what will happen between now and then. I'm scared she'll lose feelings and realize that she should have never retired early or moved to Saint Petersburg. She had a great life in Moscow already." The words all jumble out of his mouth, catching Fiodor off guard. "Woah, woah, Yasha, slow down! She's going back to do ballet again? You two seem to really like each other, right? If that's the only reason, then why would she _leave_ you?"

_Slow down._

With a small, confirming nod, Fiodor continues with his speech. "You don't know how long she'll be gone but you can always visit her. Maybe that'll be the perfect time to have her meet your folks, don't you think? How awkward would it be to meet someone's parents then break up with them a few days later? She wouldn't do that. Look, to get to my point, I think you're jumping to conclusions faster than a quad-flip. Take it easy and talk to her about it. You don't get anywhere in a relationship if you keep all your worries to yourself. Vocalize them _then_ make adjustments. I hope I wasn't too hard on you, man but sometimes guys have to knock on each other's heads to get their shit back in order." Maybe Fiodor is right. Yakov heard she was leaving and immediately assumed the worst outcome after she gets on that train. They'll come back stronger than before when she returns.

_Vocalize your worries._

"You're always much wiser than me when it comes to relationships. Which is... _odd_ , considering you've had more exes than me but (1) ***** спасибо, Fedya." Yakov feels only a little better after their talk. He would be one-hundred-percent if he could mute the doubts that still stormed over his mind. "Well, you live and you learn. Best get back out there before your students decide to have a full-on competition without your supervision." Fiodor slaps his pal on the back as Yakov leaves. With a small chuckle, Yakov takes one more deep breath while filling his sports bottle from the water fountain outside before returning to the rink. At least his stomach's knots have untangled and his complexion is no longer whiter than a bedsheet. _Hopefully_ , his students don't pester him about the absence.

Luckily, they are all kind enough to help Yaletha understand the warm-up without Yakov there to coach them around. Anna had come out to sit on a bench not long after the coach had left the ice so she was unavailable to sign the directions for her daughter. All four students are currently using half the rink for power-pulls while the other half is occupied by the new class for younger skaters. Two small children approach Kira and Yaletha with something in hand, smiling up at the girls. Coach Yakov gets back on the ice, setting his guards on top of the barrier when he notices the younger kids. Kira and Yaletha turn around after they leave and go back to their class, holding up friendship bracelets the two kids had made for all of them. "Look! We all get one!" Kira exclaims, stopping in front of the twins to hand one to each.

Yaletha grins as she puts hers on, admiring the crafty work from the six and seven-year-old that brought them. On the opposite side of the rink, the other coach, Mrs. Orlovna, ushers the two kids back into her class, telling them not to run off again and get in their way. " (2) ***** Извини!" She shouts an apology across the rink to Coach Yakov. The man waves it off, not bothered by it. His students seem to enjoy sharing the ice with another class. Well, the girls do but the boys not so much. "Have you all done your power-pulls yet?" The coach asks once he has officially returned to his students. They all turn their attention to the older skater, nodding their heads. "Yes, sir!" He receives an answer from the twins and an intentive look from Yaletha. Her smile says she is acting like she knows what is happening but her eyes say "please help, I don't understand what you are currently saying." Yakov is _dying_ to sign with her but he wants to wait a bit longer until he is more than confident in himself. For now, he will keep pretending he does not understand it.

_Please be patient with me._

"Finally! We've been waiting _forever_ for you to come back!" Kira complains, already starting the day off with teasing her coach. "All right, touché." Yakov sighs, not helping the slight chuckle he lets out. "Let's continue edges. So work on your backward Power-Pulls. Go on now!" He shoos the others, ignoring the groans of protest from Alek. Yaletha stays behind until she knows what to do. The two go towards the barrier, by the bench Anna is sitting on. "I'm having the students work on edges some more. This time we're doing backward Power-Pulls then we can go into three-turns." The coach explains to the mother of his student, watching as she translates for him. Some gestures he can recognize which gets him excited knowing that the classes are paying off. Anna is used to it. She has become fluent at it so her hands have grown the muscle memory over the years. With that, her fingers move with ease and speed. How on Earth does Yaletha read so fast? Let alone, Anna. Yakov could only catch three things at most.

Yaletha smiles and quickly joins the rest of her rink-mates to work on more Power-Pulls. It seems that she is always happy and cheery, no matter what obstacle is thrown at her. In a way, Yakov envies her for that reason. This young girl sees beauty in everything life has to offer. He would do anything to have that mentality for his current situation. There is always a brighter side to things but sometimes the mind refuses to allow it on the center stage. Maybe he can work on being more positive during his time alone. In the meantime, the coach wanders to a corner of the ice rink to go over his students' current levels on his clipboard, checking whatever boxes of goals that have been met. Everyone is where they should be, even exceeding past the limits they had set in the first place. His team is talented and they will only get better.

_They will always surprise him._

Out in the open weather, a man and woman desperately run towards each other. Upon being in the other's reach, the couple collides, sending them to fall straight into a pile of snow. Laughter fills the air, gliding through the gentle breeze above them. He would give an arm to go through this same experience with Lilia. Unfortunately, she is already leaving so soon. With everything packed for the morning, Yakov gets himself ready for their final evening together before she is off to the big, big city once more. Without remembering how they chose the location, Yakov looks forward to the last interaction for a while at a drive-in theater.

The clock strikes seven, signaling it is time to go and pick up Lilia for the late evening date. Several blankets are brought downstairs and sat in the back of his vehicle, prepared for the chilly winter air at the end of January. Starting the car, Yakov makes his way towards Lilia's flat on the other side of town. He tries not to think about this as their last but instead one of the first few to make it seem new again. A few knocks on the front entrance have Lilia stepping out almost immediately, excited for the rest of the day. The couple starts off with small talk along the way, mostly about their day and classes. Lilia's instructor understands her sudden leave and wishes her well on her return to the stage. However, the young students are just as sad as Yakov to see her go. She was their favorite teacher so far because she taught from a different perspective.

_She taught from a student's point of view._

"I can't believe the day is already here." Lilia mentions softly, watching the side streets go by from her passenger window. "I feel like I still have months before the show but the time really escaped us. I wish I could spend more of it with you." Her head finally turns towards the man in the driver's seat, catching his face appear under each street lamp they pass. The blonde hums with a short nod, glancing over at the woman next to him, returning his eyes to the road ahead of him. "I wish that too. At least we got some quality time. That's better than nothing, I suppose." Lilia's lips turn upward from his statement, agreeing. "You're always so positive."

_Unfortunately, that is an understatement._

"My mother taught me to see the positive things for every situation. I try to stick to it when I can. It's not always easy though." Yakov tells the truth. "Being a happy-go-lucky person does not come easy." Lilia knows that by heart. She may not be the happiest person on the planet but even being joyous for a great amount of time can be challenging. Most of that time is frustration built upon stress. "I will be honest, it's going to be hard not having you around." He adds on, turning onto a different road. "I know." Lilia replies, trying her hardest to not feel guilty. This is all she has wanted though. To perform on a stage for an audience to watch her hard work and artistry. "I would love to visit often but who knows what my schedule will be like." Pulling into the line for the drive-in, Yakov turns to face her. "Don't even worry about it. I'll find time to come visit you as much as I can."

_She'll be forever grateful._

"You'd do that?" Lilia forms a grin, meeting his light eyes. "I'll come next week as I promised." He nods. Rolling up to the parking booth, Yakov passes the man outside a few rubles before going to look for a space. "I'd love for you to come. Don't worry about missing a show. You don't have to reschedule to watch me. I'll probably end up falling anyway and waste your time." Lilia hardly finishes her sentence when Yakov cuts in. "Nonsense. You'll be amazing like always." "You've barely even seen me dance yet." She's right. He's only seen her on stage once years ago. Other than warming-up before she became an instructor, that's about it. "I've seen plenty to know that you're good at what you do. Now, I have no idea what movie we're watching so it'll be a surprise for both of us." The brunette can only snicker at the man's spontaneous behavior, resulting in an embarrassed expression from him. "Probably should have checked what was playing." He mutters, earning more laughter from the woman. "It's fine, we probably won't pay much attention anyway." Yakov pauses, his wheels turning at the statement. "Because we'll be talking, probably." This time, Yakov is the one laughing at Lilia for her poor choice of words.

"Okay, that's enough. Let's go get snacks." Lilia sighs, letting out one last chuckle as the two exit the vehicle to head towards the concession stand. "Of course it has to be the chilliest night of the year when we're out here." Lilia comments, not letting it ruin her mood. Sure, she would prefer it to be a bit warmer and less breezy but as long as she is next to Yakov, its fine. "I brought a few blankets for us to use. It wasn't very smart to do this in the dead of winter when I have to leave the window cracked for the speaker. I guess it'll make a good story in ten or twenty years." Lilia likes the sound of that. The idea of reminiscing this night in the far future sounds wonderful. She would probably do anything now to make them laugh about it later.

"Popcorn?" Yakov asks, looking down at the woman next to him as they stand in the short line. Not many people have come to the drive-in, only a few small families and young couples, much like them. Everyone else must have decided that it is too cold to be outside tonight. "You always have to have popcorn for a movie. What do you want to drink? I'm buying, by the way." Lilia answers, fishing through her shoulder bag for her clutch wallet. "No way in hell you are, let me." The much taller man insists but Lilia is not going to have it. "You paid for the parking, let me chip in this once." Her head falls to the side, trying any tactic to get him to cave and let her take care of the food. Instead of falling for her trap, Yakov crosses his arms and sticks his rosy nose up, pretending like she is not there. "Oh, come on." The brunette mumbles, continuing to grab her wallet anyway. "Hey, I said I would pay for it." Yakov breaks out of his intimidating stance when he hears the sound of her bag's zipper. "I'm not going to let you win, Yasha." "I can't hear you. What was that? You're letting me pay? Great!" He says with his hands over his ears. Now, Lilia _really_ can't stop herself from laughing.

Settling back inside the small car, Lilia and Yakov set down the snacks and drinks to shut the doors from the ice-cold breeze that was attacking them the entire time they stood out there. "Damn, it keeps getting colder and colder." The woman rubs her dry hands together in an effort to warm them up. Yakov reaches over into the back of his car, pulling two blankets up to lay over her lap, grinning at the twinkle in her green eyes upon the fuzziness of each material. "Oh, thank you." She smiles, covering up to her neck with each blanket. "Any better?" Yakov asks as he cranks his window down to pull a speaker inside. "A little bit. It would be better if you share the blankets with me." There is no way he is turning down this opportunity.

Setting the speaker inside and cranking the window back up enough for the spiral wire to come inside, the dirty-blonde scoots across the bench until they are hip to hip. Lilia throws the blankets over him, leaning into his side while they shelter from the cool night. Munching on popcorn, the movie eventually begins. A holiday movie, New Year Adventures of Masha and Vitya, released in December of seventy-five. Neither had seen it yet so it turned out to be a good option. It is something new for both of them. In the beginning, the couple quietly watches the large screen through the windshield, each of them leaning against the other in comfort. It's only until seven minutes in when they pick up the chatter again. "This makes me miss being with my family around this time of year." Yakov mentions, holding a handful of popcorn. "Me too. Its weird not seeing my sister but I like spending the holidays with you. Its a lot more fun." The woman responds, glancing up at him before returning to the screen.

_Not to mention the lack of communication with her mother._

"I feel honored that you feel that way." It is fun spending the holidays with Lilia. Again, it is something new for both of them. It's different when you're around your family versus being with a lover. There's romance this time. Yakov has missed that special part about the winter. "Thanks for surrendering, I mean, letting me pay for the snacks." Lilia chortles, sitting herself up some more. "I should be thanking you. You didn't need to do that, by the way." He looks down at her form, content that they are able to be here. It does not feel real that Lilia will be getting on a train for Moscow in exactly thirteen hours and some change. Not until she is leaving the station, will he believe it. "I wanted to. I always feel guilty when you go out of your way for me." Her head rests on his right shoulder, popping a kernel into her mouth.

_He will always go beyond the limits for her._

It's not long before the couple loses interest in the film playing. They have found more content by talking and just being in each other's presence one last time before morning. With their bodies close together, arms wrapped, and a shared blanket, Yakov confesses his worries about this upcoming change in lifestyle. "When you leave, are we still going to be together?" He asks so suddenly, not even realizing it himself. Lilia blinks once, parting her chapped lips to answer his dismay. "Of course. Why wouldn't we still be together? I'm coming back after the final show." She lifts her head from his shoulder to meet his dim blue eyes in the darkness of the car. The screen from outside is just bright enough to shine in through the glass, reflecting off his irises. "I don't know. I guess I needed the clarification. I'm a worry-wart." The man shrugs, shifting his gaze back into hers. "It's okay. Sorry for not clarifying that with you. In short, yes, I still want to stay with you even while I'm gone. If it's too hard on you, I understand." That is one thing he never wants to hear. It's a tough pill to swallow that Lilia is ready to give up for his sake if he chooses. "I don't want this to end. I'm going to fight for you, Lilya. Every damn day. I don't want to lose you now."

That's enough for her to believe they will make it through this stretch of distance. With patience, she will return to her newfound home in Saint Petersburg and things will go back to the way they were prior to her temporary stay in Moscow. "I'd fight for you too, Yasha." Lilia whispers, shivering from a quick breeze that came in through the crack of the window. Yakov notices and holds her closer, pressing his lips to the top of her head. She's not good in the cold, he remembers. Doing everything he can to keep her warm, Yakov pulls the lady on his lap to hug tightly, eyes closing. Her arms then wrap around him, heads leaning together in the comforting warmth each of them provides. When their lips find each other, that's all they need to stay warm.

_This is much better._

The annoyance of an alarm clock ringing at a quarter to six is more like a jet engine in Yakov's ears. Rolling over to slap it off, the man lies in bed a moment longer before pulling himself off the mattress to begin the dreaded day. A lukewarm shower and a pot of brewing coffee are enough to wake his conscious but not his mood. He is not looking forward to taking Lilia to the train station. He would much rather keep her at his house and never see her leave but he has to remember this isn't about him. Or a kidnapping. This is Lilia's opportunity to make use of her talents once again. To reclaim herself as a successful performer at the Bolshoi. The wall clock's hands tick every minute and every second, displaying the time to leave. He wishes it said something else like; "never mind, she's not going anymore." However, clocks only tell you what you don't want to hear.

Back in the car they were inside of only hours ago, huddled together in a tight ball of hugging with the reminiscent scent of her flowery perfume sticking to the fibers of the seat she occupied. The engine starts and he is now on his way to Lilia's flat to see her face one more time. Why can't the time pass and this be him picking her up after the shows? Yakov would much rather do that instead of watching her go. Is he going to be ready to say "bye" this soon? It seems he went into autopilot for the duration of the drive because he does not remember most of the trip here. Guess he was too busy spacing out and thinking of what he will do with himself in the meantime.

Lilia is outside on the curb with her luggage when Yakov pulls up to her building. The man parks and gets out to assist her, taking the two suitcases from her. "Thank you, again. I really appreciate you giving me a ride, Yasha." The brunette gently pecks his cheek, giving him a small smile. "It's not a problem. I just wish you weren't leaving for so long." He replies, walking her across the street to his car. Popping the trunk open, he lifts the bags to place them inside, sensing the sadness Lilia is starting to gain. "I wish it wasn't for so long either but I'll be back by spring." She replies, walking around the car with him. Of course, he opens the door for her to get in. "Remind me every day, will you? I'll lose track of time and get impatient." He says lightly. Lilia laughs gently, nodding in agreement. "I will. It'll only be for three months. The shows don't start until March." It's too bad she couldn't leave until then but she has to be there now due to rehearsals and getting back into the groove of performing with multiple partners.

The drive to the train station is calm but holds a pang of heavy guilt in the air. Neither wants to part ways now but its only one other thing of getting used to. Larisa said she would be at the Moscow station, waiting for her sister's arrival so Yakov doesn't have to worry about her getting to their home. The travel time goes by too quickly, unfortunately. They would have preferred if it were slower so they could have more time together. The train does not leave until eight so they still have some time before its departure. When they do arrive, reality finally settles in. Yakov believes it now. Last night, it felt unreal. Now, he wishes it were a dream he is about to wake up from.

_She wished it was a nightmare._

The thought of returning to the very stage where she fell so far terrifies her. Is she _ready_? Yakov is always giving her the encouragement she needs, ushering her to do things she never thought she could do or felt too afraid of. How is she going to walk back on that stage without him there to give her confidence? She knows, deep down, she can do it. She has done it before with no one there to support her. This time around, she does but the fear of failing yet again creeps into her. "Lilya?" Her thoughts get put on hold, gaze turning to meet the man. "We should probably head up now and get your ticket." Yakov suggests, earning a nod from Lilia. "All right." She says quietly. Before she can open her door, Yakov is already there to do it for her, holding a hand out. Taking his hand, Lilia exits the vehicle to retrieve her luggage from the trunk.

Walking through the large station after receiving a ticket, the couple kills some extra time while they wait. "I can't believe the day is really here. I remember walking through that entryway, about to start my new life here. I never thought I would be going back this soon." Lilia's eyes take in the detail of the train station's light interior. "I certainly never expected to meet someone like you while here." She adds on, taking a seat on a nearby bench. Yakov joins her, letting out a sigh. "I never thought I'd meet someone this year. I was sort of done waiting for someone to walk into my life and make it better. Then here you are." He looks over at her with a gentle grin. This time around, he's falling. Maybe this time, he won't lose it all.

Just looking into her pear-greens, he can feel the harsh wind against him as he falls. He's falling faster than a star shooting across the sky and Lilia doesn't even realize it. He only wonders if she feels the same way. Is she falling and if she is, is it as fast as he is? Soon enough, it is time for boarding. Yakov walks her to the platform, luggage in hand, legs feeling unusually heavy. They can say "forget it" and turn around to go home, right? He wishes that could happen but Lilia is still walking forward. There's no hesitation for Yakov to embrace her tightly. He never wants to let her go. He doesn't want to let her go back to Moscow. Its selfish of him to wish these things but his heart wants to hold on and keep her close. He finally has something but it never lasts.

Lilia's arms wrap around the tall man, dropping her shoulder bag on the ground beneath their feet, not caring. Neither does she want to go but this will benefit her. She's going to redeem herself. Only if she can get the confidence to step on the stage that causes her nightmares. It's good to face fears head-on but hopefully, it's not _literal_. This time, she won't fall. She won't be the laughing stock of the theater anymore. She is strong and she is an artist. Now, if she can keep that mentality for the next few weeks, she will be okay. She will perform better than before and she will perform every show this time.

The space between the man and the woman is quiet. The only sound they can hear is each other's hearts rapidly beating. Lilia's chin can only reach his shoulder when she stands on the tips of her toes. Luckily, Yakov can keep her balanced when doing so. Neither is willing to be the first to break from the embrace. They would much rather stay like this for a bit longer. Even forever, if they can help it. Fellow passengers stroll by to board the train car, passing the couple that does not want to separate just yet.

_If only he could follow._

The chime of the clock signals the top of the hour, meaning Lilia has to go. Now, Yakov has a dislike for that specific sound. Pulling away enough to meet eyes, Lilia doesn't know what to say to make it better. "Will you call me when you get to your sister's?" Yakov is the first to break the silence. "I will. I memorized your number just in time too." She nods with a short grin. "I'll give you my sister's landline number when I get there." Before the train whistles for the last passengers to board, Yakov pulls her back in for one last squeeze, his hands balling into the back of her coat. He has to let go but he can't. Now he understands how his mother felt when he moved away from home. It's hard to let someone you love go.

The first whistle blows, hollering throughout the covered platform. When They release a second time, the two lock lips. Lilia's hands move up to cup Yakov's cheeks, smoothing her thumb over the growing stubble he forgot to shave off this morning. "I don't want you to go but I also don't want you to miss your train." Yakov whispers when their lips separate. "Okay." Lilia whispers back, pulling her hands away to grab her bags. The blonde steps back, preparing himself for the car ride back to his flat. It's going to be the most painful one yet. "I'll see you next week, Yasha." Lilia gives him a gentle smile, holding her suitcases. "I'll see you next week, Lilya." He repeats softly, waving "bye" as she starts heading to the step of her car. Before she's completely on, Lilia quickly turns around to drop her things and make a dash for Yakov. The world seems to pause just for them when they hold on just one more time.

_Don't go now._

Lilia barely makes it on time for the train but waves a final time when she is seated next to a window on his side. Yakov waves back, feeling okay for now. He's happy for her and he's happy to see her accomplish something she has always wanted. He'll make it through this time with the help of Fiodor to keep his mind distracted and the craziness of his students during practice. Time will fly by and pretty soon, he will be back here at this station to pick Lilia up. As the wheels begin to turn, Yakov watches Lilia slowly depart, still waving sadly. She wants to be excited for this next step but as of now, she is still feeling guilt inside her for leaving Yakov _and_ her new class.

Suddenly, Yakov remembers something that has been on his mind and in his heart. He didn't know when the timing would be right or if he should even say it. It’s either now or never. The train picks up a little speed and now Yakov is jogging after her car, needing to get something off his chest. Lilia watches out her window, looking for the lock to it so she can open it. The man has to quicken himself to keep up with the accelerating engine, not giving up. He is always going to fight. Signaling to her to pull her window open, Lilia gets frustrated when she can't get the window to budge. By the time she does get it open, the train whistles loudly, blocking out whatever Yakov had said. Before he can repeat himself, the platform has run out and Lilia is gone. He was foolish to think it would work. He ran out of time and now he won't have a second chance. He should have just kept his mouth shut or remembered to say it before she got on that train. As the train eventually disappears on the horizon of the tracks with the new snowfall, Yakov mutters the words he has been too afraid to speak in over a decade.

(3) ***** _Я тебя люблю._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1 * "Thank you"  
> 2 * "Sorry"  
> 3 * "I love you"


	23. XXI

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yakov is learning how to deal with Lilia's temporary absence and the return of his inner demons. Anna struggles with juggling past trauma and strong feelings towards her daughter's coach. Lilia begins her first day back at the studio and faces gossip from her peers. Larisa suspects that someone may have a crush on Lilia. (Mentions of PTSD and alcohol are present in this chapter. Read at your own risk.)

** Mentions of PTSD and alcohol are present in this chapter. Read at your own risk. **

Pulling up to the station, Lilia rises from her seat to gather her belongings to exit the train car and meet her sister. Its been a long journey south and the young woman is relieved that she finally made it. Luckily, she was able to get some rest during the ride. Once off the engine, she braces for the harsh winter air. It is much colder here than Saint Petersburg, the thought already making her miss her new home. Now off and heading inside, it is bustling with commuters, visibility poor from the amount of people in the way, all dressed alike. After some searching around, Lilia hears a familiar voice calling out her name from the entrance of the station. Turning around, she is able to spot the slightly taller brunette under an archway, waving her over. The two meet in the middle and join in a tight embrace, the feeling surreal.

"We've missed you, Lilya." Her sister quietly mentions before the two pull away. Lilia nods, feeling a nudge on her leg before she can respond. Looking down, she meets the eyes of her young nephew, tugging on his mother's long skirt. "Oh, (1) ***** привет, Ilya. It's been so long since I've seen you." Lilia bends over to scoop him up, ignoring the whine from him. "He's gotten so much bigger since I left." Lilia points out, setting him back down before he throws a fit. "I know. Maybe his parents are tall?" Larisa suggests, plucking her son so they can head out to the car. The comment makes the younger sister chuckle, following the elder one outside.

"Your husband must be out of town if you have the car." Lilia points out, following Larisa through the lot, approaching the back of the Gaz Chaika M13. "He is. He's in Yekaterinburg for two more days before he'll be back. Always something about business." Larisa nods, unlocking the vehicle to buckle Ilya in his car seat. The trunk is popped for Lilia to set her belongings in the back, settling in the front passenger seat once finished. Larisa joins in the front, buckling before taking them on their way home.

"Thank you, again, for picking me up and letting me stay." Lilia brings up once they're on the main road. "Of course, Lilya. You're my sister, I would never turn you down." Larisa glances over at her sister, returning her eyes to the road. The ride is comfortable when it falls into silence, it feels like no time has passed since Lilia moved North. Larisa does have plenty of questions to fill in the silence, however. Questions about Lilia's new relationship and how things have been at the new dance studio.

"So," Larisa glances over her shoulder, noticing Ilya had fallen asleep. "Tell me about this guy you are seeing." She finishes, her gaze straight ahead although, she can see Lilia shifting in her seat from the corner of her eye. "Well," Lilia starts, searching for everything she can tell her sister about. Where does she even start? There is simply too much to share about her experience with Yakov so far. "He's very caring." Is the first thing that comes to mind, making the younger sibling smile from the thought. "That's good. Does he  _ take _ care of you?" Larisa responds, taking a quick glance over at her sister. "He does. He always finds a way to do so, even if I don't ask for it. I know you're hesitant but there's nothing to worry about. Yasha is... Yasha's a gentleman, nothing like the boys from home. He's the opposite." Larisa gently nods, listening. Lilia is right, she  _ is _ hesitant about this Yakov but she also wants to be open and accepting of her sister's partner. If Lilia's happy, she will try to be happy for her as well.

_However, it is hard to stop protecting someone you raised._

"What else is he like?" Larisa asks, wanting to know just about everything. If this man is going to be around and in Lilia's life for a while, she ought to know as much background as she can. "He's a coach at the local skating rink in Saint Petersburg, I can't remember if I told you that or not. He really enjoys it as well." Larisa is quiet while Lilia talks about this man during the rest of the ride. Lilia has hardly taken a breath since she started discussing him and Larisa is starting to pick up some silent signals that her sister may be oblivious to.

Back at Larisa's home, Ilya is put down in his crib upstairs, still fast asleep. The sisters now reside in the cozy living room with the fireplace crackling under the chimney. Larisa brings out a pot of sugar for her younger sister's tea, settling across from her in a plush chair. Before Lilia can tell her sister more about Yakov, she immediately notices the lack of tea in her sister's hands. "All right, what do you need to tell me? You _always_ have tea." Lilia blows the steam from her cup, watching her sister over the rim of the off-white china. The only thing Larisa _did_ forget about her sister is her ability to notice the littlest things. With a heavy sigh, the elder sister plays with the hem of her blouse. "You caught me." She chuckles lightly, eyeing Lilia as she raises one of her thin brows, silently signaling her to continue. "I didn't think you would notice right away but I'm expecting again." The words roll off her tongue with ease, sure it would have been much more difficult than that.

Lilia's pear-green eyes grow a fraction, setting her cup back on its saucer on an end table. She shouldn't be surprised but you can never anticipate your initial reaction. "You're expecting? I thought you were going to wait a while longer until you had another child?" She mentions, earning a nod. "We were. I guess things happen when they are supposed to, even if it wasn't planned."

_Oh, how that phrase sounded familiar._

"How far along?" Is Lilia's next question. This time, it's _her_ that wants to know all the details. "About ten and a half weeks. I found out two weeks ago today." Larisa answers, left hand gently resting over her abdomen. The bump is small enough to barely be visible to the naked eye. "Does he know?" Lilia refers to Larisa's absent husband. A short shake of the head is all Lilia needs to know. Larisa has not told her partner about the baby just yet. She just hasn't found the right time to do so when their lives are usually chaotic and busy. "I will eventually. Maybe when he gets back home I can tell him but its not always easy." Lilia purses her lips, understanding where her sister is coming from.

"I'm happy for you, Lara. I truly am." Larisa grins, and thanks her sister, meeting her similarly shaped eyes. "As for you, I would appreciate it if you hurry up before Ilya is twelve years older than his first cousin." The older brunette jokes, chuckling at her sister's reaction. Lilia rolls her eyes, shaking her head afterward. "Lara, I'm a kid, you know that, right? I just met someone too, I don't think he would like it if I flung myself on him like that." Lilia can't help but laugh herself. Lara, on the other hand, does not laugh at her response. "Lilya, I was _your_ age when I was expecting Ilya, you're not too young so I don't want to hear that excuse."

_Of course, Larisa was right._

"Well, I guess you should ask me again when I think of a better excuse." Lilia suggests with a shrug of her round shoulders. "I'll hold you to it." Larisa hums, bringing a glass of water to her lips to hide the playful smirk she wore. Lilia takes a breath and holds it before slowly letting go. She's missed this. Being with her sister, making jabs at each other, and laughing it off after. Just being in her presence has always been relaxing. When they get along, that is. There's a part of Lilia that says she wants to have this every day again but she knows her heart belongs in Saint Petersburg in the off-season.

Its been hours since Lilia left for Moscow and no phone call has been made yet to let Yakov know she got there safely. He currently paces through his small kitchen, waiting for the phone to ring so he can hear her voice again. Every few minutes, he glances at the peppermint wrapper stuck to his fridge by a magnet. The scribbled hand-writing of her number is still in-tact, reflecting many hours of chatting during ungodly hours of the day. It feels like a hundred years ago since they first met and started going out and he hopes it doesn't feel that long before he can see her again. It also feels like a hundred years have passed since he was at the train station. Surely, she should be there by now, right? Its been well over six and a half hours, he did not think it would take this long to travel south.

After a few more prolonged minutes in hell, the sound of the telephone ringing blesses his ears. Yakov nearly launches himself towards the telephone holder to answer, yanking it from the wall to press to his right ear. "Lilya?" His voice just manages to come out, already giving himself away for being in a rush towards the phone. "Yasha? Did you just run a marathon?" The voice he had been desperately waiting to hear fills the speaker, calming down his pounding heart. "No, no but I did run to the phone." He replies, pulling the spiral cord with him to sit at the table. A quiet snicker comes from her end, bringing a grin to Yakov's face. "Sorry, pardon my laughter." Yakov shakes it off, not minding. "Did you make it there all right?" The dirty-blonde asks. "I did. I rested for a bit on the trip down, making sure I have enough energy before my first day at the studio tomorrow. Also, what did you say before I left? I'm sorry I couldn't hear you."

_Right. Yakov confessed and he still feels unsure of himself._

Does he tell her now? Is this the right time to do so? Different thoughts keep invading and he does not know which one to listen to. Finally, his words come out before he can even process them. "It was nothing important, Lilya." Lilia stays quiet for only a second, comprehending his response. "Okay, Yasha." Yakov hates to think of it but he is pretty sure she was disappointed to hear that answer instead of just being honest with her. He's holding himself back and he knows it. "How does it feel to be back in Moscow?" The man changes the subject before things turn awkward.

The two of them catch up for the evening, not wanting to hang up. It still feels surreal that Lilia is so far away now. Yakov imagines her at her flat on the other side of town, calling to say goodnight, instead. However, she is not. She is hours away, for weeks, for months. As the night becomes later, the male realizes he can not hold onto her forever. Eventually, she will have to go to bed before her big day in the morning. "I don't want to say "bye" already. I swear you just answered my call." Lilia whispers followed by a sigh. "I don't either but let's say "see you later," instead." The brunette grins, liking the idea he brought forth. "Okay, Yasha. I'll see you later." Yakov nods to himself, taking a moment before parting ways. "Goodnight, Lilya."

_What he actually wants to say will still stay in his heart._

Alek's attempt at a triple-toe ends roughly when his landing fails and he falls straight down on his side. The loud scrape of his blades and the thud of his body meeting the ice resembles shattered glass, making a blonde jump out of her seat. A quiet sigh and a hand to the heart is barely enough to calm her at the moment, still shaken up deep down. She will never understand how a skater can get over the fear of the noise, let alone the damage it can cause. They're truly something else. After a moment of recovering from the fall, the student is back to his usual practice, of course, being checked-up by his coach. Anna, however, fails to realize someone calling for her attention. "Anna?" Her thoughts finally pause enough for her to gain full consciousness back. "Oh- yes?" She turns to meet her daughter and coach on the other side of the barrier.

It's hard focusing on what needs to be translated when her skull is pounding with an incoming headache. Maybe drinking last night was not such a good idea? Her temples are throbbing and feel as if they're being forced together, caving in by powerful hands. It's not until Yaletha doesn't respond and instead, wears a confused expression that Anna notices. What on Earth did she sign? It hardly made any sense. "Sorry, I messed up." She mumbles to herself, trying again. Anna has never been good at signing while in an anxious state. Yaletha knew this but it wasn't often where it would be _this_ bad. What was she thinking? She knows drinking just worsens her anxiety but sometimes she falls back into old habits and it can't be helped. It feels good to forget for a temporary amount of time, even if problems come back after.

_Anna craves to feel numb._

It's no personal secret that Anna is addicted to finding ways to distract herself from personal problems and past experiences that flare-up. It took her forever to genuinely apologize to Coach Yakov because she avoided the problem for so long. However, she usually forgets _how_ she manages to distract herself in the first place. How was she calm and in the moment only a minute or so ago? What was that like? She can hardly remember the feeling now, too caught up in an internal panic. Right, distraction. That's what she was focusing on. Anna's mind goes a mile a minute, perhaps even farther. Anyone spectating on the outside would be extremely overwhelmed. The only distraction that ever seemed to work every time was Yaletha. Her daughter always made her smile on the darkest days. Even when Yaletha had a bad day, she always made sure her mother had a good one. Anna will never understand how one single person can be so happy. She often envies it.

_Often._

Sudden clapping brings Anna out of her current zoned-out state, echoing through the rink. Yaletha had finally landed a triple-loop, double-toe combination without under-rotating and she was more than proud of herself, her coach as well. It always brought joy to see his students succeeding. Anna watches her daughter and coach celebrate the small victory before letting a minor smile slide. If only things had worked out between them, maybe she could be happy and heal from her traumatic past. Someone would love her, Yaletha would have a father and ultimately, life would be good for once.

Gazing at her only child, she begins to wonder how life would have turned out if things had gone differently. What if she never conceived Yaletha? What if her father never acted out? What if Yakov accepted her? Too many possibilities and too many different outcomes, it hurts her brain even more than before. Her last "what if" is what if she never met Coach Yakov? Then what? Would Yaletha be happy? Would she still be a figure skater? Had Yaletha never shown an interest in it, they never would have met him. He's done a lot for them without realizing it. He is their safe space when it is not home. _He_ is her family. Even if he does not know.

All these other men were just a distraction from the real problem. Anna has a major crush on her daughter's coach and she knows it's inappropriate but sometimes you can't help what the heart wants. Besides, he has a girlfriend and what would Yaletha think? If she's being honest with herself its more than a crush. He takes over her mind every waking moment of the day. Now, she really begins to wonder what Yaletha would think. She has never told Yaletha about her feelings towards her coach. Would she be disgusted? Mad? Excited? How in the hell is she going to get over these feelings?

_Anna suffers from a severe case of unrequited love._

A heavy weight lays on the woman's left shoulder, triggering her fight or flight response. Her eyes meet pale blue hues, heart pounding against her eardrums. "Oh, it's just you." Anna mumbles, chest hurting from the startle her daughter's coach caused. "Sorry for scaring you. I wanted to tell you that Yaletha-Levovna is doing great, I expect her to keep up the good work." Yakov grins although his heart is still aching for Lilia. "Okay. (2) ***** Спасибо." The blonde woman nods, leaning into the back of the bench. The coach leaves after waving to Yaletha who takes care of her skates to pack up for the day. Had she not been in her head for the majority of today's session, she would have noticed Coach Yakov's distance and off-putting mood.

_Can he survive this long without her?_

The drive home is quiet, the radio static filling the void although the man is not paying attention. It isn't until he pulls into the parking lot of his building that he realizes he had been white-knuckling the wheel the entire time. Unclamping his tight grasp, hands sore, Yakov pulls himself out of his vehicle to head inside before he freezes to death in the cold. A part of him wants to call up Fiodor and go out for drinks, a way to forget about yesterday and the heartache he is suffering. On the other hand, he can't show up to practice with a hangover. However tempting it may sound, _someone_ has to have the self-control.

_Maybe one drink?_

There's no surprise that some of his inner demons are breaking through the iron gates he built after meeting Lilia. Now that his insecurities are making a come back, the man is vulnerable to much more. Yakov wonders how Lilia is doing with the separation and great distance. She is probably doing much better than him. He hopes she does not feel as sad as he does. The thought of Lilia feeling the slightest ounce of sadness would wreck him. She never deserves to feel such a way. It's not long before Yakov finds himself in the kitchen, searching through cabinets for a drink. He knows he shouldn't but its also been a while since he's treated himself to relax for once. There's got to be a better way to deal with the loneliness but this is the only one familiar to him.

_If only Lilia were here._

There's a rush of anxiety pulsing through the brunette's olive veins as she steps in front of her former studio. The place where she has spent hours on end and poured blood, sweat, and tears into the sport she adores so much. Lilia's feet carry her through the front entrance and toward the familiar locker room where she's sobbed out of frustration more than she can count on her two hands. The memories come flowing back into her mind, freshly embedding themselves while the young woman sets her bag down on a bench to change into her leotard and tights to become her Odette persona.

After adjusting her powder puff tutu, other females pass by from the other end of the locker room, chatting amongst themselves. Odette pays no mind, pulling out her pointe shoes to begin lacing them up. It isn't until she notices snickering and their voices going quiet even though they approach closer and closer. The nerves spike and her heart picks up speed. "There's nothing to worry about." Her mind speaks, although, it never listens. Of course, Odette is being gossiped about already. What did she expect? The young brunette rises from the bench once finished, stashing her bag in an empty locker to hurry out into the classroom before the other females' mocking gets to her.

Thankfully, all is quiet when she reaches the classroom. Taking a deep breath, she pushes the door open to meet a bright white room, tan flooring, and large windows, followed by multiple mirrors lining the room. Next to the door is her former instructor, Madame Edita-Yegorovna Kozlovna, or Dita for short. As soon as Odette enters, Edita's face lights up. "Oh, Ms. Lilia! Welcome back." The older woman greets, immediately pulling the younger in for a hug. Edita, who is slightly taller than the brunette, squeezes her before letting go. " (2) ***** Спасибо, Madame Edita-Yegorovna." "Ladies, gentlemen, I would like you to welcome Ms. Lilia back to the theater after a two-year retirement." Her instructor announces to the large room filled with former dance partners and cast from her show in the Swan Lake. The attention certainly is a bit awkward, especially from how she exited the theater two years ago. She would rather curl up and hide than know what they all thought of her after that night.

Minor applause catches her attention, not expecting it, to say the least. It somewhat relieves her but there is still trust to re-build not only with her partners but herself. She has to trust that others won't hurt her or that she will not allow herself to get hurt again. It may be asking for too much, though. Once the applause dies down, the head swan is left to deal with more murmurs and glances during warm-up and practice. She has not been in the theater for two years, of course, people are going to talk. Only, she was not anticipating to be mocked on the first day. The other swans would stare, snicker, and make faces when gossiping about Odette. It made her feel bad but this is something she is used to. Odette is an elegant swan, she's built a dense wall to take criticism every day of her life.

_Hopefully, it won't break._

The other swans have already finished changing and left the studio, leaving Odette while she spent extra time on stretching after today's brief run-through of the first quarter of the show. The lean woman sits on a bench in the middle of the women's locker room, drinking from a water bottle while she cools off before changing to head home. Once all the water is gone, Odette bends over to unlace her pointe shoes. After the shoes are safe inside her bag, the brunette then rises off the cold wooden bench to begin removing her tutu, and leotard. Back in her normal clothes, Odette's persona returns to the just as elegant Lilia. 

Gathering her belongings, Lilia exits the locker room into the main hallway of the studio. As soon as she is out, she almost bumps into someone. "Sorry," She begins to say, eyes trailing up to meet dark chocolate irises, much taller than her. "Odette," The man quickly clears his throat, glancing towards the item in his hands, then back at the woman before him. "No need to apologize, I got these for you to welcome you back." Lilia's eyes shift down to his hands and notice a bouquet of magenta azaleas. "Wow, you didn't need to do this, and please, I'm just Lilia right now." She waves off, however, the man does not bat an eye. "I also wanted to formally apologize for what happened two years ago. I feel like I never got to say how sorry I am for acting out and putting you in that position. To be honest, I was nervous I had a new partner and it ruined your debut."

_How many times will he apologize?_

"You've already said you're sorry multiple times, remember? You don't have to bring it up every time we cross paths. You're not even the one who dropped me." At this point, Lilia begins to wonder why he feels the need to apologize so much. "I know but I just don't want negative energy between us, especially going back on the stage together." The woman nods, agreeing. Any negative energy between them can ruin their performance and a serious audience will notice right away. Partner's need chemistry. "I understand." Lilia nods, eyes connecting with his. A small grin then creeps onto the taller, older male's face. "Do you trust me?" 

_Those words are always terrifying._

"Lilya, is that you?" Larisa calls from over a pot of water on the stove. When she does not receive an answer, she turns around only to see her younger sister behind her. "Lilya- you scared me." The eldest chuckles lightly after being startled. "Sorry, I wasn't sure if Ilya was asleep." Larisa nods her head in the direction of her son, playing with a few of his toys in another room. "What's this?" Larisa curiously points to the bouquet in Lilia's arms. "Did your prince send flowers?" The older woman smiles, teasing her sister. "Hm? Oh, he did." She answers, not realizing she meant Yakov _. Then_ it clicks. "No- I mean they're not from Yasha if that's what you're asking. They're from my partner." Lilia corrects herself, earning a strange face from Larisa. "What do you mean? Why would he give you flowers?" "As an apology for the hundredth time." Lilia sighs, setting the flowers on the counter as she leans against it. "Huh." Larisa shakes her head, turning the stove's knob down once the water is rolling with bubbles. "He's not flirting with you, is he?"

_Flirting?_

"Why on Earth would my partner flirt with me?" Lilia can't believe the words coming out of Larisa's mouth. Maybe she has a pregnancy brain? If that's the case then it sounds like a turn-off. "I don't know, maybe he's had a thing for you or wonders if you're available. You can't be mad at him when he doesn't know you're already with someone else." Lilia never liked to admit when she was wrong but this is definitely a time where she is. "I see your point. I'll gently reject him if he _actually_ flirts with me." That's when Larisa gets an idea. "Maybe you shouldn't. Not yet at least." The youngest has to stand up straight to physically show that her sister sounds crazy. "What?" "I mean, maybe just wait until after your shows are done? What if you reject him and he becomes so sad it affects his performance ability? You wouldn't want that to happen."

_Of course not. She doesn't want to fall._

Larisa may be onto something. "Maybe. I still don't think he's into me, by the way. That would be weird." This time, Larisa gets to roll her eyes. "You're young and beautiful, Lilya. You don't have to act surprised when someone finds you attractive. If other people see it, take it." Before Lilia has the time to process her words or respond, Larisa changes the subject. "So, when do I get to meet your boyfriend? I better get to know my future brother-in-law before you go off and get married without me there." Lilia may be hesitant and have a tendency to suppress her feelings but this time, there's no masking the blush on her face.

_You can never anticipate your initial reaction._

"How was your day?" A late-night phone call is made before bed. "It was long and tiring but not much different from what I had been doing at the studio in Saint Petersburg. What about you?" The brunette answers, sitting at the kitchen table with the cord bouncing every time she moves. "Long. Very long. It's very different now with you gone. I keep expecting to hear from you or see you show up at the rink. It's going to take a while for me to get used to it." It is also going to take Lilia a long time to rid herself of the guilt she feels for leaving him. "I'm sorry." Is all she can say. She does not know how to make it better or how to make him feel less lonely. "Hey, don't be. You're doing what's best. You earned this. Of course, its a transition but I'll be okay. I'll see you in a few days." Yakov would never admit that last night was the first night he had cried since dating Lilia. It was a feeling of familiarity, nothing out of the ordinary. It had a strange sense of comfort since it has been something he has grown accustomed to.

Larisa quietly descends the staircase to get her son a bottle. Coming around the corner, she stops herself, hearing her sister on the phone. "I want you here already, I don't want to wait longer." Lilia is quiet while she listens to his response after her statement. "I'll be there soon, Lilya. I miss you." "I miss you too." She whispers back. Larisa blinks, feeling a gentle smile on her strawberry lips. Her sister is falling and it warms her heart to know that finally after all these years, she has given in to allow someone to love her. If only she could have a love as strong as the one her sister is building. Unfortunately, not every love is the same and not everyone's love is compatible.

_She holds a flicker of hope that one day it'll become that strong._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1 * "Hi"  
> 2 * "Thank you"


	24. XXII

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While staying at her sister's house, Lilia overhears a hard conversation between Larisa and her husband. Yakov thinks of his past relationship and how the breakup is affecting his ability to cope with the separation from Lilia. As Odette is learning to break out of her fearful shell, an incident at the studio places her back in her scared corner.

** Mentions of emotional abuse and body image are present in this chapter. Read at your own risk. **

"Are you sure you don't mind Yasha staying with us? We can always go to a hotel." Lilia asks her sister while they have breakfast at the table. "I don't mind at all, plus, I need to keep an eye on you two." Larisa responds, pouring a little more cereal into Ilya's bowl. "Keep an eye on us? Why?" Lilia tilts her head, not fully understanding. "You know how I am, Lilya. When he gets here I'll move you into the nursery and he will be staying in the guest bedroom." Lilia immediately sighs and sinks back into her chair. "I'm a grown woman, Lara." "That's not what you said about having a child though." The elder sister hums with a cheeky grin, blowing on her bite of egg.

_Why is she always right?_

Lilia is quiet after that comment. She meant that she's too young to have a family and too old to be babied by her sister. Why can't they find a happy middle? There's no need to worry about an awkward silence, Ilya keeps the space anything _but_ quiet with his noise and babbling. "He knows a lot of words now, huh?" Lilia mentions, glancing towards her sister and nephew. Larisa nods, smoothing his medium-to-dark hair back and away from his face. "He's so big already. I feel like he was just born." She mumbles, only wishing her husband could have been there for a majority of his milestones. "Sorry I missed his birth." Lilia looks up again to face her sister. The elder sits back in her chair to meet her sister's gaze, shaking her head. "It's okay. I'm sorry I missed your opening night. I would have loved to be there." Lilia purses her lips, eyes falling back to her plate. "You didn't miss out." Her whisper is barely audible.

Both of them feel guilty for missing important occasions for the other. Lilia was caught up in rehearsals and last-minute fittings that she was unable to make it to the hospital when Ilya was born. By the time it was Lilia's debut, Larisa's husband was on a business trip, and she was left alone with a newborn, still figuring things out. Lilia completely understood, she never expected Larisa to come anyway. Still, if she had been there, maybe someone could have been by her side during recovery. Larisa feels more than guilty for not only missing her sister perform but for hardly supporting her in the long recovery process. She would have done much more to help out.

"You're okay, right?" Larisa has to ask. Lilia pauses before answering, wondering why her sister would ask such a question. "Well, yeah. I'm here. Of course, I'm fine." Larisa gently shakes her head. "No, I mean, are you  _ really _ okay? You never told me what your doctor said after the fact." "There's not much other than I'm fine now." Really, there is. Lilia's held onto something that not even Larisa knows about. The reason being, it makes her feel like less of a woman. She does not want to be honest this time. Truth be told, she's embarrassed. "Lilya," Larisa gives her a face of pity. She knows. She always knows when Lilia hesitates. "I'm okay." Larisa scoots her chair a tad to where she is facing her sister at a better angle. "Look, I know it was a rough experience and I wish I could have been more helpful but you can talk to me. I'm your  _ sister _ ." Lilia is quiet as usual, focused on finishing her breakfast. "When is your husband returning?" She mumbles.

She does realize that the more she diverts, the more Larisa will suspect something but she will do whatever she can to not tell her. Not everything is easy to share with the one you are closest to. "Sometime this afternoon." Larisa finally answers, eyes glued to her son now. Lilia couldn't care less about her brother-in-law. She only asked to distract Larisa and get the attention off of her. "I better get going." Lilia rises from her chair to clean her dishes before she has to leave. "Okay. Try not to seduce your partner too much." The comment makes the younger sister roll her eyes, still craving to know why he feels as guilty as he does.

_You never caused the accident._

"Yasha, pull your head out of your ass!" Coach Grigory shouted from across the rink. The young man skidded to a stop to listen to his coach, letting out a held-in breath. He was right. He really needed to pull his head out of his ass and focus on his skating rather than being half there. "Sorry, coach." The dirty-blonde mumbled before starting over. "Whatever is up with that boy, he better get over it quick." The older coach said to himself while he kept an eye on his student. Little did he know was that the young man had just gone through heartbreak and was trying to cope with his confusing emotions. Things had ended mutually but he was still hurt in the process. It was the first person he loved and he was ready to start a life with her. Even though she did not feel the same way, in the end, he knew it was for the best. However, his heart was in la-la land the entire time and enjoyed the idea of having a partner.

He was so ready he had ordered a special bouquet of her favorite flowers and planned the whole proposal. He was going to ask her that upcoming weekend when he would be home for his weekly visit. After dinner, they were to walk around Red Square and find a private location after dark when no one would be out. Then, he would ask. Unfortunately, his visit the previous weekend did not go as planned. As soon as he got to her family's house to pick her up for lunch, her father answered the door. Everything after that felt like a blur, although, he remembered every word she spoke. The way she barely looked at him and when she did for only mere seconds, her expression was etched into his memory.

_If only there were a way to forget._

The coach let out a heavy sigh and waved over his student to scold him on his moping around. Coach Grigory was not going to stand watching one more under-rotated lutz that would make Yakov end up laying on the ice like a starfish. "Yasha, boy, if you are having this much difficulty in focusing then I may as well leave and you should avoid the ice until you can clear your mind." Yakov leaned against the barrier and tapped his right toe-pick into the ice to clear the blade from the built-up slush. "Yes sir." The young blonde nodded. The coach cleared his throat and eyed his pupil, one bushy brow lifted. "Yes, Coach Grigory-Ruslanovich." Yakov corrected himself, his light eyes fixated on the older man's. "I will give you one last chance to redeem yourself for today's practice," Before Yakov was able to get a word out, the coach continued. "Only _after_ you tell me what the hell is fogging your head."

_Well, here is Yakov's truth._

He would be lying if he said nothing will make him feel better and forget about the heartbreak of losing Lilia. Of course, she will come back. Right? This whole week has felt like an eternity even though it's only been two days since she has left. Before even getting on the ice to begin practice with his students, Yaletha pauses in front of the entrance while her rink-mates are far ahead and speeding around. The coach looks down at his student, wondering why she is not following. He can't ask because her mother is outside parking. Somehow, Yaletha just always knows when someone's mood isn't normal. She could walk into a building and call everyone out only after a few seconds. It is something he will never understand but silently appreciate about her. Yakov definitely appreciates the tight hug he receives from the petite girl, always thankful for her positivity.  


_He will always do anything for her sake._

When the little girl releases, she runs off like a puppy to join her friends on the freshly surfaced ice. Dare he say he almost feels a little bit better? When the girl's mother enters the rink, the students are still using their half of the ice to warm up. The blonde woman approaches the barrier, watching her daughter with a slight smile. She seems a lot more lively today than any other practice. "Thank Yaletha-Levovna for me." The coach says out of the blue, confusing the mother. "Pardon?" She turns her head to look at the back of his. "She's the most positive one in this entire building. I admire that." He mentions, eyes glued on the youngest skater. Thinking about it, Anna already knows Yaletha did not get that trait from her nor her father. It's something she taught herself. Even Anna admires the power her daughter holds for seeing the beauty in everything. "I'm aware." Anna replies, resting her arms on top of the wall as she leans into it. "She's always been a happy kid. She never complained about much either. With you as her coach, she's happier than can be."

The feeling is familiar. The coach is happier than can be with Lilia in his life. With her gone, he is numb after the heartache. Luckily, he only has to wait a few more days until he can visit her again. He is leaving for the train station immediately after Yaletha's training on Saturday then he will return late Sunday night before Monday practice rolls around. It's a short there and back trip but any time is still time with the person he is falling for. Or, the person he has _already_ fallen for. He wonders how life is treating her back in their hometown. Surely, he would have loved to accompany her but duty calls and he can't just leave his students hanging. He could break his leg and he would still show up to coach. That's just the kind of person he is. He would sit for days on end traveling to see Lilia. He'd do anything, no matter the price.

That was something his first lover never appreciated, however. Their love was not the same, it was not compatible. Yakov had far more love to give than his previous lover could reciprocate. He had fatuous love but their relationship lacked intimacy. His lover started out with infatuation. She had passion and she genuinely liked the young man since before they started dating all those years ago. She then lost it altogether. She fell for someone else months later and stuck around for the ride with Yakov which in the end, hurt like a bitch. Things are different now and it is safe to say that his love triangle has adapted all three types of love. With Lilia, he feels commitment, he feels passion, and he feels more intimate than before. He only hopes Lilia can say the same or else this could crash and burn all over again.

"You seem a little off than usual. Is that why you bring it up?" Anna's words echo through his head, brewing up an answer to give her. "To be honest, I am a little off. Yaletha-Levovna somehow knows that. I'm excited to see my students every day but she feels like a little sister to me. It's hard to explain." The word "sister" is the only thing that sticks out to Anna. The word stings because she thought Yaletha could be much _more_ than that. It is a shame he could not see it. "You care for her, I understand that much." The short woman hums, hands cold from the barrier's surface. The temperature reminds her of the ache she felt after being rejected by him. Her heart has been cold since then. She wonders if it will ever warm up again. "You already know that she looks up to you greatly. I'm glad that you two have a connection. It'll benefit her in the years to come as she progresses as a skater under your teaching."

_It's all she could want._

The foyer's wall clock chimes as its hands reach ten in the evening. The house has been quiet since supper finished and held a tense aura. Lilia has kept to herself in the meantime, noticing her sister's silence while they were washing dishes together. Her husband was to return to Moscow earlier in the day and come home. Larisa was waiting for his call to come in that he made it to the station so she could pick him up. That call never came and she made sure to not miss it at all. In the guest bedroom, Lilia hears the telephone ring from the kitchen. It does not take long for it to cease and be replaced by Larisa's hushed voice. " (1) ***** Алло?" Curiosity strikes the younger sibling, carefully slipping out of the room to sneak down the stairs to listen in. Could this finally be him?

Larisa is quiet while Lilia presumes that he is talking. What is going on? All the younger one can hear is her sister's small voice waiting for the chance to speak up in response. When she does, it is cut off. "Sorry." She mumbles, listening again. Something she never expected was to be able to hear his booming voice from this far. "I told you not to speak up when I'm talking. Do you not listen?" This made Lilia's blood boil. For years, she has been trying her hardest to convince Larisa to leave her husband, however, she acts as if she has no idea what her little sister is talking about.

Not much comes from Larisa's end after that, only quiet acknowledgments of the conversation. She is desperate to find out what they are discussing. Surely, it is regarding his absence. It seems like he is never home so this is not much of a surprise to the younger woman. Lilia sits on the bottom step for what feels like an hour, waiting for the phone call to end so she can confront her sister for the twentieth time about her poor relationship. Lilia's never been in one before Yakov came along, so, how would she know any better? Some people either become or avoid their demons. In this case, Lilia was the one who chose to avoid them. Now, she knows how much more her sister deserves. Larisa did most of the raising and caring for her when she was little, of course, Lilia would want the best for her.

When there is a long pause of silence, the young sister rises from the step to begin heading back to her room. When she is halfway up, her sister's voice catches her off-guard. "I just wish you would have told me." What does that mean? She wonders, frozen in place while she ponders. There is no doubt that the conversation is over after that statement so Lilia returns to her room, debating on if she should question her sister tonight or in the morning. Now, in the bathroom to rinse off her face from the minimal makeup she wore, Larisa's footsteps sound from the hallway, towards the master. Before Lilia can even comprehend, her hand is already on the doorknob, turning it open to step outside and talk to Larisa.

"Oh, goodnight, Lilya." The eldest looks over her shoulder, hand on the door about to push it open. Lilia's lips purse, eyeing the slightly taller woman. She does not have to say a word for her to know that she is bothered and upset. Her eyes plead and her face is tense from clamping her jaw and forcing herself not to have an outburst. "Lara," Is the only thing she can get out before being cut-off. "He's not coming home." The older woman breathes out, pulling her hand back to her side. "Why not?" Is all she asks. What kind of excuse does he have now to not come home to his family? "Work. I guess a business proposal came up last minute so he has to stay for more meetings coming up this week." She knows this is crushing her sister. Neither one of them like to be alone and to have to wait even longer for his return is difficult for Larisa. Lilia can't think of anything to say to the sudden news, instead, Larisa fills in. "You heard us, you don't have to pretend." She never fails to surprise Lilia. The younger simply nods, stepping forward. "Why do you let him talk to you that way? You've let him get away with treating you poorly for years. I'm not dumb, Lara, I've heard him. I know how he treats you behind closed doors."

_You don't have to pretend._

"I don't know what you're talking about." Larisa quickly deflects but Lilia is not going to have any of it. "You say that every time I try to bring it up to you. _Stop pretending_ , Lara." Larisa does everything she can to not snap at her younger sister and scold her for using her own words against her. She is a grown adult now, she can say and do whatever she wants when she pleases but it is hard to accept that she no longer needs to be parented. "Look, I hate to talk about it as much as you do but you can't keep doing this to yourself. Get out of this house, this marriage, and move to Saint Petersburg with me. _Please_." The urge is strong but Larisa has dealt with holding herself back many times so she can suppress it with ease. "Lilya, why on Earth would you suggest such a thing? I thought I told you it's rude to stick your nose in other people's relationships. My marriage is perfectly fine and I don't need any outsiders telling me what to do." She is able to speak without too much breakage in her voice. Her throat is so strained from holding in frustration over her husband earlier.

"You do it to me though." Larisa's breath halts for a moment, not believing this conversation is even happening. This has to be a crazy dream, she is _not_ having an argument with her baby sister about her marriage. "Lilya, you're a child, of course, I have to guide you and make sure you're not being hurt." Just this conversation alone is enough to cause the younger woman a headache. Everything she is saying won't penetrate her mind enough to get it on a rational track again. "Are you even listening to me? Lara, I heard him every night when I was living with you. All he does is discredit you, mock you, and-" "My husband is a good man, you just choose not to see it." Larisa butts in before Lilia can criticize him more. "You do so much around here and it's not being appreciated. I'm telling you this because I'm worried about you, Lara. You don't deserve to be treated like this and spend your life serving someone who only gives you negative attention." Lilia stops to wait for any response. She wants her to say anything that isn't defending her husband.

_Please listen._

"I don't want Ilya growing up in a broken home too." This time, Lilia has to hold herself back from getting too emotional. She's losing this battle and nothing will persuade Larisa into agreeing that she needs to get out of her marriage and think more highly of herself. "You would want the same for me." Is her final statement before quietly returning to her bedroom for the night. She could not stand to look at her sister's lying face for another minute. Behind that fake smile she puts on every day is pain and guilt for not having the best relationship. Part of her envies Lilia's relationship when she talks about how great Yakov is to her. That is all she wants and she wants to believe that she can get it from Igor. This whole time, she has had nothing to say other than denying her sister of these accusations. Now that she has left, she wonders why she won't allow herself to agree and move on from this marriage. When Larisa goes into her bedroom, the night falls quiet again. The forceful winter wind batting against the trees is the only thing to keep it from total silence.

_Maybe she will finally come to her senses?_

The morning is slow, too slow. There's an awkwardness with each passing, the two only mumbling to each other, acting as if last night did not happen.However, one of them is going to have to address it eventually.Breakfast is almost as quiet as that night, with the exception of Ilya babbling with his short list of words. When they sit down,Lilia finds courage and decides to be the bigger person in this situation. Knowing Larisa and her tendency to wash away any concerns regarding her marriage, she will pretend the conversation never happened and move on."Lara, we should talk about last night."She speaks with a softer tone, unlike their last conversation."What about it?" The older one asks, eyes on her son while he eats."I want to know why you're afraid to stick up for yourself. You also go against everything you taught me."Lilia waits for an answer, counting the seconds it takes for her to make up some kind of excuse and shoot the conversation down. "I would be a bad wife if I did. A lady does not speak back at her husband."

_Will it ever get to her?_

"Lara, that is the last thing you will ever be. Will you stop living by the serving your husband mentality and live a happy and equal marriage? What kind of example are you setting for me then?" Larisa already has an answer to Lilia's concerns. "It's different for you, though. You're still a child and deserve what is best to cater to _your_ needs." Lilia raises a brow in questioning. "And what are those needs?" "You're a stubborn girl, Lilya. When you see something you want, you do everything to get your way. In a relationship setting, you're not going to settle for something that isn't exactly right. You fought hard over not marrying before you turned twenty. We're opposites, Lilya. Whatever I do, it will be the opposite for you."

Lilia has no idea how to carry on this conversation so she pulls a Larisa and switches the topic. "I'll get a hotel to stay in when Yasha comes to visit this weekend. That way, we don't have to worry about anything being awkward between us." She feels uncomfortable bringing a guest over when in a small disagreement with her sister. The next thing Larisa says surprises her, however. "No, stay here. I'd prefer to keep my eye on you two. Plus, I don't enjoy being alone." She mumbles, not making any eye contact. Lilia hates to leave her sister by herself but if she insists, she will eventually give in and listen. "I'll think about it. I better get going now." The younger replies, standing up with her half-eaten plate, going to clean it up. "Are you sure you don't want a ride?" Lilia doesn't even pause, ready with her answer. "I enjoy the bus. I can escape reality for a while when I take it."

Something about today's practice isn't sitting well for the young ballerina. It may only be the second day but her nerves are still high and her main drive for getting through the day. Warm-up goes as usual. Odette is in her own little world as she feels the familiar pull in her limbs from stretching. This brings back memories of being a young child, one of the overlooked ballerinas in her class. Madame did not find anything special about Odette so her attention went to the older girls. Girls who already had the lean build of a successful ballerina. Odette, on the other hand, worked night and day just to get to where she is now. Countless sleepless nights of stretching and practicing, as well as eating a strict diet at such a young age. Her sister worried for her but the stubborn girl would never listen. "I have to do this. Otherwise, I won't be a pretty ballerina." She would tell them. That is exactly what she did since the moment she was not allowed onto the stage for her first recital. It drove her to always overachieve her goals.

When Odette reached about the age of ten, she was no longer overlooked by her teachers. She went from being one of the smallest dancers with no chance of making a dance career to being the tallest out of her class. The sudden growth spurt was definitely awkward from then until the end of puberty. Although a blessing to lean her out in a natural way, the increase in height did have its downsides. When she was too tall for her own good, she would be shoved to the back as not to block the view of her peers, especially during recitals. However, when she was cast for the Swan Lake, the height problem was no longer a bother now that her male partners were much taller than her. Another advantage the young girl possesses is hypermobility. When teachers did notice her overly flexible arms and legs, they kept a close eye on her as she aged. The flexibility of her joints benefitted her elegance and stuck out amongst the rest.

_There is no denying that she has earned the body of a ballerina._

"All right, that's enough warm-up. Prince Siegfried and Odette, I want you two to practice close to one another from now on. We must rebuild the chemistry in order to deliver a successful show and those that follow after. Right off the bat, let's start with some lifts to shake off the pressure, shall we? Start with some simple reaches, I'll be back to check momentarily." Madame Kozlovna suggests while she skims over a clipboard. Lifts were not on Odette's side. The last two times, she was badly hurt. In Saint Petersburg, she had a tender bruise that her partner gripped too tightly, and before that, she was dropped and fallen on top of. There's no surprise that she is nervous about this. This had to be a joke. Before there is time to freeze up and panic, the prince captures the young swan's attention. "Take a deep breath, I won't drop you." He reassures. The young woman nods after swallowing a lump.

_I won't drop you._

Words are easier said than done. It took minutes for Odette to even take her first step towards the prince in order to start the lift. She never expected him to be so patient with her. Odette was anxiously waiting for him to snap at her to hurry up and get out of her head. Instead, he kept quiet to himself, encouraging her when she needed it. "Whenever you're ready." He would say, easing some of her tension. The swan nods, taking a breath before finally breaking out of her statue for the prince to lift her. Before Prince Siegfried's hands met her waist, the woman caught a small grin on the man's face. "He won't drop you." Her mind said when his hands grasped her slim body. As Odette reaches towards the ceiling, eyes half-lidded, she feels weightless. She has finally conquered her enemy. Pear eyes meet bronze, a small smile of her own painting her lips. "I did it." She mouths.

In a blink, a crash startles the swan first, then the prince. An audible gasp escapes, hand slapping over her mouth. Prince Siegfried just barely catches Odette, kneeling to set her on the cold floor. "Sorry..." Odette whispers, her form shaking. "It wasn't your fault." The prince tells her, slowly rising back up and holding a hand out for her. Odette hesitates, going through a mental checklist first. Nothing seems to hurt besides the squeeze to her waist from the prince quickly holding her tighter before she could fall from his arms. "I'm okay?" The young female turns her chin towards the man above her, heart pounding in her ears. With a nod, he confirms. "I believe so. Those two fell and the noise caught us off guard." With that, Odette takes his hand, realizing that _she_ was not the one to have fallen this time. Two swans sit on the floor, taking their time to collect themselves from the sudden collision. Everyone else's gaze turns to Odette. The one who made more noise than the crash itself. Madame Kozlovna shakes her head, disappointed the session is already going downhill. "Is everyone all right?"

After much practice, the cast spreads across the studio with water bottles and towels while they chat during their break. The door swings closed behind Odette as she quickly paces towards the locker room, the tap of her pointe shoes echoing in the empty halls. It was difficult getting through the first half of practice after her scare in the beginning. She let her guard down and let herself become vulnerable enough to the point of panicking. Just when she had pushed herself past the edge, she fell off instead of reaching the other side. Reaching the locker room, the girl doesn't have to wait for her self-anger to poor out. "Dammit, dammit, dammit!" She mutters, circling the middle bench as her nails dig into her crossed arms. Odette meets a mirror above one of the sinks, viewing her tense form and scolding her posture. "You idiot, I thought you were better than this? I told you that the old Lilia is dead, how come she's making a comeback?" She grips the counter, leaning closer to examine her complexion. "Look at this mess... you frowned enough to crack your eyeliner and smudge your mascara under your eyes... do I have to kill off this version of me as well?"

The brunette's jaw is sore from clenching but her eyes, turning darker in hue from frustration, are softer than Yakov's touch. Odette is more disappointed in herself than angry. She let herself go on the third day of practice. "You're better than this." She quietly repeats to herself, releasing her tough grip from the counter. Straightening herself out to begin a new rebirth, the door to the locker room squeaks open, causing the swan to lift her head up to the mirror. "Odette?" An innocent voice chimes, footsteps nearing. Odette slowly turns around, meeting a slightly older woman behind her. "Is everything okay? You left quite abruptly. I'm your understudy, by the way." She curtsies before her. "I'm fine." Odette waves off her distress, already disassociating from the past. "Oh, okay. I just wanted to make sure. Madame says to be back in five minutes though." The woman, who is similar in appearance, takes her leave without another word. Once she is gone, Odette meets the mirror once more, staring into the eyes of yet another dead personality. "I expect better from you from now on. You already failed me once before."

Returning to the studio, the prince is the first to approach her. "Odette, are you ready to practice again?" He holds out his hand for the young woman. The swan smooths out her noir leotard, nodding to confirm. "Yes." With that, her petite hand gently lays on his large palm, returning to the dance they both value so much. Throughout the remainder of the session, Odette is quiet and attentive. Her body is in the control of another for her soul has been sold long ago for the sake of this dream of hers. It was a promise she made to her younger self. "No matter how difficult this may be, I will do anything in order to please myself and others. By all means, if I have to sell my soul, I will do what is required without further questioning."

As the day winds down and most of the cast has already left, it's a bit of a surprise to see that her partner is still there when Lilia leaves the locker room. "Oh, I'll see you tomorrow." The brunette bows her head, walking by. "Wait," Lilia stops in her tracks, in the midst of buttoning her coat. "Yes?" The taller man swallows, taking a step forward. "Madame Kozlovna suggests that we rebuild our chemistry before the show. Would you like to have lunch this weekend?" Her green eyes dart from every corner of his visage before she answers. "Unfortunately, I have a tight schedule. You are very kind for offering though. Perhaps we can make a raincheck for a rendezvous?" His dark eyes reflect the light pouring in through the large windows at her response. "Of course. Why don't I give you a ride home then?"

_(2)_ **_*_ ** _Спасибо, Petya._

"I missed you." The young woman sighs, settling down at the kitchen table, telephone in hand. "I missed hearing your voice. Are you all right? I didn't hear from you last night." The man's voice replies on the other end of the line. "Sorry about that. My sister had things to attend to over the phone." Lilia clarifies, not feeling right to tell the real truth. This will blow over eventually, there's no need to spread it. "Besides that, only a few more days now." She changes the topic before he can say anything else. "Right. I can't wait to see you again. I've been talking to myself because I still think you're here." He chuckles, causing Lilia to gain a sad grin. "I wish I were still there." She quickly wipes away the sadness in order to remove evidence of her past self. "I'll be with you soon. Close your eyes and pretend I'm there now." Lilia complies, letting her vibrant eyes fall shut from the cold world. She can imagine his presence, hear his voice as if it is in the same room, smell his Russian Leather cologne, and most importantly, she can feel his gentle touch.

When her eyes open, a puff of steam emerges from the right, blowing by in the wind. The train's whistle sounds, announcing its arrival at the station. Lilia's heart races as she awaits the arrival of her significant other. She has waited many hours and days for this moment to come, barely able to keep her patience. It feels like an eternity since she was last here, being the one to step off the engine and begin a new chapter. Many passengers swift by, ready to leave and stretch their tired legs from the long travel. The sun is nearly set for the night, ready to rest until tomorrow. Not many people are here besides the disembarking passengers. Scanning each person, not a single one resembles familiarity. "He should be here any minute now." Her pear eyes glance towards a large clock. The time is nearly " (3)  ** * ** 17:45," when his train is to arrive.

A breeze rushes by, sending chills down her long neck and back. Her arms cross in an attempt to keep herself warm while she waits to spot the tall man. Minutes pass as she paces for a distraction, anxious for the upcoming moment. When she does stop for a short break, a hand rests on her shoulder, falling to her upper arm. Swiftly turning around, Lilia's eyes fall on the ones she has waited so long to see. The familiar Maya with speckles of cobalt and lapis. The irises she has longed for and remembered forever. There's no hesitation when it comes to embracing the other. The space is closed and they hold on tightly. Time could go on and they would still be there, inseparable as they stand in the space that is no longer cold but now filled with their warmth. Only this once, she will allow her past self to slip by.

_I missed you._   


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1 * (over the phone) "Hello"  
> 2 * "Thank you"  
> 3 * 5:45pm


End file.
